I'm stuck in the sin of abusing and not being a good husband what can I do

[Neostarwcc]

I've made so many topics on this that I'm sure everybody is getting sick of hearing about it by now. I've been married for almost seven years now but I'm sick of all of the arguing between us. It's been almost nonstop arguing since the few months we started dating.

I married her because I recognized the signs that it was my fault from day one f dating her. I thought if I married her that I could stop abusing her all the time with my power trips.

What power trips? I do everything for my wife. I try to follow the bible to a tee but I also recognize that I am not fulfilling my biblical role as a husband becase I getangry at her for not being submissive to me and for basically treating me like I'm a dirt filled punching bag with no self worth. Everytime I try to tell her that she is supposed to be following my direction I get yelled at or worse hit.Shes hit me about six times and our relationship and bitten me once.

I want to stop abusing her with my "power trips" so that she will stop physically and verbally abusing me altogether. I want her to understand that I'm the problem. Its my dad all over again only my dad actually came out and admitted that I was the problem, that he regretted the day I was born, and that I am worth essentially nothing to him .My dad only physically and verbally abused me for over twenty years because I was the problem. I was a problem child and I was an ugly child and a nerd and not at all what he wanted in a son. He only hit me because his dad hit him for essentially the same reasons. My dad acted out too.

Oh I did my fair share of cussing at my dad and he got sick of it. I was just always scared of my dad and im usually always scared of my wife except when I cat take it anymore and I just explode at her or cry in front of her. I'm not SUPPOSED to do that. That's not how I was raised by my dad and that's not what the Bible says. I'm supposed to protect her and show her kindness. Not things that get me hit.

I called the cops on her once when she hit me with her purse several ti m.h es and they wondered why the hell I even called and basically said women dont abuse men.

I mean they're right. I'm the abuser and I just want my wife to understand that.

I looked up the abuse that women get on google. I do almost all of them including isolate her from her family and friends. Dont get me wrong. I TRY to get her in contact with her family and friends but she doesn't want anything to do with them. I try to encourage her to call but she doesnt.

I want to save my marriage because she was the wife God gave me and I love her more than anything. But I'm so scared she will leave me. I try my hardest to keep this marriage going but it just impodes and it's all my fault.

I.... want to stay married because I dont want to get remarried or find someone else. I chose her not some stupid bimbo down the street but she doesnt even know I love her and would do anything for her. I've only tried proving it for seven years by switching roles and doing literally everything for her. I... just dont know...

 

[Josheb]

I called the cops on her once when she hit me with her purse several times and they wondered why the hell I even called and basically said women dont abuse men.

I mean they're right. I'm the abuser and I just want my wife to understand that.

It is possible for a person (or two) to be both abuser and victim.

I want to stay married because I dont want to get remarried or find someone else.

That is abusive! Those words are part of the problem to be solved!


Do you really want to change?

Does she?

 

[Neostarwcc]

It is possible for a person (or two) to be both abuser and victim.

That is abusive! Those words are part of the problem to be solved!


Do you really want to change?

Does she?

Why is it abuse to want to stay in the marriage that God chose for you? Dont forget what Chrjst said for me to divorce her (or vice versa) and then to get remarried would be in Gods eyes, adultery. Dont want to be an adulterer tyvm.

I'm interested in stopping abuse. But wanting to obey God is not abuse.

 

[Maria Billingsley]

Everytime I try to tell her that she is supposed to be following my direction

Maybe stop doing this and you will see a change. As Christians we show our love through our works. Demanding obedience from your wife is not so loving. Try a more humble approach.
Blessings

 

[Neostarwcc]

Maybe stop doing this and you will see a change. As Christians we show our love through our works. Demanding obedience from your wife is not so loving. Try a more humble approach.
Blessings

But she also acknowledges this fact. Srry forgot to mention that. She acknowledges that the husbands role is to lead. But yet at the same time she never let's me lead. So how can I be a good husband if she wont allow me to lead?

 

[Maria Billingsley]

But she also acknowledges this fact. Srry forgot to mention that. She acknowledges that the husbands role is to lead. But yet at the same time she never let's me lead. So how can I be a good husband if she wont allow me to lead?

All I can say is you need the power of the Holy Spirit, you can not do it yourself. Ask the Lord to fill you with His Holy Spirit before you engage in a confrontation. You may suggest this to your wife as well. Here are the fruits of the Spirit so that you can identify the work He is doing in you and your wife. I fear both of you are "quenching" His work.

1. Love
2. Joy
3. Peace
4. Patience
5. Kindness
6. Goodness
7. Faithfulness
8. Gentleness
9. Self-control

 

[mkgal1]

But she also acknowledges this fact. Srry forgot to mention that. She acknowledges that the husbands role is to lead. But yet at the same time she never let's me lead. So how can I be a good husband if she wont allow me to lead?

In the "upside down world" that Jesus brought with His kingdom, He demonstrated what love looks like in action. As Maria said - that's not reminding and demanding that others follow you - instead Jesus modeled to us that in Him demonstrating His love for us, He draws us to Him. If love doesn't involve freedom, then it's not love.

 

[mkgal1]

I love her and would do anything for her.

Have you asked her what she needs or for any ideas about how you two can work towards a healthier marriage?

 

[Salvadore]

Go to a counselor ASAP. Lead by example. Have the heart of a servant. Be sure you are in a church that values women.

 

[topher694]

But she also acknowledges this fact. Srry forgot to mention that. She acknowledges that the husbands role is to lead. But yet at the same time she never let's me lead. So how can I be a good husband if she wont allow me to lead?

You need to put all these thoughts about leading, submission and being the head of the household out of your mind for now.
A) your application of them is completely wrong
B) you cannot lead others effectively when you can't take care of yourself.

Seek out inner healing and deliverance, and embrace it. We all need it. There are a growing number of ministries out there that provide it. Don't worry about leading her, pursue deeper levels of relationship with Jesus and work on improving yourself. Once you are in a good place, then you can begin to look at leading... by example.

 

[DennisTate]

I've made so many topics on this that I'm sure everybody is getting sick of hearing about it by now. I've been married for almost seven years now but I'm sick of all of the arguing between us. It's been almost nonstop arguing since the few months we started dating.

I married her because I recognized the signs that it was my fault from day one f dating her. I thought if I married her that I could stop abusing her all the time with my power trips.

What power trips? I do everything for my wife. I try to follow the bible to a tee but I also recognize that I am not fulfilling my biblical role as a husband becase I getangry at her for not being submissive to me and for basically treating me like I'm a dirt filled punching bag with no self worth. Everytime I try to tell her that she is supposed to be following my direction I get yelled at or worse hit.Shes hit me about six times and our relationship and bitten me once.

I want to stop abusing her with my "power trips" so that she will stop physically and verbally abusing me altogether. I want her to understand that I'm the problem. Its my dad all over again only my dad actually came out and admitted that I was the problem, that he regretted the day I was born, and that I am worth essentially nothing to him .My dad only physically and verbally abused me for over twenty years because I was the problem. I was a problem child and I was an ugly child and a nerd and not at all what he wanted in a son. He only hit me because his dad hit him for essentially the same reasons. My dad acted out too.

Oh I did my fair share of cussing at my dad and he got sick of it. I was just always scared of my dad and im usually always scared of my wife except when I cat take it anymore and I just explode at her or cry in front of her. I'm not SUPPOSED to do that. That's not how I was raised by my dad and that's not what the Bible says. I'm supposed to protect her and show her kindness. Not things that get me hit.

I called the cops on her once when she hit me with her purse several ti m.h es and they wondered why the hell I even called and basically said women dont abuse men.

I mean they're right. I'm the abuser and I just want my wife to understand that.

I looked up the abuse that women get on google. I do almost all of them including isolate her from her family and friends. Dont get me wrong. I TRY to get her in contact with her family and friends but she doesn't want anything to do with them. I try to encourage her to call but she doesnt.

I want to save my marriage because she was the wife God gave me and I love her more than anything. But I'm so scared she will leave me. I try my hardest to keep this marriage going but it just impodes and it's all my fault.

I.... want to stay married because I dont want to get remarried or find someone else. I chose her not some stupid bimbo down the street but she doesnt even know I love her and would do anything for her. I've only tried proving it for seven years by switching roles and doing literally everything for her. I... just dont know...

Mar 4:24
And he said unto them, Take heed what ye hear: with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you: and unto you that hear shall more be given.


Luk 8:18
Take heed therefore how ye hear: for whosoever hath, to him shall be given; and whosoever hath not, from him shall be taken even that which he seemeth to have.


There are testimonies that are so powerful that they can transform the way that we view ourselves............ and everybody that God has given us the privilege to have in our lives.

This is certainly one of the personal testimonies that just by listening to it the words and ideas begin to transform how we think.

 

[Bible Highlighter]

I've made so many topics on this that I'm sure everybody is getting sick of hearing about it by now. I've been married for almost seven years now but I'm sick of all of the arguing between us. It's been almost nonstop arguing since the few months we started dating.

I married her because I recognized the signs that it was my fault from day one f dating her. I thought if I married her that I could stop abusing her all the time with my power trips.

What power trips? I do everything for my wife. I try to follow the bible to a tee but I also recognize that I am not fulfilling my biblical role as a husband becase I getangry at her for not being submissive to me and for basically treating me like I'm a dirt filled punching bag with no self worth. Everytime I try to tell her that she is supposed to be following my direction I get yelled at or worse hit.Shes hit me about six times and our relationship and bitten me once.

I want to stop abusing her with my "power trips" so that she will stop physically and verbally abusing me altogether. I want her to understand that I'm the problem. Its my dad all over again only my dad actually came out and admitted that I was the problem, that he regretted the day I was born, and that I am worth essentially nothing to him .My dad only physically and verbally abused me for over twenty years because I was the problem. I was a problem child and I was an ugly child and a nerd and not at all what he wanted in a son. He only hit me because his dad hit him for essentially the same reasons. My dad acted out too.

Oh I did my fair share of cussing at my dad and he got sick of it. I was just always scared of my dad and im usually always scared of my wife except when I cat take it anymore and I just explode at her or cry in front of her. I'm not SUPPOSED to do that. That's not how I was raised by my dad and that's not what the Bible says. I'm supposed to protect her and show her kindness. Not things that get me hit.

I called the cops on her once when she hit me with her purse several ti m.h es and they wondered why the hell I even called and basically said women dont abuse men.

I mean they're right. I'm the abuser and I just want my wife to understand that.

I looked up the abuse that women get on google. I do almost all of them including isolate her from her family and friends. Dont get me wrong. I TRY to get her in contact with her family and friends but she doesn't want anything to do with them. I try to encourage her to call but she doesnt.

I want to save my marriage because she was the wife God gave me and I love her more than anything. But I'm so scared she will leave me. I try my hardest to keep this marriage going but it just impodes and it's all my fault.

I.... want to stay married because I dont want to get remarried or find someone else. I chose her not some stupid bimbo down the street but she doesnt even know I love her and would do anything for her. I've only tried proving it for seven years by switching roles and doing literally everything for her. I... just dont know...

#1. Do not try to control her and or gain power over her. Husbands are not supposed to be dictators or slave masters. At this point, trust needs to be earned. Let her naturally want to follow you by your love that you have for her. Do not bark commands at her. Do not lead with a stick, but with a carrot. Lead her by unconditionally loving her and others. Focus on loving God and seeking His Kingdom, and all your basic needs will be met (in God's timing).

#2. Jesus said we are to love our enemies. It sounds like both yourself, and your wife are enemies to your very soul right now. You need to learn to focus on that which is loving, good, peaceful, and morally right in God's Word as a way of life. Forgive, and you will be forgiven. Water is the opposite element that puts out a fire. Do not use fire to stop a fire. She sees your commands or authority as a fire and it will only want her to fight back. Instead, love her, and tell her how sorry you are for trying to control her life. Tell her that only God can change both of us to do what is good, loving, and right. Tell her that you are going to start taking the first steps towards fixing what is broken by going to God. Apologize to her for your trying to gain authority over her in such a way that is seeking to please yourself. Do good things to please your wife. Just love her even if she does something bad towards you. Love (water) is the element you need to put out her hate that she has been showing towards you (fire). If you just add fire to the situation, it is only going to create more fire.

#3. Drop to your knees and pray if she hits you (even if you do not do anything to her to deserve it). Ask God to change you both. Let God's love pour over you both. Keep knocking and keep seeking for God's help to change you both and never give up in a day of redemption for your lives (if it is His will). Wait upon the Lord and He will renew your strength. The day of redemption may not come in the timing you desire, but never give up on believing in how the Lord is good. Even if all things around you may fall and cause you pain, trust in the Lord and His good ways. Love God all the more in your challenge, and love your wife unlike you have ever done before. Make a list of things in how could love your wife. Write a love letter. Give her roses. Tell her you love her, and that you are committed to her, and you want to change and be a better husband. Make a list of things that you need to stop doing that are toxic towards your wife, and pray to God that you can overcome them. Read God's Word more every day and focus on loving God more. Make God the #1 of your life, and not anything else or anyone else. Trust in the Lord with all your strength. Do not focus on what you want, but focus on God and in truly pleasing Him; Genuinely love all people in truth and in purity expecting nothing in return. Surrender your all to the Lord.

 

[tturt]

Encourage you to watch "Marriage Today" Those televised programs are on Daystar. Plus their website marriagetoday.com/category/tv-episodes/ has probably 60 free episodes including "What a man really needs" and 'What a woman really needs" by Jimmy Evan's ministries. All teachings are Biblically based. Plus there's books, videos, etc.

There's hundreds on youtube.

 

[summerville]

I've made so many topics on this that I'm sure everybody is getting sick of hearing about it by now. I've been married for almost seven years now but I'm sick of all of the arguing between us. It's been almost nonstop arguing since the few months we started dating.

I married her because I recognized the signs that it was my fault from day one f dating her. I thought if I married her that I could stop abusing her all the time with my power trips.

What power trips? I do everything for my wife. I try to follow the bible to a tee but I also recognize that I am not fulfilling my biblical role as a husband becase I getangry at her for not being submissive to me and for basically treating me like I'm a dirt filled punching bag with no self worth. Everytime I try to tell her that she is supposed to be following my direction I get yelled at or worse hit.Shes hit me about six times and our relationship and bitten me once.

I want to stop abusing her with my "power trips" so that she will stop physically and verbally abusing me altogether. I want her to understand that I'm the problem. Its my dad all over again only my dad actually came out and admitted that I was the problem, that he regretted the day I was born, and that I am worth essentially nothing to him .My dad only physically and verbally abused me for over twenty years because I was the problem. I was a problem child and I was an ugly child and a nerd and not at all what he wanted in a son. He only hit me because his dad hit him for essentially the same reasons. My dad acted out too.

Oh I did my fair share of cussing at my dad and he got sick of it. I was just always scared of my dad and im usually always scared of my wife except when I cat take it anymore and I just explode at her or cry in front of her. I'm not SUPPOSED to do that. That's not how I was raised by my dad and that's not what the Bible says. I'm supposed to protect her and show her kindness. Not things that get me hit.

I called the cops on her once when she hit me with her purse several ti m.h es and they wondered why the hell I even called and basically said women dont abuse men.

I mean they're right. I'm the abuser and I just want my wife to understand that.

I looked up the abuse that women get on google. I do almost all of them including isolate her from her family and friends. Dont get me wrong. I TRY to get her in contact with her family and friends but she doesn't want anything to do with them. I try to encourage her to call but she doesnt.

I want to save my marriage because she was the wife God gave me and I love her more than anything. But I'm so scared she will leave me. I try my hardest to keep this marriage going but it just impodes and it's all my fault.

I.... want to stay married because I dont want to get remarried or find someone else. I chose her not some stupid bimbo down the street but she doesnt even know I love her and would do anything for her. I've only tried proving it for seven years by switching roles and doing literally everything for her. I... just dont know...

God doesn't give you a wife. She's NOT property and she doesn't belong to you.

 

[Nancy Hale]

I've made so many topics on this that I'm sure everybody is getting sick of hearing about it by now. I've been married for almost seven years now but I'm sick of all of the arguing between us. It's been almost nonstop arguing since the few months we started dating.

I married her because I recognized the signs that it was my fault from day one f dating her. I thought if I married her that I could stop abusing her all the time with my power trips.

What power trips? I do everything for my wife. I try to follow the bible to a tee but I also recognize that I am not fulfilling my biblical role as a husband becase I getangry at her for not being submissive to me and for basically treating me like I'm a dirt filled punching bag with no self worth. Everytime I try to tell her that she is supposed to be following my direction I get yelled at or worse hit.Shes hit me about six times and our relationship and bitten me once.

I want to stop abusing her with my "power trips" so that she will stop physically and verbally abusing me altogether. I want her to understand that I'm the problem. Its my dad all over again only my dad actually came out and admitted that I was the problem, that he regretted the day I was born, and that I am worth essentially nothing to him .My dad only physically and verbally abused me for over twenty years because I was the problem. I was a problem child and I was an ugly child and a nerd and not at all what he wanted in a son. He only hit me because his dad hit him for essentially the same reasons. My dad acted out too.

Oh I did my fair share of cussing at my dad and he got sick of it. I was just always scared of my dad and im usually always scared of my wife except when I cat take it anymore and I just explode at her or cry in front of her. I'm not SUPPOSED to do that. That's not how I was raised by my dad and that's not what the Bible says. I'm supposed to protect her and show her kindness. Not things that get me hit.

I called the cops on her once when she hit me with her purse several ti m.h es and they wondered why the hell I even called and basically said women dont abuse men.

I mean they're right. I'm the abuser and I just want my wife to understand that.

I looked up the abuse that women get on google. I do almost all of them including isolate her from her family and friends. Dont get me wrong. I TRY to get her in contact with her family and friends but she doesn't want anything to do with them. I try to encourage her to call but she doesnt.

I want to save my marriage because she was the wife God gave me and I love her more than anything. But I'm so scared she will leave me. I try my hardest to keep this marriage going but it just impodes and it's all my fault.

I.... want to stay married because I dont want to get remarried or find someone else. I chose her not some stupid bimbo down the street but she doesnt even know I love her and would do anything for her. I've only tried proving it for seven years by switching roles and doing literally everything for her. I... just dont know...

You can't change anyone but yourself. You can't control anyone but yourself.
To be perfectly honest, I don't believe a word you say. You paint yourself as this poor victim of everyone and all you are trying to do is the right thing.
I don't think you're all bad, I just don't think you see yourself clearly.
You can't change your dad. You can't. It's completely out of your control and you have zero responsibility for who he is or how he treats you.
You do have a responsibility for who you are and how you treat your dad. God says to honor you dad. So honor him. Be respectful. But, be who your father in heaven teaches you to be and not your father on earth. If he is being hurtful tell him you love him but you need to separate yourself from him for the rest of the day.
Jesus called the church His bride. He cried in front of them. He loved His followers even when they turned their backs on Him briefly. He never Controlled them or screamed at them.
I hope you take the advice to find a counselor, but at the very least know the only person you have any control over is yourself. Also, pray often for your family. It matters.

 

[summerville]

You can't change anyone but yourself. You can't control anyone but yourself.
To be perfectly honest, I don't believe a word you say. You paint yourself as this poor victim of everyone and all you are trying to do is the right thing.
I don't think you're all bad, I just don't think you see yourself clearly.

You can't change your dad. You can't. It's completely out of your control and you have zero responsibility for who he is or how he treats you.
You do have a responsibility for who you are and how you treat your dad. God says to honor you dad. So honor him. Be respectful. But, be who your father in heaven teaches you to be and not your father on earth. If he is being hurtful tell him you love him but you need to separate yourself from him for the rest of the day.
Jesus called the church His bride. He cried in front of them. He loved His followers even when they turned their backs on Him briefly. He never Controlled them or screamed at them.

I hope you take the advice to find a counselor, but at the very least know the only person you have any control over is yourself. Also, pray often for your family. It matters.

I agree and don't believe him either.

 

[Neostarwcc]

You can't change anyone but yourself. You can't control anyone but yourself.
To be perfectly honest, I don't believe a word you say. You paint yourself as this poor victim of everyone and all you are trying to do is the right thing.
I don't think you're all bad, I just don't think you see yourself clearly.
You can't change your dad. You can't. It's completely out of your control and you have zero responsibility for who he is or how he treats you.
You do have a responsibility for who you are and how you treat your dad. God says to honor you dad. So honor him. Be respectful. But, be who your father in heaven teaches you to be and not your father on earth. If he is being hurtful tell him you love him but you need to separate yourself from him for the rest of the day.
Jesus called the church His bride. He cried in front of them. He loved His followers even when they turned their backs on Him briefly. He never Controlled them or screamed at them.
I hope you take the advice to find a counselor, but at the very least know the only person you have any control over is yourself. Also, pray often for your family. It matters.

I'm confused where did I play the victim? If anything I said it was MY fault or were you not listening? It's fine you dont believe a word I said you could always PM my wife and she would say it's all true. Or I could give you my dads phone number and he would say it's all true. Didnt lie in a single part of what I said.

 

[Neostarwcc]

God doesn't give you a wife. She's NOT property and she doesn't belong to you.

When did I say she was property? And God planned each and every day of our lives from our birth to our death before we even existed Dont believe me look in the bible it's all there for you to read.

 

[Bible Highlighter]

When did I say she was property? And God planned each and every day of our lives from our birth to our death before we even existed Dont believe me look in the bible it's all there for you to read.

While I believe that we can correct or criticize other believers on the forums (because they should be of a mature mental state to handle it, otherwise you can ignore them), I think in the case with your wife, you should refrain from all forms of criticism towards her until she grows to trust you in following Jesus (if you are criticising her or you plan on doing so again). Just learn to love your wife in both your words and actions. Just be a source of love for your wife. Do a 180. As I am sure you may know, doing a 180 is making a half circle by turning around in the other direction.

Psalms 80:3
"Turn us again, O God, and cause thy face to shine; and we shall be saved."

Psalms 80:7
"Turn us again, O God of hosts, and cause thy face to shine; and we shall be saved."

Psalms 80:19
"Turn us again, O LORD God of hosts, cause thy face to shine; and we shall be saved."

Psalms is about praising the Holy One.

"I will also praise thee with the psaltery, even thy truth, O my God: unto thee will I sing with the harp, O thou Holy One of Israel." (Psalms 71:22).

180.

Psalms = Praising the Holy One (#1).
And Psalms 80 in three places (Beautiful Trinity) is telling us that we can call upon God to "turn us in the right direction" (i.e. Do a 180).

Anyways, I am not looking to criticize you in any way, but to help. We all have fallen short of our Lord in the past as believers. But we go to His grace, and we pick ourselves back up and walk uprightly with the Lord. So I hope that what I said here helps, and may God's blessings be upon you and your wife in leading you closer to following the Lord Jesus Christ.

Side Note:

I just discovered this 180 thing in Scripture by my own personal study this morning. God is good, brother. Ask for His help in doing a 180 and do not give up in trusting in the Lord that He will give you a day of redemption in your marriage (IN HIS TIMING, and not our own). Just keep faithful to the Lord. If it takes you your whole life to turn things around for good, then so be it. Trust in the Lord and His good ways. I pray that the day of redemption in your marriage will come tomorrow or much sooner. But the point is: Wait upon the Lord, and He will renew your strength.

 

[faroukfarouk]

You can't change anyone but yourself. You can't control anyone but yourself.
To be perfectly honest, I don't believe a word you say. You paint yourself as this poor victim of everyone and all you are trying to do is the right thing.
I don't think you're all bad, I just don't think you see yourself clearly.
You can't change your dad. You can't. It's completely out of your control and you have zero responsibility for who he is or how he treats you.
You do have a responsibility for who you are and how you treat your dad. God says to honor you dad. So honor him. Be respectful. But, be who your father in heaven teaches you to be and not your father on earth. If he is being hurtful tell him you love him but you need to separate yourself from him for the rest of the day.
Jesus called the church His bride. He cried in front of them. He loved His followers even when they turned their backs on Him briefly. He never Controlled them or screamed at them.
I hope you take the advice to find a counselor, but at the very least know the only person you have any control over is yourself. Also, pray often for your family. It matters.

It's the Lord that searches the heart, right? (Isaiah 55) and it can be a most humbling experience.