I'm sorry

[Destiny78]

This is to all of those who read my previous thread "anyone like me" and to those who prayed and responded...

I just wanted to tell you all that I am sorry. It was all a waste of your time. I tried to once again commit myself to God. For a couple of days I really felt it. I thought I was changing. Who am I kidding? I can't change. It's ridiculous to think I have or ever will. I guess God is just out of my reach...I am drunk, and high right now. I am ashamed of it, depressed, and angry with myself. One day, and I ruined all my hopes of change. I won't waste anymore of your time.. thanks for reading

 

[Starcrystal]

You didn't waste my time at all. If you read what I wrote, you'll see I had a very real and powerful experience with God. Even though I repented of a lot of stuff right away, about 10 days later I smoked a joint and when I looked in the mirror I felt just like the things you wrote. I wanted to hide. But I didn't ~ I asked God for forgiveness, and went on from there. Five days later someone gave me some more drugs and I took them. It seemed like the devil whispered inmy ears that I'd never change. But I went on and asked God to take the desire away. I was so disgusted with myself and felt I let my new Christian friends down. I just refused to condemn myself though the next day.
I just committed myself to getting as close to God as I could by reading the Word, praying & beleiving God would make me a new person: which He did. Within a few months I was leading Bible studies in church & helping others overcome these same problems.
Today is a new day. Don't get down on yourself for what happened yesterday. You can't change it, and God is there to forgive it. He loves you and doesn't want you to be depressed. Sometimes we wont "feel" God there, but thats where faith comes in. Unfortunately we don't feel His presence all the time. Thats when the real test is. In almost 20 years I've had these times, so its nothing unique.
You did NOT ruin all hopes of change, because God is there continually to draw you to Him. Look at David in the Bible, a man after Gods own heart. He messed up big time ~ committed adultery, then had her husband killed. Read Psalm 51. Thats what he felt afterwards....but God forgave him and he went on with his life. In Gods eyes sin is sin, but to us what David did is far worse than getting a little high. God didn't abandon David, and He wont abandon you...
And yes, we're still going to pray.

 

[devoted daughter]

This is to all of those who read my previous thread "anyone like me" and to those who prayed and responded...

I just wanted to tell you all that I am sorry. It was all a waste of your time. I tried to once again commit myself to God. For a couple of days I really felt it. I thought I was changing. Who am I kidding? I can't change. It's ridiculous to think I have or ever will. I guess God is just out of my reach...I am drunk, and high right now. I am ashamed of it, depressed, and angry with myself. One day, and I ruined all my hopes of change. I won't waste anymore of your time.. thanks for reading

You'll still be in my prayers, and there's no shame. Reaching out is not a waste of time.
Talk to someone, as you may be clinically depressed, and I've been there...there is help. You are worth it, and God is with you, just waiting to be received. Be patient with yourself. We love you, God loves you,... love yourself. As the saying goes, "it's progress, not perfection". None of us are perfect, nor will we ever be, here in the flesh, that is. Everyone has temptation, faith that faulters, poor judgement, bad days. You are NOT alone, and YOU ARE WORTHWHILE!!! Change happens whether we like it or not. Hopefully, we move forward and look to better ourselves in whatever way. We must take "baby steps" when things are difficult. What about the saying, "2 steps forward, 1 step back"?! Don't give up, and don't be so hard on yourself.
Have peace, sister.
You remain in my prayers, and I hope you come back.
May the LORD bless you, and keep you:
May the LORD make his face shine upon you, and be gracious unto you:
May the LORD lift up his countenance upon you, and give you peace

 

[devoted daughter]

You didn't waste my time at all. ...Today is a new day. Don't get down on yourself for what happened yesterday. You can't change it, and God is there to forgive it. He loves you and doesn't want you to be depressed. Sometimes we wont "feel" God there, but thats where faith comes in. Unfortunately we don't feel His presence all the time. Thats when the real test is. In almost 20 years I've had these times, so its nothing unique.
... You did NOT ruin all hopes of change, because God is there continually to draw you to Him. Look at David in the Bible, a man after Gods own heart. He messed up big time ~ committed adultery,... .but God forgave him and he went on with his life. In Gods eyes sin is sin, but to us what David did is far worse than getting a little high. God didn't abandon David, and He wont abandon you...
And yes, we're still going to pray.

AMEN, Starcrystal!

Destiny78
I wish I had the knowledge to pour out infromation concerning all the "great"people, and prophets of the Bible or have sinned, but were blessed by God. David committed adultery, Moses murdered, Peter chopped off someone's ear, he later denied he knew Christ, Paul murdered, I know the list goes on, but some stories escape me. YOU HAVE HELPED ME. Because you posed your apology, and from everything you wrote, you've promted me to look for the other such people in the Bible. I will learn more because of you, and I will help others because of you. But know this for yourself. It isn't enough to "get it", you choose what you will do with it.
God has a plan and a purpose for you. Which reminds me...

"I have these moments, all steady & strong
I'm feeling so holy & humble
The next thing I know I'm all worried & weak
And I feel myself starting to crumble.

The meanings get lost
And the teachings get tossed
And you don't know what you're going to do next.
You wait for the sun
but it never quiet comes
but still a message comes through
And it says to you....
Love when you can
Cry when you have to
Be who you must
That's a part of the plan
Await your arrival
with simple survival
And one day we'll all understand...."

Part of the Plan
Dan Fogelberg

 

[Destiny78]

Thank you for your words of encouragement...strange how you can be in a houseful of people and still feel utterly alone. Devoted daughter-yes, clinically they are trying to figure out if I am manic or just depressed. And they are playing with medication. Right now its Paxil..doesn't seem to do much, but they just started it so maybe... You all really don't have to keep praying for me and such...I really don't think I can ever change. I guess I just don't want it enough. I know I should, but I don't. A friend of mine just commited suicide yesterday. He wasn't a close friend, but still a friend. He overdosed on drugs... I swear if I didn't have a family...kids to take care of...I would do the exact same thing. but I can't leave my kids. Starcrystal...it is somewhat encouraging to know that you didn't change immediatly, but that it took some time. However, I have been trying to change for like, 14 years to no avail. People say God will take away the desire to sin? I wish it worked that way for me. I'm not trying to sound so depressed and stuff..just writing how I feel. Bye

 

[LisaStar]

Some people can quit right away and others it takes time. God can take the desires away. Part of it also includes getting yourself out of or away from situations or people that tempt you to drink. My husband completely removed himself from these.
I'm glad you have kids. You need to be strong for them. You don't want to see them go down the same road and end up drinking. Thats one way of looking at it. We know a Native American lady who was a really bad drunk. She even drank Lysol! She quit for her 2 kids and did it by spiritual ways. She's spent several years sober. Don't give up, ever

 

[devoted daughter]

Destiny78

 

[absolutely_lost_86]

i often feel the same way destiny78. i often try to make things better but fall back into sin., but u have 2 try and let god help u, even though i dont feel like i can be helped

 

[Claude J Robichaud]

Thank you for your words of encouragement...strange how you can be in a houseful of people and still feel utterly alone. Devoted daughter-yes, clinically they are trying to figure out if I am manic or just depressed. And they are playing with medication. Right now its Paxil..doesn't seem to do much, but they just started it so maybe... You all really don't have to keep praying for me and such...I really don't think I can ever change. I guess I just don't want it enough. I know I should, but I don't. A friend of mine just commited suicide yesterday. He wasn't a close friend, but still a friend. He overdosed on drugs... I swear if I didn't have a family...kids to take care of...I would do the exact same thing. but I can't leave my kids. Starcrystal...it is somewhat encouraging to know that you didn't change immediatly, but that it took some time. However, I have been trying to change for like, 14 years to no avail. People say God will take away the desire to sin? I wish it worked that way for me. I'm not trying to sound so depressed and stuff..just writing how I feel. Bye

Hang in there Sister and keep Faith. I don't honestly think that any Christian always feels the presence of his Spirit. Everyone, whether Christian or not, has valley as well as mountain top days. Take comfort in this! God's great love for you remains the same. He knows your weaknesses, and struggles, and failings but he will NEVER disown you because his love for you does not change. Believe this with all of your heart and you'll find strength and faith and hope to keep walking with him in even the most dark and trying situations.

I'm not telling you these things because they sound like the right thing to say. I too have been through some really tough times in my walk with God over many years. I have said and done countless things that I would be ashamed to tell my brothers and sisters in Christ during periods of rebellion or whenever I decided to wander away. But God is faithful!!! even when we are not and he loves each of us dearly. No matter what you do remember this:

If we confess our sins,
He is FAITHFUL and JUST to forgive us
for our offenses
and wash us from ALL of our unrighteousness!!!

That will continue to be true for the rest of your life. He has his best interests for you at all times in his heart so again I say. Trust him and keep faith no matter what you do or whatever may come your way.

I'm praying for you

God Bless

Copernicus

 

[Badfish]

This is to all of those who read my previous thread "anyone like me" and to those who prayed and responded...

I just wanted to tell you all that I am sorry. It was all a waste of your time. I tried to once again commit myself to God. For a couple of days I really felt it. I thought I was changing. Who am I kidding? I can't change. It's ridiculous to think I have or ever will. I guess God is just out of my reach...I am drunk, and high right now. I am ashamed of it, depressed, and angry with myself. One day, and I ruined all my hopes of change. I won't waste anymore of your time.. thanks for reading

Hey don't lose hope, hang in there. Its good to vent and get your problems out. Talk it out, if this is your place of choice, kick back and just fellowship. Some of us have been where you are at.

 

[J.A.I]

This is something I struggled with as well... for quite a few years. It took me a while to get over it, but I finally did. Sometimes you just end up getting fed up and you're like, I need Your help. Destiny, sweetie, you can't do it by yourself. And you CAN'T give up. If you want to talk, you can PM me. I have been down the same road you're traveling... I have been through and DONE a whole lot.

You need to surround yourself with GOOD, genuine, SOLID Christian people that have your best interest in mind. Get rooted in a good church. Talk to your pastor. Pray FERVENTLY. God understands the language of tears. Be real, honest, and open with Him... if you're angry, tell Him... frustrated, tell Him.

Do you think I EVER thought I would be where I am now ? I could NEVER SEE it... thought it was impossible, but I surrounded myself w/authentic Christians, went to church regularly, and prayed and invited God to take over in my life PLENTY times... and here I am some yrs later, changed and BEING changed.

It's not easy, no... it's easier to go back to the world than to live for Christ. Because we are man, and our desires are like that... we have a sinful nature. When I 1st came to Christ.. well, rededicated my life... I was still having sex, smoking, drinking, and a load of other things... it was a struggle and a battle, but I'm here. God helped me. He didn't bring you THIS far to just to give up on you, sweetie

 

[wonderingaboutaname]

I saw this in a book by Max Lucado called A Gentle Thunder, on page 111.

"God is often more patient with us than we are with ourselves. We assume that if we fall, we aren't born again. If we stumble, then we aren't truly converted. If we have the old desires, then we must not be a new creation.

If you are anxious about this, please remember, "God began doing a good work in you, and I am sure he will continue it until it is finished when Jesus Christ comes again." (Phil 1:6)

In many ways your new birth is like your first: In your new birth God provides what you need; someone else feels the pain, and someone else does the work. And just as parents are patient with their newborn, so God is patient with you. But there is one difference. The first time you had no choice about being born; this time you do. The power is God's. The effort if God's. The pain is God's. But the choice is yours."