I'm so sick of feeling lonely & like a failure in love..why does god want me to be alone I guess?

[Crystalp8]

I can't help but grieve the man I thought he was. I fell in love with who I could see him being. We went though so much together in such a short amount of time. Him making me stuff. Those nice days on the porch with his folks. The struggles we somehow always seemed to get through. All his food qualities & wonderful things he did for me. I'm grieving that. He changed. Almost overnight it seems but now I know it was longer than that. I miss those days of ignorance. When I thought I had found all I ever wanted. That feeling of home with him. He wanted his meth & his ex meth head girlfriend over me. I loved him so much & prayed for him everyday. Why did things have to change? Why did it end this way lord? I can't stop the tears. I can't make sense of it. I can't grasp closure. His memory haunts me. It's been a month. Why is it still so hard? God this hurts. I miss you J. The old you. The you I thought I gave my heart to. The you I can't seem to get out of my heart. One day you will see how much you are loved. But I'm afraid one day it will be too late for you. I'm sorry it ended this way. You chose this. Not me. Just know there was once a woman who would've moved heaven & earth if you asked. But in time I will heal & let go. And then you'll sadly feel this way bc I don't wish this on anyone.

I even got angry at god thinking about it. I'll admit I'm scared god wants me to be alone. He knows how lonely I am & I'm just tired of hurting & tired of being mad at god for not being more "bottom line up front". It's always the same...wait in God....God is teaching you lessons to enter his kingdom. If I need to lean patience with people & have faith....learn to be happy alone... well, what does learning process & having love crush us & unanswered prayers have to do with gaining entrance into heaven? Do we have jobs in heaven? And the relationship "wait"? What do we need to know about romantic relationships in the afterlife? Are we all training to be life coaches & love gurus when we get to heaven? I'm just sick of everything failing in my life. I feel like God has given Satan too much power over my life m wait on the Lord....for how long? How long do you wait before you come to realize the answer much be no? I've prayed & prayed for a mate.

 

[dayhiker]

Crystal .... Just want you to know I hear the cry of your heart.

 

[JAM2b]

I'm so sorry for what you are going through.

Many of us experience the same emotions and questions that you are. Try to remember that God does love you very much. There are also other people who you can go to for love and affirmation. God does not wish for anyone to be lonely or suffering through life. This is a time to seek out healthy friendships and continue to dig deep into a relationship with God. There was much comfort for me through friends during my separation and divorce.

 

[Ralf624]

I can't help but grieve the man I thought he was. I fell in love with who I could see him being. We went though so much together in such a short amount of time. Him making me stuff. Those nice days on the porch with his folks. The struggles we somehow always seemed to get through. All his food qualities & wonderful things he did for me. I'm grieving that. He changed. Almost overnight it seems but now I know it was longer than that. I miss those days of ignorance. When I thought I had found all I ever wanted. That feeling of home with him. He wanted his meth & his ex meth head girlfriend over me. I loved him so much & prayed for him everyday. Why did things have to change? Why did it end this way lord? I can't stop the tears. I can't make sense of it. I can't grasp closure. His memory haunts me. It's been a month. Why is it still so hard? God this hurts. I miss you J. The old you. The you I thought I gave my heart to. The you I can't seem to get out of my heart. One day you will see how much you are loved. But I'm afraid one day it will be too late for you. I'm sorry it ended this way. You chose this. Not me. Just know there was once a woman who would've moved heaven & earth if you asked. But in time I will heal & let go. And then you'll sadly feel this way bc I don't wish this on anyone.

I even got angry at god thinking about it. I'll admit I'm scared god wants me to be alone. He knows how lonely I am & I'm just tired of hurting & tired of being mad at god for not being more "bottom line up front". It's always the same...wait in God....God is teaching you lessons to enter his kingdom. If I need to lean patience with people & have faith....learn to be happy alone... well, what does learning process & having love crush us & unanswered prayers have to do with gaining entrance into heaven? Do we have jobs in heaven? And the relationship "wait"? What do we need to know about romantic relationships in the afterlife? Are we all training to be life coaches & love gurus when we get to heaven? I'm just sick of everything failing in my life. I feel like God has given Satan too much power over my life m wait on the Lord....for how long? How long do you wait before you come to realize the answer much be no? I've prayed & prayed for a mate.

I have to agree. I just don't understand. I hear things like pray with out ceasing, hear God's voice, if he is silent it doesn't mean he's not working. There's so much contradictions. Free will and destiny. God knows everything you where going to do then that defies free will. Everything is a riddle or mysterious some elaborate way to appease our own doubt. "Ask in my name" I have asked o have prayed I share the same fears. It's frustrating and it's one way communication. It's really awesome seen all these people share their testimony while I'm waiting to get pick. I am hurting, and I have prayed and pleaded. But nothing it must be nice for Bob scorge to catch a baseball. While the other like us on the brink of walking away. I have even prayed to not wake up I'll be ok I have made my peace with it. But still I wake. Knock on the door and I will answer. I have been knocking I have cried out. I have reached out but people can only answer so much"just have faith" I need to have trust to have faith and as far as I can remember Everytime I searched and needed you, you looked the other way. I'm holding on by a thread but ill be ok walking away at this point