I'm so confused.

[HarborOrange]

So, I've been getting to know lately. Sadly, I developed feelings for her, and I know she has some for me too...
I say sadly because, about a week ago, my friend told me that she is not a virgin. That didn't really bug me a huge amount, but it still gave me some issues. But, then he went on to tell me that it's been two years, which means she has changed her ways a bit because she's stayed clean for two years... So, I decided to continue getting to know her better, hopefully to go out with her at some point, which is looking like it's going to happen.
However, today, her close friend was talking to me about stuff regarding her and all that. And later on she says,"Hopefully, she's not drunk." (Her friend said this after she mentioned that the girl I have feelings for hasn't texted her in awhile.) I'm hoping her friend was just joking around, because I don't tolerate people who get drunk... Especially since she's only 16.
However, for some reason, I still have feelings for her, I've tried to let them die down and avoid talking to her, but I end up feeling like I like her even more in the end.

I just don't know what to do, because I have major moral values, I try to be the best, most upright person I can possibly be... Yet, I'm falling for this girl that is apparently pretty immoral. I mean, she seems like she's changed her ways, and is a better person now... But, I just don't know. I've been praying for guidance on this, but, YHWH has simply remained silent, aside from a dream I had about her... I don't know what to do.
I usually know what to do, but not in this scenario. If you can, please help me... I need some guidance.

 

[DMMullinax]

I personally would say that if it turns out that she still pursues immoral things like drinking, sex, ect. that you should hold off on dating her, for a while atleast, until she cleans up more. A friend told me once that he doesn't date anybody that he would not consider marrying. Thats a good motto. If you don't see yourself marrying somebody who is into those things, then it's probably best to hold off. I wouldn't say you should sever your relationship with the girl, you could still be great friends, on a non-romantic level, and be a great moral model for her. But like you said, the girl's friend could have been kidding, and she is actually devoted to staying clean and living an upright life in Christ. In that case I don't see any problem with dating her at all. It seems like you like her a lot, and I pray it turns well (which I'm sure it will), but if it turns out that she does meddle in some immoral things still, don't let your feelings lead you away from the right decision that Christ will lead you to. His way is always so much better, and he sees infinite steps ahead of us. This is just my counsel, and you can take it as you may. I hope I've offered some guidance. Hold fast.
(and sorry about the length, when I speak I usually have a lot to say haha)

 

[HarborOrange]

Yeah, that's definitely some awesome advice, I agree with all of it. Haha.
Thanks for it, it's helped me make my decision... Which is that I'll just have to move on.

(Plus, just yesterday, I learned that she smokes pot, which further pushed me to my decision.)

Lol, and no worries about the length, I'm glad you typed all that you did, it helped me out. Thanks again. Haha.

 

[Jack-O'Driscoll]

So, I've been getting to know lately. Sadly, I developed feelings for her, and I know she has some for me too...
I say sadly because, about a week ago, my friend told me that she is not a virgin. That didn't really bug me a huge amount, but it still gave me some issues. But, then he went on to tell me that it's been two years, which means she has changed her ways a bit because she's stayed clean for two years... So, I decided to continue getting to know her better, hopefully to go out with her at some point, which is looking like it's going to happen.
However, today, her close friend was talking to me about stuff regarding her and all that. And later on she says,"Hopefully, she's not drunk." (Her friend said this after she mentioned that the girl I have feelings for hasn't texted her in awhile.) I'm hoping her friend was just joking around, because I don't tolerate people who get drunk... Especially since she's only 16.
However, for some reason, I still have feelings for her, I've tried to let them die down and avoid talking to her, but I end up feeling like I like her even more in the end.

I just don't know what to do, because I have major moral values, I try to be the best, most upright person I can possibly be... Yet, I'm falling for this girl that is apparently pretty immoral. I mean, she seems like she's changed her ways, and is a better person now... But, I just don't know. I've been praying for guidance on this, but, YHWH has simply remained silent, aside from a dream I had about her... I don't know what to do.
I usually know what to do, but not in this scenario. If you can, please help me... I need some guidance.

Dude...
She is a person, who has sinned, just as you have. If she isn't a virgin, whatever. That's what she's done, not who she is. Even if she has drank on occasion, that is not her. If she is in sin, but is a Christian, go for her. She needs love, from a Christian brother. I'm not saying what she's done is right, but this who 'she's pretty immoral' bit is killing me. Honestly, where is your right to judge? You may not have been drunk or have had sex outside of marriage, but I can tell you you've either lied, cheated, stolen, covetted, whatever. Get off your high horse and build a relationship not based on her past but who she is. And if she tries to get you to do something you don't feel like you should do, then don't do it. If the relationship is meant to last, she'll accept it. And maybe you'll be a good influence on her. And if you stumble and commit sin with her, that's why we need Christ, not self-rightous judgement. Learn from it.
Punchline; follow this to whatever end it leads to, and learn from it. Hopefully she's the one, and you both deal with these issues together. But be involved and interested in her for her, not her resume of good deeds.

 

[Mela Monkey]

Dude...
She is a person, who has sinned, just as you have. If she isn't a virgin, whatever. That's what she's done, not who she is. Even if she has drank on occasion, that is not her. If she is in sin, but is a Christian, go for her. She needs love, from a Christian brother. I'm not saying what she's done is right, but this who 'she's pretty immoral' bit is killing me. Honestly, where is your right to judge? You may not have been drunk or have had sex outside of marriage, but I can tell you you've either lied, cheated, stolen, covetted, whatever. Get off your high horse and build a relationship not based on her past but who she is. And if she tries to get you to do something you don't feel like you should do, then don't do it. If the relationship is meant to last, she'll accept it. And maybe you'll be a good influence on her. And if you stumble and commit sin with her, that's why we need Christ, not self-rightous judgement. Learn from it.
Punchline; follow this to whatever end it leads to, and learn from it. Hopefully she's the one, and you both deal with these issues together. But be involved and interested in her for her, not her resume of good deeds.

I would say this is a good basis for friendship, but I think dating should be more than just.. dating anyone and hoping/praying they change. You don't need to be in a relationship with someone to help them out and show them unconditional love, after all.

The only thing I would say to do is pray on it. If God wants you to be in a relationship with her, then so be it. Otherwise it would be a waste of time - I don't say that because of what she does, that goes for any girl.. no matter how perfect she may seem.

 

[HarborOrange]

Dude...
She is a person, who has sinned, just as you have. If she isn't a virgin, whatever. That's what she's done, not who she is. Even if she has drank on occasion, that is not her. If she is in sin, but is a Christian, go for her. She needs love, from a Christian brother. I'm not saying what she's done is right, but this who 'she's pretty immoral' bit is killing me. Honestly, where is your right to judge? You may not have been drunk or have had sex outside of marriage, but I can tell you you've either lied, cheated, stolen, covetted, whatever. Get off your high horse and build a relationship not based on her past but who she is. And if she tries to get you to do something you don't feel like you should do, then don't do it. If the relationship is meant to last, she'll accept it. And maybe you'll be a good influence on her. And if you stumble and commit sin with her, that's why we need Christ, not self-rightous judgement. Learn from it.
Punchline; follow this to whatever end it leads to, and learn from it. Hopefully she's the one, and you both deal with these issues together. But be involved and interested in her for her, not her resume of good deeds.

Well, it's not like I was judging her or anything, but it sort of bugs me that I've saved myself for marriage, and someone who I'd potentially end up with hadn't. I know it's a past thing, and I'm not holding that against her, but one of my closest friends told me the other night that she's recently sent him videos of her... Well, masturbating... And, I know that he's not lying, he said I could still go for her if I wanted to, but I should know that she's still sort of up to that stuff. Also, she's been treating her friend really really bad, and she also smokes pot regularly. I'm not trying to judge her, and I've tried to accept who she is, and for awhile, I was fine with it. But, then things just started to not sit right with me. I prayed and prayed over it, and I felt worse and worse about it. So, I've decided that I'm just gonna stay as her friend, simply to stay out of anything that could potentially happen that I would not be proud of.
Trust me though man, I'm not judging her at all, I wanted to date her, but I just knew that her lifestyle didn't go with what I look for in a girl.

( I think the main thing that gave me issues about her, is the fact she said she doesn't believe in one true God. She felt like there were others out there too...)

So yeah, I'm sticking as her friend. You've got good points though, and that's what I was figuring about dating her, that we could sort of be better people in the end together, but I don't think she has the same motives... My friend had the same thing happen, he developed feelings for her, but in the end she just sent him some videos and pictures of... stuff.

 

[liesje]

From what you've said it sounds like it would be better just to be friends for the meantime, but have you actually talked to her about any of this, or have you heard it all from other people?

 

[HarborOrange]

From what you've said it sounds like it would be better just to be friends for the meantime, but have you actually talked to her about any of this, or have you heard it all from other people?

I've only heard it from other people, but they're from people I trust... But still, until I hear it out of her own mouth, I'm not going to entirely believe it all... Yeah, I'm thinking remaining friends is probably a good plan, cuz I don't know if I really want a relationship right now anyways.

 

[Jack-O'Driscoll]

Fair enough. It just sounded very... high and mighty when I read through what you were saying. But that's a fair decision,

 

[HarborOrange]

Fair enough. It just sounded very... high and mighty when I read through what you were saying. But that's a fair decision,

Haha, yeah, I guess I can see that when I read it back. Lol.
I didn't mean to sound that way, cuz I'm not that sort of a person, I didn't bother to reread it, I just typed it up quick and posted it.

Thanks for thinking that, your advice is actually really good, haha. I figure being friends with her might be the way to go right now... I'm young anyway.

 

[solarwave]

At first I was going to side with Jack on this one untill your last post. Thats not really because of what she has done though, but because of the kind of person she probably is because of what she has done.

Like I dont think any one or two of the things that has put you going out with her on their own is a reason not to go out with her, but all of them together are.

I think with the whole sex thing it might be easy to judge people who have done it, especially for those who havn't been in a situation where is possible to do it. Its good that you have kept yourself for marriage but I think you should care more about who the person is rather than if they have had sex. Sure it would be better if they hadn't but everyone get it wrong and for teenagers sex is one of the biggest temptations so its hardly supprising.

But yeah, I agree with you current decision.

 

[Dictionary]

Young Love: Full of Promise, Full of Hope, Ignorant of Reality

<staff edit>

I have never dated a female in my life and i never have to deal with any of these problems.

 

[solarwave]

Some things are worth the problems they bring with them?

 

[Dictionary]

Some things are worth the problems they bring with them?

And some things aren't?

 

[HarborOrange]

Girls are worth the trouble... I'd say. I've sort of dated, but kept them mainly on the level of a friendship, and so far that's been the best place for it to stay. I've never kissed anyone in my entire life. I'm saving my first kiss until marriage, so I'm not one of those crazy into dating people... I'm pretty sure I'd prefer not to date again, which is pretty much what I'm trying to avoid with this girl if I can. I just don't quite know how. But, we'll see.

 

[liesje]

Girls are worth the trouble... I'd say. I've sort of dated, but kept them mainly on the level of a friendship, and so far that's been the best place for it to stay. I've never kissed anyone in my entire life. I'm saving my first kiss until marriage, so I'm not one of those crazy into dating people... I'm pretty sure I'd prefer not to date again, which is pretty much what I'm trying to avoid with this girl if I can. I just don't quite know how. But, we'll see.

Have you ever read 'I Kissed Dating Goodbye' by Joshua Harris?

 

[HarborOrange]

Have you ever read 'I Kissed Dating Goodbye' by Joshua Harris?

Haha, no, I haven't. I've heard of it. And, it might be a good read for me. Because, more and more everyday, I consider not dating anymore.
It's practically practicing for divorce, and I will never divorce my wife.

 

[MissElizabeth]

Its sounds like your in abit of a pickle. I cant say i have ever dated anyone, because i believe it is a stage in a relationship that leads to marriage. So under the circumstances, I believe it was a good choice to bring it back to friends. My Dad and Sis have read Joshua Harris's book and said it was a good read, so you should give it a shot. It might help some.
Also I would greatly encourage you to safegaurd your purity. It is a priceless treasure these days!