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I'm mad at God

Discussion in 'Prayer Wall' started by Heaven91, May 9, 2017.

  1. Heaven91

    Heaven91 New Member

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    Hello, my name is Heaven and I'm 25 years old. I am married to my bestfriend Joseph. Well I'm writing because I'm really angry with God. Truth is I've been angry at him for awhile now and my heart has grown bitter. I can remember when I was younger I loved going to church with my Nana. I liked that way I would always get goosebumps when I would hear the preacher talk. It almost felt like God had you all wrapped up in his arms giving you a big hug. Well when I was younger my parents worked late night shifts, so were sometimes overly cranky and would take little things out on me. Let's just say a lot of mental and physical abuse went down. But I still loved them because I've always had a big heart. Eventually they divorced and my mother was banished from mine and my sisters life which was traumatic. My stepmother brainwashed my father and little sister. Suddenly I was always in trouble for things she would lie about. Her older son even tried to make the moves on me and I told my father immediately of course... my stepmother hated me even more for telling on her son. My younger stepbrother purposely broke my little sisters arm while "playing" outside. My father was angry about this. But my stepmother could bat her eyelashes and be back in his good graces. So I felt like my happiness didn't matter to my father because he had it good. I never knew why my stepmother hated me and still does. So moving this story on a little faster I moved out of the house in secret. I grabbed what I could carry and went to my Nana's to stay and finished High School. Then I met my husband Joseph and he took up most of my time as we were dating. I almost forgot all the bad things until.... We got our first apartment and were expecting a baby. Sadly I had a miscarriage so we lost out baby in June 2013. We also ended up being evicted and we both lost our jobs. It felt like everything was crashing down on us like the domino effect. My mother-in-law isn't a real nice woman so she constantly puts me down because I haven't been able to become pregnant again. However I'm currently not trying because we're both unemployed at the moment. My mother-in-law used the money we paid her for rent to buy pills that she gets high on. I really don't like living with her because I'm not used to these living conditions where a person isn't the cleanest. I did go to college for dental assisting but didn't have the 3 year experience all the dental offices wanted you to have. Sometimes I feel like God is being a big bully and I'm under his magnifying glass being burned like an ant. I've asked God why? I've scream and cried out to him... but nothing. I am sorry for being angry but I feel like I've taken all I can take. I'm not here to bash God. But I am here for help. I wish I could share more of my story but I won't take too much of your time. Just know it's been very depressing and stressful. My heart feels so broken it's unreal at how numb I feel. Thank you for any prayers.
     
    Last edited: May 9, 2017
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  2. Another Lazarus

    Another Lazarus Old Newbie

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    With all due respect to you please dont blame God because you need to live in humble in your faith to God. God didnt create your problem so dont be angry with Him.

    Tell your husband dont focus on office jobs but
    try to apply for labour jobs which needs your power, such as cleaning service, cooking, waiters, driving, gardening, security, courier, photocopying, factory labours, shopkeepers etc.
    dont be ashamed only you can help yourself.

    You may need to take courses on cooking, haircut, tailor, etc.

    Be patient and be humble.

    May Jesus bless you all HalleluYAH
     
  3. PropheticTimes

    PropheticTimes Lord Have Mercy Supporter

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    First off, I'm sorry for all you have been through. Life has not been easy on my side of the fence either.

    I pray for you, but I also give you this bit of wisdom, and it isn't easy to do but it's worth the effort:

    When I stopped blaming God for everything that was happening to me and around me, and I made the conscious choice to praise Him in all things, to thank Him for the smallest blessings (such as a beautiful day or the song of a bird), things changed. I changed. It is in learning to praise God no matter the circumstances (as Paul did in prison) that brings about a change of perception.
     
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  4. ToBeLoved

    ToBeLoved Well-Known Member Supporter

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    I think many of us have been in a position where we are mad at God. I know I have. Not just a little mad, but pretty mad as far as that goes.

    But you know what? When we really think about it, He is our solace to all the mean and cruel things of this world, but sometimes we shut out the same, exact God that we need most.

    Praise God that He has sent your spouse to you and He has been a rock for you. I would concentrate on your husband and your God.

    Ask God to unharden your heart. He will. It may be gradual, coming back to a place of peace with God can take a while but the getting there will be good as you realize who you have on your side.

    I hope that you and your husband pray together. If you do not, please start, it will be a wonderful thing that brings you even closer together.

    You have an opportunity to build something beautiful for your future. With the ones who really do care. So focus on what you do have and not the chaos going on all around you. Find your peace in the Only One who can bring true peace.

    Begin on that road and you'll never be sorry. Be patient with yourself and remember that it is often small steps that eventually are very large steps after we have started moving.

    You do have blessings. I hope that you can see them through the fog of all you are going through.

    Stay strong and get back on the right track with God. He loves you much more than you'll ever know. He is your best friend even though that seems far away right now.

    I am praying for you. Keep trying, the sun will come out soon for you. It's always darkest before the dawn. Read God's Word and know the promises that God has given each of us and His great promise that He will never leave us or forsake us.

    *big hug*
     
  5. Robert Richborough

    Robert Richborough Active Member

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    I can sympathise a little with how you feel, I'm from a split up mother and father, I am a bastard in the legal sense, but my mum and dad tried to make it work for a while until my dad met his wife, my step mother, who is very similar.

    At first I stayed with my mum, and her boyfriend used to beat me, and bully me an aweful lot, It got so bad i went to live with my dad, and then my stepmum was mean to me, accused me being of a liar, and she always used to not let my dad support me, I have had to support myself financially all through university.

    When I met my first girlfriend, we nearly got engaged but she broke up with me 6 years in, i still don't know quite why, I suspect an affair allthough many who I have asked say not, we were arguing an aweful lot.

    I'm now single and struggling at university and to pay my rent to keep a float, I shout at God a lot, and I know its very normal, but I believe strongly that God will touch this area in your life, the more you pursue him, the more he will be able to breathe good things into your life, and I cannot promise your life will be easy, but know that it is not Gods plan that what has happened to you has happened to you, but rather the sins of mankind. Whether he repays you in this life or the next, I promise God will touch these things, and bring just what you need to your life and no more than what you need, our God is one of reconcilliation and of justice.

    I'll be praying for you and your husband.
     
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  6. Heaven91

    Heaven91 New Member

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    Thank you for the kind words.
     
  7. Heaven91

    Heaven91 New Member

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    Thank you for your kind words.
     
  8. Heaven91

    Heaven91 New Member

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    Thank you for your kind words.
     
  9. Heaven91

    Heaven91 New Member

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    Thank you for your kind words.
     
  10. Kars

    Kars New Member

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    It is a difficult time you've been through and am sorry to hear that. It must also be hard growing up getting a twisted sense of what love is from your parents or step parent. I think often our perception of our 'earthly' parents we tend to place on God. But he is nothing like the broken example our parents at times give us.

    I think you can be honest with God about your struggles, but He is not the source of your pain or misery. He is a good God (ps136). And not everything that happens in this world is His work, there is also evil at work.

    joh10:10 The thief comes only in order to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have and enjoy life, and have it in abundance [to the full, till it overflows].​

    He is for you and these are His plans for your life:

    Jer 29:11 NIV For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.​

    You can still experience God the way you experienced Him when you were young and going to church. He is still the same, yesterday, today and forever. It's just that your perception has changed over time and through experiences. Don't focus on your situation, but focus on Jesus and His love for you. Do you know Jesus personally? If you ask Jesus to reveal Himself to you, and call out to Him in your struggles, He will be faithful to answer.

    Father thank you for helping Heaven to see You again for who you are. That every imagination of you being a bad Father might be brought into the light. You are a good Father and have a heart of love, willing to help and restore her and those around her. Thank You also for working forth peace in her family situation and providing in her financial situation. But most of all for her to see Jesus and take away every bitterness and hurt from her heart and replace it with your love and peace. Amen.
     
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  11. brinny

    brinny everlovin' shiner of light in dark places Supporter

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    :heart: Bless yer heart, Heaven. I'm soooooo sorry that you've been through what amounts to one excruciating trauma after another. I have also been angry with God, and i told Him so. I was in excruciating pain and He didn't remove it nor the traumas (at least not right away). He was very gracious to me even as i was so angry with Him, because of how i was so wounded. He understood that, and He was like a "horse whisperer" who calms a spooked horse.

    Praying, precious, that God's grace supersedes all that is coming at you now and all you've endured in the past, as He protects and defends you and paves your way before you as your SURE future and hope commences that He formed for you since before the foundation of the world. The delight that you experienced as a child in His presence in church is and has been DELIGHTFUL to Him, and He KNOWS all that came at you to attempt to blot it out or block it. Someone's been praying for you, dear heart. God WILL see you through all of this, even as, for now, and in the past, it may have seemed like a fiery furnace of affliction. May this chapter close, and a new chapter of blessing, favor, and healing commence, as His future and hope for you unfold before you like a carpet. Father may it be so, in Jesus name, amen (((hug)))
     
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  12. servant of Merciful Love

    servant of Merciful Love Goodbye~God bless Supporter

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    May God bless your every need in His Merciful Love :crossrc:
     
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  13. brinny

    brinny everlovin' shiner of light in dark places Supporter

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    :heart: And welcome to CF, Heaven....i'm soooo thankful you found your way here. Continuing to pray for you (((hug)))
     
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  14. rockytopva

    rockytopva Love to pray! :) Supporter

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    Father I pray blessings on this request and for comfort from the Holy Ghost in Jesus name I pray. Also taking these needs before God in prayer on the bbnradio.org Family Altar program... BBN Program Schedule

     
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  15. Heaven91

    Heaven91 New Member

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    I just saw this today thank you for the kind words. It means a lot. I have an update for everyone who has prayed for me. So yesterday my husband and I both got a job interview and each got a job. It was the weirdest thing we didn't have a lot of food left in the house but I remembered the big sack of pancake mix. Once we were ready to eat I said well it's been awhile so lets pray over our food. My husband said okay cool so I prayed and apologized to God for being upset but thanked him for the food. I also said if it was his will to please allow us to find work. Hours later we got those very phone calls about the jobs.
     
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  16. Robert Richborough

    Robert Richborough Active Member

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    Thats awesome, god bless!
     
  17. ToBeLoved

    ToBeLoved Well-Known Member Supporter

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    Amen sister! I am so happy for you.
     
  18. Linus

    Linus Senior Veteran Supporter

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    Thanks for the update!

    Praying for you and your husband in the name of Jesus Christ. Thank You Lord!
     
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  19. Heaven91

    Heaven91 New Member

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    Thank you for those kind words it really means a lot. My husband and I were both offered a job yesterday. And now we will have an income again thankfully! I'm starting to feel a lot better some of my stress has melted away. And thank you I'm also happy to have stumbled upon this forum.
     
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  20. ToBeLoved

    ToBeLoved Well-Known Member Supporter

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    I love that you have now began praying over your food. I need to remember to do that each meal.

    Remember what Jesus said, "In everything give thanks".

    We do not know the outcomes of our lives, but we do know that God is good to His Children.

    May God bless you and your husband and give you grace and peace in all your trials.
     
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