I'm losing faith and I want to die cause I've never been homeschooled properly

[GCNFan1999]

I'm 16 and I've been trying to learn on my own. But Math seems extremely hard. I can hardly even do basic math and it throws me into a self-harming mental breakdown because I think it'll affect my life deeply. I sometimes get some questions right, but it isn't good enough.

Everything seems too hard. It seems impossible for me to be taught anything at all cause I've never been to school at all or a single day of my life. I can't understand anything and every single thing seems too confusing and it makes me hate myself deeply cause I feel like I have nothing or no one to understand me. I'm to embarrassed to bring it up to anyone and I feel like I have no right to live.

Nothing works for me and it makes living not worth it at all. I always compare myself to everyone and I feel like my life is ruined completely. I know how to do some basic things. But that's it, everything else I have to learn on my own.

I hate living. I seriously do I feel like it's no longer worth it and it's too late for everything. Someone did say they will get me a GED. I feel so idiotic cause I can't be taught anything without getting confused, flying into a rage and misunderstanding or forgetting everything.

I've tried praying and I feel like nothing works at all.


*Update*: I found out that I may have Dyscalculia. But I can count backwards perfectly I guess. as well as a few other things. I also can't understand when new mathmatical things are being taught.

 

[Albion]

*Update*: I found out that I may have Dyscalculia. But I can count backwards perfectly I guess. as well as a few other things. I also can't understand when new mathmatical things are being taught.

Welcome to the club (as the saying goes)!

Millions of people are at a loss when it comes to understanding math...and when schools introduced the so-called "New Math" a generation or so ago, which is based on grasping the whole concept rather than being able to work out the answer, well, it got worse.

If that is your main problem, I'd recommend not letting it depress you. As we grow older, we find that we are good at some things and not so good at others, so we specialize in the ones we are good at. Very few people are masters of all the various subjects taught in school. What is your special talent or academic interest? Science? Art? Mechanical things? Music?

 

[WayfaringCoyote]

I can understand the feeling. There's been a lot of times in my life where I feel like I've squandered my time, that it's too late for me to ever amount to anything.

But thinking about it, who are we to evaluate our own worth? Our perspectives are so limited, we consider things like skill and education as things that determine worth when I don't think God thinks of us that way. Every single person is worth something to God, and to Him an educated and skilled person isn't worth more or less than an uneducated and unskilled person. The very things we measure worth by don't actually matter as much as we think we do.

It still sucks though, because the entire world is geared around these perceptions of worth. And insecurities surrounding one's worth and meaning in life are always a pain in the butt. But I think that there's a lot to ourselves that we don't know, so who are we to determine our own worth when there's so much to ourselves we cannot see?

This might sound funny, but you have to give God a chance, a chance to be a part of your life. He asks for mercy, not sacrifice. If you were to say, die, then He couldn't be a part of your life anymore. God finds incredible worth in being a part of someone's life, and that's why He asks for mercy. You have to give Him a chance.

 

[Messerve]

Welcome to the club (as the saying goes)!

Millions of people are at a loss when it comes to understanding math...and when schools introduced the so-called "New Math" a generation or so ago, which is based on grasping the whole concept rather than being able to work out the answer, well, it got worse.

If that is your main problem, I'd recommend not letting it depress you. As we grow older, we find that we are good at some things and not so good at others, so we specialize in the ones we are good at. Very few people are masters of all the various subjects taught in school. What is your special talent or academic interest? Science? Art? Mechanical things? Music?

I actually had a friend send me her daughter's homework hoping I could help solve one of the problems. but it was the "New Math". They wanted an equation for something that was ridiculously simple! Literally like 2X3=6. It was so basic I didn't even know how to make it an equation, so I had my brainy brother come up with a crazy, over done solution and sent that to her! The teachers will think that girl is a prodigy.

So yeah, don't feel bad about struggling with math. Most people aren't that great at it.

 

[Hank77]

*Update*: I found out that I may have Dyscalculia. But I can count backwards perfectly I guess. as well as a few other things. I also can't understand when new mathmatical things are being taught.

How would you feel about learning math with an online program? It's free and is used around the world.
First I became aware of Khan Academy because my grandson, who just turned 15, has Asperger's Syndrome which was professionally diagnosed when he was in preschool. To make a long story short he did well with special programs in public school until third grade when he had an uncooperative teacher that wasn't interested in working with Title 1 kids so his parents pulled him out of public school and began homeschooling him. (His parents work and I'm retired so I'm the one who is working with him.) We used a different program until we moved on to Khan Academy for math beginning with Pre-Algebra 3yrs. ago.

You can begin the classes anywhere you need to. They have classes for K-12 math. All of your work is saved and you can print out reports of what you have accomplished. When you take a quiz or test the program marks the videos you need to go back and watch again in order to do better when you retake a quiz or test [they aren't the same problems as the first one you took.] This program isn't about just taking a coarse and testing it's about really learning the subject no matter how long it takes you, everyone is different. You can ask for help and get answers from other students or a staff member. Maybe Khan Academy will be just what you need.

Don't feel bad about getting frustrated you're not alone. There are times when my grandson just gets really frustrated when he doesn't understand something right away. He starts out grumbling under his breathe then he gets up and stomps away (sometimes he'll bring something back to eat ) and after he's vented for a few mins. we get back to work. We just completed high school geometry and we're now reviewing all the lessons.
Take a look if you want to, remember there is no charge ever from Khan Academy it's supported by donations from users but mostly by private foundations and companies.

Khan Academy | Free Online Courses, Lessons & Practice

Oh I forgot, our local public school system is using this site now for students to practice skills, etc.

 

[Amittai]

I've got specific learning differences too. When my class used Cuisenaire at age 7 it put me on track somewhat. Then we used to chant the times tables while reading them off from the front.

Can you get Cuisenaire?

Jan Poustie among other writers, provided texts suited to dyscalculics.

I love arranging objects in rows or patterns, I do unconventional but basic maths all the time just for the sake of reinforcing those mental processes. I didn't think of actively looking for additional help tiill I was in middle age.

Most "teaching methods" are scandalous.

A workplace coach taught me to revert to my earlier liking for spatial thinking, but more consciously: seeing all the layers in everything. I love pondering questions some people ignore, like all the things numbers are.

 

[Lily76_]

Math is hard , i cant do it it takes time give yourself a break , math isn't everything you can live lift without math you might need help with money etc Jesus loves you weather you can read or not Jesus loves you for you not what you cant and can do ... I know its hard i cant do divination or time table at all Please dont kill yourself hold on to Jesus

 

[athenken]

I struggled with math growing up as well and discovered there is actually a case situation everyone goes through where their ability to understand something increases over time, and if what you are learning doesn't match up with that understanding level you will struggle quite a bit. Also, it has to do with who you are learning from. I have struggled to understand certain concepts when I had certain instructors but then was able to suddenly understand the same concepts I was having trouble with because another instructor I had had a better way of explaining it.

That being said, there are some online solutions for learning you could try. We use these for our kids (who are homeschooled): CTCMath.com and Xtramath.com. The first one has lessons and progress trackers, the second one allows you to drill your basic math understanding (addition, subtraction, multiplication, and division).

Also, part of your struggle is having the idea that you should know more than you do. Stop that. Everyone learns at different paces, you just have to find yours

 

[Broken Fence]

Greetings GCNfan1999,
Be of good courage there is hope. I am not sure how you feel about Jesus, but He loves you more than you could ever know. I know because He loves me. Like you I was suicidal when I was 15 spent a lot of time in the mental health hospital.
For whatever reason why think we are less than other people, our view is askewed because we have limited information.
I hope this will help you, sometimes if we have trouble reading or don't want too we can listen to books on tape. I believe the Bible is God's truth for mankind so I listen to Bible on tape sometimes.
There has to be people in your life that you can trust who care about you. If not there is hotlines and counseling that can help you. My prayers are with you, I care about your pain.

 

[Matthew C.]

I'm 16 and I've been trying to learn on my own. But Math seems extremely hard. I can hardly even do basic math and it throws me into a self-harming mental breakdown because I think it'll affect my life deeply. I sometimes get some questions right, but it isn't good enough.

Everything seems too hard. It seems impossible for me to be taught anything at all cause I've never been to school at all or a single day of my life. I can't understand anything and every single thing seems too confusing and it makes me hate myself deeply cause I feel like I have nothing or no one to understand me. I'm to embarrassed to bring it up to anyone and I feel like I have no right to live.

Nothing works for me and it makes living not worth it at all. I always compare myself to everyone and I feel like my life is ruined completely. I know how to do some basic things. But that's it, everything else I have to learn on my own.

I hate living. I seriously do I feel like it's no longer worth it and it's too late for everything. Someone did say they will get me a GED. I feel so idiotic cause I can't be taught anything without getting confused, flying into a rage and misunderstanding or forgetting everything.

I've tried praying and I feel like nothing works at all.


*Update*: I found out that I may have Dyscalculia. But I can count backwards perfectly I guess. as well as a few other things. I also can't understand when new mathmatical things are being taught.

I struggle with math for a long time. I felt stupid and I was insecure. I am not stupid and you are not stupid. I found I have gifts elsewhere like science. Math can be solved with simple concepts. Just start with the basics. Go slow be patient. Math is easy to solve. It’s just numbers. Start with 1+1 is two and work your way up slowly. I found I was good at science. You have gifts somewhere else I can guarantee you that.

As far as suicidal thoughts I’ve had those thoughts a lot of it was related to education I felt stupid. But I’m not. I’ve had suicidal thoughts a few times. Don’t entertain them they are from the devil the Bible says the thief comes only to kill steel and destroy. You cannot lose your salvation no matter what you do. A lot of suicidal thoughts occur because you feel like you’re going to go to hell and you’re not. Your salvation is not earned it’s a free gift of God. Because you know that you can’t lose your salvation that should make you want to live as much as you can and get the most out of life anyways because you’re gonna succeed no matter what. You can’t fail Jesus can’t fail. pray to God about these thoughts go to a doctor and get on medication it will help. Tell him you’re depressed. You need to sleep and eat right. You need to pray about this all the time. Know that it’s not from God it’s from the enemy. God wants you to live. As far as math it comes down to discipline. Just keep jogging your mind and practicing simple problems in your spare time. The more you do it the better you become. That’s how I did it. You’re not gonna fail you need to assure yourself you’re not gonna fail. You just need to be more disciplined and slowly approach it. And if it gets too hard look at the last thing that you understood. And work your way up again.

Your life is so valuable. Math is not worth your life. Your life is more important than anything. I want to assure you to get rid of those thoughts. You are important and you are valuable. You’re 16 you will learn more your brain does not develop until you’re 25 fully.

by the way you’re a good writer. Your ideas are clear and concise and you have good grammar. Your writing is impressive for a 16-year-old. Thats a good start for you

Please let me know how you’re doing.