- Feb 11, 2018
- 162
- 105
- 41
- Country
- United States
- Faith
- Anglican
- Marital Status
- Single
It's been a long road. I felt like my 20s were supposed to be a time of discovery and soul searching. But it all led back to Christianity.
My main reasons for exploring: curiosity, a desire to be unique/eclectic (which may be a pride issue), looking into the purpose of life, and a way to deal with problems (1. maladaptive daydreams 2. smoking 3. difficult people).
The paths I explored abound: hedonism (typical 20-something, no? just kidding), stoicism, LaVeyan Satanism, epicureanism, science, Buddhism, New Age, and philosophical pessimism (I think that's it).
All fell short.
Funny thing is, I never stopped believing. I just distanced myself from God and pretend to be "agnostic." For example, as a Satanist, I got into a car accident and called out to Jesus! Poser.
Now that I realize that am in fact a Christian and probably always will be, things aren't such a huge deal. I have my purpose: love God, love your neighbor. Simple! It's not so grandiose and convoluted. It's not so self-important. And one of the problems I had with stoicism was that it was too analytical.
Like I said, things don't weigh on me so heavily anymore. As a pessimist, I saw people as "drooling wolves." I hated them and resented them. Now I know they're human beings who make--usually very minor--mistakes. Now I can greet them and not feel paranoid. I thought I was hearing voices. The mental health industry said I had schizophrenia. Now I know I have maladaptive daydreams and they don't bother me that much if I just agree to get a life.
God is good. All the time.
My main reasons for exploring: curiosity, a desire to be unique/eclectic (which may be a pride issue), looking into the purpose of life, and a way to deal with problems (1. maladaptive daydreams 2. smoking 3. difficult people).
The paths I explored abound: hedonism (typical 20-something, no? just kidding), stoicism, LaVeyan Satanism, epicureanism, science, Buddhism, New Age, and philosophical pessimism (I think that's it).
All fell short.
Funny thing is, I never stopped believing. I just distanced myself from God and pretend to be "agnostic." For example, as a Satanist, I got into a car accident and called out to Jesus! Poser.
Now that I realize that am in fact a Christian and probably always will be, things aren't such a huge deal. I have my purpose: love God, love your neighbor. Simple! It's not so grandiose and convoluted. It's not so self-important. And one of the problems I had with stoicism was that it was too analytical.
Like I said, things don't weigh on me so heavily anymore. As a pessimist, I saw people as "drooling wolves." I hated them and resented them. Now I know they're human beings who make--usually very minor--mistakes. Now I can greet them and not feel paranoid. I thought I was hearing voices. The mental health industry said I had schizophrenia. Now I know I have maladaptive daydreams and they don't bother me that much if I just agree to get a life.
God is good. All the time.
