I'm 23 years old. The past 4 years I've lost family because I was shunned. I converted to Christianity and the church I went to didn't want me to come anymore because they didn't like me and father of my kids together. His father and his brother don't like me won't even speak to me even when I reach out to them and I still really love my kids father. He's not a bad guy but he doesn't want to work it out and he's seeing someone else. Me and him were still very emotionally involved but because before we came to church our relationship was so bad he doesn't want to try again. It hurts so bad because I really love him and I wanted to make it work but he wants to be with this other girl and I feel like an utter reject. There's a lot more to the story but I don't want to hear about God has a better someone because that really just hurts and makes me even more upset. No one seems to get it. I don't want to be with someone I don't want to watch him be with someone else raise a family with someone else and share our kids with someone else. I've always had poor self worthbut now I just want hurt myself because I feel like crap, and I just feel like I'm never enough and I can never understand my worth with God. I hate myself because I'm never enough. I don't know what to do but in drowning in self loathing and started cutting myself again. I just wanted God to fix our family.
Im in a really dark place e
- Thread starter Angel Marie Coleman
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Take a deep breath and take a step back. Think about you're future and remember you can have decades ahead of you in which to pursue your own happiness. The present may feel overwhelming and urgent but that's because you want to be loved and it is something you can't do without.
The root of the problem is not necessarily the situation you are in (though it is bad). it is (as you yourself admit) your low self-esteem, self-loathing, feeling that you're "never enough", etc. it makes you accept the bad situation you are in and that somehow you "deserve" to be treated so badly. cutting yourself won't make you feel better in the long-run, although it may momentarily relieve anxiety by making you think you have a way out. the long term solution is finding something in your life that can build you up and make you feel valued and fulfilled.
(Speaking as a non-christian) remember that god is love, god already loves you for who you are and you don't need to prove yourself to him. So be selfish and love yourself as god would love you (or as you would want to be loved by your ex). you've done nothing wrong and you've done nothing to deserve this and you should not feel guilty that things didn't work out. its not your fault. let yourself cry- let it out, accept you're own feelings as part of who you are. trust yourself to feel something pure and true.
You have kids. remember them what you want for them. about how you want them to be loved, to grow up and be happy. think about all the good times you could have taking them to movies or to the zoo to see tigers, chimps and giraffes, or buying them an ice cream on the beach. let that be something pure that can get you through this. you can be a good mother and build yourself worth by proving that to yourself. if nothing else your kids will love you for it and they haven't been corrupted by this world for it to be anything less than true.
The root of the problem is not necessarily the situation you are in (though it is bad). it is (as you yourself admit) your low self-esteem, self-loathing, feeling that you're "never enough", etc. it makes you accept the bad situation you are in and that somehow you "deserve" to be treated so badly. cutting yourself won't make you feel better in the long-run, although it may momentarily relieve anxiety by making you think you have a way out. the long term solution is finding something in your life that can build you up and make you feel valued and fulfilled.
(Speaking as a non-christian) remember that god is love, god already loves you for who you are and you don't need to prove yourself to him. So be selfish and love yourself as god would love you (or as you would want to be loved by your ex). you've done nothing wrong and you've done nothing to deserve this and you should not feel guilty that things didn't work out. its not your fault. let yourself cry- let it out, accept you're own feelings as part of who you are. trust yourself to feel something pure and true.
You have kids. remember them what you want for them. about how you want them to be loved, to grow up and be happy. think about all the good times you could have taking them to movies or to the zoo to see tigers, chimps and giraffes, or buying them an ice cream on the beach. let that be something pure that can get you through this. you can be a good mother and build yourself worth by proving that to yourself. if nothing else your kids will love you for it and they haven't been corrupted by this world for it to be anything less than true.
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