I'm depressed. I need to vent. I'm tired of being single!

[Mainliner]

And I feel like I just can't take it any more. All of my friends now are married and have kids, and then there is me, single with no prospects out there at all, and I don't know how to change it.

I'm 35 years old, educated and I have a good and successful career. I'm healthy, I'm not violent, I don't smoke or do drugs and I have never been in trouble with the law. I often ask what more do I need to do? I am not only single but I have never even had a girlfriend. My whole life I have been painfully shy around women. I get nervous and my lack of self-confidence really shows. I don't even know how to try and I end up telling myself not to even bother. It drives me up the wall when I see other guys who seem to so easily find a girlfriend or a wife.

And the thing is, the longer you are single at this age, the more the problem seems to feed off of itself. People will wonder aloud if I am gay, or assume that there must be something wrong with me because I have been single for so long, and then I start to believe that I am not worthy of any woman's love because I have been single for so long. Then I tell myself that there must be something wrong with me that makes me unworthy of any woman's love. I don't seek to blame anyone other than myself for this, but I am really upset about this some days. There are nights when I cry myself to sleep because of this. I am not happy being alone. I want to be in love with a woman and I want her to be in love with me.

I have looked to God for help since becoming a Christian earlier this year. If it is not his will that I be with anyone here on Earth, sometimes I allow myself to imagine that maybe he will match me up with the woman of my dreams in the afterlife.

 

[singpeace]

The Bible says, “The Lord is good to those who wait for Him, to the soul who seeks Him” (Lamentations 3:25 NKJV).

Waiting on God is perhaps most difficult when we’re hoping and praying that the right person will come across our path for marriage. Fighting depression makes it that much more difficult to trust that God will meet your needs for companionship.

Let me encourage you that God has good plans for you. Jeremiah 29:11 says “For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord , "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future" (NIV).

It takes a step of faith to believe that God has GOOD plans for us, especially if we’re getting older and things don’t seem to be happening.

After you've asked God for a spouse, use the time between now and then to seek God and work on your relationship with him. God tells us, "But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well" (Matthew 6:33 NIV).

A great marriage can certainly be part of the things that God will give you, if you seek His kingdom first. Whenever you are tempted to get anxious about not having a spouse yet, call to mind Philippians 4:6-7 and recite it to yourself and receive God’s peace. I find this is very effective in my own walk for the things I am believing God for.

Philippians 4:6-7
6. Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

 

[Luther073082]

Well in all honesty you have to work on your self confidence first. You have to be able to talk with women before you can be with them. So you have a social anxiety disorder?

Have you tried internet dating?

 

[SullivanZ]

I hear you.

And it only compounds matter when silly Christians brag up the supposed "gift of singleness" that make it seem like you're more spiritual being all alone. Utter nonsense.

 

[SweetDee]

I'm sorry you are going through this. I find it difficult to be single at times too. You will be in my prayers!

 

[Mrs. Luther073082]

Try counseling for the anxiety around women and depression symptoms -- if you can get your confidence up and be positive that will be more attractive. Obviously, you have a lot to offer and it is being overlooked perhaps because of your mental state. Good luck