I'm damned, what to do?

[Kim R]

I never in a million years thought I would be writing something like this. I used to have such a good life, and I was always really careful with my life. This is really hard to explain and really hard to understand. It would probably be helpful if you don't try to convince me that I can be saved because I can no longer be saved. My heart is broken. Others have done things like lead me in the sinners prayer and other insulting things that won't save me. Reading my Bible won't save, praying won't save me, going to church won't save me, nothing I do and nothing I believe at this point. See, I was dating my now husband and the Holy Spirit was on my back to give up the relationship. I tried, and tried, and tried but in the end we ended up getting married DESPITE the fact that God actually told me that I would go to hell if I married my now husband. I just figured, hey, this has nothing to do with salvation because salvation is free. Wrong. I look back now and see how I misunderstood the gospel and many seasoned Christians still misunderstand it. For example, repentance and salvation are NOT available until death. There are many examples in the Bible where people run out of time. Everyone wants to picture God as this never ending super nice guy but He has limits/rules. Okay back to my problem. I did what the rich ruler did. Giving up his possessions was required for his salvation but he kept them and walked away sad. Giving up this relationship of mine (back then) was required for my salvation and I kept it and walked away sad. Even though everything inside of me was screaming no about this marriage, I did it anyway. I had so much anxiety at the time. I let him pressure me into it even though I really wanted to call it quits. Which makes me mad because I shared the gospel with him and now he is the thriving believer while I am going to hell. I have been hospitalized 10x. I live in constant torment. I'm scared all the time, all I ever think about is an eternity in hell. I breathe heavy and/or hyperventilate, I can't participate in family life. I useless and worthless. My husband does everything. I can't home school the kids, I can't cook, I can't get groceries. All I really do is laundry. I want a normal family life but I wont' get it if I'm going to hell. God made His will very clear and I didn't do it. Only he who does the will of my Father will see the kingdom of Heaven. "He who puts his hand to the plow and looks back is not fit for service in the kingdom of God" Luke 9:62 Everyone has tried to comfort me but it doesn't work because only the Holy Spirit can do that and He's not doing it. I never could have imagined this happening. What do I do? I can't end my life but yet I can't function and be the mom my kids need. Please help.

 

[vinsight4u]

/nvm

 

[vinsight4u]

/nvm

 

[Rescued One]

Not every marriage is a good thing!

Kim R, do you have a family doctor? You should talk to him/her and mention your symptoms of depression.

 

[Kim R]

I forgot to mention, I've been on a downward spiral every since they day we got married. Over time I just became less and less capable of doing things. The simplest tasks are really hard. My OCD has worsened greatly over time. I just can just see where God has forsaken me. I have no strength.

 

[Doug Melven]

God actually told me that I would go to hell if I married my now husband.

God didn't tell you this. Some other spirit lied to you about this.
As vinsight4u said, marriage is a good thing.
Salvation isn't just for the afterlife. 1 John 4:17 says, "As Jesus is, so are we in this world".
Believe the Scripture, not the devil's lies.

 

[Tyler82]

I never in a million years thought I would be writing something like this. I used to have such a good life, and I was always really careful with my life. This is really hard to explain and really hard to understand. It would probably be helpful if you don't try to convince me that I can be saved because I can no longer be saved. My heart is broken. Others have done things like lead me in the sinners prayer and other insulting things that won't save me. Reading my Bible won't save, praying won't save me, going to church won't save me, nothing I do and nothing I believe at this point. See, I was dating my now husband and the Holy Spirit was on my back to give up the relationship. I tried, and tried, and tried but in the end we ended up getting married DESPITE the fact that God actually told me that I would go to hell if I married my now husband. I just figured, hey, this has nothing to do with salvation because salvation is free. Wrong. I look back now and see how I misunderstood the gospel and many seasoned Christians still misunderstand it. For example, repentance and salvation are NOT available until death. There are many examples in the Bible where people run out of time. Everyone wants to picture God as this never ending super nice guy but He has limits/rules. Okay back to my problem. I did what the rich ruler did. Giving up his possessions was required for his salvation but he kept them and walked away sad. Giving up this relationship of mine (back then) was required for my salvation and I kept it and walked away sad. Even though everything inside of me was screaming no about this marriage, I did it anyway. I had so much anxiety at the time. I let him pressure me into it even though I really wanted to call it quits. Which makes me mad because I shared the gospel with him and now he is the thriving believer while I am going to hell. I have been hospitalized 10x. I live in constant torment. I'm scared all the time, all I ever think about is an eternity in hell. I breathe heavy and/or hyperventilate, I can't participate in family life. I useless and worthless. My husband does everything. I can't home school the kids, I can't cook, I can't get groceries. All I really do is laundry. I want a normal family life but I wont' get it if I'm going to hell. God made His will very clear and I didn't do it. Only he who does the will of my Father will see the kingdom of Heaven. "He who puts his hand to the plow and looks back is not fit for service in the kingdom of God" Luke 9:62 Everyone has tried to comfort me but it doesn't work because only the Holy Spirit can do that and He's not doing it. I never could have imagined this happening. What do I do? I can't end my life but yet I can't function and be the mom my kids need. Please help.

What makes you think you are going to hell? So far you haven't described doing anything that qualifies as sinful. You say the holy spirit was on your back but not every emotion or gut feeling is the holy spirit. Living on the ASD I have learned to be very careful of tying emotional feeling to spiritual guidance. Your feelings can deceive you. Brain chemistry can mislead you. The Bible gives a clear outline of rules and grace and also says that if even an angel contradicts these, step away. Unless your husband is engaged in some specific anti Christian behavior that is pulling you away it is doubtful that this relationship is bad.

 

[Tyler82]

Galatians 1:8 for my quote.

 

[HereIStand]

Don't feel condemned. God worked through you, and your husband is now a Christian. Nothing could be more wonderful than that. Relax and enjoy your life, as God wants you to.

 

[Tyler82]

I forgot to mention, I've been on a downward spiral every since they day we got married. Over time I just became less and less capable of doing things. The simplest tasks are really hard. My OCD has worsened greatly over time. I just can just see where God has forsaken me. I have no strength.

Whoa! There's the bullseye right there. If you are struggling with OCD and deal with Autism Spectrum Disorder then that's the problem. Believe me brain chemistry can be treacherous. It sounds more like you are facing chronic depression than divine judgment. Believe you me I've felt the same before. I would advise you to talk with your doctor and find some good Christian friends who can encourage you. For my part I will say remember you are a treasured creation of God. He loves you and does not condemn those who seek him.

 

[vinsight4u]

/nvm

 

[Kim R]

I'm in constant anguish. I get no relief.

 

[Kim R]

Whoa! There's the bullseye right there. If you are struggling with OCD and deal with Autism Spectrum Disorder then that's the problem. Believe me brain chemistry can be treacherous. It sounds more like you are facing chronic depression than divine judgment. Believe you me I've felt the same before. I would advise you to talk with your doctor and find some good Christian friends who can encourage you. For my part I will say remember you are a treasured creation of God. He loves you and does not condemn those who seek him.

I see the worsening of OCD as proof that God left me.

 

[SkyWriting]

I never in a million years thought I would be writing something like this. I used to have such a good life, and I was always really careful with my life. This is really hard to explain and really hard to understand. It would probably be helpful if you don't try to convince me that I can be saved because I can no longer be saved. My heart is broken. Others have done things like lead me in the sinners prayer and other insulting things that won't save me. Reading my Bible won't save, praying won't save me, going to church won't save me, nothing I do and nothing I believe at this point. See, I was dating my now husband and the Holy Spirit was on my back to give up the relationship. I tried, and tried, and tried but in the end we ended up getting married DESPITE the fact that God actually told me that I would go to hell if I married my now husband. I just figured, hey, this has nothing to do with salvation because salvation is free. Wrong. I look back now and see how I misunderstood the gospel and many seasoned Christians still misunderstand it. For example, repentance and salvation are NOT available until death. There are many examples in the Bible where people run out of time. Everyone wants to picture God as this never ending super nice guy but He has limits/rules. Okay back to my problem. I did what the rich ruler did. Giving up his possessions was required for his salvation but he kept them and walked away sad. Giving up this relationship of mine (back then) was required for my salvation and I kept it and walked away sad. Even though everything inside of me was screaming no about this marriage, I did it anyway. I had so much anxiety at the time. I let him pressure me into it even though I really wanted to call it quits. Which makes me mad because I shared the gospel with him and now he is the thriving believer while I am going to hell. I have been hospitalized 10x. I live in constant torment. I'm scared all the time, all I ever think about is an eternity in hell. I breathe heavy and/or hyperventilate, I can't participate in family life. I useless and worthless. My husband does everything. I can't home school the kids, I can't cook, I can't get groceries. All I really do is laundry. I want a normal family life but I wont' get it if I'm going to hell. God made His will very clear and I didn't do it. Only he who does the will of my Father will see the kingdom of Heaven. "He who puts his hand to the plow and looks back is not fit for service in the kingdom of God" Luke 9:62 Everyone has tried to comfort me but it doesn't work because only the Holy Spirit can do that and He's not doing it. I never could have imagined this happening. What do I do? I can't end my life but yet I can't function and be the mom my kids need. Please help.

The only unforgivable sin is rejecting the Holy Spirit and attributing (believing) that the Holy Spirit is Satan. All other mistakes or imperfections are forgivable. You are in good hands.
Trust God and allow Him to forgive you. God will never stop forgiving you, not in a million years.

 

[Tyler82]

I see the worsening of OCD as proof that God left me.

There is no scriptural basis for that. But anxiety and emotional difficulties relating to the neurology which causes OCD and other ASD symptoms can definitely make you feel that way. And I would consider it very important not to listen to that. Your physician can give you options for medications or therapies which can address the biochemical imbalances and Christian fellowship can keep you close to God during this trying time.

 

[Sketcher]

See, I was dating my now husband and the Holy Spirit was on my back to give up the relationship. I tried, and tried, and tried but in the end we ended up getting married DESPITE the fact that God actually told me that I would go to hell if I married my now husband.

How do you know that God told you that? And why would God tell you that?

I look back now and see how I misunderstood the gospel and many seasoned Christians still misunderstand it. For example, repentance and salvation are NOT available until death.

Scripture clearly says that repentance is for now in many places.

Everyone has tried to comfort me but it doesn't work because only the Holy Spirit can do that and He's not doing it. I never could have imagined this happening. What do I do? I can't end my life but yet I can't function and be the mom my kids need. Please help.

The Holy Spirit uses people. I don't know all the particulars of your situation, but one thing I can tell you is that you didn't share anything that indicates that you are Biblically beyond God's reach and will to save.

I see the worsening of OCD as proof that God left me.

You shouldn't. That has no basis in the Bible or any other fact.

 

[W2L]

I felt condemned by God because of my mental illness, mostly because people told me i lacked faith in God because of my mental issues, as if i should be healed by faith. These people were wrong though. I grew through my mental afflictions and now have joy and peace. I followed the apostle Pauls teaching about his weaknesses and Gods grace (2 Corinthians 12:9) and surely Gods grace was what i needed. I still have problems but not as bad, only now i am not condemning myself but instead finding peace, joy, and love in the Lord. I also take medication. Im not sure if its helping me or not, but everyone takes medication for one thing or another, so im no different. It sure doesnt hurt.

 

[W2L]

Romans 8:38 For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, 39 nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

 

[Paul of Eugene OR]

. . . . I did what the rich ruler did. Giving up his possessions was required for his salvation but he kept them and walked away sad. Giving up this relationship of mine (back then) was required for my salvation and I kept it and walked away sad. .

Nothing in that passage says that was the rich young ruler's last and only chance. He may have been offered another chance, you can't say he never was. But it would not necessarily have been any easier, later.

 

[Bobber]

It would probably be helpful if you don't try to convince me that I can be saved because I can no longer be saved.

Jesus said that one that comes after me I will in no wise cast out. John 6:37

My heart is broken....

He healeth the broken in heart, and bindeth up their wounds. Psalm 147:3

See, I was dating my now husband and the Holy Spirit was on my back to give up the relationship. I tried, and tried, and tried but in the end we ended up getting married DESPITE the fact that God actually told me that I would go to hell if I married my now husband.

Funny how it is that someone can do worse than you did and still make heaven their home. You recall the story of the Prodigal son....he wanted to leave home and not just marry a wrong person BUT also live in sin with prostitutes...and not just one but many of them. And yet when the Father heard the son wanted to come home he went out to meet him...no hesitation on his part!

But the father said to his servants, ‘Bring quickly the best robe, and put it on him, and put a ring on his hand, and shoes on his feet. 23 And bring the fattened calf and kill it, and let us eat and celebrate. 24 For this my son was dead, and is alive again; he was lost, and is found.’ Luke 15