My wife, of 9 months, has clarified something that I have been expecting since we got married. She admitted that she believes I'm always wrong. I'm afraid to talk to her half the time, unless it's small talk. I'm afraid that any recommendation I offer, will be met with conflict. I can't reason with her, because it appears that she only sees what she wants to see. She has told me many times that if she only knew certain things, she would never have married me. (For example, I like small Christian fellowships and she likes large churches. To her that's a deal breaker.) I would never say anything that hurtful to her.
When I try to carefully offer the thought that she may be mistaken, she get's extremely angry. For example, we needed to find a certain paper form, belonging to her. We couldn't find after searching. I had searched for 1 hour, and thought how I would approach her. I was rehearsing what I would say to her in my thoughts, before I met with her. I said, "I can't find the form, after searching an hour, perhaps you may have missed it? Could you search again?" (I said this because she keeps her own documents in a separate part of the house. She has told me that she does not trust me with her stuff, and that she likes where she stores stuff, even though I've offered to rearrange our home office, so she can keep documents in the office.)
She took great offence to this. I asked her what I could have said instead. She told me to keep searching my documents, because she is sure I lost it. She scolded me for telling her she was wrong. I tried telling her that I was very careful with my words, but she did not understand. (She was not in a bad mood before this.)
Now I do make mistakes, plenty of them. I even get in a bad mood sometimes, and say things in a wrong tone of voice, out of frustration. Although, she is constantly speaking to me in a mean tone of voice, and she denies her tone, when I try and tell her that she is verbally hurting me. (Sometimes I have to just get away from her, due to her hurtful words) She also constantly blames me when shes in a bad mood, saying that I'm in control of her mood. But she usually seems in a bad mood nowadays.
We want to have children, but I'm afraid to bring a child into our world, as we stand today. She is extremely sad that I have decided to delay our choice to have a child, and she is reluctant to make love. I told her why. I even told her that she can tell everyone, that I'm the one delaying children, so she does not feel like she is shaming her family.
I'm scared for our marriage, but I wont give up. I'm learning to make less mistakes, and leave behind bachelor thinking, but it never seems good enough. I can't help but to think that my wife is divorced from a man that physically and emotionally abused her. But I am starting to consider, if everything was really her ex husband's fault, as she told me? I would die, before I would think of abusing her. I want to fix things, but don't know how. We don't have much money, after tithing, so I want to make sure I find and recommend a good marriage counselor. How do I find a good counselor? What do I do? I know she would see a marriage counselor, because she says that she wants peace, as do I.
When I try to carefully offer the thought that she may be mistaken, she get's extremely angry. For example, we needed to find a certain paper form, belonging to her. We couldn't find after searching. I had searched for 1 hour, and thought how I would approach her. I was rehearsing what I would say to her in my thoughts, before I met with her. I said, "I can't find the form, after searching an hour, perhaps you may have missed it? Could you search again?" (I said this because she keeps her own documents in a separate part of the house. She has told me that she does not trust me with her stuff, and that she likes where she stores stuff, even though I've offered to rearrange our home office, so she can keep documents in the office.)
She took great offence to this. I asked her what I could have said instead. She told me to keep searching my documents, because she is sure I lost it. She scolded me for telling her she was wrong. I tried telling her that I was very careful with my words, but she did not understand. (She was not in a bad mood before this.)
Now I do make mistakes, plenty of them. I even get in a bad mood sometimes, and say things in a wrong tone of voice, out of frustration. Although, she is constantly speaking to me in a mean tone of voice, and she denies her tone, when I try and tell her that she is verbally hurting me. (Sometimes I have to just get away from her, due to her hurtful words) She also constantly blames me when shes in a bad mood, saying that I'm in control of her mood. But she usually seems in a bad mood nowadays.
We want to have children, but I'm afraid to bring a child into our world, as we stand today. She is extremely sad that I have decided to delay our choice to have a child, and she is reluctant to make love. I told her why. I even told her that she can tell everyone, that I'm the one delaying children, so she does not feel like she is shaming her family.
I'm scared for our marriage, but I wont give up. I'm learning to make less mistakes, and leave behind bachelor thinking, but it never seems good enough. I can't help but to think that my wife is divorced from a man that physically and emotionally abused her. But I am starting to consider, if everything was really her ex husband's fault, as she told me? I would die, before I would think of abusing her. I want to fix things, but don't know how. We don't have much money, after tithing, so I want to make sure I find and recommend a good marriage counselor. How do I find a good counselor? What do I do? I know she would see a marriage counselor, because she says that she wants peace, as do I.
