Im afraid of apologizing to my mom... but I really feel God wants me to.

[AmeriLovesJesus]

Its been rough year most of you know for my family & I. My SF left my mother for someone else, they lost our childhood home, & my mother is onto a new life. I very very worried for her cause she has barely anything. My parents were abusive when we were children but I know people make mistakes cause they are upset with themselves. I spent the beginning part of my adult life trying to recapture that family life. It was working our family was working out brand new. I put my dreams on hold for it then the beginning of last year my family broke apart and I went to move with my mother to help her rebuild during that time however I fell apart because the situaton effected me more then I thought. I became very depressed & hopeless & ran away from my mother & staying with my sister temporarily instead I ended up staying here longer out of fear of being hurt again to the point Ive avoided pursuing anything. I find that Im angry because Im made at myself for walking away from my mother. She just pushed me over the edge. I needed to leave to get my mind back together but Im finding my peace will only return when I open up to her & apologize. I want nothing more for my family to come together to know that my time I spent here trying to work things out didnt go to waste. I wont ever be at peace about anything in my life til I apologize to my mother. Im so clingy to my sister because I feel like shes the only one I can trust but i know its no way for me to live or for her to live.

Will you pray that God gives me strength to apologize to my mother. This would be the first time Ive done this since I was maybe 15. I feel like we only keep pushing the bruises from the past further away instead of seeking peace between us. i feel like God will not let my family go any further into his purpose until I do this. Pray that the Lord bring me the right words & confidence to do this. We only keep digging ourselves deeper. Thank you!!!

 

[Winter]

Praying for you ...

 

[plumsink]

You have my prayers sister

 

[DennaVeritas]

you are in my prayers. Thank you for sharing. I am in a similar situation. You can do it, so can I.

 

[Criada]

Praying, for both of you.

 

[miss-a]

Praying for you both also. I know you can do it, and what a blessing you are for letting Him use you as His healing agents in your families!

 

[AmeriLovesJesus]

Thank you all for your prayers!!! I forgot about this post. I have not done it yet but I will. Thank you again!!

 

[Mayflower1]

praying!

 

[maycin19]

I pray for your situation. I personally know how complicated these family issues can be. I spent alot of my adult years trying to make us into the family I thought we could be. I'm not saying the Lord can't help that happen. but in my case and I didn't even know it, I was pushing and pushing for it to happen. I do know that if I was in that situation and trying to cope with my physical and emotional symptoms of depression, well I would probably have to do the same thing. When we are struggling with our own difficult situation, emotional struggles really affect us more. I hope you will be able to apologize. But then leave it in the Lord's hands if it doesn't turn out like you hoped. My counselor is really trying to get it thru my thick skull that I have to limit the stress in my life. Sometimes you can't, you possibly were the only one to help your mom. But, I hope and pray that you will find the peace from the Lord and that you won't be too hard on yourself about it all.

 

[maycin19]

Praying for you sweetie!

 

[AmeriLovesJesus]

Thank you Maycin Its nice to find others who really do understand from experience. My mother has always since I was a child put a guilt trip on everyone when we did anything that didnt benefit her. Well Im at the point where I isolated myself from the world so much that I nearly burned every other relationship or friendship I had.

I went to hang out with an old friend of mine from a child. Unfortunately it was a good time spending with her but Ive come to the realization that Im staying back for all these people who really dont want more out of life like I do.

My mom & stepfathers actions last year drove me into a desperate situation with some guy I barely knew and things went way too far & ended pretty badly that it sparked up feelings of what happened to my family but I am glad it didnt last more then 2 weeks. God has surely been here with me through this however & Im grateful for that. I have come a long way in life as a person like Ive always wanted to & I really believe God is saying now is the time for me to go get out there and go after everything I want in life & allow him to take care of my family. I did start college which Im very excited about. These things I want in my life will benefit my family in the future so I dont believe there is anything more left for me here right now. Ive learned that if I keep giving into this guilt trip she pulls all the time & putting my life aside again I will regret it later.

After all this happened my whole view on life has changed.. in a somewhat negative way.. because I am terrified of something terrible happening again but Im learning again this time around I need to look at life through God & not through my own eyes. I feel like an orphan sometimes but I have definitely become stronger in my faith & more forgiving of myself... My mothers guilt trip has been like a prison to me. I cannot talk to her about that because we get in a huge argument. So we are okay now. Ive decided to finish my last three semesters & move out to NYC which is only 3 hours from here So I can come visit my mother. She has no choice this time her children are all she has & instead of us trying fight for her appreciating us we are just going to have to go forward & do what we need to do & stop basing our lives on how she feels.

Im not giving up on her Im just putting her in Gods hands something I thought I was doing before but come to find out now I really wasnt putting my family in his hands I was giving it to him and then taking it back. I dont regret sticking around cause I learned alot about myself & life and worked small jobs I used as some sort of education to me. I made those days count but now I know God is telling me to go. I find there is a lot more to offer people when I feel fulfilled in myself. I dont want to spend my life looking back. Thats a HUGE problem my parents always had. They were always sad & depressed, my mom had a money addiction & verbally abusive & my SF was an alcoholic, they always regretted things they did but never tried to fix anything & Im learning I have done that myself.

SO its really true God does not let anything in life go to waste. Thank you for your prayers!!!!