I'm a mom So now what

[anna ~ grace]

With all due respect. You chose to live and sleep with someone. You got pregnant. You now have a child.

I'm glad you have a child; I'm glad you allowed this kid to come into the world. Now, they need you. They need their mom. I think they also need their dad, and I hope that the father is in the picture, and is also a Christian, and will marry you, and be a great husband, and dad. These things are not easy, but possible.

Children change everything. They do. Your life is not over; it belongs to God, and to your child, and your child belongs to you, too. I truly hope that you will begin to take Christian commandments about sexuality, marriage, and family life seriously, Eyes. It's not too late, Christ loves you, and wants to see you live your life and be a wife and a mom in a way that pulls you closer to Him. But you need to put Him first, stop shoving Scriptural warnings and commandments into a corner when it comes down to sex and marriage, and take steps to meet God half way on this.

He loves you. He loves your precious little kid. He loves the kid's father, too. He loves all of you, and wants to pull all three of you closer to Him. I do believe that when you take the time out to have a talk with Christ about this guy, about marriage, and about following Him, and that when you finally marry this hopefully Christian guy you've been with for five years, many, many things will fall into place for you. I say this in love, Eyes.

Your life is not over. I hope you can talk to a pastor or Christian counselor, talk to God, talk to the child's father about marriage and faith, and begin to walk in ways that will help you, your child, and your future, even if you don't get to do everything you once thought you would. Sometimes God has much better plans for us, if we listen to Him, and let Him help us, and let Him love us. His way.

 

[splish- splash]

So what do I do with my life now? Is it just change diaper, feed, burp, read, teach, run errands for baby, drs appts etc?

I can't imagine the next year's of this life this is joyless even moreso than before. Not sure how I'm gonna do this. And my antidepressant isn't helping so far. I wish I had decided to spend my entire life alone I would be happier.

 

[splish- splash]

May The Sovereign Lord see you through. He has brought you this far. He is faithful to complete.

 

[Kenny'sID]

That me me me attitude kinda goes against the grain of Jesus' teachings does it not? Servitude over self interest?

Yes, but don't we all go against him at times.

Though it may have sounded that way, my purpose was not to be mean but to help her consider how the only quick way out of this is going to make herself feel. I don't really think she would ever give the child up.

What a shock this must be for her, but things really do tend to get better with time. However, that freedom from responsibility is gone now, something she's just going to have to work around, while still giving the child all she needs and deserves in the way of attention.

 

[mama2one]

sorry you're going through a tough time now but hang in there as things will get easier as the child grows

once your child starts walking, talking, & is potty trained, you'll realize what an amazing being is in your life

they start saying funny things & laugh at just about anything
before you know it, you two can play with play-doh, fingerpaint, crayons, in a sandbox, go to playgrounds, zoos, etc

you'll be able to share your science interests with your child & once your child is in school, you'll have time to yourself again & look forward to them coming home from school

right now when your child naps, take a nap also so you can be refreshed

raising a child is the most valuable job
you can do this

 

[Tolworth John]

So what do I do with my life now? Is it just change diaper, feed, burp, read, teach, run errands for baby, drs appts etc?

I can't imagine the next year's of this life this is joyless even moreso than before. Not sure how I'm gonna do this. And my antidepressant isn't helping so far. I wish I had decided to spend my entire life alone I would be happier.

It is tough when all you can see are diapers, feeding, cleaning.
Please make the effort and it is a real effort to get out, go for a walk with your child, feel the wind and the sunshine, go to mother and baby groups and meet other mums.

Do talk to your pastors wife, there will be other women who will call round to do 'baby worship' and give you some company.

It isn't helpful to hear, but you will love and enjoy being a mother, what others have said about missing each stage as your child out grows it is true.

Please make the effort to get out and meet people it does help.

 

[createdtoworship]

I take care of him, but I just am mourning the fantasy life I invited in my head where I am a scientist and writer and I live far away from everyone and travel and do my own thing with no attachments. I miss being alone and isolated.

having a child does alter our future. But that does not mean God can't fulfill your wildest dreams still. It all depends on how well you listen to His will for you in the future. The parable says, if we are faithful with little, we will be given much. If we are not faithful in our life how it is, how can we expect God to fulfill and expand our life? I would make purity your focus. Just because a child is in the picture, does not mean you need to sacrifice purity. You can still repent and restore what the Locust has eaten. God can restore you. Realize that there could be worse situations. Most relationships after having a child get married (granted they are ready). My niece who is a christian living with her boyfriend, got pregnant, then miscarried. Trials have plagued her life since she decided to live in sin. First, her first love, her high school sweetheart got in a car accident and died. She still calls us crying at the anniversary of his death, even though she is engaged to another. See you are chemically bonded to a partner once you have sex. And if that is not the right partner for you, this can be problematic for future relationships. I think we get in our head, "I love him or her" and so all else does not matter. You can for sure love the wrong person, I loved several woman that were never to be my future wife. I am just grateful that I waited to be engaged in sex till I was married. 70% of people who cohabitate before marriage end in divorce. 5% of people who save themselves for marriage get a divorce. That is because of many things, but one thing is oxytocin is strongest with your first sexual partner. So you had better be right. If I has sex with three other women I was dating before marriage, that would have been taumatic for trust issues after marriage. If someone can be unfaithful with you, then they can be unfaithful against you.

 

[Halbhh]

So what do I do with my life now? Is it just change diaper, feed, burp, read, teach, run errands for baby, drs appts etc?

I can't imagine the next year's of this life this is joyless even moreso than before. Not sure how I'm gonna do this. And my antidepressant isn't helping so far. I wish I had decided to spend my entire life alone I would be happier.

Perhaps I could add one thing sure to be good -- that you can ask for the aid from above you can have by praying the prayer Christ gave you and me to pray, for aid, for any and every day. Pray with total faith it will be given to you! It works.

9 Pray then like this:

“Our Father in heaven,
hallowed be your name.

10 Your kingdom come,
your will be done,
on earth as it is in heaven.

11 Give us this day our daily bread,

12 and forgive us our debts,
as we also have forgiven our debtors.

13 And lead us not into temptation,
but deliver us from evil.

Matthew 6 NIV

(Thank you Lord.)
(If I'm desperate I may add a deep plea also of some kind)

 

[createdtoworship]

I see some mothers showed up and gave some good answers. Though men probably don't get it, perhaps I could add one thing

I love the idea of prayer, but slamming men in the process is probably not the best way to answer the question. You said "men probably don't get it." And yes "some" men may not, but I would not group the entire sex of men in the same category. That does damage and hurts peoples feelings.

 

[Halbhh]

I love the idea of prayer, but slamming men in the process is probably not the best way to answer the question. You said "men probably don't get it." And yes "some" men may not, but I would not group the entire sex of men in the same category. That does damage and hurts peoples feelings.

Thanks! I didn't even imagine that. Thank you so much! I'll change it immediately.

If there were any men offended, I apologize.

 

[Brenda Blakely]

OOOO “angeleyes” what a lovely handle. Someone with a handle like that should be able to see the wonderful blessings of parenthood and enjoy it. I am so sorry you are not able to do this at this time. God has a plan here. You are now a family. It is not just you and someone you are with, God has blessed you both with a very special task-to care for and raise another human being. Please get help!!!!!
Please get Christ centered help, maybe up to and including talking with your doctor. Here is a number that might be able to help with resources-855 382 5433,.
You can do this with help. There are three lives at stake here.. I am praying for you and asking for God to bless you and your family and to help you to find what is best for all of you. . Blessings to you and your family.

 

[createdtoworship]

OOOO “angeleyes” what a lovely handle. Someone with a handle like that should be able to see the wonderful blessings of parenthood and enjoy it. I am so sorry you are not able to do this at this time. God has a plan here. You are now a family. It is not just you and someone you are with, God has blessed you both with a very special task-to care for and raise another human being. Please get help!!!!!
Please get Christ centered help, maybe up to and including talking with your doctor. Here is a number that might be able to help with resources-855 382 5433,.
You can do this with help. There are three lives at stake here.. I am praying for you and asking for God to bless you and your family and to help you to find what is best for all of you. . Blessings to you and your family.

I don't think it's religious but it's a free crisis text line that may offer counseling, and free help....

 

[Angeleyes7715]

Though the baby is cute and I got a boy like I wanted I'm dreading when he gets older. When he can talk and I'm actually required to be emotionally invested and communicate and stuff. It's easier now cause i don't have to talk if I don't want to. I don't want to deal with the emotional ups and downs of parenting and I also dislike teaching so I don't want to have to teach him about everything. I feel like social laziness is my problem. I just have little energy to I teravt with people. I seriously think I have schizoid personality disorder, but eh idk.

I'm just unable to feel anything toward other human beings for the most part. I feel detached from the world and my surroundings most times. I am diagnosed with dysthymia, generalized anxiety disorder, social anxiety disorder, and obsessive compulsive personality disorder. That was before I got pregnant. Zoloft is not that great at this point. Coffee works better lol.

After caffeine I feel totally opposite for 3 hours. Happy about life, calling people I avoid, excited about the baby, energy to live. Then it wears off and I just don't want to deal with anything anymore. I can genuinely say I've been depressed and anxious since childhood so it's not just post partum I just have the short stick I'm not capable of being happy.

Literally every time I go to the Dr. I get the highway rating on the depression scale but it seems like no one can do anything to fix me. I text crisis line often so not like I don't try to help myself.

 

[mama2one]

hoping you and your child can bond/attach with each other
rocking your child & playing together will help

blessings

 

[mama2one]

.

 

[createdtoworship]

Though the baby is cute and I got a boy like I wanted I'm dreading when he gets older. When he can talk and I'm actually required to be emotionally invested and communicate and stuff. It's easier now cause i don't have to talk if I don't want to. I don't want to deal with the emotional ups and downs of parenting and I also dislike teaching so I don't want to have to teach him about everything. I feel like social laziness is my problem. I just have little energy to I teravt with people. I seriously think I have schizoid personality disorder, but eh idk.

I'm just unable to feel anything toward other human beings for the most part. I feel detached from the world and my surroundings most times. I am diagnosed with dysthymia, generalized anxiety disorder, social anxiety disorder, and obsessive compulsive personality disorder. That was before I got pregnant. Zoloft is not that great at this point. Coffee works better lol.

After caffeine I feel totally opposite for 3 hours. Happy about life, calling people I avoid, excited about the baby, energy to live. Then it wears off and I just don't want to deal with anything anymore. I can genuinely say I've been depressed and anxious since childhood so it's not just post partum I just have the short stick I'm not capable of being happy.

Literally every time I go to the Dr. I get the highway rating on the depression scale but it seems like no one can do anything to fix me. I text crisis line often so not like I don't try to help myself.

I went through a nervous breakdown in 2008 when I lost my job due to housing crisis. I developed auditory hallucinations, and some visual. Over the next few years I was in and out of doctors, and my wife was praying for me the whole time. Eventually I was healed completely of all my mental illness. I still take my meds and I think God uses doctors and counselors, He could have healed me without medicine, but for some reason He used doctors and prescriptions. My doctor said that most people don't ever work again that have what I had. And not only am I employed but I have been at this company for almost twice as long as my second longest job. I have been here a little over 8 years. Glory to God, there is nothing I could have done myself to fix me. It was all a gift. Here is a worship video with a song "break every chain" talking about Jesus breaking the chains that bind us.

 

[IntriKate]

I agree with the advice to see a doctor and possibly get counselling. The first year of having a child is a blur and a settling into a new life. Your dreams arent over they are just on hold until your precious baby gets the loving start it needs. Your attitude towards your baby is rather sad, it didnt ask to be bought into a world where its mother begrudges it. I recently lost my son and I'd give anything to go back and do it all again. This haze you are in will pass, your child is a gift dont create a situation where you distance from your baby then have years of regrets later. You will never get a second chance.

 

[Angeleyes7715]

That me me me attitude kinda goes against the grain of Jesus' teachings does it not? Servitude over self interest?

Have you considered adoption so you can male that fantasy a reality again?

I've considered it, but I don't think I'd be happy with that either in the long run. Plus he's not just my kid he's also his father's and his dad is in the picture and yes we are still together plus everyone loves the baby his whole family and mine. Besides Counselor says isolation isn't good anyway but it makes me feel better. I hate being around people.

 

[Angeleyes7715]

I think in general I just want to be alone to be miserable. I don't want to put any energy into relationships. When I think of God or other people I don't feel joy only bitterness and resentment and anger. Wish it was different.

 

[createdtoworship]

I think in general I just want to be alone to be miserable. I don't want to put any energy into relationships. When I think of God or other people I don't feel joy only bitterness and resentment and anger. Wish it was different.

Well again Jesus can conquer chronic anger or depression. It may be a prescription to a drug, it may be walking down to the alter, and asking for elders to pray for you, or a little of both. But realize that every thing we have is a gift. Don't take life for granted, you are blessed with so much. There are veterans who's only heart was to serve the country in the military who have no legs and are bound to wheel chairs. I just watched a video of a 29 year old hearing for the first time. I have seen videos of color blind people seeing color for the first time. God gave us gifts. He could have made us blind, deaf blobs but He didn't. He gave us legs and arms and eyes and ears. We can listen to music, don't you know that listening to music is a gift? Not everyone has that gift. Taking your dog for a walk in the park? Not everyone has legs to take their dog for a walk, or a toddler for a walk on the beach to play in the sand. I keep a list of answered prayers, and whenever I get sad I read over all the situations that I could never fix, and that God fixed for me out of His grace. There are way more answered prayers than unanswered prayers. Focus on Him, not your circumstance for a week. Only focus on His word, prayer etc. Don't focus on family, boyfriend etc. Just focus on Jesus and see how much your heart is healed just by doing this one thing.