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I'm a broken person, a broken christian, and I would give anything for a friend who understands

Discussion in 'Struggles with Sexuality' started by LonelyAdams, Jul 4, 2022.

  1. LonelyAdams

    LonelyAdams Member

    United States
    I'm really broken. I'm tired , and so I'm just... going to throw it all out there to get it of my chest.

    I'm broken. I'm lonely as hell. I do a good job hiding it 99% of the time. I'm sociable, I go out, I have friends I spend time with. I'm funny, know how to introduce myself to new people. I'm not the typical "lonely" guy. I have friends of both sexes and love meeting new people.

    Yet I'm still, mind numbingly lonely, because I feel like I'm always having to wear a mask, never letting myself be fully seen. Always acting the right way, but never feeling truly known. feel like no woman could ever really want to know, the real me at least. They might enjoying hanging out with me as a friend, but I can't imagine someone wanting more with me. Part of that is my own self esteem talking, but nontheless I still feel that way.

    I find that as I get older (I'm in my late 20's) that its really hard for me to accept myself. I have a pretty strong sex drive, and that causes me so many problems as a christian waiting for marriage. I'm constantly screwing up, and I wish I didn't have to pretend I have it all together all the time with people, I struggle cause sometimes I Just want to be open about those feelings and struggles and just admit... its not easy and its easy to not WANT to do good sometimes. Its a battle on many fronts, a completely hidden battle that half the time I don't even bother fighting. Which makes me feel horrible as well.

    I feel broken inside, like I'm held together with the equivalent of duct tape and bubble gum. I just wish I had someone to talk to where I didn't have to be anything other than myself, where I didn't have to pretend I wasn't busted up and broken inside. I wish I could just take off this performance and be truly real with someone and be known. But I don't feel like I can and I don't know how to find that.
  2. Tolworth John

    Tolworth John Well-Known Member Supporter

    United Kingdom
    Welcome to the forum.

    I am sorry you feel tierd and lonely.
    May I suggest something, that you don't hide all your problems, allow yourselve to be seen to be vunerable.
    Yes this is difficult and can cause additional pain as some of those who are used to seeing the succesfull you, reject you.

    Maybe instead of hanging out with the ' beuatifull succesful people ' you could try be friending some of the less popular people, you as a known ' successfull ' person would have to win their confidence, but they are more likely to be true friends than those who are only interested in ' beautiful people '.

    Give it a try.
  3. LonelyAdams

    LonelyAdams Member

    United States

    Its not that easy, a lot of my struggles have to do with sex. You just can't open up about that stuff to people, especally when you have thoughts of giving up and just not trying to do the "Right" thing anymore. Of course those thoughts are wrong but if you open up about struggling, much less being REAL about the struggle you just get labled a pervert. Honestly it might be an accurate label, but it still hurts.
  4. Tolworth John

    Tolworth John Well-Known Member Supporter

    United Kingdom

    no you can't, but you want a wife.
    Are there girls who will marry you in your current social circle?
    If not move to another where there are girls who might marry you.
  5. LonelyAdams

    LonelyAdams Member

    United States

    If I could just move I would, I don't want to go into the reasons why but for quite a few reasons thats just not something I can do anytime soon.
  6. Joined2krist

    Joined2krist Well-Known Member CF Ambassadors Supporter

    Even if you find a wife as some suggest, it will be sinful to practise your perversions on her. What you need to do is this; renew your mind with God's word so that He will transform your thinking. Start off, by requesting healing prayers on here
  7. turkle

    turkle Blessed

    There is a section of Celebrate Recovery that is for sexual struggles. Many churches have Celebrate Recovery groups all around the world. I recommend that you look it up and join one. They require that members keep everything that is said within the group, and you can openly discuss your struggles with others who have similar struggles. I think you'll be surprised to find that there are many people with similar problems, and it is very helpful to talk with people who will understand and encourage you, rather than judge.
  8. aiki

    aiki Regular Member

    "Broken inside" is the promised consequence of sin, as is isolation and hypocrisy. You are a textbook example of what God promises in His word is always, sooner or later, the "reward" of sin.

    Romans 6:23
    Galatians 6:7-8
    James 1:14-15
    Psalms 66:18
    Isaiah 59:2
    1 Peter 3:10-12

    Is it friends who accept you, warts and all, that you really need? No. You need a restored relationship with your God. When things between you and Him are good, the whole world can despise and forsake you but joy, peace and contentment will continue to be yours.

    Psalm 16:8-11
    8 I have set the LORD always before me; because he is at my right hand, I shall not be shaken.
    9 Therefore my heart is glad, and my whole being rejoices; my flesh also dwells secure.
    10 For you will not abandon my soul to Sheol, or let your holy one see corruption.
    11 You make known to me the path of life; in your presence there is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore.

    2 Samuel 22:2-3
    2 ..."The LORD is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer;
    3 My God, my rock, in whom I take refuge, My shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold and my refuge; My savior, You save me from violence.

    Matthew 11:28-30
    28 "Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest.
    29 "Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and YOU WILL FIND REST FOR YOUR SOULS.
    30 "For My yoke is easy and My burden is light."

    How do you enter into fellowship (not just relationship) with God?

    Repentance - change your thinking about yourself and your sin. (James 4:4-
    Confession - agree with God that your sin is what He says it is. (1 John 1:9)
    Submission - consciously, daily, place yourself under God's authority and
    control. (James 4:7; 1 Peter 5:6; Romans 12:1; Romans
    Identification - by faith, stand upon and live according to the truths of who you
    are in Christ. (2 Corinthians 5:17; Romans 6:1-11;
    Ephesians 2:4-6
    , etc.)
  9. HARK!

    HARK! שמע Staff Member Supervisor Supporter

    United States