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I'm a backsliding christian! HELP ME!

Discussion in 'Christian Advice' started by sweet_gal, Feb 8, 2009.

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  1. sweet_gal

    sweet_gal Newbie

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    Im in need of some real christian advice right now from anyone who is willing to listen to my story...

    Well I started feeling aroused when I hit 17...so I began to masturbate. It was almost like an addiction. Well I finally got myself to stop it at 18. I am an 18 year old girl. Soon though....I began watching pornographic videos on the internet. I felt so guilty before God and terribly upset at how dirty I was capable of being. Well, I did it again...and again. Then stopped. I then started again compulsively, addicted. Every time I watched porn, Id masturbate after it. Only this time, I did not feel as guilty for seeing porn. I guess I started being desensitised to it.

    My parents are separated and I desperately want a father figure in my life....ie. male companionship (marriage). I have never had a boyfriend (partly because Ive been taught not to date unless Im thinking of marriage, and partly because I dont know how to show a guy that I like them...Im good at keeping my feelings hidden). I really want to get married to a strong christian guy...

    I was a good christian all my life (since being saved at 11).....I started backsliding in my late teens. I am a believer and I often cry out to God to reveal himself to me, to comfort me, to help me find the right guy, to be closer to him, etc......but its just so hard, I know that I will backslide again even if I do ask for forgiveness, so I dont ask for it in the first place. Also, listening to worldy music is another addiction.

    My life isnt going where Id like it to, I need to restore my relationship with God, but I feel it can never be the same as it was. Please help me. KI dont want to say sorry and then start with my old habits all over again.
     
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  2. Blessed-one

    Blessed-one a long journey ahead

    +169
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    I think I've come to understand that it's not just guys, but girls are also humans and have that urge too. Please note that for you yourself, it's greatly encouraging to acknowledge the human need and its balancing factor of a need of self-control.

    the solution, though hard to apply, is actually quite simple. Pull out of that addiction. If your determination is strong, then ban yourself from those kinds of sites, or maybe even give away the computer to allow yourself a cool down period.

    Very often, what we lack is not "what to do", but the determination to do it. And believe God, if your determination and trust is big enough, He'll make things happen.

    Progress takes faith, determination and time!
     
  3. Elijah2

    Elijah2 No weapons formed against me will prosper.

    +655
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    Married
    Well I started feeling aroused when I hit 17...so I began to masturbate. It was almost like an addiction.
    Masturbation is an addiction. And once addicted it is hard to overcome and conquer.

    Well I finally got myself to stop it at 18. I am an 18 year old girl. Soon though....I began watching pornographic videos on the internet.
    Yep, the good old devil knows how to tempt, steal, destroy, and kill, and his greatestsuccess weapon is pornography.

    I felt so guilty before God and terribly upset at how dirty I was capable of being. Well, I did it again...and again. Then stopped. I then started again compulsively, addicted. Every time I watched porn, Id masturbate after it. Only this time, I did not feel as guilty for seeing porn. I guess I started being desensitised to it.
    The reason why you don’t feel guilty or shame is because you have allowed it to rule your life. And yes you have desensitised your heart, your spiritual mind.


    This does happen, and you first need to stop berating and badgering yourself over this.

    You have ignored the conviction of the Holy Spirit, but you have a problem and you need help from a Christian counsellor who deals in this sexual problem.

    Confess and repent your actions verbally to our Lord Jesus Christ from your heart and not from your mind.

    My parents are separated and I desperately want a father figure in my life....ie. male companionship (marriage).

    Loneliness, being alone, and rejection are the most common sufferings that cause this problem.

    Basically, it’s your way of lashing out in response to your grief and trauma.

    I have never had a boyfriend (partly because Ive been taught not to date unless Im thinking of marriage, and partly because I dont know how to show a guy that I like them...Im good at keeping my feelings hidden). I really want to get married to a strong christian guy...
    Do you attend a youth group at your church?


    I was a good christian all my life (since being saved at 11).....I started backsliding in my late teens.

    Normally a backslider is one whose foundation is not strong, and has only been fed milk instead of meat. Probably your church is boring and there is no real challenge or excitement attending church.

    Have you spoken to your pastor?

    I am a believer and I often cry out to God to reveal himself to me, to comfort me, to help me find the right guy, to be closer to him, etc......but its just so hard, I know that I will backslide again even if I do ask for forgiveness, so I dont ask for it in the first place.
    If our knowledge and understanding of His Word is lacking, then we will struggle with our relationship and fellowship with HIM.

    When we ask HIM for forgiveness, we also need to confess and repent our sin, verbally to our Lord Jesus Christ, and mean it from our heart, NOT our mind, because the mind is Satan’s territory, and that is where guilt and shame arises.

    The other hard thing of forgiveness, is accepting it from our Lord Jesus Christ and understanding HIS grace and mercy. Also, we need to forgive ourself.

    I reckon you need to attend your church more often. Do they have youth group, Bible Study, mid-week services and other church activities that you can get involved in?

    Also, listening to worldy music is another addiction.
    Well, the best way to get the enemy out of your life is to listen good praise and worship music and toss out your worldly music if it’s making you stumble, and offend.


    My life isnt going where Id like it to, I need to restore my relationship with God, but I feel it can never be the same as it was.

    Well here is your programme:

    Get to church every Sunday, and if there are two services, then attend them.

    Get involved in a youth group.

    Take up a sport so as you take some of your frustrations out on, say a tennis ball.

    Get involved in mid-week church services.

    Get involved in Bible Study.

    Get involved in volunteer groups.

    Don’t let the sun set on anger, so each night make sure you confess and repent any anger before going to bed.

    Don’t allow bitterness to well up inside of you. Get rid of it through confession and repentance.

    Please help me. KI dont want to say sorry and then start with my old habits all over again.
    Well, if you get into His Word and become a reader and doer, fill you house with HIM and HIS WORD, cleanse and purify your soul, work for inner healing of all your hurts and offences that may have caused your anger and bitterness. Is there any resentfulness in your life toward others, besides your parents?

    You need to take your resentfulness, grief, etc, from your parents break-up and lay it all out before our Lord Jesus Christ. And receive Christian counselling for all of this.

    You have a broken-heart, and you need to be set free from captivity.

    Freedom in our Lord Jesus Christ is your answer to conquer and overcome your addictions.

    Blessings!
     
  4. Bellicus

    Bellicus Account no longer in use

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    From what I've seen on these forums what you struggle with is a really, really common problem that trouble a lot of Christians.

    And since so many keep repeating problems with this, then I often think that there is no clear solution to it. Cause if there would have been, then it would have been a common knowledge that would have spread among the Christians, since there is really a strong need for a knowledge like that.

    What worries me a bit here though is that you consider yourself as a "backsliding Christian" and when you write it like that it almost sound like you think you are not really a Christian because you have sins in your life. But if you read your bible then it is pretty clear that even if people are Christians, this don't mean that they will become without sin. For example the apostle Paul said that there was nothing good in him, like he was in him self, and the apostle John said that those that say they are without sin are liars. And it is made clear that our salvation is not something we earn because of works, but it is all mercy, and if we sin we will be forgiven and cleansed. And to me it seems like the most important thing for a Christian is to not just give up, but even if there is temptations and struggles, still that we turn to God, cause if we turn away from him we will get lost in the sins completely. But if we keep coming to Him and living in the light with our lives, then we are walking on the narrow path. The narrow path is not really a simple path at all, but I believe that God will follow us on it all the way to heaven, and that He will never let go off us.

    Not sure if any of this helped you though. God bless you.
     
  5. drich0150

    drich0150 Regular Member

    +337
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    I've been told that when adolescent females exhibit what is known to be a "typical adolescent male" fixation on sex and masturbation, it could be the result of elevated testosterone levels in your body. You might want to have some blood work done, because too much testosterone can lead to other problems.

    Also understand, often times, that in the "church's" definition of "Back sliding." There isn't a biblical president, of the behavior that the church uses that word to describe. Meaning when the church labels a person a Backslider, They sometimes solely focus on the actions of the sinner. Paul tells us we all sin, all of the time.
    Even when the church would label us a "Front slider" we are realistically still living in sin.

    The biblical account of a backslider can be found in the story of the prodigal son. When The young man when he ask his father for his inheritance, he was basically telling the man that He was dead to him,(The son) so give me my money now..

    This is what we must do in our hearts toward God. We must walk way from him and leave him as if he is dead to us.. This is what a biblical backslider looks like. Not someone who is struggling with a sin and can not help them self when they fall back into it, all the while looking to God for help.. You said that you are reaching out to God through out this whole process.. Despite what your church believes this is not the heart or the actions of a back slider.. Paul also tells that even he can not keep from sinning in Romans7:
    14We know that the law is spiritual; but I am unspiritual, sold as a slave to sin. 15I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. 16And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. 17As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. 18I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature.[c] For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. 19For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. 20Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it. 21So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. 22For in my inner being I delight in God's law; 23but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members. 24What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? 25Thanks be to God—through Jesus Christ our Lord!
    So then, I myself in my mind am a slave to God's law, but in the sinful nature a slave to the law of sin.




    If Paul still struggles with sin, then what hope would someone like you or me have in living a sin free life? This is why we need Jesus, and the sacrifice he made. Because we can live a perfect sin free life, we must show God that we respect and accept his son not through the works we can do (like living a sin free life) but through the love we have for him, and through a life that honors his will to the best of our abilities.

    Often times when we are faced with a sin that can not simply be over come by sheer will, it is up to us to learn to except the Grace and forgiveness that God offers, and in turn pass that on to others when they sin against us.
     
  6. Bgrant230

    Bgrant230 New Member

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    I think the main thing to remember is that you can not stop any behavior of the flesh by yourself. You are not strong enough. Only through God's help can you conquer that addiction. Spend more time with him. Seek support from family and friends. Find other things to do when you feel aroused like listening to christian music or watching a funny movie. Anything to take your mind off of the addiction. Remember, not to feel bad if you mess up every once in while. It is just because your flesh is stronger than your spirit for now and you need to put more of God into you to balance this out, then it will become easier. But you have to be consitent with your relationship with God for it to help you conquer this problem.

    Deal with the feelings that are causing this addiction. Maybe you are crying out for affection. Be affectionate to others in a non sexual way. When we take the focus off of ourselves and show love to other people, it gives room for God to bless. It is not easy to conquer this problem. But with God all things are possible. I also suffer from same problem and this is what I feel has helped me at times.
     
  7. faithful follower

    faithful follower Sharing our Journey

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    :hug:
    I am praying for you. There aren't easy answers. Seek the Lord, fill yourself with Christian music and scripture, and seek counseling in your church or from a qualified counselor.

    Your Father loves you. He has only good in store for you.
     
  8. Mr.Cheese

    Mr.Cheese Legend

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    .
     
    Last edited: Nov 19, 2009
  9. DreamsAreFree

    DreamsAreFree Ps46:10 Jer33:3

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    Can you find an accepting older woman to walk alongside you on this journey? Provide some accountability? You do need to be careful who you share with but the right person could be a huge blessing and help to you.
     
  10. Giantsbran1227

    Giantsbran1227 The Sinner.

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    Ah. Where ARE YOU!!

    I hear of so many female christian teen's on this site and yet can find none in real life.

    Anyway, I used to have this same problem. One day I decided that the love God offers me is more than any pleasure I will ever get from masturbation. And then, just like that, I was done, cold turkey. This is only possible with God. Let him into your life and he will do the rest. Instead of watching porn, pick up the bible, pray, do ANYTHING that can show God your true intentions.

    May God Bless you and help you through your struggles.
     
  11. marshgreencohen

    marshgreencohen Guest

    +0
    sweet-gal,the period you're in right now is no different from what we all used to experienced when we were your age.First,you must confess by accepting the truth that you did something wrong and immoral then it must bring you a feeling of good relief towards how you view God's forgiveness.Next,self-discipline;if you already know the right and wrong things,you must be responsible enough for your actions beacuse npo one in this freaking world will help you but yourself alone.She must get rid of all the materials such as porn articles,porn sites,porn thoughts;these things will only hinder you from focusing to fighting the temptations.

    -aldrin and april,from ventus,jupiter. :)
     
  12. Ange27

    Ange27 Newbie

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    The most important thing is to know that you are not perfect.. that you will do many more things in your life that will make you feel this way. Just know that God loves you and will not stop loving you no matter what you do.
     
  13. pathtotheking

    pathtotheking Guest

    +0
    God endowed us humans with a sex drive. Pornography is not just denigrating your God-given sex drive, but it is debasing sex as God meant it to be; namely, between a married man and woman.

    How about talking to a pastor about the porn problem? I think if you can get that part out of your life, you have half the battle won. Don't beat up on yourself. It sounds as if this has become an addiction in your life. We can triumph over our addictions because they are covered by the blood of Jesus.

    I understand the temptation, but God will not tempt us above our ability to escape. I agree with getting involved more in your church, in singles' groups and youth groups. Focus more on Him and pray for deliverance.

    I understand your need to want a loving husband and children. But you are just 18. Give it some time. Pray that God will bring the right man into your life. And just to let you know something - from a woman who has been married for a very long time - sex is nice, but it isn't the foundation of a lasting and fulfilling marriage. When the "zing" wears off, there are the differences to work out and the compromises. Marriage is hard work!

    Praying for you!:pray:
     
  14. childofGod31

    childofGod31 Regular Member

    +70
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    Your relationship with God could be better than ever. It really could. So it's worth trying to find it again.
    Maybe you need a surgery: cut yourself off from music and porn for 1 month (do whatever you have to) and just focus on reading the Bible and praying. Just for a month. And then see how you are doing. If you can't do that, then maybe you are not putting God first in your life, maybe you think you do, but you really don't. But if your salvation really matters to you, you can do it. And one more thing: read the Bible as though it's an important message from your God (not as a religious duty). And after you read, listen to your heart to see what it's telling you about what you read. God is a jealous God and He doesn't want to share you with the world. But He would reveal that to you Himself in time.
     
  15. Koensayr

    Koensayr Guest

    +0
    I think that repenting and asking for forgiveness are important as they show that you don't want to continue what you're doing - otherwise I believe that when we distance ourselves from God our hearts can become cold and indifferent to porn as a sin. He's convicting you so that you'll come back to Him, repent, and ask for and receive forgiveness and strength to get by. If He didn't want you to keep coming back and eventually have victory, then His Spirit wouldn't be convicting you...

    More than that, ask that the Holy Spirit would fill you again, that He would develop the gift of self-control, change your mind, renew it, that He'd help you to see the issue the way that He does, that you'd find all what you need in Him, and that He'd give you the strength to overcome the addiction. It won't be easy to overcome years of sin and it may take a while - it took me sometime and even now I fall occasionally though I now have the ability to choose not to if I wanted to. Also, try finding more about His POV by reading books that are aimed at this issue, like Every Young Woman's Battle [see orders.koorong.com/search/details.jhtml?code=1578568560 for a brief description].

    He understands what we're going through and is more than willing to give us the grace we need in our time of temptation if we ask (Hebrews 4:15-16).

    Whenever you get the thoughts or urges to go look at porn do something else; read the Bible, go for a drive in your car to clear your thoughts, go to natural scenery locations if you're into that and able - I like going to the local mountains, the beaches, just to walk and look at what God's created as it shifts your mindset to Him, do the vacuuming, have something to eat/drink - do anything but sit there and toy with the idea as when you've done that it's over. Paul tells Timothy, and consequently us, to "flee the evil temptations of youth" (2 Tim. 2:22).

    I'll be praying for you... :pray:
     
  16. UnderHisWings1979

    UnderHisWings1979 Passionate Pursuer of Christ

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    There are a couple things I would like to share on this issue, and I think they are very important for you to understand. I am telling you these things as someone who has struggled with this issue for 17 years myself. I have just recently gained real freedom from my addiction.

    1. Don't beat yourself up over the little things, like the secular music. Listening to secular music and sex addictions (of which masterbation and pornography are just two types) are not related, though many will tell you they are. Secular music in and of itself is not even a sin. You will never break out of this with that kind of legalistic attitude.

    2. Stop thinking about marriage. You aren't ready. That may sound harsh, but again, I am telling you this from experience. I wanted desperately to get married, but did not deal with my addiction first. It almost destroyed my marriage before it ever began. I cheated on my now wife 2 months before our wedding. If you don't think that can happen to you, think again. I never thought it could happen to me, but such is the nature of sexual sin. Until you get this under raps, you shouldn't be thinking about dating, in my opinion.

    3. There is a physical aspect to this, but there is also a spiritual aspect to it. The spiritual aspect is where you are going to have the hardest fight. A few weeks of self-control can get you past the physical addiction. The spiritual battle will only get tougher when this happens. It's imperative that you stay in the Word, but more than anything that you speak honestly with God about what you are feeling.

    4. Seek accountability from an older believer who has been through a similar addiction. I recommend Celebrate Recovery as a good source for that, but there are other ways to achieve this. You need the guidance and help of someone who has been where you are and gotten through it. You CANNOT do this alone.

    It's a lot, I know. But until you are at the point where you are ready to do anything that it takes, you will never gain victory over this. I'll be praying for you.
     
  17. childofGod31

    childofGod31 Regular Member

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    I wanted to add something else in response to some posts I saw here:

    I wonder why it says that
    JAM 4:5 ...the spirit he caused to live in us envies intensely?

    Why is the the Spirit envies? or what is He jealous of? Could it be of the fact that we find our satisfaction in the things of the world rather than Him?

    Isn't that what is meant by "friendship with the world"? The church, as a bride of Christ, is being satisfied by the world - isn't she committing spiritual adultery?

    JAM 4:4 You adulterous people, don't you know that friendship with the world is hatred toward God?

    If you were engaged to somebody, who found his/her satifaction with somebody else, wouldn't you be jealous?

    2CO 11:2 I am jealous for you with a godly jealousy. I promised you to one husband, to Christ, so that I might present you as a pure virgin to him.

    A PURE Virgin! And how pure is the church virgin if she runs around with the world: watches bad stuff, reads bad stuff, talks bad stuff, goes and participates in the bad stuff of the world...

    So, I think we need to watch out in regards of finding our pleasure and satisfaction in the worldly things, in the things that don't glorify God, in the things that are abhorrent to God (like porn and bad movies for example).
     
  18. Stephen Kendall

    Stephen Kendall believer of Jesus Christ

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    I fought masturbation a very long time. I came to the conclusion that I needed to be married to a loving & faithful wife. This finally happened in 2005. I had married in 1997, but my ex wasn't loving or faithful to God or me, she left me for another man (her sister told me that she had a habit of being unfaithful). In having masturbation after my first failed marriage, I found myself not fighting it but using it with no real thought of any person that I knew, just preforming the sexual act. It made me a weaker Christian than I would want to be, but I was honest to just want sex and not immorality. Porn came to me at the loss of my first marriage and with my first computer. It was addicting, but what I wanted was just the love that I missed in my marriage. Porn was evil, always having sex in immoral ways. I finally stopped viewing it on the internet or anywhere. I then only had masturbation alone and without thinking anything immoral just a female, nobody I knew, just the female body. Best that I can understand our desire for sex is God given. We are to control ourselves as best as we can. For me, I desired sex as long as I can remember. I fought it about as long. It is best to marry, for me. I don't think that masturbation is wrong, but the immorality that it can produce is very wrong. All of porn is wrong, that which I viewed. What I saw was a den of Satan's. I was looking for decent marriage sex, but found only evil. There is nothing in it that is good. Why would the porn that we envision in masturbation be any different? If porn was controlled to be moral, just sex without immoral thoughts, then the porn that you buy would not corrupt you, but sin sells; it is something outside of marriage, so it dives deeper and deeper into lusting after immorality. If we didn't have sexual needs, then who would marry? We have them and seek to fulfill them, hopefully in a beautiful moral way before God (his blessed marriage for us). We must have moral thoughts, as best as we can, if we masturbate, but stay away from porn.

    Being married has ended any thought of masturbation, so masturbation is a temporary thing that can be morally controlled until the permanence of marriage. I love my wife more each day.

    A nude form in an art gallery isn't porn, but immoral sexual demonstrations of nudes is. Now, my wife and myself enjoy visiting such art galleries (sculptures). There is a beauty of the human form that shouldn't be viewed as immoral.

    The result of our marriage is a most wonderful, energetic and loving son. My wife and I waited until marriage to have sex together. That is best.

    I wish you the best. It is good to ask for help and advise. It is healthy to be honest and trying. Go humbly before God. After marriage, go extra humbly before God, for he has given us our request and we need him more than anything else.

    Being alone occurs and hurts: before ever being married, after a failed marriage, lost of your love one (your spouse) and many other reasons. We really need to be close to God through Christ. Marriage is so much more with two Christians loving God, obeying him and being faithful to him. It is all so great. Love between each other is temporary, yet needed and wonderful, but love between you and God is permanent and absolutely vital.
     
  19. Sketcher

    Sketcher Born Imperishable

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    I unfortunately can't tell you how to quit it. I can tell you how not to quit it. And while this definitely has no place in the life of a Christian, there are a lot of Christian guys struggling with porn and if you get free and one of them gets free, he'll probably be relieved that his girlfriend understands that part of him.
     
  20. wonderwaleye

    wonderwaleye Well-Known Member

    +141
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    GOD was quite specific on what constitutes sexual sin. Did GOD not know about this? I know that to be wrong as GOD is our creator. Some folks think it to be wrong, while some say that it prepares you for your union with your mate. while some say it's like any muscles that needs to be built up, while others say it's keeps you from sin be releasing the extreme pressure that draw us to procreate. I know of no one that hasn't
    found enjoyment from masturbation.



    With the above in mind I think it's wrong to impose this as a sin on yourself when GOD left this alone. You are tearing yourself up about something that comes natural for all.


    Ask any poster here if they never masturbated many times. Don't stay awake at night waiting for the answer. LOL


    This is one time I feel it correct to say when the urge overtakes you:


    PUMP IT UP! LOL


    LOVE


    steven :hug:
     
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