I'll never have a church home

[Lady Bug]

I'm feeling worse about this every day. In my heart, I want the parish that I was confirmed in, to be my church home. I loved my RCIA class and it was a beautiful, memorable experience to become a member of the Church through this parish. I haven't made any additional friends beyond my sponsor and RCIA director (I wish I felt like this would happen), but there are "faces" that are knowing my face, and I like that for starters. But I feel better being away from this pastor in the sense that my brain feels cleaner and freer from mortal sin.

Being away from him doesn't stop me from missing him when I know that there is a Mass going on at his parish and I'm at another one. I don't feel that any other parish will be home for me, and this priest is not even the primary contributing factor, because other priests can be friendly too, and give good homilies like him. However, a part of me is more relaxed too, because I don't have to deal with this sin anymore if I'm not at the home parish. Sure, it's not the end of my sins, but it was a big piece of the pie.

I think what my real problem is that I probably won't have blood family to be there for me when I'm older and the church family will be my only shot at having any "family," and I don't see how anyone will eventually make me an honorary member of their family. No one in the pews (no matter the parish) knows this pain I'm suffering. I'd almost rather stay at the church where the "faces" are starting to know me, but I'd have to exchange that for constantly sinning about the pastor. It seems like an impossible situation for me. Other parishes have their qualities, their beauty, etc. but I feel like I'm looking for something that is impossible - a people who will regard me as family. It hurts.

It kind of feels like a "would you rather lose those you are getting to know, or lose your soul" thing.

 

[pdudgeon]

I hear you, I really do, and so does God.
Yes, your soul is important, so make that your first concern, and stay away from the other priest; not because he is bad, but for your own sake, while you work on strengthening your religious sense of being secure.
Next, look for friendly faces at Mass, take advantage of the greetings after mass, and introduce yourself when you are ready to.
Smile a lot. Say "Good Morning", smile at the children you see, and say "Hi!"
Kids are less reserved than adults, and you might get some smiles back.
Look around, and see things that you can compliment people ( especially the women) about.
If the parish is offering classes in the Fall, consider signing up for one.
All of these things are the beginning of getting to interact with people. And with the interaction, gradually you will be able to find a way to be comfortable.
In our lives we will have many "new" experiences: new school, new car, maybe a new house, or especially a new pet.
Think back to some of the good experiences that you have had, and know that there are more really good "new" experiences in your life yet to come.
Some of them could be just around the corner, because God loves to give us new things to learn.
So be watching for that to happen, and rejoice when it does!
That new thing means that God has plans to help you with the transition!
( And that's a very good thing!!!)
May God bless you this week, and bring you joy!

 

[Rachel20]

I think what my real problem is that I probably won't have blood family to be there for me when I'm older and the church family will be my only shot at having any "family," and I don't see how anyone will eventually make me an honorary member of their family. No one in the pews (no matter the parish) knows this pain I'm suffering.

I imagine there are others in the pews suffering the same pain, but wearing smiles and looks of self-sufficiency, so you wouldn't know it. That's what society teaches us to do. How would you find them and connect?

 

[pdudgeon]

My appologies.

 

[Chrystal-J]

I had to change churches after 16 years because the priest was acting like he had a crush on me and he had a bad temper. It wasn't easy to switch after all those years, but it was worth not being stressed out at church. I was going to both churches for a while and that made the transition easier. At my new church, I participated in all the social events and that allowed me to meet people and create friendships.

 

[WarriorAngel]

Catholic is Catholic...
How ya gonna lose your soul?

 

[Lady Bug]

I imagine there are others in the pews suffering the same pain, but wearing smiles and looks of self-sufficiency, so you wouldn't know it. That's what society teaches us to do. How would you find them and connect?

I want to keep my disclosure about this thing to the absolute minimum number of people. This is the kind of thing that can create gossip that spreads like wildfire. However I agree with you, there must be ladies in that church suffering from the same problem. I heard that one lady was a parishioner of a church he used to be at, and she "followed" him to the church he's at now. I don't know who she is, but that's alright with me.

I could be wrong, but I think that one of the things the Knights of Columbus try to do is to look out for people who are alone. They have always been kind to me.

I thought KOC were men. I tend not to want to make myself emotionally vulnerable to men. Not that KOC isn't a good organization in itself.

I had to change churches after 16 years because the priest was acting like he had a crush on me and he had a bad temper. It wasn't easy to switch after all those years, but it was worth not being stressed out at church. I was going to both churches for a while and that made the transition easier. At my new church, I participated in all the social events and that allowed me to meet people and create friendships.

Well, this is the thing here. It's not just me who is attracted to the priest. I actually think there is a vibe between us and it gives me a lot of tension. I'm very, very certain my observations are correct and that I'm not delusional. However, this priest doesn't seem to have a temper.

Catholic is Catholic...
How ya gonna lose your soul?

Well...don't we go to confession?

 

[Susie~Q]

I'm feeling worse about this every day. In my heart, I want the parish that I was confirmed in, to be my church home. I loved my RCIA class and it was a beautiful, memorable experience to become a member of the Church through this parish. I haven't made any additional friends beyond my sponsor and RCIA director (I wish I felt like this would happen), but there are "faces" that are knowing my face, and I like that for starters. But I feel better being away from this pastor in the sense that my brain feels cleaner and freer from mortal sin.

Being away from him doesn't stop me from missing him when I know that there is a Mass going on at his parish and I'm at another one. I don't feel that any other parish will be home for me, and this priest is not even the primary contributing factor, because other priests can be friendly too, and give good homilies like him. However, a part of me is more relaxed too, because I don't have to deal with this sin anymore if I'm not at the home parish. Sure, it's not the end of my sins, but it was a big piece of the pie.

I think what my real problem is that I probably won't have blood family to be there for me when I'm older and the church family will be my only shot at having any "family," and I don't see how anyone will eventually make me an honorary member of their family. No one in the pews (no matter the parish) knows this pain I'm suffering. I'd almost rather stay at the church where the "faces" are starting to know me, but I'd have to exchange that for constantly sinning about the pastor. It seems like an impossible situation for me. Other parishes have their qualities, their beauty, etc. but I feel like I'm looking for something that is impossible - a people who will regard me as family. It hurts.

It kind of feels like a "would you rather lose those you are getting to know, or lose your soul" thing.

Pdugeon has some excellent ideas and thoughts. His remark about the Knights of Columbus is so true, they are a wonderful organization and very helpful. I knew some back home, they were terrific and always ready to lend a helping hand, their wives were so nice as well.

I really and truly think that leaving that parish for another one is your only best solution. Sure, you have sort of made some friends or acquaintances there, but you will again, after all, you didn't think you would there, but you did. In the long run, you will be so much happier and relaxed, you won't always have that "sin" to contend with either. The way I sort of look at it is like this, you do have friends, but things change, they could move or die, also, they aren't your personal Lord and Savior. Now, Jesus is your friend too, He will NEVER leave you. It is better to save your soul and have Jesus as your friend than to have friends that can come and go, plus, the possibility of living in sin due to your thoughts, I really don't see how you can keep confessing it knowing you will keep doing it again and again, there just is no excuse for it since you do have other options. Some priests would not give you absolution if you kept confessing knowing you would be doing the same thing again and again.

Remember, the longer you are with a parish, the more chance you have of making friends, so, if you change parishes, stick with it, don't despair, go out of your way to smile at others, say "hi" and even take part in little functions, just like Pudgeon said. There are a lot of options actually if you think about it, that is how folks build a church family, it doesn't happen over night though. Anything worth having is worth working for. It isn't impossible as you think, people will treat you as family, but as I said, it takes time and work, eventually, if you don't give up, it WILL happen.

 

[Skye1300]

I want to keep my disclosure about this thing to the absolute minimum number of people. This is the kind of thing that can create gossip that spreads like wildfire. However I agree with you, there must be ladies in that church suffering from the same problem. I heard that one lady was a parishioner of a church he used to be at, and she "followed" him to the church he's at now. I don't know who she is, but that's alright with me.

I thought KOC were men. I tend not to want to make myself emotionally vulnerable to men. Not that KOC isn't a good organization in itself.

Well, this is the thing here. It's not just me who is attracted to the priest. I actually think there is a vibe between us and it gives me a lot of tension. I'm very, very certain my observations are correct and that I'm not delusional. However, this priest doesn't seem to have a temper.

Well...don't we go to confession?

Priests aren't supposed to marry, so how is he doing that?

 

[Lady Bug]

.

 

[Skye1300]

.

I apologize if I made you feel uncomfortable.

 

[Lady Bug]

I apologize if I made you feel uncomfortable.

It's OK. I didn't quite understand your question, although I think I eventually did.