I don't even know where to start, so instead of writing a book ; here are the facts:
#1My husband is a functioning alcoholic (I use that term lightly as I am in no place to diagnose, but he certainly drinks quite a bit - every day by 5pm - but he has it 'under control' enough that he doesn't pass out or fall down - he just goes to bed)
#2 Our bank account and savings has diminished over the last 6 months
#3 I have found "pills" in his cigarette pack - and he has admitted on 3 different occasions in the last 45 days that he is taking vicodin ..he admitted it started that his knee was hurt, and now he takes them "occasionally" to feel better after drinking too much
#4 He 'says' he has it under control, that he can stop - that he HAS stopped
#5 each time above that pills have been the subject of our intense conversations it is because I have brought it up - he doesn't want to talk about it each time he has admitted to using it is b/c I have either found the pills (that 1 time in his cigarette packet) or b/c I have confronted him and showed him proof that he was lying to me
#6 his social circle has changed to pill contacts, he deletes his messages on his phone and call logs so I cant see who he has been talking to
and heres the big one:
#7 I know all these things b/c I #1 logged in to his social media account (FB) and read messages between him and 'his new friend" that happens to have extra vicodin to SELL I admitted to 'invading his privacy' as he put it - and he deleted his facebook (as if that was going to stop him from contacting the pill guys) - it did not - he texts and calls them now....and always has an excuse of why he needs to get $20 out of the bank.........
#8 I do not KNOW that for sure - bc I cant SEE what he texts or HEAR his conversations but the pattern is there. I CAN see what numbers he texts and calls, and who calls and texts him b/c of our mobile phone plan I can log online and see the data logs....which once again is probably "invading his privacy"
but my TRUST has not only been invaded by this - my heart, my mind, my bank account - its all out the window right now
I LOVE THIS MAN BEYOND what I ever felt I could love anyone
I do not trust him
I have always trusted him, and it feels horrible to not trust him
I am SO SCARED that he is going to keep doing this and we are going to lose everything, I'm scared I am going to wake up one day and not love him anymore
most of all I am scared that he is going to die b/c of the drug and alcohol interaction
I am not embarrassed, if he wanted to go to rehab I don't care who knows - I came to this forum b/c I need specific PRAYER and I am not ready to ask my family for SPECIFIC prayers for my addict husband.
#1My husband is a functioning alcoholic (I use that term lightly as I am in no place to diagnose, but he certainly drinks quite a bit - every day by 5pm - but he has it 'under control' enough that he doesn't pass out or fall down - he just goes to bed)
#2 Our bank account and savings has diminished over the last 6 months
#3 I have found "pills" in his cigarette pack - and he has admitted on 3 different occasions in the last 45 days that he is taking vicodin ..he admitted it started that his knee was hurt, and now he takes them "occasionally" to feel better after drinking too much
#4 He 'says' he has it under control, that he can stop - that he HAS stopped
#5 each time above that pills have been the subject of our intense conversations it is because I have brought it up - he doesn't want to talk about it each time he has admitted to using it is b/c I have either found the pills (that 1 time in his cigarette packet) or b/c I have confronted him and showed him proof that he was lying to me
#6 his social circle has changed to pill contacts, he deletes his messages on his phone and call logs so I cant see who he has been talking to
and heres the big one:
#7 I know all these things b/c I #1 logged in to his social media account (FB) and read messages between him and 'his new friend" that happens to have extra vicodin to SELL I admitted to 'invading his privacy' as he put it - and he deleted his facebook (as if that was going to stop him from contacting the pill guys) - it did not - he texts and calls them now....and always has an excuse of why he needs to get $20 out of the bank.........
#8 I do not KNOW that for sure - bc I cant SEE what he texts or HEAR his conversations but the pattern is there. I CAN see what numbers he texts and calls, and who calls and texts him b/c of our mobile phone plan I can log online and see the data logs....which once again is probably "invading his privacy"
but my TRUST has not only been invaded by this - my heart, my mind, my bank account - its all out the window right now
I LOVE THIS MAN BEYOND what I ever felt I could love anyone
I do not trust him
I have always trusted him, and it feels horrible to not trust him
I am SO SCARED that he is going to keep doing this and we are going to lose everything, I'm scared I am going to wake up one day and not love him anymore
most of all I am scared that he is going to die b/c of the drug and alcohol interaction
I am not embarrassed, if he wanted to go to rehab I don't care who knows - I came to this forum b/c I need specific PRAYER and I am not ready to ask my family for SPECIFIC prayers for my addict husband.