If you love your gf/bf more than Jesus.....

[seeker2122]

I've often heard that you have to first marry Jesus before you can marry your spouse.
Obviously this isn't always true. Many non-Christians or christians that love their gf/bf more than Jesus still find each other and get married and then maybe later on down the road, they learn to make Jesus #1 and their spouse/kids become second.

I struggle with this because I feel as if though God is not going to grant me a gf/wife because he knows I will make her #1 in my life above Jesus. Therefore, why would God give me/gift me a lovely gf/wife? He would not give me something if he knows it's going to supplant Jesus as #1.

But the hard part about this is I was a romantic from a very young age. So young in fact that I have to believe I was wired this way or born this way. It's not like I chose to just be a romantic. My heart just fell in love at such a young age and it never has stopped. As young as I can remember probably 4 or 5 yrs old but my real first crush started around grade 4. From that point on, my entire life has been non-stop thinking about, fantasizing about, hoping, dreaming, wishing for romance and beautiful lovely relationship. It was never sexual in terms of lust or inappropriate contentographic nature. It was utter PURE love in the romantic sense. I'd daydream about it all day everyday, every night, in the car whenever my parents drove me around, while listening to music (literally every song I ever loved was because it was romantic to me in some way...I would connect it to my romance). I just wanted to have someone to share my life with. I wanted to be loved, and to love. I wanted to care about someone more than I care about myself...it made me want to be a better person all the time. The best version of me always came out when I was in love. I'd daydream about just innocent romantic things like holding hands, walking in the park, reading books together, picnics, cuddling and watching movie marathons, cooking and doing dishes together, just grocery shopping together, it didn't matter what...I'd find it romantic just doing anything....

But as I got older and continued to be girlfriend-less and wife-less, I started to realize I think the reason why God has never answered this prayer and never will is because as long as I put her #1 and Lord of my life, Jesus will never grant me what I want. At least for me, I feel like I'm forced with no choice. I have to marry Jesus first before he will open the gates to blessings. Otherwise, I'll be denied forever because why would God give me things he knows is only going to replace him as #1 in my life.

I'm at an age where I'm almost given up hope for that. While it's still not "over", I'm in my early 40s now and my dreams of being in love in my teens, 20s, even 30s is over and that can never happen. I can never be young and in love with someone and share cutesy, romantic dates and just passing time being lost in each other's eyes. At my age, I can't even afford to waste that much time now. It's like, as soon as there is someone who is potentially a good match to settle down with, I have to do it right away cuz we don't have time to kill due to our age and I don't want to be 60 when my kid is going to elementary school and never live long enough to be a grandfather (that is probably a dream that's over too). Also if she's closer to my age, she may not even be able to bear children who knows...so I have to find someone a bit younger than me (say in her late 20s, 30s) instead of finding a woman who is in her 40s.

It's really rather a sad tale and I don't even like to talk about it as it make me depressed. But for all my life, this has been the one thing that everything else in my life hinges upon and the reason why I am utterly depressed everyday even if I am a so-called Christian....I can honestly say right now in my immaturity, Christ's love is not enough for me. I am not satisfied with just being a Christian and serving in ministry yet never having a taste of human/earthly romantic love....a limited love yes, but still a need that I have. Agape and Phileo, Storge may be higher, but I've wanted Eros love.

 

[bèlla]

I can’t say for certain that God is hindering your relationships for that reason. There’s many ways to bring us close. Some pleasant and others painful. I don’t know about you, but I don’t need a spiritual 2x4 to get my attention. I know when I’m messing up and slacking. If love won’t make me heel the consequences should bring me to my senses.

Marriage is ordained by God but the church has turned it into an idol. Now we have an army of hungry men and women obsessed with its attainment and ill prepared to weather the current season. This isn’t the 50s anymore. That time has come and gone. Worldliness has saturated the culture and the church. We hold one another to different standards than they did in the past. Which results in less companionship and marital failures.

If finding her is difficult how on earth are you going to keep her without assistance from Someone greater than you? You haven’t solved that yet and that’s the easy part. Marriage is harder and staying put takes commitment. Since most divorces are initiated by women I’d readjust my thinking.

You have a 50% chance of failure by saying I do. You need him more than you realize. I hope you grasp that sooner than later.

~bella

 

[seeker2122]

I can’t say for certain that God is hindering your relationships for that reason. There’s many ways to bring us close. Some pleasant and others painful. I don’t know about you, but I don’t need a spiritual 2x4 to get my attention. I know when I’m messing up and slacking. If love won’t make me heel the consequences should bring me to my senses.

Marriage is ordained by God but the church has turned it into an idol. Now we have an army of hungry men and women obsessed with its attainment and ill prepared to weather the current season. This isn’t the 50s anymore. That time has come and gone. Worldliness has saturated the culture and the church. We hold one another to different standards than they did in the past. Which results in less companionship and marital failures.

If finding her is difficult how on earth are you going to keep her without assistance from Someone greater than you? You haven’t solved that yet and that’s the easy part. Marriage is harder and staying put takes commitment. Since most divorces are initiated by women I’d readjust my thinking.

You have a 50% chance of failure by saying I do. You need him more than you realize. I hope you grasp that sooner than later.

~bella

Things I agree with:
-Marriage is ordained by God
-We have turned marriage into an idol
-This isn't the 50s anymore
-We hold one another to different standards than in the past
-Most divorces are initiated by women

Things I disagree with:
-saying I do is 50% chance of failure (maybe for secuarists but not christians....christians are not divorcing at a 50% rate)
-I don't believe keeping a marriage is solely reliant on "someone greater than you". By that meaning, then every non-christian married couple should have divorced by now. It is very clear that people can keep marriages together until death even without being christian. Not saying that is right but men and women can definitely love each other faithfully until death even without having Jesus as the Lord of the marriage.
-There is no easy part. Finding someone is not easy. Keeping and staying with someone is not easy. There is no part about life and living life that is easy.


Thanks for your reply. It sounds like your advice to me is confirming what I am thinking....that I need to marry Jesus first before he would allow me to marry a woman.