If you had and lost your souldmate, could you love again?

[GoodNewsJim]

I'm glad I have the LORD because he is a greater love than any. I think he's the only thing that could keep me.

This post isn't about,"Let me go on about all the ways of how awesome my girl was" but how I don't think I can fall in love again except in exceptional circumstances. I mean think about it for a moment,"If you had a perfect love in your arms, meeting and exceeding all of your desires for a spouse, could you go back to the dating scene?" I'm on personal sites, and I've looked through about 100,000 profiles. I've sent out about 50 mails. I've gotten two people to talk to me intently. Neither of which are a match for various reasons. Still, this past 4 months is better than my past 4 years where I never met a single Christian woman.

The problem comes in... I think my standards are too high because I compare them to a love I once had. I know people might think,"Get over her.", but I am over her in a way. I do not want her, she is married. I want someone else, but I don't want to love someone who is an imperfect match for me. If I take someone, that means I can't find someone better down the road. Sex makes you desire someone asap, but I don't think we should grab the first person who wants us because the rest might not be there. I'll go without sex if it means I am saving myself for a special woman. I just wonder if my first love was so perfect, no other woman I meet can hold a candle to her. Maybe the woman I am waiting for, I simply won't meet. When your first love was a rare love of epic proportions, how can you settle with something less? I'm trying, but it is unlikely. It's one of those things where I hope God is performing a miracle, because without one, the odds are not in my favor.

Miracle or not in my love life, I am happy to serve God. My passion and faithfulness are not wasted.

 

[MehGuy]

Mind over matter, if you try hard enough I think you could fall in love with a woman you'd never consider or expect. You just have some emotional blockage you need to clear first.


Plus it sounds to me like you don't actually date these women. Real world interaction can be quite different than evaluating someone through text and pictures. Sure you can read poetry about beautiful locations throughout the world but sometimes you need to be there to really have your breath taken away and truly get it.

One thing that I've been learning this past year is how to find beauty in the things I once hated or scoffed. Your capable of loving things you'd never dream of, it's just that you need to be willing and open.


Times ticking though

 

[Inkachu]

"Nothing is impossible with God".

The Christian's life is all about redemption, second chances, reconciliation, hope, and never giving up. And God isn't about making us crawl on the floor in abject misery.

Based on the above, of COURSE I believe someone could love again after losing a spouse/partner.

 

[K9_Trainer]

No such thing as soulmates. Such a close relationship could absolutely be established with another person you are equally compatible with.

 

[Miles]

I'd look for a more compatible soulmate. You learned something about what you want in a significant other, and that's not a bad thing. I also recall you mentioning that she displayed some very negative traits. You can do better.

 

[Inkachu]

What Miles said, also. This woman left you and married someone else, so she wasn't "perfect" and she wasn't meant for you. Take her off the pedestal, please.

 

[HazelWings]

I was going to say what Vicky just said, that it sounds like you've put her on a pedestal. NO ONE deserves to be esteemed that highly. For one, no one is perfect. Period. For another, if you put them on that pedestal, you are setting yourself up for heartbreak because they WILL fall short of the high bar you've set for them.

I think you need to take a step back and look at what a healthy relationship would be. Look at what really truly matters to you in a partner. If you've found someone really wonderful, the fact that her earlobes are uneven won't matter. If you continue to measure every woman you meet by some unattainable mark then you will be alone the rest of your life, there's no question about that.

ETA: I don't believe in "soul mates" either.

 

[Blueforest]

Man has only one soul mate. There is, indeed, a such thing as a "soul mate" but most people would be surprised when I told you who that someone is. I used to think that each human had another person of the opposite gender created just for them... and maybe they do. But that's not what a "soul mate" is. Your soul mate is NOT found in even your most ideal romantic relationship.

Your true soul mate is the one who will love you no matter what and whose love is entirely unconditional. This comes from someone who will never leave you, nor forsake you and who sticks closer than a brother. It is another person, but this kind of love is more permanent than even the most ardent of romances.

 

[SnowyMacie]

No such thing as soulmates. Such a close relationship could absolutely be established with another person you are equally compatible with.

I don't believe in soulmates either. I believe in compatibility, and that there are some people who are better fit to be your mate for the rest of your life. If you think about it, there about 3 billion members of the opposite sex. I don't think God created me so uniquely that there is only one woman out of appx. 3 billion alive right now that could become my future life.

 

[Amber.ly]

I don't believe in romantic soul mates. Possibly friend soul mates. Not sure.

Either way, friend or love, I could lose one and find another. But I wouldn't bother with comparing which one was right or best or more of a true soul mate. Because love doesn't compare nor could it be compared. It grows, it changes, it morphs. Because of that, you can never compare between loves. It just doesn't work.

 

[white dove]

I was going to say something amazing, but then I lost it. Thankfully, she found it for me:

I don't believe in romantic soul mates. Possibly friend soul mates. Not sure.

Either way, friend or love, I could lose one and find another. But I wouldn't bother with comparing which one was right or best or more of a true soul mate. Because love doesn't compare nor could it be compared. It grows, it changes, it morphs. Because of that, you can never compare between loves. It just doesn't work.

But, I don't believe in labeling soul mates. Soul mates are soul mates. Perhaps that would change if I do find someone who would be more than that.


There is life after love though. Hopefully, what follows is more love.

 

[Im_A]

I'm glad I have the LORD because he is a greater love than any. I think he's the only thing that could keep me.

This post isn't about,"Let me go on about all the ways of how awesome my girl was" but how I don't think I can fall in love again except in exceptional circumstances. I mean think about it for a moment,"If you had a perfect love in your arms, meeting and exceeding all of your desires for a spouse, could you go back to the dating scene?" I'm on personal sites, and I've looked through about 100,000 profiles. I've sent out about 50 mails. I've gotten two people to talk to me intently. Neither of which are a match for various reasons. Still, this past 4 months is better than my past 4 years where I never met a single Christian woman.

The problem comes in... I think my standards are too high because I compare them to a love I once had. I know people might think,"Get over her.", but I am over her in a way. I do not want her, she is married. I want someone else, but I don't want to love someone who is an imperfect match for me. If I take someone, that means I can't find someone better down the road. Sex makes you desire someone asap, but I don't think we should grab the first person who wants us because the rest might not be there. I'll go without sex if it means I am saving myself for a special woman. I just wonder if my first love was so perfect, no other woman I meet can hold a candle to her. Maybe the woman I am waiting for, I simply won't meet. When your first love was a rare love of epic proportions, how can you settle with something less? I'm trying, but it is unlikely. It's one of those things where I hope God is performing a miracle, because without one, the odds are not in my favor.

Miracle or not in my love life, I am happy to serve God. My passion and faithfulness are not wasted.

I have had 3 "soul mates". I plan on having another. The rest were auditions for the 'soul mate' play.

[Just in case someone missed my sarcasm with this, there's a point in my sarcasm here]

 

[escaperoute]

There is life after love though. Hopefully, what follows is more love.

wisdom

 

[Mr. Pedantic]

When one relationship ends, you have to get over it first, before you start another. Otherwise, as you experience, you keep comparing what your previous partner was like, constantly, to your new partner. And that is unfair, for yourself and for the other person. You make them try to live up to a standard they could not possibly reach the first time they meet you, and you are depriving yourself of perfectly interesting company.

My advice would just be to stay single for a while. Try to get back that feeling of how good life is, with or without your ex. It really hurts, and it really sucks, especially at first; a lot of us know what it's like, we've been there. And there is something on the other side. So just hang in there. When you can think about your previous relationship dispassionately, then it may be time to start meeting new people in terms of getting a relationship. For me, that point came when I realized that I could think about my ex being with another man, and all I thought was that I was happy for them and I wished them well. It hurt at first, it was almost like breaking up all over again. But a day later, I realized that there wasn't any reason for me to feel like this because I didn't really want her back anyway.

 

[GoodNewsJim]

I'd look for a more compatible soulmate. You learned something about what you want in a significant other, and that's not a bad thing. I also recall you mentioning that she displayed some very negative traits. You can do better.

Ugh, that was my last girlfriend, not my first girlfriend. My last girlfriend was awful. You don't tell people you love them then say you hate them and then cheat on them.

For those of you who don't believe in soulmates, that is just because you never met yours.

 

[Im_A]

Ugh, that was my last girlfriend, not my first girlfriend. My last girlfriend was awful. You don't tell people you love them then say you hate them and then cheat on them.

For those of you who don't believe in soulmates, that is just because you never met yours.

I have experienced the feelings of it in several levels. It is a normal feeling that comes with being with someone in a wonderful relationship and how that affects the mind. There is nothing substantial to the idea of soul mates beyond you simply convincing yourself that out of all the remaining females, this is the only one that you can connect with, which is a lie.

Not also to mention, when you promise someone your life through an engagement vow, there is no other experience before that or after that that I have experienced that made me feel what people say, 'soulmates' feel like. Even when I moved to another state for a girl before I even met my ex-fiancee.

You sober up when the next day comes and the reality of being in a relationship, like every other relationship out there, needs work, tending to, and knowing you could lose it in one second. I know I will experience the 'feelings' again and I can put another tally on the wall of supposedly times I felt 'soul mate' with someone.

That idea is not that much different then getting drunk or high. There is always a come down. Hope yours comes quickly. You may be missing out because if one is single and they believe in soul mates, the only case that they can base that off of, is a personal experience...which means that you are stuck in the past. Anything else is simply delusional visions of what one doesn't have and their longing for what they don't have. The present can't compete against personal experiences in the past if one doesn't like the present, or delusional visions of what one is longing for so it is very enticing to keep believing in the idea of soul mates isn't it? Especially after you were with a girl who cheated on you and said she hates you right? Pretty predictable, more reason to not believe in the idea of soul mates as far as I am concerned.

 

[Blueforest]

Ugh, that was my last girlfriend, not my first girlfriend. My last girlfriend was awful. You don't tell people you love them then say you hate them and then cheat on them.

For those of you who don't believe in soulmates, that is just because you never met yours.

I believe in a soul mate. It's just not who you think it is. Wink wink.

I was engaged to mine. Then it ended, I was crushed. But over time, I learned how to move on and I did. I fell in love with someone else later, only to experience unrequited love. So twice was my heart broken (well, maybe not so much the second time; I'm more resilient now). But the point remains, I have loved twice... and lost twice.

I used to believe they were my "soul mates" until I realized no human woman / girl could ever be my soul mate. My soul mate would have to love me for me all the time, always understand me, never fight with me and be able to read my thoughts. Well, no woman has ever been able to do that, and none ever will.

 

[MacFall]

No such thing as soulmates. Such a close relationship could absolutely be established with another person you are equally compatible with.

This.

 

[traingosorry]

You'll find someone else. It takes time and a little bit of growth to come away from it with a positive outlook but it will happen eventually.

 

[Rose of Eden]

When I was 21, I was convinced that I had "lost my soulmate." I was convinced that my ex had been my soulmate, that we were meant to be, that God had orchestrated events so that we would be together, but that I had messed it up. He didn't want me anymore because I just wasn't, and could never be, good enough for him (at least that's what I believed at the time). At 21, I was absolutely convinced that I would be alone forever. Now that I think about it, of course, it sounds utterly ridiculous!

It took a while for me to heal from that relationship. I know I'm still young and naive now, but I truly believe that with time, God can heal all of our wounds, if we allow Him to. Once we are healed, it's very possible to love again and experience another beautiful relationship with someone else!

Also, I agree with those posters who are saying that you may be putting this woman up on a pedestal. It's not healthy and that's probably hurting you. I also don't believe in the idea of one "soulmate" anymore either.