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If I commit suicide...

If I commit suicide, I will...

  • go to heaven

  • go to hell

  • ...unsure...


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wblastyn

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Sometimes I find myself wishing God weren't real, so I could kill myself and not have to worry about hell and be content in my non-existance. I don't want to kill myself in fear of hurting my family and friends and also going to hell, but at the same time I do because I hate existing so much, I just wish it would end.

I don't understand, my birth was a miracle, my mother couldn't have children after she had complications with a previous pregnancy and lost a baby, and my father prayed and God told him he would have a son and you have to call him Jonathan because it means gift from God, and 9 months later I was born. Here I am...looking for the fastest way out. I think I should be happier, but I'm not. Sometimes I wish God never let me be born at all, it probably sounds selfish but it's true, I hate being here so much, I just wish I could be happy for once.

I probably sound like a horrible person. Sorry.
 
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urbanfaerie

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its not selfish...its normal...

when ur suicidal nothin matters. not even the ones u love. yes u love them, but u dont think u do. u dont thik u care. udont think they care. nothing matters.

for me suicide would benefit lotta ppl. my fam, my friend, lol, even my doc. and thn of course..me.

i'm not really afraid of death. tho i suppose a small part of me is... i've attempted suicide numerous times. never succeeded, and i'm beginning to wondr, if i purposely don't succeed. outta fear?

*shrugs*

im not makig sense, im shutting upnow.
 
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Vollkommen Warrior

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sanctified_ewill, I think your story is well founded and you mean well. I know people who have been through similar events to you and none of that. Just because you have an event that should cause depression, doesn't mean it always does. Meaning, the event can be totally mutually exclusive of the feelings of depression and suicide that some of these people feel. Some people get it for no real reason at all. It's not a choice, show me one person that wants to get to the level of being diagnosed as depressed. I you find yourself there, you have got try try to pull yourself out though. As hard as this is, the effort pays off, then find your triggers and get to know yourself. Pulling out of this is very difficult, make no mistake about that. You are tired when you wake up (if you sleep at all) and you are drained b4 you get started. It's hard but possible.

God makes the final decision regardless of our interpretations. My point is that we can not answer this question with any real certainty unless we are God. I also think your interpretation is a bit cold and perhaps judgemental. Black or white? I don't agree with you. But I'll take the positive of your post because there certaintly is a lot of it. Thanks for not thinking I was flaming you or something. Typed words can be so obscure when it is said hat 80% of communication is non-verbal, lol.

It's also my opinion based on some of those positives and God's word, that we must try to get ourselves better! Please tell me - for those of you that are in this horrible pain - what are you doing to get yourself out of it please?
 
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Vollkommen Warrior

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"We can't make it on our own strength. We need GOD to help us, for he is the only one that can get us out of our valleys."

I have to admit that I struggle with this concept at times. I went to church, prayed but still have a difficult time seeing where God really came into my healing. Far in the depths of my mind, I think I am ANGRY because I never though that God would allow me to fall down so hard and nearly dying when I was giving it my best. I nearly died and was in the worse pain I could ever imagine. One twinge less of will-power and .... It did take medication to pull me out of it, I was going down hard and fast. I still can not explain why. Well, I know the medical terminology and the process of the body, but why did he allow this torment to happen? Horrible and extremely detailed and graphic nightmares worse that any movie you've ever seen AND they were personal! I wasn't suicidal but more like a person in intense pain or being tortured and trying to guage how long I could hold out and try to hang on and make it! Feelings of intense fear, sweating, heart racing, then exaustion and feelings of total loss of any confidence and a 20 pound loss of weight! It's gone now, and I refuse not to say thank God. But until then, I had a much more child like trusting faith.
 
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wblastyn

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I always ask God for help and seem to get nothing, which really makes me doubt. Maybe I do and I don't notice, but I don't feel any better. But I keep on asking anyway.

I'm tired of waiting for something that might not even come. I mean, what if I'm wasting my time asking for somthing that will never come when I could be dead and content in my non-existance.
 
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allieisme

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urbanfaerie said:
ur one the few ppl on here thats real.

Thats all I meant by that comment.. Is that there are alot of real true posters in here, but then there are some that post just to post. But in my opinion alot of genuine people come and post through these forums here at Christian Forums.
 
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wblastyn

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allieisme said:
Thats all I meant by that comment.. Is that there are alot of real true posters in here, but then there are some that post just to post. But in my opinion alot of genuine people come and post through these forums here at Christian Forums.
So you mean alot of people who post in here are regulars, and that it would sem a lot of regulars are depressed?
 
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allieisme

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thats not what I meant at all, by what I said.. I was just referring to Urbanfaerries post as to "one of the few real ppl in here" I was just trying to say that their are a lot of great people in here.. Depressed or not, that had nothing to do with it honestly. Trust me I have a lot of depression issues as well, so I was not putting anyone down by any means.
 
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