Hi masteryourlife,
I hope that you might be impressed to understand that 'being a christian' is not what God asks of us. God asks that we be reborn. Not merely born of earthly flesh, but also born of His Spirit. Being a christian just means that you go to worship service with a body of believers. It many also include that you throw some money in the plate when it goes around. Heck, you might even volunteer to do some good works.
So, making an assessment from what I'm hearing of your complaint, there may be some inconsistency in that regard in your life. Peter understood. When many of Jesus' disciples turned away from some of his hard teachings, he turned to his hand picked disciples and asked them if they wanted to turn away also. Peter replied, "Lord, where else would we go? Only you have the words of eternal life." Have you ever read the account of Paul's life. He was beaten pretty near to death and shipwrecked and imprisoned. He did not always have a wonderful life as the people of this earth would measure a wonderful life.
God doesn't promise any of us some safe and secure life here. In fact, Jesus seemed to infer that if you were a follower of his and you weren't receiving persecution, you'd better check your credentials! What God asks is that we be faithful and believe Him. Are you? Do you? Looking at your complaint, I would certainly encourage you to start there.
Now, maybe eternal life isn't what you want. I think the Scriptures are quite clear that most people won't receive him and gain the promise of God's eternal life. Maybe you are in that number. Jesus instructed that the absolute most important law of all of what God asks of us is to love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul and strength. I would encourage that you try that first, and then see if God doesn't do better at answering your prayers.
I've always found Psalm 1 to be the basic truth that God asks for His children to live. Try it. Set aside those earthly anxieties that you're struggling with and make 'love for God' the top priority in your life and your problems and the way you perceive them will change. You will then become just like Peter when you think such thoughts as, 'this just isn't worth it'. You will understand that there isn't anywhere else to go.
God bless,
In Christ, ted
i'm soooooooo sorry that you are suffering through so much and for your precious wife's suffering. (I've been there). Praying that God moooooves in visible and concrete ways that ease both of your souls, and that He ministers to each of your hearts, minds, and souls. Father may it be so, in Jesus name, amen. (((hug)))
