Hello
@SeekingGloryOnThisJourney, first off, I see that you are still pretty new around here, so
WELCOME TO CF 
As for the thought you had, trying to get us to believe that
1. a true Christian would never think a thought like that, or
2. that we aren't worthy to be a Christian
(only other Christians are worthy of His love and His promises), or that
3. we are not now, nor were we ever a true Christian, are perhaps the most common ploys that our common enemy attacks us with .. cf
Ephesians 6:10-17; 1 Peter 5:8-9.
This is why we need to both know God's word
(and "renew our minds" in it daily .. Romans 12:2) and then choose to listen closely to/obey what God tells us in it. We also need to choose to believe/trust Him, ~
not~ our enemy's lies and half-truths, no matter how reasonable they seem to us and/or how strong our "feelings"
(that oppose the truth of God) about them are in the moment.
God's everlasting love for you as His adopted child is a fact that will never change
(cf Jeremiah 31:3; Ephesians 1:4-6)
Remember, He knew ~exactly~ who and what He was getting when He saved you (and me), and He still chose to save us anyway
Nothing that you do in your life is a surprise to Him, ever
(just to be clear, I do not mean by this that sinning is ever ok with Him and that we no longer need to confess our sins and repent of them whenever we do sin as Christians).
I went through what you are going through now when I was a younger Christian, until I was convicted one day that doing so
(believing Satan and/or my feelings ~rather~ than taking God at His word) was anything other than pleasing and honoring to Him, the One who loves me and died to save me. It was, in fact, a sin for which I needed to be forgiven and repent of.
James 4:7 commands us to, "
resist the devil", and then it promises us that when we do so, "
he will flee from us". The good news is that perhaps the principle way that we "
resist" Satan is by doing just that, by choosing to take God at His word
(no matter what Satan and/or our feelings are telling us in our minds at the moment instead).
So, whenever thoughts or feelings come into your mind that seem confusing
(because you know, or at least sense that they are opposed to what you know of the truth and love of God .. and/or they are clearly sinful), take those thoughts "
captive", as we are commanded to do, and give them over to the Lord Jesus to deal with instead .. e.g.
2 Corinthians 10:5.
Always remember that God loves you, that He is for you/wants the very best for you
(if I ever have any trouble remembering that, I go immediately to the foot of the Cross).
Did you know that God even provides a way of escape from every temptation that we are faced with while, at the same time, not allowing Satan to tempt us in a way that is beyond our ability to resist ..
1 Corinthians 10:13. So take those thoughts captive and look for His other ways of escape whenever you are tempted to sin
(and if you fail and fall for the temptation, and you will, especially at first, just choose to believe and obey another one of His wonderful commands which also comes with a wonderful promise .. 1 John 1:9). He is there waiting for you to do so, BTW, waiting to reestablish full fellowship with you so that you can get back to the business of growing in Christlikeness again
(sanctification), as well helping others to do the same
(or to come to know Him for the very first time 
).
God bless you! (
Philippians 1:6, 2:13, 4:6-8)
--David
