Idol Fears

[fashionista1]

Hi all, my OCD centers around a fear of idolatry. I have a distorted view of God (mostly because of my OCD and legalism). I want to put Him first in my life, but it is difficult. I do not experience warm, fuzzy feelings about Him, and bible reading and prayer are difficult because my OCD rituals get in the way -- needing to read and re-read things until I fully understand them and have no bad thoughts. I get more pleasure in "worldly" pursuits such as music, the arts (just saw Les Miserables and loved it), fashion/style, etc. To further compound things, whenever I go through difficulties/loss, I always feel it is God's discipline/punishment for my idolatry. I feel I have to give up everything that could possibly be an idol, yet I do not wish to give them up. I have prayed that God take away the desire for these things, yet it has not yet happened. I read somewhere that if one cannot part with something, then it is an idol.

Any ideas?

fashionista1

 

[dabro]

Ya I used to be that way... STill kinda am on my bad days. I have a distorted view of God because I went thru a drug induced psychosis and I thought that was God punishing me for my sin.....I got saved a yr later or did a 180. And when I repented I felt so much joy that I was doing right. I wasn't feeding the wickedness. I think it's just the way we view God....Reading the word is hard. But I promise you that all our suffering here on earth don't compare to the glory that will shine in us when were in heaven.

 

[SoldierOfSoul]

Try to read a chapter at a time without doing the rituals, just read and let the anxiety come but keep reading...God does not want you to go through rituals while reading His word, just come to learn and be fed by His word and try and just ignore the thoughts...easier said than done I know.