"I wish I were....." Please help me reword my self talk

[teresa]

Pray-fully, I request a different way to end this sentence above. I keep thinking "I wish I were dead," However, if I think something different that is healthier, I hope to change my neuro circuits.

Logic and reason, prayer, words, songs-these all take neurons.

Faulty working neurons are not due to a moral default.

ALS, MS, Parkinsons, Demetia, ALZ....these are due to neurons that are diseased.

I love God.

I do not blame him for my brain illness.

So, I ask for help for a better way to end that sentence.

 

[mukk_in]

Pray-fully, I request a different way to end this sentence above. I keep thinking "I wish I were dead," However, if I think something different that is healthier, I hope to change my neuro circuits.

Logic and reason, prayer, words, songs-these all take neurons.

Faulty working neurons are not due to a moral default.

ALS, MS, Parkinsons, Demetia, ALZ....these are due to neurons that are diseased.

I love God.

I do not blame him for my brain illness.

So, I ask for help for a better way to end that sentence.

I'm sorry that you're hurting hope. "I wish that I were free from all suffering and alive in God's Presence right now." I've been praying for you and shall keep at it. You're in God's loving arms.

 

[teresa]

thank you mukk_in

any ideas for a new way to end that sentence, please let me know

I think you have a really good mind and are highly educated as a professor

 

[Pilgrim]

Pray-fully, I request a different way to end this sentence above. I keep thinking "I wish I were dead," However, if I think something different that is healthier, I hope to change my neuro circuits.

Logic and reason, prayer, words, songs-these all take neurons.

Faulty working neurons are not due to a moral default.

ALS, MS, Parkinsons, Demetia, ALZ....these are due to neurons that are diseased.

I love God.

I do not blame him for my brain illness.

So, I ask for help for a better way to end that sentence.

I wish I were... centered on what God desires, in thoughts, deeds, and actions; and I ask God for them in faith. (1 John 5:15)

 

[teresa]

I wish I were... centered on what God desires, in thoughts, deeds, and actions; and I ask God for them in faith. (1 John 5:15)

Oh, wow, that is really really good!

I will have to keep saying it every day now to restructure the neuro circuit I've created somehow in my brain

"I wish I were centered!"

I can just see myself saying that too, as I will know what I mean about the center being gods desires....

I will have to lengthen it to the full sentence you wrote, slowly over time

I think this could be a meditation I say

but when I'm really stressed, for now, I can say "I wish I were centered!"

Thank you!!

 

[teresa]

ps-time for bed soon, as I got a cold today by the lake and beaches

 

[Pilgrim]

Oh, wow, that is really really good!

I will have to keep saying it every day now to restructure the neuro circuit I've created somehow in my brain

"I wish I were centered!"

I can just see myself saying that too, as I will know what I mean about the center being gods desires....

I will have to lengthen it to the full sentence you wrote, slowly over time

I think this could be a meditation I say

but when I'm really stressed, for now, I can say "I wish I were centered!"

Thank you!!

That's a touching sentiment, Hope. Thank you. Glory to God.

"Jesus wept." —John 11:35

 

[teresa]

seriously, pilgrim, I do like to light a candle

then fold my hands and pray, head bowed

I like to place a scarf over my head when I pray shabbat with candle lighting

I would like to make your long sentence into a meditation I pray by candle at night

I do like the concept of covering my hair at times

and why not?

scarves are really pretty

 

[Pilgrim]

seriously, pilgrim, I do like to light a candle

then fold my hands and pray, head bowed

I like to place a scarf over my head when I pray shabbat with candle lighting

I would like to make your long sentence into a meditation I pray by candle at night

I do like the concept of covering my hair at times

and why not?

scarves are really pretty

Peaceful rest. Amen.

 

[teresa]

That's a touching sentiment, Hope. Thank you. Glory to God.

"Jesus wept." —John 11:35

Jesus loved his friend, Lazarus and wept bc he was sick

then he healed him.

I cry every night reading these posts of yours

However its good for me

bc I forgot about Lazarus and the story about him and jesus

you are getting me into scripture and I really do appreciate it.

thank you so much.

Yes, perfect rest in his arms tonight

Peace, like a river

 

[Jeshu]

i wish you find Jesus in your deepest sufferings for that is where He has changed my death wish into His wish that i be at peace even when the battle rages worst.

So wish you to have His love living in you when you down in that pit. For He can get you out of there in no time flat!

Forsaking The Pit.
As I climb over the rim, I clearly see,
Involuntary I shudder the sight in me,
Down without a bottom the pit below,
Yes this fiery hole within me on show!

Hear voices of darkness pressing hard on must.
Those 'speaking guilt, shame, unbelief, and distrust,
All together pushing, yes, pressing me deep,
Resisting my climb to the top so steep.

See those guilty feelings still tug my feet,
I can feel flames searing, my toes they meet!
Electrifying my soul, no mercy on show.
Why ever did I take this hell-hole in tow?

Above me the Light, Jesus, the Truth so high!
How long before I will meet up with Him in the sky?
He knows I will come after Him without a doubt,
As true nourishing goodness He is all about.

My bloodied fingers scraped by rock,
For how many years did they mock?
Those hard places within my very being,
Those fiery stones of my own seeing!

I climbed after the Light right above me,
The only truth that truly leaves me be,
Never will I stop seeking after The Light.
As Jesus Christ is my very soul's delight!

Soon the 'resting place' of my enemy,
Bottomless pit shall forever be!
For the ones without Love or Grace.
Those who with their lies made this place.

 

[mukk_in]

thank you mukk_in

any ideas for a new way to end that sentence, please let me know

I think you have a really good mind and are highly educated as a professor

Praise the Lord. "I wish I were full of His Holy Spirit to overcome my infirmities and lead others to the Lord." You've been healed by His stripes and His power hope (Matthew 9:31 - the woman with infirmity was healed by just touching Jesus). Wake up tomorrow to that thought and watch the demons of disease flee. Let His resurrection power flow through you (John 7:38) to others, and start healing them as well. Hallelujah! Peace in Christ.

 

[Sarah G]

I struggled with the same issue until recently. I also wanted to change the neural pathways and generally re-train my mind to stop with the 'I wish I were dead' thing.

I had (by the grace of God) a few realisations that helped.
One: I don't wish to be dead, I wish for the suffering to stop.
Two: I suffer because I try to be the supreme-controller of my life. Therefore I need to surrender to the perfect, divine will and arrangement of Lord Jesus Christ, every second of my existence.

So, I changed the compulsive thoughts to ''I wish my false ego* were dead!" and "I wish I were more surrendered to God's will!"

My brain is doing pretty well at adapting and replacing the old thoughts, nine times out of ten.

*Just the bit of me that tries to play God and control things, not my true God given self (which was made to enjoy serving God).

 

[Pilgrim]

i wish you find Jesus in your deepest sufferings for that is where He has changed my death wish into His wish that i be at peace even when the battle rages worst.

So wish you to have His love living in you when you down in that pit. For He can get you out of there in no time flat!

Forsaking The Pit.
As I climb over the rim, I clearly see,
Involuntary I shudder the sight in me,
Down without a bottom the pit below,
Yes this fiery hole within me on show!

Hear voices of darkness pressing hard on must.
Those 'speaking guilt, shame, unbelief, and distrust,
All together pushing, yes, pressing me deep,
Resisting my climb to the top so steep.

See those guilty feelings still tug my feet,
I can feel flames searing, my toes they meet!
Electrifying my soul, no mercy on show.
Why ever did I take this hell-hole in tow?

Above me the Light, Jesus, the Truth so high!
How long before I will meet up with Him in the sky?
He knows I will come after Him without a doubt,
As true nourishing goodness He is all about.

My bloodied fingers scraped by rock,
For how many years did they mock?
Those hard places within my very being,
Those fiery stones of my own seeing!

I climbed after the Light right above me,
The only truth that truly leaves me be,
Never will I stop seeking after The Light.
As Jesus Christ is my very soul's delight!

Soon the 'resting place' of my enemy,
Bottomless pit shall forever be!
For the ones without Love or Grace.
Those who with their lies made this place.

Thank you for sharing... I sought the LORD, and he answered me; he delivered me from all my fears.

 

[Noxot]

do you pray a lot to God? how do you pray? if it puts you in a certain mood then I recommend that you turn this automatic evil thought into a chance to pray to God.

I wish I were dead, Lord. please help me. i'm really sick of these evil thoughts. I don't want them. I want you. thanks for making me able to pray to you when this evil thought comes. i'm so happy that you turn a bad situation into a good one, that you used the evil to let me pray to you. help me to pray better, that it might better my own being. please save us from the evil thought, i'm sure that your people also need help with such. we really really need your help. thanks for showing me that i'm innocent when I pray to you, it makes me feel so comforted that you love me and that i'm yours.

 

[teresa]

do you pray a lot to God? how do you pray? if it puts you in a certain mood then I recommend that you turn this automatic evil thought into a chance to pray to God.

I wish I were dead, Lord. please help me. i'm really sick of these evil thoughts. I don't want them. I want you. thanks for making me able to pray to you when this evil thought comes. i'm so happy that you turn a bad situation into a good one, that you used the evil to let me pray to you. help me to pray better, that it might better my own being. please save us from the evil thought, i'm sure that your people also need help with such. we really really need your help. thanks for showing me that i'm innocent when I pray to you, it makes me feel so comforted that you love me and that i'm yours.

thats a great idea....I've done musical prayers to stop it and its working.

I'm leaving a praise CD in my walkman with headphones plugged in and it lays on my desk all ready to go

when desperate, I've tried putting them on and just leaving the house and it helps

I also found that saying i wish i were centered works too

so far, the constant voice demanding me to die is going away

I also stopped the anti depressant as it seems to make me have this constant recurring thought problem

if i hear a commercial jingle, i cant stop hearing it over and over and over again while on these serotonin drugs

these meds increase serotonin and my neurons keep firing and so I keep thinking the same thought over and over and over again...driving me nuts and making my despair and exhaustion worse, due to the torture of having my brain not shut up!

 

[teresa]

PS-
@AMR, I also listen to the NT bible CD and it distracts my mind as well and is so helpful.

 

[Zoii]

I just focused on an image of myself - An image that i wanted to be. And I just work out the things I need to do to be that image. Its taking me way past the issues I had as a young teen, instead of binding me to those years.

Dont underestimate longitudinal professional counselling. I also recommend a journal and some sort of expressive outlet for the intense thoughts that can crowd your mind. For me it was art n a journal that helped un-crowd my mind.

 

[Jeshu]

What is really important hope in all of this is that you give God's love to yourself as well as everyone else. It is always safe to pass the love of God on to others as well as self, for God's love is a two edge sword. It brings good and it takes away the bad!

i wish i were dead
thinking i want to die
but alive loving Jesus
others as well as self
Hallelujah!