- Mar 24, 2017
- 205
- 112
- 35
- Country
- United States
- Faith
- Non-Denom
- Marital Status
- Single
So I have Intracranial Hypertension. So its kinda like being a turtle with its head crushed under a rock.
Kinda makes the whole point of having a shell, swimming, long life. kinda pointless.
as this is one of the worse things that can happen to a person. Since its very much a handicap as bad as say losing an arm. or a leg. or an eye. But no one can see it and your left with loads of medical complications that barely make the grade as serious so people don't care how serious it is.
Having a lot of pressure on the inside of your skull. Imagine not having any personal space.
being claustrophic, difficulties with dieting, vision, breathing, speaking, facial muscles, and feelings, social cues. Besides that the doctor prescribed me a medication that gave me herniated disc.
after that I got hernias. So now my sexual life for the better, Take it out back and shoot it like a dog. I look relatively normal. I had no idea that when you can't make eye contact people immediately shut you off. I tried feeling as close to the Lord as I can. But it seems that handicap or not. People don't see it as anything of a reason to cut me some slack or think that even in church its not a shameful to be picking on me. Due to my lack of physical strength and muted presence. So Besides having headaches and the list goes on and on. I'll tell you this. Everyone who has been stricken with this from what I can tell and what they have reported. It destroys their life.
I was a person who was in college, had plenty of friends, wasn't the most popular, but was accepted. At the ripe age of 22 I learned, That yea that person died. Cuz this is not having a trauma where it happens, its over life goes on. Your brain and nervous system along with the abiity to smile and speak. like I said a turtle having its head crushed. Might have a long life. and is contemplative, intelligent. But life on the sands or in the water makes no sense since I feel like I'm drowning anyways.
I tried going through the phase of coping but my dad was drawn to my emotional motility like a dog licking the wounds of an injured man. and when I couldn't give what he wanted. He'd bite. He's the kind of man that mentions to me that he had the chance to sell me, but didn't. Don't know what to say. Punches me in the face cuz I say I'm getting a restraining order against him. um
So that part of coping was buried under my parents not wanting to acknowledge that anything was wrong with me for years until the doctor diagnosed me. Till then even since a few months ago. The only thing they were interested in knowing was. How is this my fault.
And only reason why was so they can write off they're p!$$ poor parenting if I die, its my fault. Nothing could've been done. It was inevitable and as parents we don't have to feel at all bad about how we might've contributed to his death.
I admitted to them enough that they could make that connection. and They immediately
like conniving thieves ran away with the notion as fast as they could to come up with a story about the past into the pretext that "we don't have to feel bad about you, or what we did, cuz we didn't do anything, were let off the hook if you died, we have our story. You, your damaged goods." With time I came to realize anything and everything that happened to me, they're good at looking the other way. I was almost kidnapped as a child. My mom wanted to think I was only joking"
So I've tried being nice and sincere and polite. But now I'm bitter, and I gotta admit, a little full of hate.
Kinda makes the whole point of having a shell, swimming, long life. kinda pointless.
as this is one of the worse things that can happen to a person. Since its very much a handicap as bad as say losing an arm. or a leg. or an eye. But no one can see it and your left with loads of medical complications that barely make the grade as serious so people don't care how serious it is.
Having a lot of pressure on the inside of your skull. Imagine not having any personal space.
being claustrophic, difficulties with dieting, vision, breathing, speaking, facial muscles, and feelings, social cues. Besides that the doctor prescribed me a medication that gave me herniated disc.
after that I got hernias. So now my sexual life for the better, Take it out back and shoot it like a dog. I look relatively normal. I had no idea that when you can't make eye contact people immediately shut you off. I tried feeling as close to the Lord as I can. But it seems that handicap or not. People don't see it as anything of a reason to cut me some slack or think that even in church its not a shameful to be picking on me. Due to my lack of physical strength and muted presence. So Besides having headaches and the list goes on and on. I'll tell you this. Everyone who has been stricken with this from what I can tell and what they have reported. It destroys their life.
I was a person who was in college, had plenty of friends, wasn't the most popular, but was accepted. At the ripe age of 22 I learned, That yea that person died. Cuz this is not having a trauma where it happens, its over life goes on. Your brain and nervous system along with the abiity to smile and speak. like I said a turtle having its head crushed. Might have a long life. and is contemplative, intelligent. But life on the sands or in the water makes no sense since I feel like I'm drowning anyways.
I tried going through the phase of coping but my dad was drawn to my emotional motility like a dog licking the wounds of an injured man. and when I couldn't give what he wanted. He'd bite. He's the kind of man that mentions to me that he had the chance to sell me, but didn't. Don't know what to say. Punches me in the face cuz I say I'm getting a restraining order against him. um
So that part of coping was buried under my parents not wanting to acknowledge that anything was wrong with me for years until the doctor diagnosed me. Till then even since a few months ago. The only thing they were interested in knowing was. How is this my fault.
And only reason why was so they can write off they're p!$$ poor parenting if I die, its my fault. Nothing could've been done. It was inevitable and as parents we don't have to feel at all bad about how we might've contributed to his death.
I admitted to them enough that they could make that connection. and They immediately
like conniving thieves ran away with the notion as fast as they could to come up with a story about the past into the pretext that "we don't have to feel bad about you, or what we did, cuz we didn't do anything, were let off the hook if you died, we have our story. You, your damaged goods." With time I came to realize anything and everything that happened to me, they're good at looking the other way. I was almost kidnapped as a child. My mom wanted to think I was only joking"
So I've tried being nice and sincere and polite. But now I'm bitter, and I gotta admit, a little full of hate.
