At the end of the month, I will have been a widow for 10 years. It both feels like he has been gone forever and that he just here yesterday. I think that is only something a widow can understand. I thought I knew my husband very good (and I still think this) but each year, I realize how much I didn't know and now I can't ask him and that hurts. There was even some things that I started to ask him and consciously decided that we'd have plenty of time when we retired to talk about our childhoods. Ironic.
I have found that although I am lonely a lot, I don't like to be very social and I don't like what people tend to do when they are social. I liked being a homebody with my husband. I also have developed some social anxieties that are directly related the grief of him dying. I absolutely hate large noisy crowds. That said, how I have healed and how I meet that need in me to connect with people is to serve others. I was in my mid-life when my husband died and I went to nursing school. I absolutely love caring for my patients. However, there are other ways to get that need for love met being older. My mother (who lives many states away from us) found a struggling family with young kids after she retired and volunteered to babysit the kids for a few hours one afternoon a week so the mother could get out of the house...either to shop alone or just do something for herself. Over times, she has become the grandmother to these kids that they don't have. They invite her to birthday parties and some holidays. The kid occasionally come to stay at her house and have a one-on-one day with "Miss Ruth". She is family even though they have no blood in common. You can find a member of your church who needs a weekly visit or even a regular phone call if you aren't able to get out of the home. Serving people is serving God...and through this service, you are likely to be remembered and loved. Maybe you just need to ask the church to match you up with another lonely widow and you can be that person for each other...a short call every afternoon at 3pm, just to check on each other and remind each other that someone is thinking about you and her.