I thought I check in on my thread again, since this is the only place on replying for a while.I thought up some more question that bug me.What good is believing in God without believing in a spritual side and why have some beliefs about the spritual nature of God faded? How can I continue to believe in God if there is really nothing miraculous or mystical about believing--as in why do we depend on all types of professionals lawyers, financial advisors, doctors, the president of our country, etc. instead of something good coming from God? I mean God supposedly can use anybody, but I am having problems with the fact I never really witness many fantastic miracles and usually what happens to me is bad instead of good. Man, I want to believe strongly that there is a loving God taking care of me, but so many bad things happen to me. My employers--at both jobs--do the opposite of what makes me happy at work, they cut my hours, they accuse me of things childishly, and one of the jobs actually makes me do work that causes me pain.I'm trying really hard to quit--I actually got one but couldn't keep due to fact my other job makes me do stuff that put me into a doctor's care--pain pills, physical therapy, you name it! They won't even believe it when I tell them the pain is caused by standing so long and not lifting! I mean it makes me sad! I don't know how I can ethically keep believing God's going to get me through this when there is so much to worry about and so much misery in my life. I go to church, I am a hard worker, I donate to the poor, and I would believe it would be morally correct to believe I deserve something better. Why doesn't it get better? Is it morally correct to assume it's demons or evil spirits or should I consider myself crazy? I jump from believing one to ther other.II'm trying to see the ethics or morality in why God would allow my life to be so rotten. I'm trying to see the ethics or morality in why I should keep on going on this site and defending Christianity. I'm trying to see why when I try to speak what I believe the truth I seem to get dumped on. How can I ethically argue on these forums in the very same symbol others represent that are not not so nice?I run into my own logic all the time over this. What on earth did I do now that God doesn't want to help me with? Why aren't all Christians showing the love your neighbor & love your enemy ideaology of Jesus? Why aren't I at least being allowed to financially take care of myself--I don't ask for much, I am just sick of being poor. I can't sort out the logic involved in this and I can't logically determine why Christian love doesn't always seem to equal my interpretation of what love is.Then again, I can't rationalize parts of the Old Testament either and it represents one of the largest moral and ethical problems of being a Christian for me--beside the way some of Paul's works and one of Peter's comments on women are translated. How is killing children loving? How are strict rules without mercy loving? I'm just so confused as to how I can morally represent the faith without being honest about what I feel and not have to cover up certain beliefs just so I can post. It feels so wrong.