I want to get to the heart of the issue (dating life)

[Bennett Gamble]

First of all I would like to say this is my first post and this may be in the completely wrong section of the forum so I apologize for any inconvenience. I wanted to reach out to a Christian group of any sort to get some help on thoughts I might be able to sort out with some affirmation. There’s a girl I have dated for about 8 months. She’s beautiful to me and I care greatly about her, and we have made many promises to be together forever as you do, but it is questionable whether they were promises I was ready to make. Recently there had been a nagging kind of like a kid tugging at your pant sleeve that was asking me to practically move on. I don’t know if that nagging was out of lust for other girls, restlessness because this is my first serious relationship and I don’t know what else is outside of it, or just being scared of forever. I decided to inform her that we should break up and though shaken to her foundation she didn’t stop me. She is the first serious relationship I’ve been in as I mentioned, and I think because her faith is not strong yet I replaced God in her life. I wanted her back so so bad, and in my weakness I came back to her and she was there waiting as she said she would be. As soon as I got to a place where I felt like I had her back I began to feel the same noncommittal feelings I broke up with her in the first place for. I want to know whether this is satan tempting me or God asking me leave her for good. I’ve never been the best at discernment and I don’t want to leave her but she also doesn’t deserve someone that can’t commit. It’s not very like me to be indecisive and it hurts my heart greatly to feel like I’m holding something she values greatly in the balance. I understand I need to do what is important to me at a certain point and not be concerned with any manipulation from her side, but also I believe that no relationship can’t work it’s just our sin nature that causes things to not workout or to not be “good”. I hope my thoughts are understandable I’m a bit in distress. I’m currently still with her but we still want to talk before getting truly back together in the next week or so. Despite the complicated emotional conflicts within does anyone have advice on how to discern God’s voice from Satans temptation or even advice in a Christian lens? Any help would be appreciated thank you

 

[Bennett Gamble]

First of all I would like to say this is my first post and this may be in the completely wrong section of the forum so I apologize for any inconvenience. I wanted to reach out to a Christian group of any sort to get some help on thoughts I might be able to sort out with some affirmation. There’s a girl I have dated for about 8 months. She’s beautiful to me and I care greatly about her, and we have made many promises to be together forever as you do, but it is questionable whether they were promises I was ready to make. Recently there had been a nagging kind of like a kid tugging at your pant sleeve that was asking me to practically move on. I don’t know if that nagging was out of lust for other girls, restlessness because this is my first serious relationship and I don’t know what else is outside of it, or just being scared of forever. I decided to inform her that we should break up and though shaken to her foundation she didn’t stop me. She is the first serious relationship I’ve been in as I mentioned, and I think because her faith is not strong yet I replaced God in her life. I wanted her back so so bad, and in my weakness I came back to her and she was there waiting as she said she would be. As soon as I got to a place where I felt like I had her back I began to feel the same noncommittal feelings I broke up with her in the first place for. I want to know whether this is satan tempting me or God asking me leave her for good. I’ve never been the best at discernment and I don’t want to leave her but she also doesn’t deserve someone that can’t commit. It’s not very like me to be indecisive and it hurts my heart greatly to feel like I’m holding something she values greatly in the balance. I understand I need to do what is important to me at a certain point and not be concerned with any manipulation from her side, but also I believe that no relationship can’t work it’s just our sin nature that causes things to not workout or to not be “good”. I hope my thoughts are understandable I’m a bit in distress. I’m currently still with her but we still want to talk before getting truly back together in the next week or so. Despite the complicated emotional conflicts within does anyone have advice on how to discern God’s voice from Satans temptation or even advice in a Christian lens? Any help would be appreciated thank you

I also want to add if anyone will see this but I want to know whether when I left was that Gods intention for me and then by going back I was opposing his plan or if it’s the other way around where God was using the time apart that was spurred by satan to impact us for any relationship that continues between us

 

[Tolworth John]

A practical suggestion.
Make a list of everything that attracts you to her, of all her good points, of every reason why you like her and want to be with her.
Then do the same with all the reasons by you don't want to be with her, all her bad points etc etc

Compare he lists.

If you dump her, who are you going to date.

Think what sort of leader are you as a Christian Man?
This is not about God speaking or leading you but about you and your character.
You have made promises to her, so just what are they worth?

With the social lockdown at present you aren't going to be seeing her or anyone else.
I would suggest keeping in touch with her daily and see how things go.

 

[Bennett Gamble]

A practical suggestion.
Make a list of everything that attracts you to her, of all her good points, of every reason why you like her and want to be with her.
Then do the same with all the reasons by you don't want to be with her, all her bad points etc etc

Compare he lists.

If you dump her, who are you going to date.

Think what sort of leader are you as a Christian Man?
This is not about God speaking or leading you but about you and your character.
You have made promises to her, so just what are they worth?

With the social lockdown at present you aren't going to be seeing her or anyone else.
I would suggest keeping in touch with her daily and see how things go.

Thank you so much for the advice. Not sure if you expected any response or if it was mainly rhetorical, but you are right. This isn’t only a call from God it’s a call to character and that’s something I’ll need to delve into. I don’t have any plans outside of this relationship and in the time I was apart from her I took time to understand faith in God. I made those promises on a feeling and I’ll do what it takes to uphold my word but there is also a point I am wary of when the heart is no longer operating under proper motives. What’s a promise without the heart to back it up eh? I’m still scared to recommit because I don’t want to hurt her again but my identity in myself is still being built and if she had come at a better time in my life I know I would want her for my whole life. To get back to what you said however, a pros cons list is something I’ve put off for too long so thank you for the reminder.

 

[Tolworth John]

Thank you so much for the advice. Not sure if you expected any response or if it was mainly rhetorical, but you are right. This isn’t only a call from God it’s a call to character and that’s something I’ll need to delve into. I don’t have any plans outside of this relationship and in the time I was apart from her I took time to understand faith in God. I made those promises on a feeling and I’ll do what it takes to uphold my word but there is also a point I am wary of when the heart is no longer operating under proper motives. What’s a promise without the heart to back it up eh? I’m still scared to recommit because I don’t want to hurt her again but my identity in myself is still being built and if she had come at a better time in my life I know I would want her for my whole life. To get back to what you said however, a pros cons list is something I’ve put off for too long so thank you for the reminder.

Don't forget to talk with her. I don't know how much of a lockdown you have, but you need to talk, about life, her life, feelings as well as your feelings.