I want to die.

[supermagdalena]

My mom. I finally blew up at her. I'm grounded because I blew up at her. I contained myself all week. But when she told me I was going to hell for the way I treated her...I blew.

I hate her. I'm trying so hard to love her, I'm trying to believe she's human. But this witch could have never had a heart or soul. She's making my life Hell. I'm trying to believe she loves me. But no one who loves me would do this to me...

I'm never going to take myself out, but I wouldn't complain if God decided to.

My only problem is that I would die weak, never having beat this woman who preys on all my insecurities. It's why I'm living.

I just can't take much more of this psychological warfare. I'm not mentally strong enough to deal with her manipulating my weaknesses anymore.

Everyone thinks I have it all together. Everyone thinks I have the perfect family. They think I'm dramatic and spoiled.

I need to move.

 

[* kittie *]

sweetie...i'm so sorry.
she had no right to say something like that to you.
wish there was some way i could help, because i know it's pretty irritating when parents are like that.
and yeah...it sucks when everyone on the outside thinks that you're life is perfect, when in fact, you're struggling.
i hope your mother...learns that she should treat you that way.

i mean...i don't really know what i can say. i'm just so sorry. hope things impove.

 

[Mr.Cheese]

*Mr.Cheese loves his li'l Maggie*

 

[evangeline2020]

I'm so sorry for your pain, I can relate to how you feel. My relationship with my mum as a teenager was filled with hurt and pain, rejection and mental abuse. As I got older I found the strength and courage to heal, resist and move on from it.
The only thing I can say is that God loves you, He is with you. Often times though its only when you come through things that you can look back and see Him there with you every step of the way.
I'm sure you know the "footprints" verse, its my favourite non biblical piece as I know from experience that God has carried me a lot.
If you want to talk in more detail about what you are feeling, do PM me and I'll do the best I can to help.
In the meantime, I'll be praying for you and asking God to hold you extra close at this very difficult time.
Go with God always.
Eve

 

[supermagdalena]

Thanks, y'all. I'm feeling a lot better, honest. I'm recomposed...it's just sometimes I lose it, you know? I do love her, she's my mom...sometimes I feel like I can't anymore though. Thanks for y'all's prayers and support.

God Bless,
-Supermag

 

[DJ B.K.]

I know how it is to be on the outside of someone with these type of problems. I thought a couple of my friends were perfectly happy for the most part until i went with them on this retreat. In our small group they revealed thing i never thought they would've gobe through. I cried hard. Don't be afraid to talk to your friends about your problems to your friends about your problems. You'd be amazed how much some want to help. I know I'd would've liked to help my friends out. I'm praying things start going better for your family.

 

[desi]

Hang in there. In a few short years you will be beyond her control, or at least out of the house. Sometimes parents say things they should not to their children. Just try to be respectful to her despite her disrespect of you. Its not fair but its usually the best way to handle such people, kill them with kindness. Don't give up. Just make sure you have good friends you can talk to when you feel like screaming.

 

[cyberwing]

Hey Maggie!
I am a Mother. I try very hard to respect my sons for the awesome people they are, but can I admit something to you as a Mother? I'm working at this too! I'm a mess of insecurities and failures! (The one difference here I think is, I am honest with my sons and tell them when I foul up and ask them to forgive me when I sin against them by yelling at them, etc.)
Try to forgive your Mother. She may have more problems than you know she is dealing with. She is NOT perfect and she is struggling. This is what I tried to teach my youth group, you have the power to help THEM! Yes, YOU. If you are stronger in the Holy Spirit, it may be YOU that reaches your Mother/Father with the love of Christ! This is prophesied and quite biblical. Remember the Israelites? It was the YOUTH that were allowed to enter the promised land because they had remained faithful to God!!!
My suggestion is to take your anger to God and lay your Mother at the feet of the Cross. Your shining example of forgiveness might be the anchor to help your Mother regain her personal relationship with Jesus! Hang in there kiddo! ::
~DJ

 

[supermagdalena]

Actually we all talked last night, they ungrounded me and apologized and we're working as a family to keep a healthy family envoronment these last few years. I hope we can pull it off!

Thanks

 

[* kittie *]

yay, i'm happy things worked out. and i hope they continue to do so.

 

[evangeline2020]

I'm so pleased for you that you have worked things out at the moment. I will keep you in my prayers that things will work out longer term. In the meantime, if you ever feel that you need to talk to someone, or just "vent" about your feelings, do PM me. I know how it can help to just have someone to tell how you are feeling at that moment, that won't take it personally.
Remember too, God loves you no matter what you are feeling, going through or happens to you.
This helped me in some of my darkest times, I hope it helps you 1 Peter 5 v7 "Cast all your anxiety on Him because he cares for you"
God bless

 

[supermagdalena]

Thanks, you guys are really great. So far it's working out alright though my mom and i still snap at eachother. No major problems yet and I've been able to containt wahatever anger and frustration I have at her. Thanks for your prayers!
-Supermag

 

[cyberwing]

Hey SuperMag! That's wonderful! {{{BIG HUG}}} You are a special young lady! Feel free to PM me if you need to just 'vent'.
~DJ