Is there any advice people can give about letting go of the past? I had a really terrible year a long time ago, but I still feel really bad about it. I feel unforgivable. I feel like I'm a nice person, but I really screwed up. If it wasn't for this one year I think I would be okay.
After that year is when I started hearing voices in my head. That is when I was diagnosed with Schizophrenia. One of the voices I hear in my head constantly reminds me of my sins and says I'm going to hell. He says "you're just bad enough." He implies that I'm not as bad as some people, but I'm bad enough for hell.
I can never shake this voice. I've tried several medications and I found one that helps but I still hear this voice all day long. It's just not as bad and I can sleep. If I don't take the medication I can't sleep at all. The voice is unrelenting and insists that I'm going to hell. So all day long I feel like I'm going to hell. I try to do good deeds. I give money to the poor every time I have the chance. I also volunteer at a Christian homeless shelter. The voice in my head just laughs at me. He says I'm "bribing God" whenever I give to the poor.
The voice in my head is constantly making deals and bets. It says "if you do this you'll get some kind of disease." I don't want to go into the details but he is constantly attacking me with illnesses and other things that I'm afraid of.
I wish I could toss this demon out, but he just laughs at my attempts. He says "God is paying me for doing what I do to you." He says "God is giving me my wings back for what I do to you."
So, I really don't know what to do. I want to be on God's good side. I want to be a good person. I want to follow Jesus and go to heaven. It just feels kind of impossible.
After that year is when I started hearing voices in my head. That is when I was diagnosed with Schizophrenia. One of the voices I hear in my head constantly reminds me of my sins and says I'm going to hell. He says "you're just bad enough." He implies that I'm not as bad as some people, but I'm bad enough for hell.
I can never shake this voice. I've tried several medications and I found one that helps but I still hear this voice all day long. It's just not as bad and I can sleep. If I don't take the medication I can't sleep at all. The voice is unrelenting and insists that I'm going to hell. So all day long I feel like I'm going to hell. I try to do good deeds. I give money to the poor every time I have the chance. I also volunteer at a Christian homeless shelter. The voice in my head just laughs at me. He says I'm "bribing God" whenever I give to the poor.
The voice in my head is constantly making deals and bets. It says "if you do this you'll get some kind of disease." I don't want to go into the details but he is constantly attacking me with illnesses and other things that I'm afraid of.
I wish I could toss this demon out, but he just laughs at my attempts. He says "God is paying me for doing what I do to you." He says "God is giving me my wings back for what I do to you."
So, I really don't know what to do. I want to be on God's good side. I want to be a good person. I want to follow Jesus and go to heaven. It just feels kind of impossible.