I want to be Catholic again, but...

[TheSunnySapling]

Hello everyone, I'm having a dilemma. I'm at the lowest point in my life, and I really want to return to the Catholic Church for comfort, stability, consistency, and a foundation. But there's some massive problems standing in my way.. first is that I unequivocally do not, can not, and will not have children. With the severe level of mental health issues I face (PTSD, BPD, OCD, major depression, eating disorders, which worsen tremendously when I'm hormonal) and multiple suicide attempts in my life,, it would be a death sentence for me to go through the hormonally influenced mental health fluctuations and the potential post partum depression, which led my sister to feel suicidal. Having kids could very likely lead to a completed suicide attempt. I know myself well enough to say that would push me over the edge.

I also don't want children because I can't put that kind of responsibility on myself when many days, I'm hanging on by a thread and trying to live.

You might counter and say that a relationship takes responsibilities. You're right, but my partner could presumably take care of himself, bathe himself, feed himself, etc. I don't have the energy to be a full time caregiver.

Since you have to have children in order to be legitimately married in the eyes of the Church, I would basically never be able to fall in love, and so a great passion and meaning in my life would be taken from me.

Then there's the issue of hell. I can't really believe in hell because it worsens my anxiety/OCD, creates an abusive dynamic with God, and makes me terrified of missteps.

But I like everything else about Catholicism, so what do I do?

 

[Michie]

Hello everyone, I'm having a dilemma. I'm at the lowest point in my life, and I really want to return to the Catholic Church for comfort, stability, consistency, and a foundation. But there's some massive problems standing in my way.. first is that I unequivocally do not, can not, and will not have children. With the severe level of mental health issues I face (PTSD, BPD, OCD, major depression, eating disorders, which worsen tremendously when I'm hormonal) and multiple suicide attempts in my life,, it would be a death sentence for me to go through the hormonally influenced mental health fluctuations and the potential post partum depression, which led my sister to feel suicidal. Having kids could very likely lead to a completed suicide attempt. I know myself well enough to say that would push me over the edge.

I also don't want children because I can't put that kind of responsibility on myself when many days, I'm hanging on by a thread and trying to live.

You might counter and say that a relationship takes responsibilities. You're right, but my partner could presumably take care of himself, bathe himself, feed himself, etc. I don't have the energy to be a full time caregiver.

Since you have to have children in order to be legitimately married in the eyes of the Church, I would basically never be able to fall in love, and so a great passion and meaning in my life would be taken from me.

Then there's the issue of hell. I can't really believe in hell because it worsens my anxiety/OCD, creates an abusive dynamic with God, and makes me terrified of missteps.

But I like everything else about Catholicism, so what do I do?

You talk to a priest. It’s never a good idea to seek important advice on the internet. I’ve not had children and I’m considered married by the Church. There is always more to the story than most think.

 

[chevyontheriver]

Hello everyone, I'm having a dilemma. I'm at the lowest point in my life, and I really want to return to the Catholic Church for comfort, stability, consistency, and a foundation. But there's some massive problems standing in my way.. first is that I unequivocally do not, can not, and will not have children. With the severe level of mental health issues I face (PTSD, BPD, OCD, major depression, eating disorders, which worsen tremendously when I'm hormonal) and multiple suicide attempts in my life,, it would be a death sentence for me to go through the hormonally influenced mental health fluctuations and the potential post partum depression, which led my sister to feel suicidal. Having kids could very likely lead to a completed suicide attempt. I know myself well enough to say that would push me over the edge.

I also don't want children because I can't put that kind of responsibility on myself when many days, I'm hanging on by a thread and trying to live.

You might counter and say that a relationship takes responsibilities. You're right, but my partner could presumably take care of himself, bathe himself, feed himself, etc. I don't have the energy to be a full time caregiver.

Since you have to have children in order to be legitimately married in the eyes of the Church, I would basically never be able to fall in love, and so a great passion and meaning in my life would be taken from me.

Then there's the issue of hell. I can't really believe in hell because it worsens my anxiety/OCD, creates an abusive dynamic with God, and makes me terrified of missteps.

But I like everything else about Catholicism, so what do I do?

You do not have to have children because you are married. You have to be OPEN TO HAVING children to marry and continue to be open to having children while married. But that is a truth whether you are Catholic or not.

And hell is real, but the love God has for you is a far bigger reality. That can relieve your anxieties. God is like the best version of a father, patient, delighted in you, always loving you.

The process for you to come back home to the Catholic Church is to pick a priest and go to confession. I have anxiety with confession but once I have done it I feel a wave of relief and peace. When I get stuck in life then going to confession astoundingly gets me unstuck. So find a priest, one at random or one carefully selected, your choice. Pick a time where you can have a longer talk, maybe make an appointment. Go and see what happens. Afterwards consider getting a spiritual director to help you think things through.

 

[AveChristusRex]

Hello everyone, I'm having a dilemma. I'm at the lowest point in my life, and I really want to return to the Catholic Church for comfort, stability, consistency, and a foundation. But there's some massive problems standing in my way.. first is that I unequivocally do not, can not, and will not have children. With the severe level of mental health issues I face (PTSD, BPD, OCD, major depression, eating disorders, which worsen tremendously when I'm hormonal) and multiple suicide attempts in my life,, it would be a death sentence for me to go through the hormonally influenced mental health fluctuations and the potential post partum depression, which led my sister to feel suicidal. Having kids could very likely lead to a completed suicide attempt. I know myself well enough to say that would push me over the edge.

I also don't want children because I can't put that kind of responsibility on myself when many days, I'm hanging on by a thread and trying to live.

You might counter and say that a relationship takes responsibilities. You're right, but my partner could presumably take care of himself, bathe himself, feed himself, etc. I don't have the energy to be a full time caregiver.

Since you have to have children in order to be legitimately married in the eyes of the Church, I would basically never be able to fall in love, and so a great passion and meaning in my life would be taken from me.

Then there's the issue of hell. I can't really believe in hell because it worsens my anxiety/OCD, creates an abusive dynamic with God, and makes me terrified of missteps.

But I like everything else about Catholicism, so what do I do?

I would conaider the Episcopalian view of Hell to be more anxiety indusing than that of Catholicism; as there is no third way in Episcopalianism...just eternal Hell, no potential way out. Moreover, while marriage does involve being open to life, the Church also recognizes that not every couple is called to parenthood. There are valid reasons, such as serious emotional, physical, or financial challenges, that can lead a couple to discern not having children. Marriage in the Catholic view is about far more than having children. It’s about mutual self-giving, helping each other grow in holiness, and reflecting God’s love to the world. Even couples who cannot or choose not to have children for valid reasons can live out a deeply meaningful and fulfilling marriage. This does not invalidate their marriage, as the primary commitments in marriage are to love and support each other unconditionally.

If marriage and children feel unattainable, that doesn’t mean you are excluded from love or purpose. Many people find profound meaning through friendships, community, faith, and other vocations. Catholic teaching holds that everyone is called to love—whether through marriage, consecrated life, or service in other ways. Your feelings are valid, and they highlight the importance of discerning your path with honesty and care. Praying for you!

 

[storypeddler]

Hello everyone, I'm having a dilemma. I'm at the lowest point in my life, and I really want to return to the Catholic Church for comfort, stability, consistency, and a foundation. But there's some massive problems standing in my way.. first is that I unequivocally do not, can not, and will not have children. With the severe level of mental health issues I face (PTSD, BPD, OCD, major depression, eating disorders, which worsen tremendously when I'm hormonal) and multiple suicide attempts in my life,, it would be a death sentence for me to go through the hormonally influenced mental health fluctuations and the potential post partum depression, which led my sister to feel suicidal. Having kids could very likely lead to a completed suicide attempt. I know myself well enough to say that would push me over the edge.

I also don't want children because I can't put that kind of responsibility on myself when many days, I'm hanging on by a thread and trying to live.

You might counter and say that a relationship takes responsibilities. You're right, but my partner could presumably take care of himself, bathe himself, feed himself, etc. I don't have the energy to be a full time caregiver.

Since you have to have children in order to be legitimately married in the eyes of the Church, I would basically never be able to fall in love, and so a great passion and meaning in my life would be taken from me.

Then there's the issue of hell. I can't really believe in hell because it worsens my anxiety/OCD, creates an abusive dynamic with God, and makes me terrified of missteps.

But I like everything else about Catholicism, so what do I do?

First, and I say this with all the love I and understanding I can muster, your primary obligation is to God---not to a denomination, not to a church, not to a body of believers, not to Christian friends,not even to a spouse or children. Your first allegiance and devotion belongs to God. Period. If a church---ANY church/denomination---places requirements on you that God does not specifically decree in His word, that church/denomination is exceeding its God-given authority. Jesus never married. Paul wasn't married and had no children. Any number of other Believers down through the ages have remained single as well, either because they felt that was their calling or else because they simply never fell in love with someone they chose to spend their life with. You show great wisdom by recognizing that you are not emotionally capable of having or raising children. I only wish more people had that kind of self-awareness. If they did, maybe we wouldn't see so much child abuse. You know what you are and are not capable of. Yes, I am speaking as a protestant, but the truth remains---the church is supposed to be here for us, not the other way around. Our strength and direction comes from God and God alone. He can certainly use ministers, priests, laymen, etc. to carry His word to us, but He has also made it possible for us to come directly to Him in prayer, without anyone in between. Trust in God, seek wisdom and guidance from Him, and then stand on what you receive. Don;t allow anyone or any church/denomination to second-guess truth you receive from the Father.

One more thing, while hell is absolutely real, it was never intended to be some threat hanging over our heads. God never intended us to walk through life fearing at every moment that we might misstep and be doomed. That's simply not how God sees us or interacts with us. If you believe that Jesus is the Son of God, and that He died and rose again to pay for your sins and restore you to good standing with God, then you are a Believer. Believers seek to do God's will and follow His commandments, but should never walk around fearful that some misstep will doom them. It won't. That's the whole point of GRACE.

Rest and relax in the Lord, my sister. His grace is sufficient to carry you through each and every trial you encounter. He is for you and for your good. He loves you more than can be put into words. Just like you are. There is nothing you could do to make Him love you more. Lean on Him and trust His guidance. If a church or denomination is at odds with that, you should move on from them.

 

[RileyG]

You talk to a priest. It’s never a good idea to seek important advice on the internet. I’ve not had children and I’m considered married by the Church. There is always more to the story than most think.

Yup. I 100% agree.