Gewn Brown

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I would rather talk to someone in person about this but I don't really have anyone I trust right now. My mother raised me Christian and I still call myself Christian but I haven't been to church in five years and I've never been to church in my area since I moved. My mom always told me that God is the only one that can and will protect me from demons and evil spirits. I never really believed in them when I was younger and closer to God. I never had them in my life then, but I think I have attracted some kind of evil spirit since my faith has lapsed.

I went through some really bad stuff in my twenties, they started off amazing when I got engaged to my high school sweet heart on my 21st birthday. I know it was wrong and against God's word but I had sex with him that night and it was both of our first times. I thought we were going to spend the rest of our lives together and we were already married in our hearts even though we weren't legally married yet. I had a weird lump on my private parts and went to the doctor. She ordered a biopsy and I found out I had cancer a week before Christmas that year.

My fiance was supportive initially, but when we found out how severe it was I told him I wanted to get married right away instead of waiting to plan my dream wedding. He said that he didn't wanna marry me in case I died and he wouldn't want to spend his life alone. Our relationship ended the moment he said in my heart. He was just a stranger after that, but we stayed together. I ended up having to get a complete hysterectomy, both my ovaries removed, a radical vaginectomy and a lot of my outer genitals removed including my [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse]. Back to back surgeries taking more and more each time because it was already so severe when we caught it plus chemotherapy was almost more than I could take.

I was very depressed then and I started to lose my faith and become angry at God for letting this happen to me. I was angry at my fiance for not supporting me. The final straw was when I had my vaginectomy. He said I wasn't a woman anymore and I could never give him kids and he deserves better from his wife. I went to the hospital for chemo and when I got home he had packed all his stuff and left. I tried to salvage the relationship but I haven't seen him in person since I left that morning. That was 6 years ago.

I haven't dated since, no man would want me when I can't have kids or have sex with him like a normal woman. My doctors offered me reconstructive surgery but the risks were so high, the results won't be perfect or even passable in most cases, I'll have to go through more pain of highly invasive surgery and it won't even feel the same. There's no benefit for me in it. I just don't want to suffer anymore.

This gets to the part where I think I attracted an evil spirit. I was walking my dog a week ago in the park and I came across a young teenage couple... Having relations. I stared at them longer than I should have and all I could think about was that I wanted to be able to do that again more than anything. That night I had the weirdest dream, it almost felt like I was awake but someone was touching me. Not sexual at first. Just hands touching me all over, more than just two hands and I couldn't move. Many hands just laying on me not moving. The next night I felt like I was being groped and kissed. The third night it got really explicit.

I looked online and all sources said it was sleep paralysis and just a hallucination and it's normal, but last night I KNOW I WAS AWAKE. I know it was real! I woke up to my dog barking and I put him outside to pee and went back to bed. I was on my phone for a bit and laid back down to go back to sleep. I felt someone touching me. I see the blankets move and my night shirt move too like a weight is on it, but there's nothing there. I kissing me and putting their hands on me, it felt like my finance touching me even though there's nothing down there to touch anymore. I wanted to fight back but I can't.

I'm scared to go to sleep tonight. I got my Bible out and was reading verses out loud but I still feel this presence in my house. I know it's going to happen again tonight and I'm scared and I don't know what to do. I told my friend that something paranormal is happening and I needed to stay over her place until I know what to do but she's an atheist and said for me to just suck it up and deal with it because it's not real. I know this is my fault for being angry at God and not wanting his protection and I brought it on myself but I don't want this.
 

Jeshu

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It is horrible what you have all been through and i would not be surprised if you suffer from some short of P.T.S.D after all the trauma you have been through.

About that evil spirit, nothing to worry about. Honest! Just tell it to leave in Jesus name and have faith that Jesus will drive it out for you.

Now would be a perfect time to start up a new relationship with Jesus again. Ask Him to save you from your sin and misery and tell Him all you feel and think about God, yourself and your neighbour. Please for your own sanity put your trust in Jesus and tell the wicked to leave. Know that you have the power in Christ.

Fear is what the wicked use they scare us witless and then tell us lies about God, ourselves and our neighbour. Put your faith and trust in Jesus therefore and give Him your fearful times. Know that His perfect love will cast out fear and deliver you the fearful one.

Faith in God's love overcomes fear and satan and his dominion.

Be of very good courage.

Peace.
 
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I would rather talk to someone in person about this but I don't really have anyone I trust right now. My mother raised me Christian and I still call myself Christian but I haven't been to church in five years and I've never been to church in my area since I moved. My mom always told me that God is the only one that can and will protect me from demons and evil spirits. I never really believed in them when I was younger and closer to God. I never had them in my life then, but I think I have attracted some kind of evil spirit since my faith has lapsed.

I went through some really bad stuff in my twenties, they started off amazing when I got engaged to my high school sweet heart on my 21st birthday. I know it was wrong and against God's word but I had sex with him that night and it was both of our first times. I thought we were going to spend the rest of our lives together and we were already married in our hearts even though we weren't legally married yet. I had a weird lump on my private parts and went to the doctor. She ordered a biopsy and I found out I had cancer a week before Christmas that year.

My fiance was supportive initially, but when we found out how severe it was I told him I wanted to get married right away instead of waiting to plan my dream wedding. He said that he didn't wanna marry me in case I died and he wouldn't want to spend his life alone. Our relationship ended the moment he said in my heart. He was just a stranger after that, but we stayed together. I ended up having to get a complete hysterectomy, both my ovaries removed, a radical vaginectomy and a lot of my outer genitals removed including my [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse]. Back to back surgeries taking more and more each time because it was already so severe when we caught it plus chemotherapy was almost more than I could take.

I was very depressed then and I started to lose my faith and become angry at God for letting this happen to me. I was angry at my fiance for not supporting me. The final straw was when I had my vaginectomy. He said I wasn't a woman anymore and I could never give him kids and he deserves better from his wife. I went to the hospital for chemo and when I got home he had packed all his stuff and left. I tried to salvage the relationship but I haven't seen him in person since I left that morning. That was 6 years ago.

I haven't dated since, no man would want me when I can't have kids or have sex with him like a normal woman. My doctors offered me reconstructive surgery but the risks were so high, the results won't be perfect or even passable in most cases, I'll have to go through more pain of highly invasive surgery and it won't even feel the same. There's no benefit for me in it. I just don't want to suffer anymore.

This gets to the part where I think I attracted an evil spirit. I was walking my dog a week ago in the park and I came across a young teenage couple... Having relations. I stared at them longer than I should have and all I could think about was that I wanted to be able to do that again more than anything. That night I had the weirdest dream, it almost felt like I was awake but someone was touching me. Not sexual at first. Just hands touching me all over, more than just two hands and I couldn't move. Many hands just laying on me not moving. The next night I felt like I was being groped and kissed. The third night it got really explicit.

I looked online and all sources said it was sleep paralysis and just a hallucination and it's normal, but last night I KNOW I WAS AWAKE. I know it was real! I woke up to my dog barking and I put him outside to pee and went back to bed. I was on my phone for a bit and laid back down to go back to sleep. I felt someone touching me. I see the blankets move and my night shirt move too like a weight is on it, but there's nothing there. I kissing me and putting their hands on me, it felt like my finance touching me even though there's nothing down there to touch anymore. I wanted to fight back but I can't.

I'm scared to go to sleep tonight. I got my Bible out and was reading verses out loud but I still feel this presence in my house. I know it's going to happen again tonight and I'm scared and I don't know what to do. I told my friend that something paranormal is happening and I needed to stay over her place until I know what to do but she's an atheist and said for me to just suck it up and deal with it because it's not real. I know this is my fault for being angry at God and not wanting his protection and I brought it on myself but I don't want this.
Paul advised, “Flee from fornication (inappropriate contenteia in Greek).” You watched a couple doing close physical contact and were filled with a spirit of lust. That led to inappropriate content and fantasy. You realized it was an evil spirit/influence. Celibacy is your best option in as much as you are not married. Some married and adopted. Others married and did not have children. Others accepted a single/celibate calling. There are ways to serve God without being married with children.
 
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Presbyterian Continuist

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I would rather talk to someone in person about this but I don't really have anyone I trust right now. My mother raised me Christian and I still call myself Christian but I haven't been to church in five years and I've never been to church in my area since I moved. My mom always told me that God is the only one that can and will protect me from demons and evil spirits. I never really believed in them when I was younger and closer to God. I never had them in my life then, but I think I have attracted some kind of evil spirit since my faith has lapsed.

I went through some really bad stuff in my twenties, they started off amazing when I got engaged to my high school sweet heart on my 21st birthday. I know it was wrong and against God's word but I had sex with him that night and it was both of our first times. I thought we were going to spend the rest of our lives together and we were already married in our hearts even though we weren't legally married yet. I had a weird lump on my private parts and went to the doctor. She ordered a biopsy and I found out I had cancer a week before Christmas that year.

My fiance was supportive initially, but when we found out how severe it was I told him I wanted to get married right away instead of waiting to plan my dream wedding. He said that he didn't wanna marry me in case I died and he wouldn't want to spend his life alone. Our relationship ended the moment he said in my heart. He was just a stranger after that, but we stayed together. I ended up having to get a complete hysterectomy, both my ovaries removed, a radical vaginectomy and a lot of my outer genitals removed including my [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse]. Back to back surgeries taking more and more each time because it was already so severe when we caught it plus chemotherapy was almost more than I could take.

I was very depressed then and I started to lose my faith and become angry at God for letting this happen to me. I was angry at my fiance for not supporting me. The final straw was when I had my vaginectomy. He said I wasn't a woman anymore and I could never give him kids and he deserves better from his wife. I went to the hospital for chemo and when I got home he had packed all his stuff and left. I tried to salvage the relationship but I haven't seen him in person since I left that morning. That was 6 years ago.

I haven't dated since, no man would want me when I can't have kids or have sex with him like a normal woman. My doctors offered me reconstructive surgery but the risks were so high, the results won't be perfect or even passable in most cases, I'll have to go through more pain of highly invasive surgery and it won't even feel the same. There's no benefit for me in it. I just don't want to suffer anymore.

This gets to the part where I think I attracted an evil spirit. I was walking my dog a week ago in the park and I came across a young teenage couple... Having relations. I stared at them longer than I should have and all I could think about was that I wanted to be able to do that again more than anything. That night I had the weirdest dream, it almost felt like I was awake but someone was touching me. Not sexual at first. Just hands touching me all over, more than just two hands and I couldn't move. Many hands just laying on me not moving. The next night I felt like I was being groped and kissed. The third night it got really explicit.

I looked online and all sources said it was sleep paralysis and just a hallucination and it's normal, but last night I KNOW I WAS AWAKE. I know it was real! I woke up to my dog barking and I put him outside to pee and went back to bed. I was on my phone for a bit and laid back down to go back to sleep. I felt someone touching me. I see the blankets move and my night shirt move too like a weight is on it, but there's nothing there. I kissing me and putting their hands on me, it felt like my finance touching me even though there's nothing down there to touch anymore. I wanted to fight back but I can't.

I'm scared to go to sleep tonight. I got my Bible out and was reading verses out loud but I still feel this presence in my house. I know it's going to happen again tonight and I'm scared and I don't know what to do. I told my friend that something paranormal is happening and I needed to stay over her place until I know what to do but she's an atheist and said for me to just suck it up and deal with it because it's not real. I know this is my fault for being angry at God and not wanting his protection and I brought it on myself but I don't want this.
I am very aware that what you have gone through is a nightmare and all I can say is that putting your trust in Christ as your Saviour and Lord is the best option. There is a promise in Scripture for you: "Be not anxious for anything, but by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, make your requests known to God, and the peace of God that passes all understanding will keep your heart and mind in Jesus Christ."

I will venture to say that your fiance was more in love with your body and the expectation of having a sex life with you, than with you as a person. His desertion of you merely showed his true colours. And I would have a fairly low opinion of his profession of Christianity.

But I wouldn't know what I would do if the same thing had happened to the woman I was to marry 30 years ago. But I would find it very difficult just to walk away from her. I would have to live with that, and I think that it would be easier for me to stick with her and learn to live with the situation. I think we could discuss together alternatives for having a sex life, and there are always orphan babies to adopt and love as our own children. There are always viable and meaningful options for people who trust God for their future.

My wife and I are in our 70s. Sex is just a happy memory for us, but our marriage is still as strong as ever because we are bonded together as two people, not as sexual partners. I have a family member whom I was brought up with. My grandparents adopted him a year before I was born. I have never seen him as anyone other than family, and he was devoted to his adoptive parents all their lives.

My view is that you get yourself right with God through faith in Christ, and trust Him to set up your future for you. I firmly believe that the Lord can find you a life partner who will see you as a precious person instead of a sex partner, and who would have no problem adopting children. God could find you a partner who is widowed with children of his own who could make you a precious part of his family. I know that if you put your trust in Jesus Christ, He will not leave you to be alone.

Be careful not to allow yourself to form a root of bitterness over what has happened to you. That would be a killer. What happened to you is not God's fault. These things have been done to you by things that are part of this imperfect world.

It seems to me that your experience with what you think may be an evil spirit, may be something that is generating fear in you - to paralyse you and rob you of your faith in yourself, other people and in God. But the Scripture says that God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of love, power and a sound mind. When I have feelings of fear over anything, I quote that Scripture to God, and the fear just vanishes away.

I hope this is an encouragement for you. The Scripture says, "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, lean not to your own understanding, delight yourself in the Lord, and He will guide your steps." In the 53 years I have been a Christian believer, that has never failed for me.
 
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GaveMeJoy

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Hello Gewn,
First of all I’m so incredibly sorry for all the horrible things you have experienced in your life. I can imagine that would be very difficult and could make God feel far away. I just want to encourage you that the Bible says Jesus has offered you and I and anyone who chooses him peace and joy that is independent of circumstances and available in the darkest and most intense suffering imaginable. The truth of the gospel, that Christ was the son of God who died on a cross for our sins and raised from the dead. And the scriptures which are the word of God are the only way to overcome all this pain and suffering you are experiencing. I rebuke the devil in the name of Jesus Christ, and I encourage you to seek counsel from some elders or Christians (find a non denominational evangelical church that believes in the Bible) At a local church and pray for God’s protection. Remember that demons can do nothing without the permission of God. Rebuke those demons if they are real. If it’s just REM sleep and weird dreams, rebuke that as well. I have gone through a great deal of suffering in the last couple years myself and I have made a list of verses on the Joy Jesus promises those who seek him. Read through these each night before you go to bed or when you feel overwhelmed.

Also it’s not true that no man would want you because of your physical disability. Some men care about what is inside a person and not what is outside. I have a close and dear male friend with a similar disability and he is married and still a valuable human being and spouse! Be encouraged all of this is for a reason God will not waste your pain. Also if you have Jesus in you he is stronger than demons and you have the power to overcome and rebuke them.


JOY verses



The holy grail of joy verses first!



Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.


Philippians 4:4-7



salm 90:14 New International Version (NIV)


14


Satisfy us in the morning with your unfailing love,


that we may sing for joy and be glad all our days.



Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.


1 Thessalonians 5:16-18



20 However, do not rejoice that the spirits submit to you, but rejoice that your names are written in heaven.”


Luke 10:20



9 “As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love. 10 If you keep my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have kept my Father’s commands and remain in his love. 11 I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete.


John 15:9- 11



You make known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand.


Psalm 16:11



Psalm 94:19 "When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought me joy."



May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.


Romans 15:13



I am torn between the two: I desire to depart and be with Christ, which is better by far; but it is more necessary for you that I remain in the body. Convinced of this, I know that I will remain, and I will continue with all of you for your progress and joy in the faith, so that through my being with you again your boasting in Christ Jesus will abound on account of me.


Philippians 1:23-26


(Paul says that continuing to inspire progress and joy in the church was one of the only reasons he was still even alive on earth.)



Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in God my Savior.


Habakkuk 3:17-18



And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.


Romans 8:28


Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more GLADLY about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.


2 Corinthians 12:8-10



When the members of the Sanhedrin heard this, they were furious and gnashed their teeth at him. But Stephen, full of the Holy Spirit, looked up to heaven and saw the glory of God, and Jesus standing at the right hand of God. “Look,” he said, “I see heaven open and the Son of Man standing at the right hand of God.”


Acts 7:54-56



Then Nebuchadnezzar was furious with Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego, and his attitude toward them changed. He ordered the furnace heated seven times hotter than usual So these men, wearing their robes, trousers, turbans and other clothes, were bound and thrown into the blazing furnace. Then King Nebuchadnezzar leaped to his feet in amazement and asked his advisers, “Weren’t there three men that we tied up and threw into the fire?” They replied, “Certainly, Your Majesty.” He said, “Look! I see four men walking around in the fire, unbound and unharmed, and the fourth looks like a son of the gods.”


Daniel 3:19,21,24-25



Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? As it is written: “For your sake we face death all day long; we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered.” No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.


Romans 8:35-39



John 16:20


Very truly I tell you, you will weep and mourn while the world rejoices. You will grieve, but your grief will turn to joy.



So with you: Now is your time of grief, but I will see you again and you will rejoice, and no one will take away your joy.


John 16:22



John 16:24


Until now you have not asked for anything in my name. Ask and you will receive, and your joy will be complete.



33 “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”


John 16:33



1 Peter 5:10


After you have suffered for a little while, the God of all grace, who called you to His eternal glory in Christ, will Himself perfect, confirm, strengthen and establish you.


Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him.


James 1:12



Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.


James 1:2-4



Dear friends, do not be surprised at the fiery ordeal that has come on you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice inasmuch as you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when his glory is revealed.


-1 Peter 4:12-13


At this time, Emperor Nero was burning the bodies of Christians to light his gardens in the evenings



In fact, everyone who wants to live a godly life in Christ Jesus will be persecuted,


2 Timothy 3:12




And now, brothers and sisters, we want you to know about the grace that God has given the Macedonian churches. In the midst of a very severe trial, their overflowing joy and their extreme poverty welled up in rich generosity.


2 Corinthians 8:1-2



I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us. For the creation waits in eager expectation for the children of God to be revealed.


Romans 8:18-19



“As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love. If you keep my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have kept my Father’s commands and remain in his love. I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete.John 15:9-11



Romans 5:1-5 New International Version (NIV)


Peace and Hope


5 Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, 2 through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we boast in the hope of the glory of God. 3 Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; 4 perseverance, character; and character, hope. 5 And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.



But how is it to your credit if you receive a beating for doing wrong and endure it? But if you suffer for doing good and you endure it, this is commendable before God. To this you were called, because Christ suffered for you, leaving you an example, that you should follow in his steps.


1 Peter 2:20-21



Nehemiah said, “Go and enjoy choice food and sweet drinks, and send some to those who have nothing prepared. This day is holy to our Lord. Do not grieve, for the joy of the Lord is your strength.”


Neh 8:10



Psalm 51:12


Restore to me the joy of Your salvation And sustain me with a willing spirit.



Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfector of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God. (Hebrews 12:1–2)



Romans 15:13 "May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit."




Psalm 5:11 "But let all those that put their trust in thee rejoice: let them ever shout for joy, because thou defendest them: let them also that love thy name be joyful in thee."


The Lord has established his throne in heaven, and his kingdom rules over all.


Psalm 103:19



Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.


Romans 12:11-12


So then, those who suffer according to God’s will should commit themselves to their faithful Creator and continue to do good.


1 Peter 4:19



Rejoice in the Lord and be glad, you righteous; sing, all you who are upright in heart!


Psalm 32:11



It gave me great joy when some believers came and testified about your faithfulness to the truth, telling how you continue to walk in it. I have no greater joy than to hear that my children are walking in the truth.


3 John 1:3-4



Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfector of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God. (Hebrews 12:1–2)


When your words came, I ate them; they were my joy and my heart’s delight, for I bear your name, Lord God Almighty.


Jeremiah 15:16
 
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SkyWriting

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I would rather talk to someone in person about this but I don't really have anyone I trust right now. My mother raised me Christian and I still call myself Christian but I haven't been to church in five years and I've never been to church in my area since I moved. My mom always told me that God is the only one that can and will protect me from demons and evil spirits. I never really believed in them when I was younger and closer to God. I never had them in my life then, but I think I have attracted some kind of evil spirit since my faith has lapsed.

I went through some really bad stuff in my twenties, they started off amazing when I got engaged to my high school sweet heart on my 21st birthday. I know it was wrong and against God's word but I had sex with him that night and it was both of our first times. I thought we were going to spend the rest of our lives together and we were already married in our hearts even though we weren't legally married yet. I had a weird lump on my private parts and went to the doctor. She ordered a biopsy and I found out I had cancer a week before Christmas that year.

My fiance was supportive initially, but when we found out how severe it was I told him I wanted to get married right away instead of waiting to plan my dream wedding. He said that he didn't wanna marry me in case I died and he wouldn't want to spend his life alone. Our relationship ended the moment he said in my heart. He was just a stranger after that, but we stayed together. I ended up having to get a complete hysterectomy, both my ovaries removed, a radical vaginectomy and a lot of my outer genitals removed including my [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse]. Back to back surgeries taking more and more each time because it was already so severe when we caught it plus chemotherapy was almost more than I could take.

I was very depressed then and I started to lose my faith and become angry at God for letting this happen to me. I was angry at my fiance for not supporting me. The final straw was when I had my vaginectomy. He said I wasn't a woman anymore and I could never give him kids and he deserves better from his wife. I went to the hospital for chemo and when I got home he had packed all his stuff and left. I tried to salvage the relationship but I haven't seen him in person since I left that morning. That was 6 years ago.

I haven't dated since, no man would want me when I can't have kids or have sex with him like a normal woman. My doctors offered me reconstructive surgery but the risks were so high, the results won't be perfect or even passable in most cases, I'll have to go through more pain of highly invasive surgery and it won't even feel the same. There's no benefit for me in it. I just don't want to suffer anymore.

This gets to the part where I think I attracted an evil spirit. I was walking my dog a week ago in the park and I came across a young teenage couple... Having relations. I stared at them longer than I should have and all I could think about was that I wanted to be able to do that again more than anything. That night I had the weirdest dream, it almost felt like I was awake but someone was touching me. Not sexual at first. Just hands touching me all over, more than just two hands and I couldn't move. Many hands just laying on me not moving. The next night I felt like I was being groped and kissed. The third night it got really explicit.

I looked online and all sources said it was sleep paralysis and just a hallucination and it's normal, but last night I KNOW I WAS AWAKE. I know it was real! I woke up to my dog barking and I put him outside to pee and went back to bed. I was on my phone for a bit and laid back down to go back to sleep. I felt someone touching me. I see the blankets move and my night shirt move too like a weight is on it, but there's nothing there. I kissing me and putting their hands on me, it felt like my finance touching me even though there's nothing down there to touch anymore. I wanted to fight back but I can't.

I'm scared to go to sleep tonight. I got my Bible out and was reading verses out loud but I still feel this presence in my house. I know it's going to happen again tonight and I'm scared and I don't know what to do. I told my friend that something paranormal is happening and I needed to stay over her place until I know what to do but she's an atheist and said for me to just suck it up and deal with it because it's not real. I know this is my fault for being angry at God and not wanting his protection and I brought it on myself but I don't want this.


You can help other people.
This is the solution you seek.
 
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Richard T

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Sorry to hear of your issues. Thankfully, you can still have victory in Jesus, especially in regards to these spirits. What you describe is not as uncommon as you think. Some give a name for such contact, an incubus or succubus spirit. There are several websites with prayers that can help in your self-deliverance or you may want to see someone that specializes in deliverance. Given your history of issues, I would consider the possibility that demons may be in your family line and now they are just manifesting themselves differently. God certainly desires to help and he does completely forgive what you have asked of Him. I do not know this ministry having just googled in incubus spirit, but this information does seem worth reading. I pray you persevere and gain new and many freedoms in Christ. Xpect a Miracle Ministries: Deliverance from Incubus, Succubus, Lust and Perverse Spirits
 
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Presbyterian Continuist

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As long as you believe this, it will be true.
Actually what you are saying is New Age Shamanism. Making something true because we believe it to be so is Hindu mind-control, practiced by witch-doctors all over the world. The only truth is when God says it is true whether we believe it or not.
 
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Jaqui Francis

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My friend that actively uses this website came across this post and urged me to make an account and share my experience. These types of encounters are causes by unclean spirits commonly called demons. The names of the ones that have forceful sexual encounters with Humans are called Incubi or Succubi. They purposefully prey on people that they see as weak or easy targets with already present trauma regarding sex and their sexuality. Demons are lazy and weak creatures that don't waste their time with people that will put up a fight when there's so many people that accept them willingly. When you saw those teens having sex that wish you made was heard by a demon and it gave them permission to prey on you. I was preyed upon by one of these demons when I was young because I was sexually abused by my father and I already had mental sexual wounds. The first time I remember it happening was when I was 14 and I was staying the night at my grandparents house. I woke up and went to use the bathroom in the middle of the night and when I got back in bed I felt like someone was laying next to me. I started feeling someone touching me while I was sleeping the following weeks after that and after a few months I would feel someone touching me and having sex with me even when I knew I was awake. I happened when I wasn't even in bed. I could be sitting up at my desk doing homework or drawing and I would feel someone touching me inappropriately and I could see my clothes move even though no one was there just like you experienced. I've heard that very few people can actually feel their touch and it's usually people that have suffered a lot either physically, mentally or sexually. Since you went through cancer and losing so much, not only your ability to have children but your ability to enjoy sex with your potential husband I think that suffering is enough to qualify. I delt with this for years because I just didn't know what was really happening and I didn't know I could do anything to stop it. I reached my breaking point when I was about to turn 18 and I fought back against it as much as I could and I felt myself being held down. I started crying out for anyone to help me. Anyone at all and I said dear God I don't want this and it stopped. Even though I didn't believe in God at that time He still protected me when I called out for help and I've never had any experience like that ever again and I'm 21 now. They prey on weak people and you have to fight back and let them know you're not weak and God will always help you.
 
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Gewn Brown

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I did call out to God for help every time it's happened so far. I prayed an hour last night before going to sleep and it happened again and I prayed for help the entire time it was happening. God hates me for blaming Him for my cancer. He'll never forgive me and protect me like he did you.
 
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Jaqui Francis

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I did call out to God for help every time it's happened so far. I prayed an hour last night before going to sleep and it happened again and I prayed for help the entire time it was happening. God hates me for blaming Him for my cancer. He'll never forgive me and protect me like he did you.


God hasn't abandoned you He wouldn't ever do that. You just have to rekindle your faith and relationship with him. He wouldn't blame you for being mad over something like that, I can't imagine getting cancer at my age. I'm as old as you are when you were diagnosed now. I'm still basically a child in my faith and my maturity. God understands that and know you we're just trying to survive. God has been by your side the whole time and His blessing guiding the doctors that saved your life is why you're still here. Give your thanks to Him. Go to a local church tomorrow morning and make some friends and give praise to God. He will protect you if that's what you want.
 
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Jeshu

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I did call out to God for help every time it's happened so far. I prayed an hour last night before going to sleep and it happened again and I prayed for help the entire time it was happening. God hates me for blaming Him for my cancer. He'll never forgive me and protect me like he did you.

No my dear that is not true. God doesn't hate you, that is the lie that satan uses to keep you away from Him and close to the wicked. It is the wicked who hate you because you are a daughter of God, he knows he can hurt you because you have no faith in God's love that is why these things are happening to you.

Honest repent of thinking God hates you and believe the truth that He loves you and wants to protect you from evil.

Faith in His love - Jesus Christ - is the Way to get away from where you are.
 
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Jeshu

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I just feel so hopeless. I cursed the holy spirit and that's unforgivable.

If you cursed the Holy Spirit then you would not care about the fact that you are cut of from your salvation. You would be glad to be free for you would hate God and everything He stands for.

As it is you are pining away in the lies you believe about God, yourself and your neighbour. Let Scripture teach you what the truth of your salvation is not regret, guilt, shame and fear.

Repent of the lies and believe the truth would you not fare a lot better?
 
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HARK!

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Ask YHWH for forgiveness; and call on his name to save you. Know in your heart that he wants you back. Know in your heart that he loves you. Know in your heart that there is nothing to fear, as he will save you.



Psalm 109:26-28
26 Help me, O Yahweh my Elohim;
save me according to your loyal love,
27 that they may know that this is your hand,
that you, O Yahweh, you have done it.
28 Let them curse, but you bless.
When they arise, let them be put to shame,
that your servant may be glad.
 
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Gewn Brown

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If you cursed the Holy Spirit then you would not care about the fact that you are cut of from your salvation. You would be glad to be free for you would hate God and everything He stands for.

As it is you are pining away in the lies you believe about God, yourself and your neighbour. Let Scripture teach you what the truth of your salvation is not regret, guilt, shame and fear.

Repent of the lies and believe the truth would you not fare a lot better?

I just don't know what to do at this point. I've tried everything with no help, if my mother was still alive she would know what to do. I feel lost without her spiritual guidance in my life.
 
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Gewn Brown

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Ask YHWH for forgiveness; and call on his name to save you. Know in your heart that he wants you back. Know in your heart that he loves you. Know in your heart that there is nothing to fear, as he will save you.



Psalm 109:26-28
26 Help me, O Yahweh my Elohim;
save me according to your loyal love,
27 that they may know that this is your hand,
that you, O Yahweh, you have done it.
28 Let them curse, but you bless.
When they arise, let them be put to shame,
that your servant may be glad.

I will do that. Thank you.
 
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Jeshu

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I just don't know what to do at this point. I've tried everything with no help, if my mother was still alive she would know what to do. I feel lost without her spiritual guidance in my life.

Commit your heart unto The Lord. Share Him your guilt but also your inner pain and confusion. Tell Him you fell for the lies of satan and he has been hurting you badly. Tell Him you understand now much better why sin is bad and can lead to death. Thank Him for the lessons you have learned and ask Him to guide you into your future.



I will do that. Thank you.

That is it! Trusting God for His loving goodness never fails.

Please understand we can look the wrong way and see darkness instead of light and pain instead of rejoicing but that doesn't make God's loving offer through and in Jesus Christ obsolete. He loves you sister, He has been urging me to pray for you because He wants you back under His care.

Resist the darkness. Fight it with His loving truth. Show Him that you do trust Him to love you true and that you would love to learn from Him to love true as well.

Be of good courage He has a future for you in and with Him. Honest Jesus is an awesome saviour He saved me from evil as well though i done everything wrong. The trick is trusting that He loves you true and wants you to be saved. Scripture says so! Therefore it is true!

Peace.

The Prayer Of The Fallen.

Wretched Sinner is what i am Lord
i'm corrupted to the core
my purity has left me
my integrity lays down trodden
trust in You i struggle to have
i transgress against Your love
miserable sinner that i am
what hope is there for me?

(Lord's reply)

I am The Lord your God
I have kept you
in the palm of My hand
I will not let you go
The blood of Jesus cleanses
you are Mine
Forever
Mine.
 
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All I can do is reinforce what has been said. I've prayed for your deliverance. Never give up. Never. Have hope and try rebuking the evil spirit or spirits. It's hard to find people who are of trust in these matters to cast the demons and the oppression away. Have faith in the Gospel and put the whole armor of God. Trust in Jesus Christ, our Savior and may the Lord be with you all the days of your life. Try to follow His commandments, because those who love Him are the ones that follow them by the grace give to us by the Almighty One, the Living God.
 
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