I think I blasphemed the Holy Spirit and I'm going to hell now

[faith campbell]

Prayer is needed. I'm afraid I committed the blasphemy of the holy spirit and doubted the existence of God and thr reliability of the bible.

Hi, I'm suffering from blasphemous thoughts as well. I was watching this Christian film called "Chosen" and at the end of the EPISODE 1, I doubted that the power Jesus used to cast the demon out of the lady was really from the holy spirit and then awareness came and I started to feel guilty. I never doubted His power nor His deity. I didn't know what's happening with me. I feel like I'm under a demonic attack and it's killing my spiritual life. I sang praise songs, I red the Bible and the page went to John 14. I red the whole passage but I don't feel a thing. Doubts of the existence of God happened and now I'm getting worried I committed an unpardonable sin. I am so guilty and I feel like Im going to hell no matter what I'll do since I already did something unforgivable while watching the film. It gave me confusion and out of the blue my heart felt doubtful.

Here's a background of why I had this feeling of worry and doubt.

It started when my anxiety came back after a year of deliverance from mental health illness. I was diagnosed with anxiety disorder in 2015 and it later became depression in my college years.

It was just last year when God delivered me and healed me in all aspects. I was really on fire and even enrolled in a bible college so I can get to know him more and train my faith to become stronger but my mental health illness came back and I experienced some dirty and compulsive thoughts. I'm afraid I have OCD because I kept trying to remove it by doing things beyond my limit. This anxiety remained rested until March 5, when there was a suspicious density found in my lungs xray. I was so worried that I had to leave the bible college for a week to get rest and examination. I wanted to prove that I am in urgency to get a second opinion so I left the school on Thursday when our dismissal was supposed to be on Friday. The dean of our dorm compared me to the other girls and indirectly told me that I am bothering her.

When I had my second test, I didn't feel any relief when I saw it cleared. There was this lingering feeling that I need to prove that there is something wrong in me so I get to stay in the bible college with excused reasons.

Then the lockdown in Metro Manila happened. I live in the province and so I packed up all my things and returned to our hometown. After I returned, I had this cough and muscle ache. I also had the sore throat. I was afraid I contracted the covid and spent my week worrying. I was given an antibiotic because the doctor told me it was just an infection in the throat.

While having this, I found out my
ex-boyfriend for 4 years has found someone already. It was so devastating because I am still inlove with him and he promises he'd wait for me til I graduate from the bible college.

We still talk even after finding out he has found someone and he confessed that he was trying to forget me. After a week, he left his gf and chose me but I didn't want that to happen. I was trying to process everything emotionally and mentally and I fixed my mind that I will heal from him but due to shock, I decided to accept him again but now I don't feel anything at all. I don't love him anymore and I decided to stop our relationship yesterday as I was not having a good sleep and a sound mind. I don't have the joy and peace because comparison to his ex gf made me insecure and it led to obsessive stalking.

This has been a problem.

I am so overwhelmed by all the events that is happening.

I need help, advices, from Christian perspectives

 

[rockytopva]

Can you say, “Jesus is Lord?” Then you have not sinned against the Holy Ghost. For....

“No man can say that Jesus is the Lord, but by the Holy Ghost.” - 1 Corinthians 12:3

 

[faith campbell]

Can you say, “Jesus is Lord?” Then you have not sinned against the Holy Ghost. For....

“No man can say that Jesus is the Lord, but by the Holy Ghost.” - 1 Corinthians 12:3

I've started to doubt the existence of God and I don't know if the bible is real or if I received the holy ghost or its just my emotion

 

[rockytopva]

And I heard a loud voice saying in heaven, Now is come salvation, and strength, and the kingdom of our God, and the power of his Christ: for the accuser of our brethren is cast down, which accused them before our God day and night. - Revelation 12:10

I would imagine it a common thing for young Christians to feel your way. Once the faith is strong those thoughts will dissipate away. Perfect love will also cast out fear.

 

[Sabertooth]

I think I blasphemed the Holy Spirit and I'm going to hell now

That accusation is all too common by OCD to its victims. If you repent whenever necessary, it is a complete and utter lie.

 

[faroukfarouk]

Hi; read Romans 8.

 

[rockytopva]

I've started to doubt the existence of God and I don't know if the bible is real or if I received the holy ghost or its just my emotion

I have built a web site that is now at 2.4 million views (rockytopva) . My goal here is to encourage faith.... For...

For whatsoever is born of God overcometh the world: and this is the victory that overcometh the world, even our faith. - 1 John 5:4

 

[createdtoworship]

duplicate

 

[createdtoworship]

I've started to doubt the existence of God and I don't know if the bible is real or if I received the holy ghost or its just my emotion

usually we doubt for two reasons, normally it's due to sin in our life. If we repent of sin, inappropriate contentography, sex with other people before marriage, and other sin, and turn to Jesus, you would be so suprised at how contradictions in the Bible all of a sudden make perfect sense. Because now you have the Holy spirit literally interpreting the scripture for you. When before you were alone, in sin. So receiving christ the right way is important. When we accept Christ we believe in Him and turn from any known sin, and make Him Lord of our life. That does not mean we are perfect but it means we no longer are living in sin, and for sin. If we were a proud homosexual before salvation, at salvation we are required to repent of that sin, and make Him Lord. Again that does not mean we are perfect, but it means we turn from the old and make room for the new life in Christ. Have you repented since you believed?

 

[Ricky M]

Prayer is needed. I'm afraid I committed the blasphemy of the holy spirit and doubted the existence of God and thr reliability of the bible.

Hi, I'm suffering from blasphemous thoughts as well. I was watching this Christian film called "Chosen" and at the end of the EPISODE 1, I doubted that the power Jesus used to cast the demon out of the lady was really from the holy spirit and then awareness came and I started to feel guilty. I never doubted His power nor His deity. I didn't know what's happening with me. I feel like I'm under a demonic attack and it's killing my spiritual life. I sang praise songs, I red the Bible and the page went to John 14. I red the whole passage but I don't feel a thing. Doubts of the existence of God happened and now I'm getting worried I committed an unpardonable sin. I am so guilty and I feel like Im going to hell no matter what I'll do since I already did something unforgivable while watching the film. It gave me confusion and out of the blue my heart felt doubtful.

Here's a background of why I had this feeling of worry and doubt.

It started when my anxiety came back after a year of deliverance from mental health illness. I was diagnosed with anxiety disorder in 2015 and it later became depression in my college years.

It was just last year when God delivered me and healed me in all aspects. I was really on fire and even enrolled in a bible college so I can get to know him more and train my faith to become stronger but my mental health illness came back and I experienced some dirty and compulsive thoughts. I'm afraid I have OCD because I kept trying to remove it by doing things beyond my limit. This anxiety remained rested until March 5, when there was a suspicious density found in my lungs xray. I was so worried that I had to leave the bible college for a week to get rest and examination. I wanted to prove that I am in urgency to get a second opinion so I left the school on Thursday when our dismissal was supposed to be on Friday. The dean of our dorm compared me to the other girls and indirectly told me that I am bothering her.

When I had my second test, I didn't feel any relief when I saw it cleared. There was this lingering feeling that I need to prove that there is something wrong in me so I get to stay in the bible college with excused reasons.

Then the lockdown in Metro Manila happened. I live in the province and so I packed up all my things and returned to our hometown. After I returned, I had this cough and muscle ache. I also had the sore throat. I was afraid I contracted the covid and spent my week worrying. I was given an antibiotic because the doctor told me it was just an infection in the throat.

While having this, I found out my
ex-boyfriend for 4 years has found someone already. It was so devastating because I am still inlove with him and he promises he'd wait for me til I graduate from the bible college.

We still talk even after finding out he has found someone and he confessed that he was trying to forget me. After a week, he left his gf and chose me but I didn't want that to happen. I was trying to process everything emotionally and mentally and I fixed my mind that I will heal from him but due to shock, I decided to accept him again but now I don't feel anything at all. I don't love him anymore and I decided to stop our relationship yesterday as I was not having a good sleep and a sound mind. I don't have the joy and peace because comparison to his ex gf made me insecure and it led to obsessive stalking.

This has been a problem.

I am so overwhelmed by all the events that is happening.

I need help, advices, from Christian perspectives

As long as you are concerned about blaspheming the Holy Spirit, you haven't. The day you stop worrying about it, is the day you should start worrying about it.

As for the rest of it, welcome to the world. A world who's only goal is to separate you from God.

 

[SarahsKnight]

I've started to doubt the existence of God and I don't know if the bible is real or if I received the holy ghost or its just my emotion

It might be, Faith, that you only feel that you doubt the existence of God simply because you are so afraid of it actually happening to you, that you will actually believe it. Since you were afraid of the unforgivable sin in the first place, that you committed it (and I just don't see how anyone who is fearful of it could have possibly actually done or said something truly unforgivable in the first place; I do not see why Jesus would cast away anyone who cares and is fearful of being unforgivable), that will almost inevitably lead to you being fearful of thinking, saying, or experiencing things that might serve as "proof" that you committed the unforgivable sin (such as doubting that God exists or that the Bible isn't His real words), and of course when they happen, then you will only be more assured of their validity as to "proof" of your having become unsaved or unforgiven, and back to unbeliever status. I am fairly certain this is just your emotions going out of control; I know because I went through a similar experience once several years ago where I (quite unreasonably, mind you) suddenly thought I had said something considered blasphemy against the Spirit, and a horrible feeling overwhelmed me at the moment that could only have been an evil spirit of some sort, trying to make me feel condemned. From then on for many months I kept thinking things like you did, wondering if God is real, or Jesus loves me, etc., things that would seem reminiscent of what a true unbeliever would think or be in doubt of, so of course in my heightened emotional states at the time I would mistake those thoughts for being real and believe they were only bringing out the "true me" or something, one who hated Jesus and never truly believed. All kinds of irrational fears like that, you know? The trick is to not be afraid of those thoughts and try to rest in God's forgiveness and love in spite of them, Faith. Easier said than done, definitely, and I am sorry you are having to go through such a trial right now, but you definitely aren't alone in that. I suffered it once (and only by a miracle of God do I believe I was finally healed after about eight months of this horrific obsessive-compulsive fear of being unsaved/having done something unforgivable, and sadly I was one of the luckier ones when it came to how long I suffered; I still have bad thoughts every now and again that were like the ones that ran constantly through my mind and causing me to freak out back during my trials, but I have so much more control over them now by God's grace and they can no longer sway me emotionally, because I now have a firm grip that they are just random thoughts popping up in my mind and not at all real or true of me), and many more still do suffer, here at this very site. You can see all sorts of threads from members here about these kinds of problems.

But contrary to any condemning thought or fear you might be having, Faith, remember Jesus' words to us from the gospels are very different. He turns no one away who knocks upon the door, He came to save the sick and the lost, and even those who do believe still have to ask Him for help with their times and moments of unbelief (doubting Thomas), and Jesus does not condemn them. It only stands to reason, then, that if there truly is an unforgivable sin in the most literal sense (that if you commit it then you are marked for the second death in the lake of fire no matter what), then it is unforgivable because you don't want to be forgiven, not because Jesus will deny you from then on no matter how much you want Him and His forgiveness.

 

[faith campbell]

It might be, Faith, that you only feel that you doubt the existence of God simply because you are so afraid of it actually happening to you, that you will actually believe it. Since you were afraid of the unforgivable sin in the first place, that you committed it (and I just don't see how anyone who is fearful of it could have possibly actually done or said something truly unforgivable in the first place; I do not see why Jesus would cast away anyone who cares and is fearful of being unforgivable), that will almost inevitably lead to you being fearful of thinking, saying, or experiencing things that might serve as "proof" that you committed the unforgivable sin (such as doubting that God exists or that the Bible isn't His real words), and of course when they happen, then you will only be more assured of their validity as to "proof" of your having become unsaved or unforgiven, and back to unbeliever status. I am fairly certain this is just your emotions going out of control; I know because I went through a similar experience once several years ago where I (quite unreasonably, mind you) suddenly thought I had said something considered blasphemy against the Spirit, and a horrible feeling overwhelmed me at the moment that could only have been an evil spirit of some sort, trying to make me feel condemned. From then on for many months I kept thinking things like you did, wondering if God is real, or Jesus loves me, etc., things that would seem reminiscent of what a true unbeliever would think or be in doubt of, so of course in my heightened emotional states at the time I would mistake those thoughts for being real and believe they were only bringing out the "true me" or something, one who hated Jesus and never truly believed. All kinds of irrational fears like that, you know? The trick is to not be afraid of those thoughts and try to rest in God's forgiveness and love in spite of them, Faith. Easier said than done, definitely, and I am sorry you are having to go through such a trial right now, but you definitely aren't alone in that. I suffered it once (and only by a miracle of God do I believe I was finally healed after about eight months of this horrific obsessive-compulsive fear of being unsaved/having done something unforgivable, and sadly I was one of the luckier ones when it came to how long I suffered; I still have bad thoughts every now and again that were like the ones that ran constantly through my mind and causing me to freak out back during my trials, but I have so much more control over them now by God's grace and they can no longer sway me emotionally, because I now have a firm grip that they are just random thoughts popping up in my mind and not at all real or true of me), and many more still do suffer, here at this very site. You can see all sorts of threads from members here about these kinds of problems.

But contrary to any condemning thought or fear you might be having, Faith, remember Jesus' words to us from the gospels are very different. He turns no one away who knocks upon the door, He came to save the sick and the lost, and even those who do believe still have to ask Him for help with their times and moments of unbelief (doubting Thomas), and Jesus does not condemn them. It only stands to reason, then, that if there truly is an unforgivable sin in the most literal sense (that if you commit it then you are marked for the second death in the lake of fire no matter what), then it is unforgivable because you don't want to be forgiven, not because Jesus will deny you from then on no matter how much you want Him and His forgiveness.

I am actually afraid that because or my doubt and lack of faith, I am committing a sin. I know that if we confess our sins to God, He is faithful and just to forgive everything but I red in Romans 6 that if we be dead in Christ then we live for him and sinning should never be continued because we shouldnt abuse the grace of God and He forbid it. Roman 6:1-3.

I committed fornication again last 2 weeks ago when I had just vowed purity to God last year. For 4 years, I was in bondage of pre-marital sex with my bf and no matter how hard I tried to stop, I can't. It was so hard. Last year, God restored me and I thought I have been fully delivered. I abstained and kept covenany with God form 10 months but 2 weeks ago, that thing happened.

I sinned again and I know that the grace of God is not something you take for granted and abuse. I repented for that again but condemnation and doubt of forgiveness led me to this confusion and contradiction to 1 John 1:9

 

[SarahsKnight]

I am actually afraid that because or my doubt and lack of faith, I am committing a sin. I know that if we confess our sins to God, He is faithful and just to forgive everything but I red in Romans 6 that if we be dead in Christ then we live for him and sinning should never be continued because we shouldnt abuse the grace of God and He forbid it. Roman 6:1-3.

I committed fornication again last 2 weeks ago when I had just vowed purity to God last year. For 4 years, I was in bondage of pre-marital sex with my bf and no matter how hard I tried to stop, I can't. It was so hard. Last year, God restored me and I thought I have been fully delivered. I abstained and kept covenany with God form 10 months but 2 weeks ago, that thing happened.

I sinned again and I know that the grace of God is not something you take for granted and abuse. I repented for that again but condemnation and doubt of forgiveness led me to this confusion and contradiction to 1 John 1:9

I understand, Faith. All I know to say here, though, is that I will pray for you, and to please no give up. Regardless of how hard it is to live with continuing sinful or evil desires for as long as we still live in this world, even after coming to believe, nevertheless God is faithful when we are not. And how fortunate we are for this. No, do not use the grace of our good God to just go all out and commit whatever evil your fleshly half of the heart may please to do, as you said in the last paragraph, but nevertheless ask for His forgiveness and try to go on. Please don't just give up. He is mighty to save, even from continuing sins.

 

[SeaCrystalFish]

Prayer is needed. I'm afraid I committed the blasphemy of the holy spirit and doubted the existence of God and thr reliability of the bible.

Hi, I'm suffering from blasphemous thoughts as well. I was watching this Christian film called "Chosen" and at the end of the EPISODE 1, I doubted that the power Jesus used to cast the demon out of the lady was really from the holy spirit and then awareness came and I started to feel guilty. I never doubted His power nor His deity. I didn't know what's happening with me. I feel like I'm under a demonic attack and it's killing my spiritual life. I sang praise songs, I red the Bible and the page went to John 14. I red the whole passage but I don't feel a thing. Doubts of the existence of God happened and now I'm getting worried I committed an unpardonable sin. I am so guilty and I feel like Im going to hell no matter what I'll do since I already did something unforgivable while watching the film. It gave me confusion and out of the blue my heart felt doubtful.

Here's a background of why I had this feeling of worry and doubt.

It started when my anxiety came back after a year of deliverance from mental health illness. I was diagnosed with anxiety disorder in 2015 and it later became depression in my college years.

It was just last year when God delivered me and healed me in all aspects. I was really on fire and even enrolled in a bible college so I can get to know him more and train my faith to become stronger but my mental health illness came back and I experienced some dirty and compulsive thoughts. I'm afraid I have OCD because I kept trying to remove it by doing things beyond my limit. This anxiety remained rested until March 5, when there was a suspicious density found in my lungs xray. I was so worried that I had to leave the bible college for a week to get rest and examination. I wanted to prove that I am in urgency to get a second opinion so I left the school on Thursday when our dismissal was supposed to be on Friday. The dean of our dorm compared me to the other girls and indirectly told me that I am bothering her.

When I had my second test, I didn't feel any relief when I saw it cleared. There was this lingering feeling that I need to prove that there is something wrong in me so I get to stay in the bible college with excused reasons.

Then the lockdown in Metro Manila happened. I live in the province and so I packed up all my things and returned to our hometown. After I returned, I had this cough and muscle ache. I also had the sore throat. I was afraid I contracted the covid and spent my week worrying. I was given an antibiotic because the doctor told me it was just an infection in the throat.

While having this, I found out my
ex-boyfriend for 4 years has found someone already. It was so devastating because I am still inlove with him and he promises he'd wait for me til I graduate from the bible college.

We still talk even after finding out he has found someone and he confessed that he was trying to forget me. After a week, he left his gf and chose me but I didn't want that to happen. I was trying to process everything emotionally and mentally and I fixed my mind that I will heal from him but due to shock, I decided to accept him again but now I don't feel anything at all. I don't love him anymore and I decided to stop our relationship yesterday as I was not having a good sleep and a sound mind. I don't have the joy and peace because comparison to his ex gf made me insecure and it led to obsessive stalking.

This has been a problem.

I am so overwhelmed by all the events that is happening.

I need help, advices, from Christian perspectives

Don't worry. I don't know if it counts as consolation, but believe me, I am countless times more evil and more sinful than you are (not proud of it), and I think you're doing just fine in faith. Of course I don't mean to encourage the negatives.

 

[rockytopva]

I am actually afraid that because or my doubt and lack of faith, I am committing a sin. I know that if we confess our sins to God, He is faithful and just to forgive everything but I red in Romans 6 that if we be dead in Christ then we live for him and sinning should never be continued because we shouldnt abuse the grace of God and He forbid it. Roman 6:1-3.

I committed fornication again last 2 weeks ago when I had just vowed purity to God last year. For 4 years, I was in bondage of pre-marital sex with my bf and no matter how hard I tried to stop, I can't. It was so hard. Last year, God restored me and I thought I have been fully delivered. I abstained and kept covenany with God form 10 months but 2 weeks ago, that thing happened.

I sinned again and I know that the grace of God is not something you take for granted and abuse. I repented for that again but condemnation and doubt of forgiveness led me to this confusion and contradiction to 1 John 1:9

Had you sinned against the Holy Spirit you would sin and think nothing of it. It is the job of the Holy Spirit to convict the heart of sin.

And when he (the Holy Spirit) is come, he will reprove the world of sin, and of righteousness, and of judgment: - - John 16:8

 

[LoricaLady]

I pray you will be given insight and guidance and strength so that you will be freed and at peace.

 

[JAM2b]

Everyone goes through moments of doubt and questions.

In Mark 9:24 a father's faith was challenged and he responded honestly, "I do believe, help my unbelief."

When I am struggling with faith, I often quote that as a prayer. The Lord knows we have questions and doubts. I don't think it is wrong to be honest about it and seek His help with it. He wants to help.

With everything going on in the world, and your personal circumstances combined with mental health concerns, it is not unreasonable to feel the things you are feeling and to have doubts. It's also not unreasonable to not have connection to your feelings and "feel nothing." It's a season that many go through many times in their lives.

There's also a possibility that you are going through a spiritually dry time. It doesn't mean the Lord has left you, but just that He wants you to put more effort into seeking Him out and studying his word. When a vineyard owner need to strengthen the vines, he will withhold water so that the roots of the vine grow deeper into the ground, seeking moisture. This makes the roots longer and the vine stronger. This is only temporary, then more water will be given and vine thrives.

I would encourage you to seek out more support for your mental health concerns, and I think it is vial during this time to read more Scripture and listen to ministers who give good teaching with a heavy amount of Scripture.

 

[createdtoworship]

I am actually afraid that because or my doubt and lack of faith, I am committing a sin. I know that if we confess our sins to God, He is faithful and just to forgive everything but I red in Romans 6 that if we be dead in Christ then we live for him and sinning should never be continued because we shouldnt abuse the grace of God and He forbid it. Roman 6:1-3.

I committed fornication again last 2 weeks ago when I had just vowed purity to God last year. For 4 years, I was in bondage of pre-marital sex with my bf and no matter how hard I tried to stop, I can't. It was so hard. Last year, God restored me and I thought I have been fully delivered. I abstained and kept covenany with God form 10 months but 2 weeks ago, that thing happened.

I sinned again and I know that the grace of God is not something you take for granted and abuse. I repented for that again but condemnation and doubt of forgiveness led me to this confusion and contradiction to 1 John 1:9

I know you don't want this but if your BF causes you to sin, break up with him. It's not to say that you will NEVER be back together but you never know. See I don't even think dating is in the Bible. Engagement can be found (betrothed in NKJV). But dating is not found. That means that you are either married, or you are single. It says in 1 Timothy 5, to treat younger women as our sisters in the Lord. Just as you would not kiss or have sex with your biological brother as that would be yuck, so to you are not to have sex with your bf. But the problem is not the sex, it's everything before. I am not saying you can't date, but the current definition of dating is that because you are dating you can fornicate with them because of the status, "your dating." But again the Bible does not honor that particular inbetween phase of the relationship. I encourage you to pray about breaking up, if not for the sin of adultery, perhaps for the sin of dating in general. (dating with physical benefits), again if you date, (with no physical at all attached to it), it's more like a serious committed friendship. You get to really know what your bf likes, because instead of spending all that time alone making out, you are finding games to play or going to a park or going out. You get to know who THEY ARE inside. You may find out after you get to know them, that if you take away the physical aspect, they are not that great of a BF. And that is not what you want to marry. Because as you get older the physical goes away and what you have left, is what your marriage will be. If all you had was sex, then when he gets older and can't have sex, or when you get older and he don't want to have sex with you, and since your relationship was only physical, there is nothing left of the relationship. But if you base your relationship on a friendship, not sex. Then when the sex is gone, you have a friend left. Sorry for so much detail. But this is a good message to watch if you want to know more, it's a college ministry....
Dating: HOW pt. 1

I also have a dating thread were we talk about biblical dating...

Dating is a sin- just be friends till your married, no need to complicate...

here is that whole seminar above:
Single / Dating / Engaged / Married - Breakaway Ministries

 

[createdtoworship]

Prayer is needed. I'm afraid I committed the blasphemy of the holy spirit and doubted the existence of God and thr reliability of the bible.

Hi, I'm suffering from blasphemous thoughts as well. I was watching this Christian film called "Chosen" and at the end of the EPISODE 1, I doubted that the power Jesus used to cast the demon out of the lady was really from the holy spirit and then awareness came and I started to feel guilty. I never doubted His power nor His deity. I didn't know what's happening with me. I feel like I'm under a demonic attack and it's killing my spiritual life. I sang praise songs, I red the Bible and the page went to John 14. I red the whole passage but I don't feel a thing. Doubts of the existence of God happened and now I'm getting worried I committed an unpardonable sin. I am so guilty and I feel like Im going to hell no matter what I'll do since I already did something unforgivable while watching the film. It gave me confusion and out of the blue my heart felt doubtful.

Here's a background of why I had this feeling of worry and doubt.

It started when my anxiety came back after a year of deliverance from mental health illness. I was diagnosed with anxiety disorder in 2015 and it later became depression in my college years.

It was just last year when God delivered me and healed me in all aspects. I was really on fire and even enrolled in a bible college so I can get to know him more and train my faith to become stronger but my mental health illness came back and I experienced some dirty and compulsive thoughts. I'm afraid I have OCD because I kept trying to remove it by doing things beyond my limit. This anxiety remained rested until March 5, when there was a suspicious density found in my lungs xray. I was so worried that I had to leave the bible college for a week to get rest and examination. I wanted to prove that I am in urgency to get a second opinion so I left the school on Thursday when our dismissal was supposed to be on Friday. The dean of our dorm compared me to the other girls and indirectly told me that I am bothering her.

When I had my second test, I didn't feel any relief when I saw it cleared. There was this lingering feeling that I need to prove that there is something wrong in me so I get to stay in the bible college with excused reasons.

Then the lockdown in Metro Manila happened. I live in the province and so I packed up all my things and returned to our hometown. After I returned, I had this cough and muscle ache. I also had the sore throat. I was afraid I contracted the covid and spent my week worrying. I was given an antibiotic because the doctor told me it was just an infection in the throat.

While having this, I found out my
ex-boyfriend for 4 years has found someone already. It was so devastating because I am still inlove with him and he promises he'd wait for me til I graduate from the bible college.

We still talk even after finding out he has found someone and he confessed that he was trying to forget me. After a week, he left his gf and chose me but I didn't want that to happen. I was trying to process everything emotionally and mentally and I fixed my mind that I will heal from him but due to shock, I decided to accept him again but now I don't feel anything at all. I don't love him anymore and I decided to stop our relationship yesterday as I was not having a good sleep and a sound mind. I don't have the joy and peace because comparison to his ex gf made me insecure and it led to obsessive stalking.

This has been a problem.

I am so overwhelmed by all the events that is happening.

I need help, advices, from Christian perspectives

Boyfriends/girlfriends shouldn’t get husband/wife privileges. Or most likely you will see the man drawing out the engagements, if there are any, and waiting ten years to marry. I heard a testimony of two college kids today who were travelling and in worship ministry and they did the dating thing wrong and they didn't marry for ten years, she ended up breaking up with her boyfriend three times in that ten years, because he didn't want to settle down. I know marrying later is more common now, but it is because of this over sexuality of the dating scene. Believe me if men did not get the full benefits of the marriage bed they would be marrying up as soon as possible. Girls you do this to yourselves. What made me desire to go to bible college was a high school girlfriend who broke up with me, I wanted to impress her so I went to church all the more, I ended up liking it. God had a divine purpose in that break up. If that break up never happened I would not be where I am today. But girls you know your worth in Christ. Make a list of qualities you desire in a spouse, and then, DON'T SETTLE. IF they don't match all of those qualities God put on your heart, then wait. Men this goes for you too, make your list too. What God put on your heart for a wife, and don't settle for less. All too often people settle because their date has a low body fat percentage or is hot. That is not the only thing a marriage is based on. Later in life when sex is not as important in the marriage, what will you have left? If your marriage was based on sex, when that is gone you have nothing. At that point you want at least to have a friend left to do life with. If all you liked was their body, and they didn't make you laugh or have fun, then your marriage is shallow indeed. 1 timothy 5 is the message. Treat all younger women as sisters, and older women as mothers, in Christ....WITH ALL PURITY.