I think human love is highly overrated

[dysert]

I’m sure I’ll get a lot of blowback from this (especially from those in happy relationships), but since I’m not in a happy relationship I’d like to get this off my chest. Despite all the books, sermons, and talks we’ve all been exposed to over the years, love (at least in the West) is mostly about feelings. Obviously, I’m talking about human love and not agape, and I’m talking about romantic love that (usually) exists between a man and a woman.

There are problems with love being feelings based. For one thing, it drastically limits who you tend to get romantically involved with. What’s the first question a friend asks you when you tell them you’re thinking of becoming engaged? “Do you love her?” Meaning, do you have romantic feelings for her.

Of course it hasn’t always been this way, and for many cultures it still isn’t. Marriages were arranged by the parents based on more objective criteria than some ephemeral, subjective feeling that overtakes two people at the same time.

For a whole lot of folks, this feeling of love doesn’t last. Just look at the number of divorces. It stands to reason: if you got married because you were “in love”, then you might as well get divorced because you fall out of love. In a marriage based on objective criteria, you get – and stay – married based on the commitments you’ve made to each other and because (hopefully) the criteria haven’t changed.

In my experience, you can’t make yourself love someone. Yes, you can perform acts of love, service, kindness, etc., and thereby fulfill Eph. 5:25 (if you’re the husband), but you can’t generate romantic feelings by the force of will. So if you married because of love and that candle burns out, what are you supposed to do?

And this is just the tip of the iceberg. There are murders committed because either the love light goes out, or it turns on for someone else. And there is plenty of adultery and fornication going around because the couple feels in love. And of course these behaviors wreak havoc in an otherwise “committed” relationship. There’s lots and lots of heartache (even suicide) because of the transitory nature of the feelings involved.

So what do you think? Is human love overrated (even dangerous), or is it what makes the world go round?

 

[SkyWriting]

It's incredibly dangerous,
and worth the effort.

Jesus demonstrated the Love
we are supposed to have for
all others. Partners included
if you are so "blessed."

Jesus gave His life for the world
and look who He got stuck with.

 

[dysert]

It's incredibly dangerous,
and worth the effort.

Jesus demonstrated the Love
we are supposed to have for
all others. Partners included
if you are so "blessed."

Jesus gave His life for the world
and look who He got stuck with.

Jesus demonstrated agape love, which is not what this topic is about.

 

[A_Thinker]

I’m sure I’ll get a lot of blowback from this (especially from those in happy relationships), but since I’m not in a happy relationship I’d like to get this off my chest. Despite all the books, sermons, and talks we’ve all been exposed to over the years, love (at least in the West) is mostly about feelings. Obviously, I’m talking about human love and not agape, and I’m talking about romantic love that (usually) exists between a man and a woman.

There are problems with love being feelings based. For one thing, it drastically limits who you tend to get romantically involved with. What’s the first question a friend asks you when you tell them you’re thinking of becoming engaged? “Do you love her?” Meaning, do you have romantic feelings for her.

Of course it hasn’t always been this way, and for many cultures it still isn’t. Marriages were arranged by the parents based on more objective criteria than some ephemeral, subjective feeling that overtakes two people at the same time.

For a whole lot of folks, this feeling of love doesn’t last. Just look at the number of divorces. It stands to reason: if you got married because you were “in love”, then you might as well get divorced because you fall out of love. In a marriage based on objective criteria, you get – and stay – married based on the commitments you’ve made to each other and because (hopefully) the criteria haven’t changed.

In my experience, you can’t make yourself love someone. Yes, you can perform acts of love, service, kindness, etc., and thereby fulfill Eph. 5:25 (if you’re the husband), but you can’t generate romantic feelings by the force of will. So if you married because of love and that candle burns out, what are you supposed to do?

And this is just the tip of the iceberg. There are murders committed because either the love light goes out, or it turns on for someone else. And there is plenty of adultery and fornication going around because the couple feels in love. And of course these behaviors wreak havoc in an otherwise “committed” relationship. There’s lots and lots of heartache (even suicide) because of the transitory nature of the feelings involved.

So what do you think? Is human love overrated (even dangerous), or is it what makes the world go round?

Eros ... is a gift, mainly, enjoyed by the young. It is an aspect of our human nature, is typically, intense, and can be dangerous and/or rewarding. But it is usually short term.

Phileo ... is also a gift, available to all who are willing to reach out a hand to another. It too, is an aspect of our human nature, but is a bit more temperate than Eros, and is, typically, much more long-lasting. Eros can sometimes arise from the fertile soil of Phileo.

Agape ... is a gift ... and a discipline. We can all have Agape in our lives. Agape is described in 1 Corinthians 13, as Godly love. It is typically described as "unconditional love", and can also be thought of as an "overcoming love". The closest natural expression of it is a "mother's love", which endures despite context and time.

The span of marital love should, ideally, be some combination of these three, though, in what proportions, is a unique feature of each individual marriage.

 

[eleos1954]

I’m sure I’ll get a lot of blowback from this (especially from those in happy relationships), but since I’m not in a happy relationship I’d like to get this off my chest. Despite all the books, sermons, and talks we’ve all been exposed to over the years, love (at least in the West) is mostly about feelings. Obviously, I’m talking about human love and not agape, and I’m talking about romantic love that (usually) exists between a man and a woman.

There are problems with love being feelings based. For one thing, it drastically limits who you tend to get romantically involved with. What’s the first question a friend asks you when you tell them you’re thinking of becoming engaged? “Do you love her?” Meaning, do you have romantic feelings for her.

Of course it hasn’t always been this way, and for many cultures it still isn’t. Marriages were arranged by the parents based on more objective criteria than some ephemeral, subjective feeling that overtakes two people at the same time.

For a whole lot of folks, this feeling of love doesn’t last. Just look at the number of divorces. It stands to reason: if you got married because you were “in love”, then you might as well get divorced because you fall out of love. In a marriage based on objective criteria, you get – and stay – married based on the commitments you’ve made to each other and because (hopefully) the criteria haven’t changed.

In my experience, you can’t make yourself love someone. Yes, you can perform acts of love, service, kindness, etc., and thereby fulfill Eph. 5:25 (if you’re the husband), but you can’t generate romantic feelings by the force of will. So if you married because of love and that candle burns out, what are you supposed to do?

And this is just the tip of the iceberg. There are murders committed because either the love light goes out, or it turns on for someone else. And there is plenty of adultery and fornication going around because the couple feels in love. And of course these behaviors wreak havoc in an otherwise “committed” relationship. There’s lots and lots of heartache (even suicide) because of the transitory nature of the feelings involved.

So what do you think? Is human love overrated (even dangerous), or is it what makes the world go round?

Most Humans don't know what real love is: Real love is biblically defined.
Humans are used and overcome by the evil one in many many different ways.

1 Corinthians 13

4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

 

[SkyWriting]

Jesus demonstrated agape love, which is not what this topic is about.

So you're suggesting that we do without
romance in a marriage? That's a fail.

Since I AM talking about romance and marriage I am
recommending agape love as a bonus.

You are welcome to skip the romance if you choose.

4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

 

[SkyWriting]

Eros ... is a gift, mainly, enjoyed by the young. It is an aspect of our human nature, is typically, intense, and can be dangerous and/or rewarding. But it is usually short term.

Phileo ... is also a gift, available to all who are willing to reach out a hand to another. It too, is an aspect of our human nature, but is a bit more temperate than Eros, and is, typically, much more long-lasting. Eros can sometimes arise from the fertile soil of Phileo.

Agape ... is a gift ... and a discipline. We can all have Agape in our lives. Agape is described in 1 Corinthians 13, as Godly love. It is typically described as "unconditional love", and can also be thought of as an "overcoming love". The closest natural expression of it is a "mother's love", which endures despite context and time.

The span of marital love should, ideally, be some combination of these three, though, in what proportions, is a unique feature of each individual marriage.

And Pizza love.

 

[DZoolander]

I'd argue that all love is conditional - even God's love. The whole thing about "agape love is like Godly love, the unconditional kind" makes me wince.

God's love, at least the way it's presented in the Church, is probably the most conditional of all as it carries the greatest consequence. I'm perfectly happy to admit that my love has conditions - but what's the consequence if those conditions aren't met? You don't get to see me any more. All else being equal - that's not a very hefty consequence.

But let's say you don't meet God's conditions for salvation (belief in, acceptance of, etc...Him) - what's your consequence there as people believe... an eternity of torment? Not only do you get to not be in His presence - you get an eternity of torment to punish you for your short sightedness and stubbornness.

C'mon now... agape love? lol One of the two can't be true.

 

[Johnny4ChristJesus]

I’m sure I’ll get a lot of blowback from this (especially from those in happy relationships), but since I’m not in a happy relationship I’d like to get this off my chest. Despite all the books, sermons, and talks we’ve all been exposed to over the years, love (at least in the West) is mostly about feelings. Obviously, I’m talking about human love and not agape, and I’m talking about romantic love that (usually) exists between a man and a woman.

There are problems with love being feelings based. For one thing, it drastically limits who you tend to get romantically involved with. What’s the first question a friend asks you when you tell them you’re thinking of becoming engaged? “Do you love her?” Meaning, do you have romantic feelings for her.

Of course it hasn’t always been this way, and for many cultures it still isn’t. Marriages were arranged by the parents based on more objective criteria than some ephemeral, subjective feeling that overtakes two people at the same time.

For a whole lot of folks, this feeling of love doesn’t last. Just look at the number of divorces. It stands to reason: if you got married because you were “in love”, then you might as well get divorced because you fall out of love. In a marriage based on objective criteria, you get – and stay – married based on the commitments you’ve made to each other and because (hopefully) the criteria haven’t changed.

In my experience, you can’t make yourself love someone. Yes, you can perform acts of love, service, kindness, etc., and thereby fulfill Eph. 5:25 (if you’re the husband), but you can’t generate romantic feelings by the force of will. So if you married because of love and that candle burns out, what are you supposed to do?

And this is just the tip of the iceberg. There are murders committed because either the love light goes out, or it turns on for someone else. And there is plenty of adultery and fornication going around because the couple feels in love. And of course these behaviors wreak havoc in an otherwise “committed” relationship. There’s lots and lots of heartache (even suicide) because of the transitory nature of the feelings involved.

So what do you think? Is human love overrated (even dangerous), or is it what makes the world go round?

Lust-filled love is certainly dangerous and overrated. But, attraction should naturally happen if you genuinely love the person's heart.

And, Jesus didn't even describe the love we are supposed to have for Him as based on feelings, but based on obedience/submission that will flow out of a real love for Him. And, Jesus said He showed His love/affection for The Father through His obedience, as well.

 

[Johnny4ChristJesus]

I'd argue that all love is conditional - even God's love. The whole thing about "agape love is like Godly love, the unconditional kind" makes me wince.

God's love, at least the way it's presented in the Church, is probably the most conditional of all as it carries the greatest consequence. I'm perfectly happy to admit that my love has conditions - but what's the consequence if those conditions aren't met? You don't get to see me any more. All else being equal - that's not a very hefty consequence.

But let's say you don't meet God's conditions for salvation (belief in, acceptance of, etc...Him) - what's your consequence there as people believe... an eternity of torment? Not only do you get to not be in His presence - you get an eternity of torment to punish you for your short sightedness and stubbornness.

C'mon now... agape love? lol One of the two can't be true.

That's the problem with the unconditional love lie. It isn't found in Scripture and it is the foundation for a whole bunch of false beliefs that flow out of that lie. The natural follow-on is universalism. No one can deny God's great love for His creation. No one can deny that His love was sacrificial. No one can deny that He knew we were going to be sinners when He chose to sacrifice His Son to create a way for us to be saved. But, the Bible does not describe an unconditionally-loving God in either the Old Testament or the New Testament.

That lie confuses a whole lot of people and makes others think they can add a "Jesus-Gets-Me-Out-Of-Jail Card" to their worldly ways and God won't disown them. Except for those who have a vested interest in teaching that lie to their followers to keep the income streams coming in, and those who are ignorantly deceived by such false doctrine, healthy believers won't believe that; because the Bible doesn't support it.

 

[DZoolander]

lol - exactly.

Too often that "you need to model your love after God's unconditional love" argument gets presented to me - and I have no idea what they're talking about.

For example, let's take someone I can use as an example of how my conditional love applied. My ex wife from ages ago. I don't love her any more, I left her, and she's out there doing her own thing whatever it may be. That was her consequence - and I wish her well...lol Heck, let's say I discovered she was in a burning building and I had it within my power to go get her out. I would do it - absolutely. I'd do that for anyone. The fact that she fell outside of "my grace" doesn't diminish that.

God's love would have been like me telling her back then that I'd created two paths for her to follow. One would be by my side, meeting my conditions. The other ended with a pit of spikes for her to be impaled on over and over again for eternity.

All else being equal - in that context - I think I'm doing pretty well with my conditional love. lol Use a different argument.

 

[Dave-W]

Eros ... is a gift, mainly, enjoyed by the young.

Phileo ... is also a gift, available to all who are willing to reach out a hand to another.

Agape ... is a gift ... and a discipline.

Missing from your list: Storge, Dod and Ahavah.

What the Bible spreads over 6 different words, English lumps together in what we call “love.”

 

[Llleopard]

I’m sure I’ll get a lot of blowback from this (especially from those in happy relationships), but since I’m not in a happy relationship I’d like to get this off my chest. Despite all the books, sermons, and talks we’ve all been exposed to over the years, love (at least in the West) is mostly about feelings. Obviously, I’m talking about human love and not agape, and I’m talking about romantic love that (usually) exists between a man and a woman.

There are problems with love being feelings based. For one thing, it drastically limits who you tend to get romantically involved with. What’s the first question a friend asks you when you tell them you’re thinking of becoming engaged? “Do you love her?” Meaning, do you have romantic feelings for her.

Of course it hasn’t always been this way, and for many cultures it still isn’t. Marriages were arranged by the parents based on more objective criteria than some ephemeral, subjective feeling that overtakes two people at the same time.

For a whole lot of folks, this feeling of love doesn’t last. Just look at the number of divorces. It stands to reason: if you got married because you were “in love”, then you might as well get divorced because you fall out of love. In a marriage based on objective criteria, you get – and stay – married based on the commitments you’ve made to each other and because (hopefully) the criteria haven’t changed.

In my experience, you can’t make yourself love someone. Yes, you can perform acts of love, service, kindness, etc., and thereby fulfill Eph. 5:25 (if you’re the husband), but you can’t generate romantic feelings by the force of will. So if you married because of love and that candle burns out, what are you supposed to do?

And this is just the tip of the iceberg. There are murders committed because either the love light goes out, or it turns on for someone else. And there is plenty of adultery and fornication going around because the couple feels in love. And of course these behaviors wreak havoc in an otherwise “committed” relationship. There’s lots and lots of heartache (even suicide) because of the transitory nature of the feelings involved.

So what do you think? Is human love overrated (even dangerous), or is it what makes the world go round?

As a person with aspergers, I find 'feelings' quite bewildering. I see what you mean, in that people seem to have so many ups and downs of feeling, and make decisions based on them, which seems very unwise and leads them into problems that wouldn't have arisen if they used common sense. I do have feelings, such as an unpleasant one if my husband or children are hurt, so I know that logically I must 'love' them, and I tell them I love them because that is socially acceptable,but mostly I am emotionally totally flat, and choose to act love towards people. This works super well for us in marriage and parenting even though I've never experienced that 'romantic' or 'mother love' feeling people describe. I like being this way because it is sensible. I am reliable, loyal, can pass for average because I study people and use the right language and body language that they expect, and as long as no-one tries to 'make' me feel happy, or love, or something I just don't...it's a good life!

 

[Deidre32]

I think many people get hung up on infatuation...but love takes time, and is everlasting. Like God's love. But, when the infatuation wears off, which it sometimes does in relationships, then many people leave or break up. So, I don't think it's overrated, I think rather that most people define love incorrectly. They confuse it with infatuation. But, also, our feelings change and we can be fickle, sometimes. So, it's a good idea not to run your life on your emotions, alone.

 

[Ana the Ist]

I’m sure I’ll get a lot of blowback from this (especially from those in happy relationships), but since I’m not in a happy relationship I’d like to get this off my chest. Despite all the books, sermons, and talks we’ve all been exposed to over the years, love (at least in the West) is mostly about feelings. Obviously, I’m talking about human love and not agape, and I’m talking about romantic love that (usually) exists between a man and a woman.

What are all these books, sermons, and feelings saying it's mostly about?

There are problems with love being feelings based. For one thing, it drastically limits who you tend to get romantically involved with.

lol why is that a problem?

What’s the first question a friend asks you when you tell them you’re thinking of becoming engaged? “Do you love her?” Meaning, do you have romantic feelings for her.

A lot if people think (and rightly so) that love is essential to a successful marriage.

Of course it hasn’t always been this way, and for many cultures it still isn’t. Marriages were arranged by the parents based on more objective criteria than some ephemeral, subjective feeling that overtakes two people at the same time.

Yeah....in some cultures, the needs of your family are more important than your happiness. Quite often, the people of these cultures are struggling significantly.

For a whole lot of folks, this feeling of love doesn’t last. Just look at the number of divorces. It stands to reason: if you got married because you were “in love”, then you might as well get divorced because you fall out of love.

Or perhaps they got married for reasons that they prioritized above love. Have you looked at the top reasons for divorce?

In a marriage based on objective criteria, you get – and stay – married based on the commitments you’ve made to each other and because (hopefully) the criteria haven’t changed.

What kind of criteria are you thinking about?

In my experience, you can’t make yourself love someone. Yes, you can perform acts of love, service, kindness, etc., and thereby fulfill Eph. 5:25 (if you’re the husband), but you can’t generate romantic feelings by the force of will. So if you married because of love and that candle burns out, what are you supposed to do?

That's certainly a choice to be made....also worth considering that you can't make anyone love you.

And this is just the tip of the iceberg. There are murders committed because either the love light goes out, or it turns on for someone else. And there is plenty of adultery and fornication going around because the couple feels in love. And of course these behaviors wreak havoc in an otherwise “committed” relationship. There’s lots and lots of heartache (even suicide) because of the transitory nature of the feelings involved.

I don't see why these things would change if people married for other "non-love" based reasons.

So what do you think? Is human love overrated (even dangerous), or is it what makes the world go round?

If you're lucky...it's a part of your experience...even if only for a very short time. Definitely worth trying to hold onto.

 

[dysert]

What are all these books, sermons, and feelings saying it's mostly about?

They teach that love is action, not feelings. Meeting the needs of others; service. Communicating in their "love language".

lol why is that a problem?

It's a problem because there may be someone more suited to you (or someone that God prefers you marry), but that you didn't "flip" for. You end up with a sub-optimal choice.

A lot if people think (and rightly so) that love is essential to a successful marriage.

I don't think it's "rightly so". Love may be essential, but I'm trying to distinguish between love and feelings. There have been an uncountable number of successful marriages (by some definition of "successful") that did not include feelings.

Yeah....in some cultures, the needs of your family are more important than your happiness. Quite often, the people of these cultures are struggling significantly.

Then there are the well-off who make sure their kids only get involved with the "right people".

Or perhaps they got married for reasons that they prioritized above love. Have you looked at the top reasons for divorce?

I have looked at the top reasons for divorce. Depending upon where you look, infidelity is often at the top of the list. I addressed this in the OP. If you're depending on feelings, then if those feelings stop for your spouse you're bound to look elsewhere. Or you might develop even stronger feelings for someone you're not married to. In either case, infidelity can easily follow.

What kind of criteria are you thinking about?

Mostly along the lines of compatibility. There are many parts to that.

That's certainly a choice to be made....also worth considering that you can't make anyone love you.

True enough. Nor can you make yourself love someone. (Again, talking about feelings; you can certainly perform acts of love for someone.)

I don't see why these things would change if people married for other "non-love" based reasons.

You keep conflating love with feelings. I'm trying to distinguish between them.

If you're lucky...it's a part of your experience...even if only for a very short time. Definitely worth trying to hold onto.

Yes, it is worth trying to hold on to. But the numbers indicate that in many cases this is a losing proposition.

 

[mina]

I kinda agree. I think a lot of people , even or especially Christians, fall prey to thinking that romantic love is the only thing that makes their life important or special or shows an ultimate blessing. It is a confusing thought, but I think there is a lot of truth in the OP. I am in a wonderful and loving marriage and am happy, but I also was single for a while throughout my 20's. There is a huge unspoken (or sometimes spoken) view in the church with regard to singles that you just aren't as blessed as someone that is married, you aren't as important, and that romantic love is the key to all that and shows God's approval and makes your life worth living once you find that. Once you are sent that person, your life begins! I don't know about men, but that is definitely the attitude directed towards young single women. I had a hard time with that because I just didn't believe it. I think that as a single, once I stopped seeing my worth in terms of if I were in a relationship heading towards marriage so I could contribute to a Christian family and see God's approval of me , and starting thinking of that as sort of a lot of bunk, then I was able to freely love others as friends and fellow human beings first and value myself as God does. That leads to better healthier romantic relationship choices. It is so easy to get caught up in love as a feeling , especially in the beginning or you are trying to fulfill some standard imposed by the people around you. It can cloud choosing or being attracted to someone that really would be a healthy choice or someone you can make healthy choices with. I don't know if that made sense to anyone, but I don't think human romantic love is the ultimate highest goal for Christians. It's nice to have and can improve your journey through life, but you have to be able to experience all kinds of love and be able to show and relate to all kinds of love. I do think a sort of shallow type of love is encouraged even among Christians in regard to romantic relationships and marriage. Having the void of romantic love or having to transition from losing love; shouldn't be the end of the rest of you. Within a marriage, feelings come and go and change; you have to choose to love the imperfect person beside you each day and to forgive them when needed.

 

[dysert]

I kinda agree. I think a lot of people , even or especially Christians, fall prey to thinking that romantic love is the only thing that makes their life important or special or shows an ultimate blessing. It is a confusing thought, but I think there is a lot of truth in the OP. I am in a wonderful and loving marriage and am happy, but I also was single for a while throughout my 20's. There is a huge unspoken (or sometimes spoken) view in the church with regard to singles that you just aren't as blessed as someone that is married, you aren't as important, and that romantic love is the key to all that and shows God's approval and makes your life worth living once you find that. Once you are sent that person, your life begins! I don't know about men, but that is definitely the attitude directed towards young single women. I had a hard time with that because I just didn't believe it. I think that as a single, once I stopped seeing my worth in terms of if I were in a relationship heading towards marriage so I could contribute to a Christian family and see God's approval of me , and starting thinking of that as sort of a lot of bunk, then I was able to freely love others as friends and fellow human beings first and value myself as God does. That leads to better healthier romantic relationship choices. It is so easy to get caught up in love as a feeling , especially in the beginning or you are trying to fulfill some standard imposed by the people around you. It can cloud choosing or being attracted to someone that really would be a healthy choice or someone you can make healthy choices with. I don't know if that made sense to anyone, but I don't think human romantic love is the ultimate highest goal for Christians. It's nice to have and can improve your journey through life, but you have to be able to experience all kinds of love and be able to show and relate to all kinds of love. I do think a sort of shallow type of love is encouraged even among Christians in regard to romantic relationships and marriage. Having the void of romantic love or having to transition from losing love; shouldn't be the end of the rest of you. Within a marriage, feelings come and go and change; you have to choose to love the imperfect person beside you each day and to forgive them when needed.

Thank you, Mina. I don't know how old you are, but you're wise beyond your years .

 

[DZoolander]

I stopped going to church when I was a kid - so I can't speak from firsthand experience about that. But, I do have a bunch of friends from that time period and I can see what they're up to via social media. Some of them are now married to pastors/etc - and at least within that community - it seems that Mina is pretty right. There appears to be quite a drive toward marriage among them that I just don't share.

Like one girl that I grew up with is married to this Lutheran pastor - and they have kids ranging from mid teens up to early early 20's. It seems that pretty much every one of them that's over 19 is either married or engaged to be married. I mean heck - just a couple of weeks ago there were all sorts of engagement announcements about their 19 or 20 year old getting engaged.

So it seems to be quite the drive.

 

[mina]

And don't get me wrong either- I think if people find each other at 19 or 20 and get married and make it work then it's a beautiful and wonderful thing. I know many couples my age who have. But, I know many that don't make it work and from my experience I think the church can be a breeding ground for immature , shallow , young relationships in the name/ guise of God's "favour" or whatever. People jump in based on feelings and then when real life sets in and the feelings have cooled, there's not much there to take them through. I just wish there was more focus on developing yourself as an individual and making good choices, recognizing what would be healthy compatibility , and following God rather than just romantic love means God has smiled at you so get married and make babies it will all be perfect and okay forever.