I think birth control is a sin but my husband doesnt want children [moved]

[123flower]

I am 35 and married for 2,5 years. My husband uses a condom as birth control, but I realise now that birth control is a sin. I want to obey God, but the thing is I’m scared to be pregnant. And my husband doesn’t even want to have children, so even if I conquer my fear he would never agree with me. What am I supposed to do?

 

[Aussie Pete]

I am 35 and married for 2,5 years. My husband uses a condom as birth control, but I realise now that birth control is a sin. I want to obey God, but the thing is I’m scared to be pregnant. And my husband doesn’t even want to have children, so even if I conquer my fear he would never agree with me. What am I supposed to do?

You are not the one in control in this issue. God is not going to hold you responsible for your husband's ways. I'm not saying that I agree that birth control is a sin. It is for you because of your conscience. You are not at fault in this instance.

 

[Sabertooth]

What am I supposed to do?

Pray that God will give him the same vision that He gave you. (You cannot surrender this on your husband's behalf.)

[More after the move...]

 

[Sabertooth]

@123flower , your marital status says that you are single.

 

[summerville]

I am 35 and married for 2,5 years. My husband uses a condom as birth control, but I realise now that birth control is a sin. I want to obey God, but the thing is I’m scared to be pregnant. And my husband doesn’t even want to have children, so even if I conquer my fear he would never agree with me. What am I supposed to do?

Many Christians think it is a sin to impede access to birth control.

 

[createdtoworship]

I am 35 and married for 2,5 years. My husband uses a condom as birth control, but I realise now that birth control is a sin. I want to obey God, but the thing is I’m scared to be pregnant. And my husband doesn’t even want to have children, so even if I conquer my fear he would never agree with me. What am I supposed to do?

Have a heart to heart. A marriage is a compromise. And if we don't compromise then we don't have a successful marriage. I would tell him that not having children would leave you empty inside and feel as if a major part of life would remain empty. Tell him it's a big part of your worth as a fertile person and that you desire it. I think you can come up with even more descriptive words. But tell him how unhappy you are not to have children. Time is ticking. 35 is really the oldest you want to have children. In another few years you may run out of time. But the whole concept of it being a sin to use a condom is a weak standpoint in scripture. I know many believe that, but it's hard to prove from scripture, that every time we have sex it's ONLY to have children, and not for pleasure as well.

 

[123flower]

@123flower , your marital status says that you are single.

I haven’t changed it yet and I just tried but I don’t know how. But I am married though.

 

[tampasteve]

MOD HAT ON

Please note the SOP for the Christian Advice Forum:
"Topics of sex or premarital sex are off topic and may not be discussed or promoted in the Christian Advice forum."

This thread has been moved to a more appropriate forum.

MOD HAT OFF​

 

[Mountainmanbob]

As we know these matters should be discussed and agreed to on both sides long before marriage takes place.

My wife never could have children. I can see where this has left a hole in her heart. When middle aged and older women get together, she says that all they mostly talk about are their children and grandchildren. This leaves her out of the conversation and feeling lonely.

I know that this is very tuff on her.
A burden that she carries.

Do you two have a Pastor for counseling?

M-Bob

 

[chevyontheriver]

I am 35 and married for 2,5 years. My husband uses a condom as birth control, but I realise now that birth control is a sin.

I agree with you that contraception is sinful. And that married people should expect children and even want children under normal circumstances.

The Catholic position on birth control is something you could look at. In particular a brilliant little essay by Janet Smith called 'Contraception: Why Not?'
Contraception: Why Not?

I want to obey God, but the thing is I’m scared to be pregnant. And my husband doesn’t even want to have children, so even if I conquer my fear he would never agree with me. What am I supposed to do?

You can conquer your fear. And honestly it is a huge thing so a bit of fear is normal. You can't force your husband to want to have a baby though. Best you can do is discuss it with him. Let him know the depth of your desire. And then maybe if that fails pray that the condom fails as well. They do fail a lot.

 

[Dave G.]

I haven’t changed it yet and I just tried but I don’t know how. But I am married though.

Go to your profile page and open a ticket to the staff, they can change it for you.

 

[Sabertooth]

[More after the move...]

My wife and I came to Quiverfull at the same time. Sometimes she didn't want to. At those times, I would accommodated her wishes with condoms. Most other types of contraception are abortifacient (even if not intentionally so). That is where I drew the line. No one in this sub-forum would recommend a vasectomy, but that is certainly your husband's prerogative.

 

[123flower]

Am I missing something? The OPer stated that the thought of having children scares her and she expressed no interest in having children.....It was only brought up as a hindrance to not using condoms.

Are you two trying to convince her that she should desire to have children as a way to support the non-use of contraception?

Actually, I do want children. But I didn’t want it for a long time that’s why my husband also don’t want it.

 

[Sabertooth]

Actually, I do want children. But I didn’t want it for a long time that’s why my husband also don’t want it.

That is God changing your heart. He can change your husband's heart, too. Keep praying.

 

[123flower]

How did you come to this realization? Your answer could help those of us who have not yet come to the same realization.

Because of what Onan did in the Old Testament.

 

[RaymondG]

Because of what Onan did in the Old Testament.

A very interesting story indeed, even when taken literally. It seems to me that the sin, was the disobedience. He was commanded to give his brother a child and he devised a plan to not do so.
I dont see the results being the same if he wasnt commanded to do anything, or he just didnt want children himself. However, if you believe you are in sin, by preventing yourself from having children....then you are right and will be in sin.

I would say, however, that to make the story about contraception, would be to downplay the importance of being obedient to God.

 

[summerville]

Because of what Onan did in the Old Testament.

Onan's "crime" was his reluctance to follow Leverite marriage law... He was killed because he didn't want to have children with his brother's widow. He was killed for disobedience.

 

[Joy]

Mod Hat On

Some Posts and Responses
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Re: Quiverfull
Allowing God to decide family size and natural birth control.

Mod Hat Off​

 

[Junia]

I am 35 and married for 2,5 years. My husband uses a condom as birth control, but I realise now that birth control is a sin. I want to obey God, but the thing is I’m scared to be pregnant. And my husband doesn’t even want to have children, so even if I conquer my fear he would never agree with me. What am I supposed to do?

natural family planning? seterilisation???

when you say BC is a sin do you mean the pill which can stop fertilised eggs implanting (abortion, in other words)? i assume when people say BC is pill they mean because some pills are a form of abortion?

 

[chevyontheriver]

Onan's "crime" was his reluctance to follow Leverite marriage law... He was killed because he didn't want to have children with his brother's widow. He was killed for disobedience.

Um, there is an out for any man who wants to avoid his duty in this regard. What it amounts to is a public shaming and not a death sentence. Ruth had a closer kin than Boaz who was supposed to marry her instead of Boaz. So Onan's punishment was not that he skipped out on his duty. It was how he skipped out on it. He pretended to fulfill his duty, but in the act he didn't. It was a contraceptive act. He made the sexual act a lie. And God killed him on the spot for it.