I take the next step soon

[mothcorrupteth]

Lately, the TV show The Americans has been on my mind. It's one of my favorite. It deals with two Soviet spies who struggle with the reality that their government lies to them and routinely botches the information it gives them out of ideological paranoia. It deals with the guilt these spies feel over simulating and betraying friendships in the process of gathering intelligence. Having really gravitated toward Orthodoxy while I've struggled with some of the corruption that went on in my previous workplace, and having had in the meantime to play this charade of pretending for my Presbyterian friends that I am still Protestant in mind, the themes of the show hit very close to home.

After talking with the local priest today, I perceived more clearly that the main reason I have to keep splitting my life between Orthodoxy and Presbyterianism--keeping a stable group of friends to support me through the anxiety of a new and unfamiliar city--doesn't really hold any more. The anxiety I did have over the past 6 months has had less to do with actually moving to an urban area and more to do with lingering effects of my previous work environment, which had become an elaborate, nihilistic game of thrones; and where I found comfort in that time was not my Presbyterian friends, but in the Vespers services I attended. My anxiety was not as I predicted, and my comfort was not as I predicted. And I can't bear pretending any more.

So, very soon, I'm going to meet my Session (the pastor and elders in my Presbyterian church). So I can announce that I plan on attending Liturgy at least every other Sunday, if not every. And so I can answer the questions that I know will follow. "My" priest, God bless him, I think, assumes that I want to do it this way due to attachment to my friends. It's true, I feel attached to them, but that isn't my reason. I feel it needs to be more official and honorable than just me leaving cold turkey--Onesimus was, after all, sent back to Philemon--and I'm concerned for some of those in the congregation with weaker faiths. I'm reputed as a smart guy. Some of the weak, if they were to see me abruptly leave, I'm worried they might see it and lose all faith. I want the chance to negotiate with my elders how to avoid this. And to make it clear that my reasons for leaving are not interpersonal.

To get to my point, please keep these matters in prayer. I fear for my mind, that it will react strongly to dealing with the stress of the inevitable break. But I fear more what it will do to my friends.

 

[“Paisios”]

Lately, the TV show The Americans has been on my mind. It's one of my favorite. It deals with two Soviet spies who struggle with the reality that their government lies to them and routinely botches the information it gives them out of ideological paranoia. It deals with the guilt these spies feel over simulating and betraying friendships in the process of gathering intelligence. Having really gravitated toward Orthodoxy while I've struggled with some of the corruption that went on in my previous workplace, and having had in the meantime to play this charade of pretending for my Presbyterian friends that I am still Protestant in mind, the themes of the show hit very close to home.

After talking with the local priest today, I perceived more clearly that the main reason I have to keep splitting my life between Orthodoxy and Presbyterianism--keeping a stable group of friends to support me through the anxiety of a new and unfamiliar city--doesn't really hold any more. The anxiety I did have over the past 6 months has had less to do with actually moving to an urban area and more to do with lingering effects of my previous work environment, which had become an elaborate, nihilistic game of thrones; and where I found comfort in that time was not my Presbyterian friends, but in the Vespers services I attended. My anxiety was not as I predicted, and my comfort was not as I predicted. And I can't bear pretending any more.

So, very soon, I'm going to meet my Session (the pastor and elders in my Presbyterian church). So I can announce that I plan on attending Liturgy at least every other Sunday, if not every. And so I can answer the questions that I know will follow. "My" priest, God bless him, I think, assumes that I want to do it this way due to attachment to my friends. It's true, I feel attached to them, but that isn't my reason. I feel it needs to be more official and honorable than just me leaving cold turkey--Onesimus was, after all, sent back to Philemon--and I'm concerned for some of those in the congregation with weaker faiths. I'm reputed as a smart guy. Some of the weak, if they were to see me abruptly leave, I'm worried they might see it and lose all faith. I want the chance to negotiate with my elders how to avoid this. And to make it clear that my reasons for leaving are not interpersonal.

To get to my point, please keep these matters in prayer. I fear for my mind, that it will react strongly to dealing with the stress of the inevitable break. But I fear more what it will do to my friends.

You don’t know how helpful this is.
I will pray for you.

Lord, have mercy.

 

[FenderTL5]

prayers and may Godspeed your journey.

as info; when I first started catechism I made a similar arrangement with my priest and leadership at my former (SBC) church. I was the every Sunday bassist in the 'praise band'. So just as you did, I arranged an every other week schedule, then once a month before the clean break.

 

[Anhelyna]

I also had to do this - with the agreement and blessing of my present priest. It's not easy - but sometimes it has to be done.

I actually broke with the old parish in September - have not attended there since then BUT had to continue with some work I was doing for them until a few days ago when I was able to say, so-to-speak " That's it - you are on your own now - I've completed my agreement with you"

 

[ArmyMatt]

Lord have mercy! Godspeed on your journey home!

 

[All4Christ]

I did the same...first Vespers, with me being in the orchestra every Sunday at my old church, then every other Sunday before I started attending my parish weekly. With family and friends, I ended up easing my way, though it was still tough.

 

[FireDragon76]

So, very soon, I'm going to meet my Session (the pastor and elders in my Presbyterian church). So I can announce that I plan on attending Liturgy at least every other Sunday, if not every. And so I can answer the questions that I know will follow. "My" priest, God bless him, I think, assumes that I want to do it this way due to attachment to my friends. It's true, I feel attached to them, but that isn't my reason. I feel it needs to be more official and honorable than just me leaving cold turkey--Onesimus was, after all, sent back to Philemon--and I'm concerned for some of those in the congregation with weaker faiths. I'm reputed as a smart guy. Some of the weak, if they were to see me abruptly leave, I'm worried they might see it and lose all faith. I want the chance to negotiate with my elders how to avoid this. And to make it clear that my reasons for leaving are not interpersonal.

I think that's a noble thing to do, to show concern for Presbyterians who may never be willing to go on your spiritual journey. It's not good to let your spiritual quest needlessly burn other people. And it shows a certain respect for where you have been.

When Jaroslav Pelikan became Orthodox, he did so in a quiet manner, without humiliating Lutherans. I think that spoke to his character.

 

[~Anastasia~]

Prayers for you, and for your Presbyterian friends!

 

[mothcorrupteth]

Thank you, all. It's encouraging. I realize that many whom Jesus called were expected to follow immediately. But I have to believe there is a difference between worldly cares and duty.

 

[gurneyhalleck1]

“The Americans “ on FX is an AMAZING show. I have autographs of several cast members and we’re big fans. Last season sucked though, if you ask me...

 

[mothcorrupteth]

“The Americans “ on FX is an AMAZING show. I have autographs of several cast members and we’re big fans. Last season sucked though, if you ask me...

I actually thought S5 finally pushed things back to the heights of S1 and S2. I found S3 and S4 very disjointed and lacking in a linear thematic arc. S5 started out that way, which was having me groan, but by "Dyatkovo" I could see the purpose it was serving: to echo the fact that the characters can make less and less logical sense out of their experience, that the Soviet ideology never was as coherent as it had ever seemed to Elizabeth. I still feel that S1 and S2 are the best, but when we hit that moment where even Elizabeth finds meaning in a clandestine Orthodox wedding--that's when you start to know for sure that she's losing her faith in Communism.

 

[mothcorrupteth]

It's done; I've told my Session. I felt terribly oppressing anxiety almost to the moment until. Then, as I turned over in my mind the conflicts I'd had with my ex-wife over religion, I suddenly had the thought, You were right. You didn't do it all perfect, but you were right. You defended the name of Christ against Deism in that conflict. And then I felt peace. Only the slightest murmur of nervousness again as I began, but total calmness once the words Eastern Orthodox escaped my mouth. Thank you all again for prayers.

 

[Anhelyna]

I know that feeling as you get close to saying the words

BUT after you have done it - the peace descends and you have no doubt that your decision was the right one.

Now take your time - don't rush things.

 

[ArmyMatt]

I know that feeling as you get close to saying the words

BUT after you have done it - the peace descends and you have no doubt that your decision was the right one.

Now take your time - don't rush things.

yep, all in God's time