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I ruined my pastors ministry. What should I do now?

Animelover93

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What happened was my pastor wouldn't let me sing in church anymore because in anger I made a bunch of threats to my sister on messenger, which I apologized for. So I ended up making a facebook post about him not letting me sing anymore, in which he responded by kicking me out of the church. I then make another facebook post (yeah I need to get off fb), in which he responds by making a facebook post showing all the hurtful threatening messages I sent to my sister. I ended up having a major panic attack and attempted suicide in the process. Once again, dumbo me made another facebook post, this time mentioning his name and telling everyone what kind of pastor he really is and how he triggers people to commit suicide. I shouldn't have done that, but I did. A few days later I made a public apology. The guilt was eating me up and I even asked God for forgiveness, but the guilt was too much and I attempted suicide again, which caused me to stay in the hospital and get mental help. But now he is shutting his church down because of how I ruined his name. A church member who is close to me even said my soul is in danger and that I need to be held responsible for what I've done to the church. But I made a public apology, personally apologized to him, sought mental health treatment, got God back in my life. What more am I supposed to do? He supposedly was going to be holding church at my sister's husband's church, in which my brother in law invited me to come. Well my ex pastor said that if I show up, he's getting a restraining order against me or is going to walk out and not preach at all. He actually canceled services because he found out I was planning on coming. My family goes to this church and I really want to go with my daddy, but I am not allowed. :(
 

Neogaia777

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What happened was my pastor wouldn't let me sing in church anymore because in anger I made a bunch of threats to my sister on messenger, which I apologized for. So I ended up making a facebook post about him not letting me sing anymore, in which he responded by kicking me out of the church. I then make another facebook post (yeah I need to get off fb), in which he responds by making a facebook post showing all the hurtful threatening messages I sent to my sister. I ended up having a major panic attack and attempted suicide in the process. Once again, dumbo me made another facebook post, this time mentioning his name and telling everyone what kind of pastor he really is and how he triggers people to commit suicide. I shouldn't have done that, but I did. A few days later I made a public apology. The guilt was eating me up and I even asked God for forgiveness, but the guilt was too much and I attempted suicide again, which caused me to stay in the hospital and get mental help. But now he is shutting his church down because of how I ruined his name. A church member who is close to me even said my soul is in danger and that I need to be held responsible for what I've done to the church. But I made a public apology, personally apologized to him, sought mental health treatment, got God back in my life. What more am I supposed to do? He supposedly was going to be holding church at my sister's husband's church, in which my brother in law invited me to come. Well my ex pastor said that if I show up, he's getting a restraining order against me or is going to walk out and not preach at all. He actually canceled services because he found out I was planning on coming. My family goes to this church and I really want to go with my daddy, but I am not allowed. :(
If that pastor can't handle people like little ole you, or his church, in the way that Jesus would, or similarly close to it, then maybe he doesn't need to have a church, or be in ministry. I can already think of a thousand different way he could have possibly handled both you and it, etc, so you shouldn't blame yourself because you have mental health issues or problems that makes you act in that way sometimes, etc, but He should have handled how you are or were being with much more, or a lot, lot more tact, etc.

But I'm also not saying that he maybe shouldn't have imposed certain consequences for your behavior or if you were making threats towards him or the church or members of it either, etc, but just that he should have explained his actions to his church, not engaged you on social media or FB, not gotten personally involved in the drama between you and your sister, or that you were causing, or were trying to cause/be in general, and just in general could have handled the situation with a lot more tact, etc. And he should have explained his actions or the steps he was taking to his church concerning you and/or defended himself before his chuch, or he doesn't need to be in ministry if he cannot do that properly, etc. Kicking you out of the church, or getting a restraining order against you could or might be the right kind of actions that he needs to take against you on his part maybe, etc, but he doesn't need to quit the ministry, or abandon his church, but should only need to explain it to them in a way that Jesus might or could only, and then leave it at that, etc. He shouldn't have gotten involved in the drama, but should have done his best to stay out it, etc. But should have only taken steps only where he was forced to take steps along the way, etc. Which could have been kicking you out of the church and/or getting a restraining order against you at some of the points along the way, but he shouldn't have ever, ever sought to try and fan any of the flames along the way, but should have done his best to stay out of that part of it the best he could have along the way, etc. I don't think he's responsible for your suicide attempts, or your threats etc, but you need to get some help from mental health professionals regarding that, etc. If it wouldn't have been this, then it would have been something else that would have caused you to attempt suicide and/or make threats, etc, and that's due to you having some mental health issues/problems, and is not because of him, etc. But he should have handled it a bit better, or like how I have been saying, etc. But he's not responsible for you or your actions, etc. But you have mental health problems/issues that you need a lot, a lot of help with, etc. If I was him I wouldn't let it make me abandon or give up on my church or ministry, etc, but I maybe would have made a general statement about it to my church, and would have maybe also stated/added that if any of the individual members of my church had any further questions about it, then they could could come up to me, or approach me after church service and ask me about it, and I would do my best to answer, etc, and then I would have left it at that, or would have continued on with church as usual after that, etc.

God Bless.
 
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Paidiske

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You didn't ruin his ministry. He made some very inappropriate decisions. He should seek supervision and accountability in his pastoral practice, and until he has done that, probably shouldn't be in ministry.

Also, it is not "his" church to shut.

It may be best for you not to be near him for now, for your sake as much as his. And please, make sure you have the support and care you need to look after yourself.
 
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Neogaia777

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What happened was my pastor wouldn't let me sing in church anymore because in anger I made a bunch of threats to my sister on messenger, which I apologized for. So I ended up making a facebook post about him not letting me sing anymore, in which he responded by kicking me out of the church. I then make another facebook post (yeah I need to get off fb), in which he responds by making a facebook post showing all the hurtful threatening messages I sent to my sister. I ended up having a major panic attack and attempted suicide in the process. Once again, dumbo me made another facebook post, this time mentioning his name and telling everyone what kind of pastor he really is and how he triggers people to commit suicide. I shouldn't have done that, but I did. A few days later I made a public apology. The guilt was eating me up and I even asked God for forgiveness, but the guilt was too much and I attempted suicide again, which caused me to stay in the hospital and get mental help. But now he is shutting his church down because of how I ruined his name. A church member who is close to me even said my soul is in danger and that I need to be held responsible for what I've done to the church. But I made a public apology, personally apologized to him, sought mental health treatment, got God back in my life. What more am I supposed to do? He supposedly was going to be holding church at my sister's husband's church, in which my brother in law invited me to come. Well my ex pastor said that if I show up, he's getting a restraining order against me or is going to walk out and not preach at all. He actually canceled services because he found out I was planning on coming. My family goes to this church and I really want to go with my daddy, but I am not allowed. :(
All of your guy's first mistake (your pastor very, very much included) was messenger and/or FB, etc. In my opinion, no true church body (or even family members or friends) (who still wants to be/stay family members and/or friends) should be conducting their business on FB, or be having it as the primary means or platform by which they would seek to communicate meaningfully, etc, and that was all of your guys first mistake, etc. I know it's called "social media", but in general all it does is destroy any meaningful social relationships, and that was all of your guy's first mistake, etc.

And as for the rest, all of you guys need to grow up, especially all of your so-called grown-ups (like your pastor, for example) and that's really all I have left to say.

Social media is really no good place to keep, or socially maintain anything, etc, and that's also really all I have left to say.

But you have a lot more right to be on it then your pastor does, etc. Pastors or any church leaders in general should stay off of there, period, etc, and not be conducting any of their business there, etc. And this most especially applies to conducting business with any of the individual members of it's church body, etc. Social media is like the plague to anything that is supposed to be truly socially meaningful in any kind of way nowadays, etc.

But now, and now that all of those mistakes have already been made, etc, all one can do now is "damage control" from here on out, etc. Which is always what happens or is always the case when groups like church body's always choose to conduct all of their business online, or always on social media platforms like FB always, etc.

God Bless.
 
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Gregory Thompson

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What happened was my pastor wouldn't let me sing in church anymore because in anger I made a bunch of threats to my sister on messenger, which I apologized for. So I ended up making a facebook post about him not letting me sing anymore, in which he responded by kicking me out of the church. I then make another facebook post (yeah I need to get off fb), in which he responds by making a facebook post showing all the hurtful threatening messages I sent to my sister. I ended up having a major panic attack and attempted suicide in the process. Once again, dumbo me made another facebook post, this time mentioning his name and telling everyone what kind of pastor he really is and how he triggers people to commit suicide. I shouldn't have done that, but I did. A few days later I made a public apology. The guilt was eating me up and I even asked God for forgiveness, but the guilt was too much and I attempted suicide again, which caused me to stay in the hospital and get mental help. But now he is shutting his church down because of how I ruined his name. A church member who is close to me even said my soul is in danger and that I need to be held responsible for what I've done to the church. But I made a public apology, personally apologized to him, sought mental health treatment, got God back in my life. What more am I supposed to do? He supposedly was going to be holding church at my sister's husband's church, in which my brother in law invited me to come. Well my ex pastor said that if I show up, he's getting a restraining order against me or is going to walk out and not preach at all. He actually canceled services because he found out I was planning on coming. My family goes to this church and I really want to go with my daddy, but I am not allowed. :(
The pastor is supposed to be the most spiritually mature person in the community with the capacity to bring God's people together. Since there is commonly an Academic requirement nowadays, the type of pastor that acts like a hired hand and not one who cares for the flock is common.

One must remember that when Jesus builds the church, not even the Gates of Hell will stand against it. In regards to the charge of what was done to the church, it is questionable if this is a church at all isn't it?

I get the sense you have beat yourself up enough about this matter. One must remember that this is the New Covenant where God forgives our wickedness and remembers our sins no more (Jeremiah 31:34, Hebrews 8:12). Since God has vowed to forgive and not remember the sin, why are all these humans insisting to bring it up?

In the end, God forgives, humans do not. Actions have consequences, and regardless of God's forgiveness, these consequences are enduring in the human equation. If you don't like the consequences of these actions, prayerfully consider how to act differently in the future. Even if it isn't your fault, relationships are complicated and a part of our spiritual development.

Keep these things in mind and don't expect approval or civil behavior from the ex pastor, don't let it affect you.
 
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JEBofChristTheLord

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I ruined my pastors ministry. What should I do now?​

The question is, with what and whom will you be trusted at this point? What you have left is the rebuilding of trust, and that takes time, years or worse, not months. In this it does not matter what you want, or what your brother-in-law wants, or where you or he want you to be on Sunday morning or any other morning. It matters where and with whom you will be trusted to not do as you have done, and rather, to do that which Christ the Lord has asked: To help and not to hurt the sheep and the mission of the Lord in this world.

Right now you will not be trusted by that pastor. Do not defy and make things worse. Go somewhere else, and do the things of Christ the Lord!

It may well be that you can now be trusted in ways that you could not before all of this. But right now the only way that many will know that you can be trusted, is to love those who will not trust you yet, and this is done by quietly not defying them, by encouraging them to be comforted, by your words to their friends, and by your absence.
 
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CallieB

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Right now you will not be trusted by that pastor. Do not defy and make things worse. Go somewhere else, and do the things of Christ the Lord!

This .

I went through a similar situation with a friend at church. He was very opinionated, and when he felt unheard, he lashed out. He would do and say the most awful vindictive things. When you said you were hurt, he turned it on himself that he was so sorry and he was so confused and he didn't want to be yelled at, etc. You gave him another chance, and a few weeks later it happened again. A silly argument, a vindictive attack, and more sniveling that he was just so overwhelmed. Every time we told him he was hurting us, he turned it around to say how painful he felt to be criticized. After a year of circling on that merry-go-round, it never got better, so I told him not speak to me again.

Apologies don't mean much when the action continues.
 
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BobRyan

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What happened was my pastor wouldn't let me sing in church anymore because in anger I made a bunch of threats to my sister on messenger, which I apologized for. So I ended up making a facebook post about him not letting me sing anymore, in which he responded by kicking me out of the church. I then make another facebook post (yeah I need to get off fb), in which he responds by making a facebook post showing all the hurtful threatening messages I sent to my sister. I ended up having a major panic attack and attempted suicide in the process. Once again, dumbo me made another facebook post, this time mentioning his name and telling everyone what kind of pastor he really is and how he triggers people to commit suicide. I shouldn't have done that, but I did. A few days later I made a public apology. The guilt was eating me up and I even asked God for forgiveness, but the guilt was too much and I attempted suicide again, which caused me to stay in the hospital and get mental help. But now he is shutting his church down because of how I ruined his name. A church member who is close to me even said my soul is in danger and that I need to be held responsible for what I've done to the church. But I made a public apology, personally apologized to him, sought mental health treatment, got God back in my life. What more am I supposed to do? He supposedly was going to be holding church at my sister's husband's church, in which my brother in law invited me to come. Well my ex pastor said that if I show up, he's getting a restraining order against me or is going to walk out and not preach at all. He actually canceled services because he found out I was planning on coming. My family goes to this church and I really want to go with my daddy, but I am not allowed. :(
your fb public apology should include the real truth about your pastor being a good Christian pastor unfairly maligned by you.
 
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Richard T

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What happened was my pastor wouldn't let me sing in church anymore because in anger I made a bunch of threats to my sister on messenger, which I apologized for. So I ended up making a facebook post about him not letting me sing anymore, in which he responded by kicking me out of the church. I then make another facebook post (yeah I need to get off fb), in which he responds by making a facebook post showing all the hurtful threatening messages I sent to my sister. I ended up having a major panic attack and attempted suicide in the process. Once again, dumbo me made another facebook post, this time mentioning his name and telling everyone what kind of pastor he really is and how he triggers people to commit suicide. I shouldn't have done that, but I did. A few days later I made a public apology. The guilt was eating me up and I even asked God for forgiveness, but the guilt was too much and I attempted suicide again, which caused me to stay in the hospital and get mental help. But now he is shutting his church down because of how I ruined his name. A church member who is close to me even said my soul is in danger and that I need to be held responsible for what I've done to the church. But I made a public apology, personally apologized to him, sought mental health treatment, got God back in my life. What more am I supposed to do? He supposedly was going to be holding church at my sister's husband's church, in which my brother in law invited me to come. Well my ex pastor said that if I show up, he's getting a restraining order against me or is going to walk out and not preach at all. He actually canceled services because he found out I was planning on coming. My family goes to this church and I really want to go with my daddy, but I am not allowed. :(
You have a lot of dynamics going both between your family and between this pastor. Praise God though you are still alive and yes, God saw all of this coming and has a plan for victory for everyone involved. You have not ruined anyone's life, if anything your challenges have made other's better.

I pray you are getting some counseling services to monitor and intervene against those negatives about taking your life etc. I do hope you fully utilize what is offered. At some point too I pray you can get some spiritual counseling from a unbiased minister or mentor to help you sort things out.

Sometimes it is God's will to be pushed out. This example It is not the same thing as what occurred with you but Paul shared a disagreement with other followers.
Acts 15:39-41 (ESV) 39 And there arose a sharp disagreement, so that they separated from each other. Barnabas took Mark with him and sailed away to Cyprus, 40 but Paul chose Silas and departed, having been commended by the brothers to the grace of the Lord. 41 And he went through Syria and Cilicia, strengthening the churches.

So it may very well be a time for you to move on from your toxic situation. Can you perhaps see it as an opportunity, rather than a negative event? I am sure these people love you but they too have parts of the flesh that likely caused pain and harm. So you have to forgive them and forgive yourself. It sounds like you have done this but the offenses always seek to keep on harming, so you have to put them behind you, except for perhaps a counselor or situation where it can be helpful. I'd ask your sister for a do over, that you want to start fresh with her and really try to not be conflictual and just care for her instead. Hopefully she will agree and then if she tries to start on the past again, just tell her you love her and to put the past back away as you both agreed.

As for the church dispute, can you simply go to another church? Sure it is nice to go with your family, but Paul's split actually turned out positive, two areas were served with the gospel instead of one. While it is OK to go alone, if this is a problem is there a friend of family member that can go with you, at least a couple of times? Given the conflict, perhaps you should be thinking more independently. Lots of people move away from family to create some space and distance. It is not a sin, and is helpful for some people. I am not saying be a loner, but cultivate new friendships and spiritual opportunities that are outside your current experience. Try to ditch the baggage too when you go. Forgiveness will help you there and give you a clean slate to start over. I am not saying this is easy and I do pray you have the support of others from the past and from the new that can launch you into the woman of God that you were meant to be. Again God is aware of your needs, and He is going to certainly help you. What you have said or done in the past is of no concern. Love believes the best (I Cor 13) and God sees you as able in Christ to accomplish great things for God. You do not walk in this instantly, but if you keep trying, even in a year you will be amazed at the changes you are making. God bless your walk as a Christian, may you always keep trying and receiving and giving yourself mercies on your path.
Lamentations 3:22-23 (ESV)
22 The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases; his mercies never come to an end;
23 they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.
 
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com7fy8

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But I made a public apology, personally apologized to him, sought mental health treatment, got God back in my life. What more am I supposed to do?
Keeping praying so you get stronger and stable so you don't do that stuff. And don't do it to anyone else. You talk about triggering > what you did helped to trigger all that, right? So, what he does is not the main issue, I would say. I have been in your place, and I needed to first get right, myself, not expect others, even wrong people, to be capable of doing what is right!

Now, we must forgive anyone who won't forgive us. And love those who do not know how to love us. And don't force ourselves on that pastor or the people he is pastoring. But be ready to listen to anyone who talks with you.

"swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath; for the wrath of man does not produce the righteousness of God." (in James 1:19-20)

I had an issue and a pastor told me to stay off his church property. He said he was very upset. So . . . whether he was right or not, that helped me to see how the thing I did could be very hurtful to other people. And so it helped me to be more careful with people. And then I found people who knew exactly how to handle me and include me . . . and trust me. And I valued the trust and acted accordingly.

And I never repeated how that pastor kicked me out; his own sister once called to me from the property and I said hi nicely and kept going; and another member was talking with me at a charity place and said she was with his church, and I said something like, "Oh", and said nothing else about him, except how he preached something once that was good for us.
 
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