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I originally posted "Just cannot do it any longer / long thread I am sorry"

Discussion in 'Depression Disorders' started by SSL, Aug 8, 2018.

  1. SSL

    SSL New Member

    United States
    United Ch. of Christ
    First I want to say thank you to the many, many, many responses I received. All from folks trying to help me in some way. From my deepest heart thank you, thank you.
    It has raised many questions for me. From the responses I received, my biggest takeaway is
    "It doesn't seem like I have been doing Christian correctly". If that makes any sense. I have never heard from God, nor have I ever felt a push, or a pull from Him. Do I study the Bible or just read it? If I just read it, how do I study it? How should I pray? I desperately want to be filled, and walk in the Spirit. How do I accomplish these? Maybe I have been so low for so long is because I haven't been doing "Christian" correctly. I thought I was. I go, and server at church. I read my bible everyday. I pray multiple times a day. I comb the internet for help, its how I found this forum. Yet after years of doing all these things, I feel no closer to God, than the first day I asked him into my heart. I have been Baptized. At an age where I knew, and understood the reasoning. I am so thirsty and hungry for God. I have been to retreats. I get goosebumps at church sometimes when we sing. Sometimes I feel like I am going to cry. That is the most I have ever felt. To be honest I have gotten goosebumps listening to good jazz music. Please tell me what I am doing wrong. I confess my sins everyday (the ones I remember). If I curse, or yell at a driver. I ask for forgiveness. I pray and ask for help in all things, patience, wisdom, strength, FAITH, prayer. Seems like I am just spinning my wheels. I can rattle off verses. I know many stories of the bible. I know the names. I was always taught that the bible is where we should go to first, in order to learn. I have. For years. All this came about from reading all the replies I received from everyone. Everyone was very very nice. I do not mind constructive criticism. I actually asked for it. Please tell me. I have asked God 1000 times to help me and my faith. To please teach me to pray. To talk to me, nudge me. Help me in my walk. It goes back to my original subject line. I just can't do it any longer. I know God doesn't promise all prayers will be answered, and I am OK with that. I do need it right now. I have always been very thankful to God. For health, food. I never try to take anything for granted. A lot of "I's" here. But I am very thankful, and tell God the same. I am sorry God, but I do. I am in a very desperate time of my life, and I need you so very much Right now. I do not, nor have I ever demanded anything from God. I need something. A word, a feeling, a nudge. Please God let me know you are here. That I matter. That I am not alone. I am so, so alone God. I never have anyone to talk to. Please talk to me. Let me know you are here, please.
    We teamed up with Faith Counseling. Can they help you today?
  2. yeshuaslavejeff

    yeshuaslavejeff simple truth, martyr, disciple of Yahshua

    There is way way too much here to try to grasp.

    Search this online < excessive reassurance needed > to start to see what might be of help, if the sites that come up seem to fit your experiences and feelings.
  3. SSL

    SSL New Member

    United States
    United Ch. of Christ
    I am not looking for excessive reassurance. I am looking for anything. People say they walk in the Spirit, that God talks to them (not directly), nudges them. If that is happening to me how do I recognize it? I know its a lot. I am just trying to explain what I have done, my experiences. Something small would mean everything to me. It could mean it all. But thank you I will.
  4. yeshuaslavejeff

    yeshuaslavejeff simple truth, martyr, disciple of Yahshua

    Search this online < excessive reassurance needed > to start to see what might be of help . Someone personally in touch with you might be needed to understand also, and to work through a little at a time.
    OR See a doctor who understands these things. A little step at a time.

    No matter what you are or think you are seeking, it may be found to be helpful information.

    Trust that God is directing your steps as you look for answers - not trusting men, but trusting God Himself. Talk to Him and Listen to Him/ read His Word.
  5. AvgJoe

    AvgJoe Member since 2005 Supporter

    United States
    Question: "Where is God now? Where is God when it hurts?"

    The Bible teaches that God reigns over the nations from His holy throne in heaven (Psalm 47:8; Isaiah 6:1, 66:1; Hebrews 4:16). Even though we know that God’s presence is in some sense uniquely in heaven, the teachings of Scripture also make it clear that God is omnipresent (present everywhere at the same time). From the beginning of Scripture, we see the presence of God hovering over the earth, even when it was still formless and empty (Genesis 1:2). God filled the world with His creation, and His presence and glory continue to inhabit the whole earth (Numbers 14:21). There are many examples throughout Scripture of God’s presence moving on the earth, interacting with His creation (Genesis 3:8; Deuteronomy 23:14; Exodus 3:2; 1 Kings 19:11-18; Luke 1:35; Acts 16:7). Hebrews 4:13 says, “Nothing in all creation is hidden from God’s sight. Everything is uncovered and laid bare before the eyes of him to whom we must give an account.” Jeremiah 23:24 exclaims, “‘Can anyone hide in secret places so that I cannot see him?’ declares the Lord. ‘Do not I fill heaven and earth?’ declares the Lord.” Psalm 139 is an amazing study in God’s omnipresence.

    Where is God?
    If you are a believer in Jesus Christ, God is with you, beside you, above you, and inside you. God’s presence and watchful care never leave you. If you are not a believer in Jesus Christ, God is right in front of you, inviting you, drawing you, offering you the love, mercy, and grace that He longs to give you. If you are unsure of your relationship with God through Jesus Christ, please read our article on how to “Get right with God.” Perhaps a better question than “Where is God?” is “Where are you, in relationship to God?”

    Where is God when it hurts?
    It seems we desire to know the answer to this question most when faced with painful trials and attacks of doubt. Even Jesus, during His crucifixion, asked, “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?” (Matthew 27:46). To the onlookers of that time, as well as to those who first read the story, it seems that God did forsake Jesus, so we obviously conclude that He will forsake us as well in our darkest moments. Yet, upon continued observation of the events that unfolded after the crucifixion, the truth is revealed that nothing can separate us from the love of God, not even death (Romans 8:37-39). After Jesus was crucified, He was glorified (1 Peter 1:21; Mark 16:6, 19; Romans 4:24-25). From this example alone we can be assured that even when we do not feel God’s presence in the midst of our pain, we can still believe His promise that He will never leave us nor forsake us (Hebrews 13:5). “God sometimes permits what He hates to accomplish what He loves” (Joni Erickson Tada).

    We put our trust in the fact that God does not lie, He never changes, and His Word stands true forever (Numbers 23:19; 1 Samuel 15:29; Psalm 110:4; Malachi 3:6; Hebrews 7:21; 13:8, James 1:17; 1 Peter 1:25). We do not lose heart over painful circumstances because we live by faith in every word that has proceeded from the mouth of God, not putting our hope in what is seen or perceived. We trust God that our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs all the suffering that we will endure on this earth. So, we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, because we know and believe that what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal (2 Corinthians 4:16-18; 5:7). We also trust God’s Word, which says He is constantly working things together for the good of those who love Him and have been called according to His purpose (Romans 8:28). Even though we do not always see the good ends to which God is working things out, we can be assured that a time will come when we will understand and see more clearly.

    Our lives are like a quilt. If you look at the back side of a quilt, all you see is a mess of knots and loose ends hanging out all over. It is very unattractive, and there seems to be no rhyme or reason to the work. Yet when you turn the quilt over, you see how the maker has craftily woven together each strand to form a beautiful creation, much like the life of a believer (Isaiah 64:8). We live with a limited understanding of the things of God, yet a day is coming when we will know and understand all things (Job 37:5; Isaiah 40:28; Ecclesiastes 11:5; 1 Corinthians 13:12; 1 John 3:2). Where is God when it hurts? The message to take with you in hard times is that when you cannot see His hand, trust His heart, and know for certain that He has not forsaken you. When you seem to have no strength of your own, that is when you can most fully rest in His presence and know that His strength is made perfect in your weakness (2 Corinthians 12:9-10).

  6. Jeshu

    Jeshu Bought by His Blood Supporter

    Yes i hear what you are saying brother. In my life it was very much the same. i went to Church, i worked with the down and outers, i knew His word and yet my depression brought me the pits.

    The problem with a religious life is that it often stands in the way to have a relationship with God Himself. For me the chance came when it dawned on me that for years i had not heeded God's word but my depressed feelings and had followed other Christians ideas that hadn't helped anything but at times even made it worse. i knew the bible but i didn't know God who incarnated it in Jesus Christ. i didn't know the living Word.

    This is what is missing in your life brother a living relationship with the word. By living i mean that God's loving truth's are God's voice to you! When you hear him speak from within your own heart to your own heart then you will know what i mean. When i hear Scripture speak in love for God, other and self, then i know that God Himself is communicating with me and i take careful heed.

    When i saw for myself how spiritually true the word is and how it keeps me and guides me and moves me to compassion for the suffering other. Then i knew that it was God speaking within me and i gave humble thanks.

    in John 14:15-21 it is promised that God Himself will come and dwell within us in Trinity if we keep His command - and His command is that we love God and other as well as self.

    So reading the bible with your heart and understanding that The Creator of Heaven and earth Himself is speaking to you will soon make all the difference. You say you know the bible which should help but but now take it as a personal response of God to you and let it dwell within you and move you to walk with Him.

    Also, and above all, you need a true perspective about God in your life. That He wants to be your God, loves to be your Saviour and has His Kingdom in store for you regardless of your daily sins and shortcomings because of The blood, the precious blood of Christ.

    Drink the cup deeply brother next time you are in it deep while you languish on the bottom of your pit and know that His sufferings go even far deeper than you ever been or have to go - and that He is still stronger than bad life can bring to bear against him and He is still on top of it. Humbly pass your inability to Him and ask for ability back in return.

    This is how i did it i repented of heeding my sadness, hopelessness and despair and began to heed Him and let Him shape my heart and mind instead of my illness. It has made a world of difference let me assure you. A living faith in his love brings ability, thankfulness, joy and love alive within instead of depressive thoughts and feelings wholesome thoughts and feelings.

    This is how i manage to stay out of the pit though my depression continues till this day and i know Jesus wants to do the same thing for you.

    Be of very good courage.



    In my inner world life died everywhere,
    famine taking what sword had left behind.
    Brim and hailstones flattening what stood up,
    no escape from the carnage I could find.

    Awed I saw Jesus the evil fight,
    turning my world into a battleground.
    I saw billows of smoke rising up high,
    rolling thunder through my world rebound.

    I watched as scorpions paraded my soul,
    stinging those godless in their lust.
    Massive grasshoppers devouring all my good,
    fierce horses trampling me to dust.

    I saw much of my greenery burn-up,
    fleets of cargo ships sadly perish.
    Daily trade coming to an abrupt hold,
    ungodly rulers wrong to cherish.

    I saw the Dragon reigning his subjects,
    watched the numbered die like flies.
    I heard the false prophet's constant lying,
    demons smearing God's love with lies.

    It was the blood drinking prostitute,
    which flabbergasted me the most.
    Unfaithfulness killing God's chosen,
    with fiery death she was deposed.

    I saw my world's kingdom going down,
    ruling Babylon fall in one day.
    With two thirds of my world wiped out,
    I watched true Peace coming to stay.

    And so watching God's own safely at home,
    I finally let my tears run dry.
    Seeing Jesus arising on the clouds,
    I joined the Hallelujah cry.

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  7. SSL

    SSL New Member

    United States
    United Ch. of Christ
    Thank you very much for your reply. I will try harder. I want Him to rule my life more than anything, I really do. I want to feel Him, to know Him. Thank you again.
  8. Tempura

    Tempura Noob Supporter

    When I can't feel God, which is often because I have my struggles as well, that's when I hang on to the promise in my mind. I make a decision to believe that God is love, and Christ's sacrifice is real, that it's not just a game with some rules, that it's about real godly love that's promised for me too. That Christ isn't some island I have to perform tricks to get to, but He's already working in my heart with love - and I don't have to do anything else but to believe it and try to know Him better in my journey. Because feelings for me are fleeting, they're like the wind, and I'm very susceptible to bad feelings and hopelessness, it's far better for me to just believe in His love whether or not I feel it.

    Not to say that we don't need that feeling every once in a while. You talked about music, and I believe - no matter how wrong we may use it - that music is a gift from God. And whenever there's goosebumps, real feeling and movement of the heart, it's a gift. It's precious, don't downplay it.

    This kind of desperation you're having draws a person closer to God, because you're starting to understand that you can't do it alone. You're starting to count what you've done right, in frustration, and you're getting to an important realization: ultimately it's not about what you're doing, it's not about performing and it's not about tricks. It's about Christ and what He's doing. This should not be scary to you, this should be a relief. I don't know a greater relief myself. Instead of working my way to God, which is impossible for people like me and only dives me deeper into the darkness, I get to just believe that Christ did it already, and that God truly is love, with the amount of faith I have, and I'm always asking for more.

    Sometimes I believe when we're desperately looking for a certain sign, we're fixing our eyes into one thing, and missing the others. One time at the way to a store, there was a bum asking for money. I told him no, but as I was in the store, I was kind of reminded of Christ and what he'd do. It wasn't a huge revelation, something I would have often missed, but as I walked out of the store I hoped to see the man again. I did. I took him in my car and drove to the ATM, gave him some money. He was really nice and I liked him. We didn't talk much, but it seemed like the first real human interaction in quite some time. When I dropped him off, I struggled to say "God bless you" for some reason, and I felt ashamed that I couldn't just spurt it out, especially because Christ was the reason I changed my mind about helping him out. He said it to me instead. People around here don't do that. For most people, this is nothing, there is nothing godly or special about this, but for me is was one of the best days in my life. I was so reassured of God's love, and I understood that I can be a part of that love, to feel it, by also giving it instead of waiting for it to happen to me in a spectacular fashion.

    Don't believe God is hiding from you. You're fighting a good fight. This is where God molds your faith, and this is where you build something strong, and God himself is helping you. It hurts and you're afraid, you're confused, but God is stronger, and He is with you.

    If you ever need someone to talk to, just hit me up with some private messages, I can pretty much talk about anything, I'd be happy to. Don't fret if I appear to be online but don't answer, I'm not avoiding you, I always keep my computer and browser tabs open even when I sleep.

    Said a prayer for you brother, God bless you.
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  9. SSL

    SSL New Member

    United States
    United Ch. of Christ
    Wow...reading this gave me goosebumps. Means more than you know. Thank you, thank you for taking the time to write this. It is exactly what I needed today.
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  10. Tempura

    Tempura Noob Supporter

    You're very welcome, it's humbling for me if I can ever help anyone in the matters of their faith and life. I've had plenty of help and encouragement myself, and God knows I've needed it.

    I would also like to add one thing. You said that you have never felt God push or pull you, so to speak. You better believe He's pulling you now. This isn't only about you feeling anxious about knowing God better, it's also about Him pulling you to Him. There's an enormous comfort in that, isn't there? He actively seeks us out, He's not content just watching. He goes after us. If we allow ourselves to believe it, it's an incredible source of strength. It reminds me of a Sufjan Stevens song "Seven Swans" (which also gives me goosebumps), there's a part with the lyrics "He will take you / If you run, He will chase you / Because He is the Lord"
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  11. Jeshu

    Jeshu Bought by His Blood Supporter


    i don't want to sound discouraging brother but it is not about trying harder to serve God and then God will be good to us, it doesn't work that way. It is more about getting to know God in your depressed life and letting His loving truth guide you.

    See the promises of Scripture stand for all those who have faith in Jesus. To have faith in Jesus means you believe what He said and did. Now check your depressed thoughts past the truths of Scripture and see for yourself where they don't align. i found that my depressive thoughts and feelings deny the truth of Scripture and rob its comforts away.

    This is why letting the Word fight our depression is so powerful for all we have to do is place ourselves into His story and He will take care of us no matter how depressed we have to be. Such good times during bad times cements our faith in Him and from Him and then we are safe from our depression.

    Be of good courage brother and let The Word guide you on the Way. Jesus would love to see you in His sanctuary even today.


    Psalm 34
    I will extol the Lord at all times;
    his praise will always be on my lips.
    I will glory in the Lord;
    let the afflicted hear and rejoice.
    Glorify the Lord with me;
    let us exalt his name together.

    I sought the Lord, and he answered me;
    he delivered me from all my fears.
    Those who look to him are radiant;
    their faces are never covered with shame.
    This poor man called, and the Lord heard him;
    he saved him out of all his troubles.
    The angel of the Lord encamps around those who fear him,
    and he delivers them.

    Taste and see that the Lord is good;
    blessed is the one who takes refuge in him.
    Fear the Lord, you his holy people,
    for those who fear him lack nothing.
    The lions may grow weak and hungry,
    but those who seek the Lord lack no good thing.
    Come, my children, listen to me;
    I will teach you the fear of the Lord.
    Whoever of you loves life
    and desires to see many good days,
    keep your tongue from evil
    and your lips from telling lies.
    Turn from evil and do good;
    seek peace and pursue it.

    The eyes of the Lord are on the righteous,
    and his ears are attentive to their cry;
    but the face of the Lord is against those who do evil,
    to blot out their name from the earth.

    The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them;
    he delivers them from all their troubles.
    The Lord is close to the brokenhearted
    and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

    The righteous person may have many troubles,
    but the Lord delivers him from them all;
    he protects all his bones,
    not one of them will be broken.

    Evil will slay the wicked;
    the foes of the righteous will be condemned.
    The Lord will rescue his servants;
    no one who takes refuge in him will be condemned.