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I offered to take my wife to Paris for tenth Aniversary, she said no...?

Discussion in 'Married Couples' started by Vollkommen Warrior, Feb 23, 2004.

Would you go to Paris with your husband?

  1. Yes

  2. No

Multiple votes are allowed.
Results are only viewable after voting.
  1. GirlieGirl

    GirlieGirl Jesus

    905
    +75
    Christian
    I really wouldn't bring up the poll with her. This won't do anything but make her feel alienated and under attack. She must have her reasons.

    It's not Paris or nothing, is it? Work out a plan between the two of your to make your anniversary something very special.
     
  2. IslandBreeze

    IslandBreeze Caribbean Queen

    +69
    Christian
    Married
    US-Republican
    If something's going to happen, it's going to happen whether you're there or not. You can't spend your life waiting for bad things to happen.

    If my husband would take half the initiative that the OP has, I'd be thrilled. I love to travel anyway, and I'd have my bags packed before the words were out of his mouth. We don't have kids, but even if we did, I strongly believe that HUSBAND and WIFE come first. As long as you're taking care of your kids, a week away isn't going to kill anyone. You need to make sure your marriage is strong so your kids can be strong!
     
  3. IslandBreeze

    IslandBreeze Caribbean Queen

    +69
    Christian
    Married
    US-Republican
    You may never have a tomorrow, much less twenty years! Don't wait to experience things! One week away from your kids isn't a crisis, nor does it make one a bad parent.
     
  4. Evening Mist

    Evening Mist gentle mother

    751
    +19
    Christian
    No. I wouldn't want to go. I would not leave my children for that length of time until they are much older. I'm not especially interested in visiting Paris. And I don't like having something like that sprung on me -- I'd prefer to be part of brainstorming and planning. I'm just feel very thrown off kilter by big plans that involve me, but are made entirely by someone else! It would stress me out entirely. If DH approached me and asked would I like to go away, I would say yes, but I would suggest a night in a BB within an hour of home. And I would look forward to it like crazy!
     
  5. hisbloodformysins

    hisbloodformysins He's my best friend

    +190
    Non-Denom
    In Relationship
    US-Republican
    Most definitely. But I can relate to not wanting to leave my child. (But I'd still go).:clap:
     
  6. Flipper

    Flipper Flippant Dolphin

    +195
    Lutheran
    Married
    Thank you. Changed my post. :blush:
     
  7. Ruthie

    Ruthie New Member

    47
    +3
    Christian
    I think you missed the point of my post. I wasn't saying I wouldn't go away with my husband. I said I wouldn't go away that great a distance because if something did happen, the distance would become a huge issue - better while the children are young to go away somewhere local. I'd rather regret the things I didn't do than regret the things I did, and having said that missing a vacation thousands of kms away isn't something I would regret anyway. I've travelled, and basically the scenery might change, but people stay the same which means I stay the same wherever I am and can therefore enjoy or not enjoy myself (as I choose by my behaviour) wherever I am, so Paris or Sydney (where I live) I'm going to have a great time, and in Sydney I would be comfortable. In Paris I would not.

    You can have the same alone time wherever you are away from home (even if the motels only ten minutes from home as you can hundreds or even thousands of kms from home - and no I'm not saying ten minutes is as far as I would go, just making an extreme example of it, as I think a trip to Paris would be while you have little ones). It's a matter of what you're willing to put into the holiday.

    Personally, I would look to something a lot more local, and see what I could find out about the local area to make a romantic holiday, then put the extra money saved by taking the more local vacation toward something more family oriented. After all (and this is just from my experience in life) what's the point of expensive vacations that only one person in the marriage wants if the other person is looking at the house and thinking about the fact that there isn't even decent furniture in the kid's rooms (I'm trying to say, maybe she sees other stuff as more or equally important and feels that you don't put any importance on the stuff she sees as important).

    Nor would I. Besides, if you look at the poll you will see that one in four women who have responded have said they wouldn't be comfortable with a trip like that, and even some who said they would go mentioned that they wouldn't do so until the children were older.

    Ruthie
     
  8. HeatherJay

    HeatherJay Kisser of Boo-Boos

    +1,778
    Nazarene
    Married
    US-Others
    Excellent points, Ruthie. :)

    It's especially hard to give advice about taking a trip without your kids when you don't even have them yet (not pointing fingers here, because all the advice given was very good ;)). Only because, before you have children, you can't possibly imagine how much your priorities will change once you DO have them (not to say, either, that if you disagree then your priorities are wrong). And I'm not saying that my husband (or our relationship) is less of a priority now that we have a family...it's a major priority. But, everytime I see my husband playing with my kids, teaching them how to play baseball, giving them a bath, I fall even more in love with him. I love him so much more because of the father that he is to our kids...and he loves me more for being a good mother. We've both changed since having kids, for the better, I think. And we do need one on one time. But, the most romantic thing to me is catching him give me "that look," for no apparent reason. And he does that even when our kids are running circles around us. I guess the point is, I wouldn't be comfortable leaving my kids for so long...and I'd be miserable without their kisses...and so would he. It's wrong to judge mothers (and the OP's wife) who wouldn't want to leave their kids for such an extended period or say they're being too clingy and over protective. I mean, it's HER 10th anniversary too, right? She was just being honest about her feelings, not trying to hurt his feelings, I'm sure.

    Love, Heather
     
  9. katelyn

    katelyn Senior Veteran

    +93
    Christian
    Married
    Oh...she doesn't want to go because of the young child. I misinterpreted the OP. :sorry:

    I think one-on-one time is important, but I don't know if I'd feel comfortable going so far away! Maybe when they were a little bit older...I can't say for sure since I don't have kids yet.

    I do think what was stated earlier about seeing where she would like to go & what she'd like to do is an excellent idea.
     
  10. Svt4Him

    Svt4Him Legend Supporter

    +1,083
    Non-Denom
    Single
    CA-Conservatives
    So you're planning to treat your wife nice, by offering this trip. She doesn't want to go, so wouldn't the best way to treat your wife nice be supporting her in her decision?
     
  11. mamaneenie

    mamaneenie Well-Known Member

    +49
    Christian
    I think I agree, I would love the idea of one night away, more than that, I would be so worried about my little boy.
     
  12. mamaneenie

    mamaneenie Well-Known Member

    +49
    Christian
    Yes but if something did happen, I would want to be the one who was there to take care of my son, after all God has given my husband and I the responsibility of doing just that.

    You don't have kids yet, so how do you know how you are going to react when you do?

    Yes I believe that husband and wife come first, but there is a responsibility to the children as well, and I know that a week away without our son, would kill the both of us. Neither of us would enjoy a week away from our child, even if it was to travel overseas. There are other ways to put the marriage first without staying away from the children for a week, such as going out for dinner and hiring a babysitter, or as someone else suggested, going to a B and B for the night. There are other ways to nurture a marriage, other than going on a holiday without children.
     
  13. mina

    mina Brown Eyed girl

    +3,745
    Christian
    Married
    I voted yes even though I'm not married nor do I have children. I like to travel and if someone wanted to take me to Paris I would like that idea. But the OP's wife seems to have her own reasons for wanting not to go and this is about her, not what everyone else wants to do. OP- why don't you ask her where she would like to go, what place she would feel comfortable traveling to and would be romantic? Please her, not anyone else
     
  14. Vollkommen Warrior

    Vollkommen Warrior Senior Member

    727
    +5
    Christian
    Well thanks to all for the kind thoughts and advice. Considering it is our anniversary, it is not only for her or totally about her like many may think though. It is about me AND her. Anniversaries - unlike mothers day or b-day or what have you - are about husbands AND wives. To the women, let's not miss that point.

    Secondly, I am not surprised to see that many have voted yes. As to the mothers vs potential mothers to be? Mothers to be got everything right except for the sensitivity to the poll thingy. But lets not totally discount those potential mothers to be or even single women. Just because they are noty mothers yet, does not mean they would be assimilated (Treky Term)so quickly. Their opinions may not necessarily change from where thay are now. My wife said herself that she is not like most women in the sensitivity area (her words). She is more logical than even me sometimes when it comes to questions such as these or the "sensitivity to poll concern" several of you had. This, I like because it works for me in that she does not blow up over little things or what I would call little things. I think it is a great part of the reason for our marital success. She is not a high maintenance lady in that department but caring none-the-less. Trust me, after knowing her for ten years, I can pretty well judge for myself what to say or not to say to my wife without sensitivity coaching. BUT again, I want to thatnk you for your pro-active and thoughtful suggestions. AND I know where I can go if I feel that I am missing something. It shows there are a lot of caring females and actually males around here. That's why I like this site. Thank you all again!! :wave:

    [Edit] We are not going because it just so happens that it pleases me to do more of what she would want to do and considering her concerns, but that's just me and does not me that is the right answer for everyone. Not that I think it is important to do what pleases you either - all the time. Being pleased for doing something "good" is God's reward to us for doing his will. Don't you think?

    Not to go too far off topic here but someone once told his wife did she things for the community like charity and stuff because it made her "feel good." His premise was that people do things because they make them feel good not really for God. He was a high level thinker that thought he had all the "right" answers and they had nothing to do with the Lord. I disagreed totally and on the spot. I happened to think he was somewhat calous or at the very least mislead. You see, we may not enjoy doing things for the community or giving to others at first but we change what makes us feel good in accordance with what God wants. Then, feeling good about it becomes a second natured GIFT. His wife feels good about helping people because that is God's reward to her for doing his will. Not the other way around. ;) My "logical" friend was speechless.
     
  15. DaveKerwin

    DaveKerwin Represent the Most High

    +125
    Christian
    Married
    France is good for wierd smells, bread, old cheese, and the like.

    I don't blame her, go somewhere cool. :)
     
  16. KLLM82

    KLLM82 Heir of God's Kingdom

    196
    +8
    Non-Denom
    France is a beautiful place...there is sooooo much to see over there. If he selected France, it's because he has an interest for it...if it was "uncool" to him, he wouldn't have chosen it ;).

    Actually, the cheeses that are said to have "unsual odors" are known to be the best/natural ones :).

    What places are considered "cool" to you? :)

    ~Katia~
     
  17. mina

    mina Brown Eyed girl

    +3,745
    Christian
    Married
    I just meant please her and not any other woman, maybe most women would want to go, but she apparently doesn't want to so why would anyother woman's rationale matter. I didn't mean that you should ignore yourself in the matter, but be understanding to her as well. Aniversaries are about being together and spending time together, Paris would be nice but does it ultimately matter WHERE you are as long as you are WITH the person you love?
     
  18. Vollkommen Warrior

    Vollkommen Warrior Senior Member

    727
    +5
    Christian
    You are right Mina. No it is not where as much as that you are together.
     
  19. koppee1

    koppee1 Member

    201
    +3
    Protestant
    Married
    can you take me intead ? :)

    hehe, just kidding, that's too bad. But if she really doesn't want to, I guess that's her chioce. But I think it would be nice if you guys did go. My wife and I (now four years) went to Europe during our honeymoon and we loved it. :)
     
  20. mistygail

    mistygail Member

    355
    +5
    Non-Denom
    Married
    US-Republican
    I voted "no" but only because neither my husband nor myself want to go to Paris. I would go ANYWHERE with him though. If he really wanted to take me to Paris and that was the only option I would go. :D
     
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