I need your prayers (fornication)

[Dave-W]

I have never specifically mentioned masturbation from the pulpit but I definitely am against it and have preached against lusting and committing adultery in your heart.

I would suggest that may be part of the problem. You do not have that safety valve to relieve the normal tensions from being close to someone.

 

[Dave-W]

Since this is the advice folder, I will give you this advice:

• Pray like you have never prayed before.
• Relieve yourself before you get together and suggest she do the same.
  
• Do not be alone together - have some kind of chaperone
• GET MARRIED AS SOON AS POSSIBLE.

And use this struggle you have to extend mercy and grace to other couples who also have gone too far. Believe me, it is the VAST majority of the young couples in your congregation, maybe even those too young to get married yet like middle or high school.

 

[GaveMeJoy]

Ok so first I've been saved a while and I am also an ordained minister. I've been single basically all of my Christian life. When God saved me I insantly stopped seeking premarital sex and actually went out with a girl once that got mad at me for not doing anything with her. So God did a marvelous work in my life and I am so thankful.

Fast forward to now and like I said I am a minister that has never been married and have recently started a courtship. We are very serious and have talked about marriage. Well about a month ago we messed up and had sex and we both repented. Then this past weekend it happened again and she was actually begging me to do it and at first I had some anger toward her but have since asked her to forgive me because it took both of us. We have set boundaries but have broken them and I need some prayers and advice honestly. I have cried and cried and asked God to forgive me and this has also really put a strain on our relationship. Prayers and any words of advice would be appreciated. Also, I really feel like a hypocrite because obviously I preach against fornication. I've repented with bitter tears but it still weighs on me. Thanks!

You just tell the elders of your church and ask them to consider and decide whether or not you need to disclose to the church body (you do in my opinion but I’m not an elder). I promise it might seem hard you might feel like you will lose your job or be embarrassed or whatever but making restitution and true repentance comes From bringing sin to light. Anything kept in darkness will fester and you will NEVER feel free from it or have joy. Also if you don’t disclose to the body and elders, remember the scripture indicates not many should become teachers because there is greater responsibility and a harsher judgement. As a clergy, you must be above reproach and this isn’t it.

remember all of this is in love, I can promise you that no matter what the material earthly consequences, God will give you peace in the truth and the light because this is promised. If you keep it a secret you will never have peace and if you do, it’s false and from darkness.

in Christ,
Jeremiah

 

[Deus Vult!]

Ok so first I've been saved a while and I am also an ordained minister. I've been single basically all of my Christian life. When God saved me I insantly stopped seeking premarital sex and actually went out with a girl once that got mad at me for not doing anything with her. So God did a marvelous work in my life and I am so thankful.

Fast forward to now and like I said I am a minister that has never been married and have recently started a courtship. We are very serious and have talked about marriage. Well about a month ago we messed up and had sex and we both repented. Then this past weekend it happened again and she was actually begging me to do it and at first I had some anger toward her but have since asked her to forgive me because it took both of us. We have set boundaries but have broken them and I need some prayers and advice honestly. I have cried and cried and asked God to forgive me and this has also really put a strain on our relationship. Prayers and any words of advice would be appreciated. Also, I really feel like a hypocrite because obviously I preach against fornication. I've repented with bitter tears but it still weighs on me. Thanks!

I read your thread, and the responses to it. Our Lord have mercy on all the errors in this thread. God Bless you for repenting of your sin. Ignore quickly anyone telling you that this is no sin. The Apostles explicitly warn that this is indeed a grave sin. You are hitting the nail on the head in much of what you wrote in your post, and in your emotion. It is clear that the Holy Spirit is leading you toward holiness, how else could you know sin as sin? Now, there are some fundamental errors with your theology that if fixed could truly help you. First of all you are not outright saved. Just look at your predicament. You were saved at your first and only Baptism provided it was a Trinitarian Baptism, you are being saved through your reception of the Sacraments - chiefly those of Holy Eucharist and Reconciliation, and finally you will be saved when you die, provided of course that your Faith - and your Christian works from your Faith - endure to the end.
You had asked if you can confess your sins to each other. This question I believe in your heart you know the answer to... How can two offenders confess their crime to one another and expect that justice will be brought to them in this life?

This of course would be a huge rift between Catholicism or Orthodoxy and Protestantism. We Catholics or even the Orthodox would believe and confess that all sins ought to be confessed to the Apostolic Priesthood. We believe in Apostolic succession. Essentially that every Bishop, Priest, or Deacon is traceable - through the laying on of the hands - to the the Apostles themselves. It is this conferral of the laying on of the hands that the ministers of the Catholic Church and "particular Churches" (that have Apostolic succession) have the right to forgive sins, consecrate the host and cup into the Body and Blood of our Lord, confer the Sacrament of marriage, etc. So to answer your question - as a Catholic - you are to confess your sins including fornication and all other sins that you have committed in your life to your local Catholic priest who is hearing confessions. Your first confession would be called a "general Confession", it is for you to hold nothing back as you are confessing to God before the Apostolic priesthood.
21 Again Jesus said, “Peace be with you! As the Father has sent me, I am sending you.
22 And with that he breathed on them and said, “Receive the Holy Spirit.
23 If you forgive anyone’s sins, their sins are forgiven; if you do not forgive them, they are not forgiven.” - St.John (20:21-23)

After this confession I would advise that you "go and sin no more". Just as our Lord told the blessed woman at the well who had been fornicating with the man she lived with. I would step away from your "ministry" if you are in a position of being a "teacher" there. Also encourage you to deeply look into if what you are teaching is in fact the Apostolic Faith to begin with. This may very well be a great and marvelous blessing for you. If this woman is somebody that you truly want to spend the rest of your life with and she does also wish to spend her life with you then for sure you two should marry. And if you love each other so much then certainly a couple months of celibacy is nothing compared to a lifetime of an undefiled bed. How long have you two been "courting". And please be honest, your honesty might help others also.

 

[RaymondG]

It amazes me how one can think that they can get busy in the morning.......and have God be displeased and angered.......then they can go to the court house in the afternoon, get the stamps, then when they get busy at night, God is no longer displeased and no longer angry.

God is not like Man....

Dont get me wrong, you are condemned...... But this is self condemnation.

And sex is one of the worse reason one can use for marriage.... What happens outside of the bedroom determines whether or not a marriage can work.

 

[Leet]

Although sex outside of marriage is sin, I agree with you about not rushing into marriage because of it. ^ Boundaries (as OP said), prayer and a little more time and conversation will be key.

 

[Robin Mauro]

Ok so first I've been saved a while and I am also an ordained minister. I've been single basically all of my Christian life. When God saved me I insantly stopped seeking premarital sex and actually went out with a girl once that got mad at me for not doing anything with her. So God did a marvelous work in my life and I am so thankful.

Fast forward to now and like I said I am a minister that has never been married and have recently started a courtship. We are very serious and have talked about marriage. Well about a month ago we messed up and had sex and we both repented. Then this past weekend it happened again and she was actually begging me to do it and at first I had some anger toward her but have since asked her to forgive me because it took both of us. We have set boundaries but have broken them and I need some prayers and advice honestly. I have cried and cried and asked God to forgive me and this has also really put a strain on our relationship. Prayers and any words of advice would be appreciated. Also, I really feel like a hypocrite because obviously I preach against fornication. I've repented with bitter tears but it still weighs on me. Thanks!

"It is better to marry than to burn..."
Perhaps this will help you to be a better Pastor in that you will have more compassion on what single people are going through. In most previous societies, I think, most people got married at a much younger age. Now people seem to be waiting longer and longer. Also, many societies prevented this by not allowomg dating couples to be alone together. So maybe you should not be alone with her.
But yes, marry her; Paul said....
And do not look back, questioning if she was really the one, or if you had waited, would you have married someone else. Because hard times will come. They come to all marriages. Trust in God. She is the one. No one is perfect, nor is any marriage.

 

[redleghunter]

Ok so first I've been saved a while and I am also an ordained minister. I've been single basically all of my Christian life. When God saved me I insantly stopped seeking premarital sex and actually went out with a girl once that got mad at me for not doing anything with her. So God did a marvelous work in my life and I am so thankful.

Fast forward to now and like I said I am a minister that has never been married and have recently started a courtship. We are very serious and have talked about marriage. Well about a month ago we messed up and had sex and we both repented. Then this past weekend it happened again and she was actually begging me to do it and at first I had some anger toward her but have since asked her to forgive me because it took both of us. We have set boundaries but have broken them and I need some prayers and advice honestly. I have cried and cried and asked God to forgive me and this has also really put a strain on our relationship. Prayers and any words of advice would be appreciated. Also, I really feel like a hypocrite because obviously I preach against fornication. I've repented with bitter tears but it still weighs on me. Thanks!

Does your pastor know? Have you asked your ministry team for help with accountability? Or are you hiding this from them?

Also do your boundaries include you don't both live together?

And yes as others said why have you two not married?

 

[FriendOfGod]

Does your pastor know? Have you asked your ministry team for help with accountability? Or are you hiding this from them?

Also do your boundaries include you don't both live together?

And yes as others said why have you two not married?

We definitely do not live together. I haven't told anyone else, but I've not necessarily been hiding it. If someone were to have asked me I would've been honest. I have told people that I was being tempted with it and asked for prayer.

 

[redleghunter]

The reason many are saying if you love the woman that you should be getting married is because there is a chance you both can part ways and then what? Jesus defined marriage as between one man and one woman and said the man would leave his mother and father and be joined to his wife and the two will become one flesh.

The reason public marriage or a wedding was and is important in the life of the Christian church is because the Church is supposed to be a community. We proclaim our faith in baptism before the church because we are community. We marry before the church because it is a community. We present our children before the church in either dedication (or baptism for some) because we are asking the church community to be a part of rearing our children in the faith.

I think the question you and your girlfriend should ask is if your current relationship as it is, is good for the church community. As a minister I think you know the answer to this and why I asked if your pastor knows about your current arrangement.

 

[redleghunter]

We definitely do not live together. I haven't told anyone else, but I've not necessarily been hiding it. If someone were to have asked me I would've been honest. I have told people that I was being tempted with it and asked for prayer.

I do not know what the atmosphere is like in your church. However, you are in ministry in this church and you are asking for advice on an anonymous chat site when your pastor is the best to be your confidant on your current situation. I am sure your pastor who most likely has dealt with similar situations in the past is the best to help you. You have already said you are both deeply in love, she is willing to support your ministry so this relationship is not just about sexual relations.

The answers and proper pastoral care both of you require might just be there in your church. As a church we are to support each other, the exact words are shoulder each other's burdens.

I think the best advice I can give is that both of you (I assume this woman is a church member and a Christian?) to have a private meeting not on a Sunday when things are crazy at church with lots of people hanging around trying to speak with the pastor. At the private meeting you declare that you two are deeply in love and have been discussing marriage. Then tell him that during courting this wonderful woman you are deeply in love with, that you both succumbed to sexual passion on occasion and seek his (the pastor's) advice on how to proceed to be married in the life of the church. You can then discuss the boundaries you both have set and how that is working out.

The pastor will probably offer loving advice. He will probably discuss some accountability with you both, offer whatever marriage ministry classes the church offers and discuss when you both would like to be married.

 

[Andrewn]

We definitely do not live together.

You need to get separated or married. If you're not getting married within a month, you should live together. That would show love, courage, and honesty (the opposite of hypocrisy). If you select this route, of course you'll be stepping down.

 

[Blade]

Its a desire that is from God. So... yeah repent.. forgive your self and get up dust off keep going. You should know better then to allow the devil to beat you up like this.

And yes.. you don't get married so you can have sex. Relax.. Gods not mad..not upset.. not condemning you.

 

[Hammster]

Ok so first I've been saved a while and I am also an ordained minister. I've been single basically all of my Christian life. When God saved me I insantly stopped seeking premarital sex and actually went out with a girl once that got mad at me for not doing anything with her. So God did a marvelous work in my life and I am so thankful.

Fast forward to now and like I said I am a minister that has never been married and have recently started a courtship. We are very serious and have talked about marriage. Well about a month ago we messed up and had sex and we both repented. Then this past weekend it happened again and she was actually begging me to do it and at first I had some anger toward her but have since asked her to forgive me because it took both of us. We have set boundaries but have broken them and I need some prayers and advice honestly. I have cried and cried and asked God to forgive me and this has also really put a strain on our relationship. Prayers and any words of advice would be appreciated. Also, I really feel like a hypocrite because obviously I preach against fornication. I've repented with bitter tears but it still weighs on me. Thanks!

Confess to your congregation and step down. You are no longer qualified to lead.

Then get married.

 

[St. Helens]

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[Salvadore]

I read your thread, and the responses to it. Our Lord have mercy on all the errors in this thread. God Bless you for repenting of your sin. Ignore quickly anyone telling you that this is no sin. The Apostles explicitly warn that this is indeed a grave sin. You are hitting the nail on the head in much of what you wrote in your post, and in your emotion. It is clear that the Holy Spirit is leading you toward holiness, how else could you know sin as sin? Now, there are some fundamental errors with your theology that if fixed could truly help you. First of all you are not outright saved. Just look at your predicament. You were saved at your first and only Baptism provided it was a Trinitarian Baptism, you are being saved through your reception of the Sacraments - chiefly those of Holy Eucharist and Reconciliation, and finally you will be saved when you die, provided of course that your Faith - and your Christian works from your Faith - endure to the end.
You had asked if you can confess your sins to each other. This question I believe in your heart you know the answer to... How can two offenders confess their crime to one another and expect that justice will be brought to them in this life?

This of course would be a huge rift between Catholicism or Orthodoxy and Protestantism. We Catholics or even the Orthodox would believe and confess that all sins ought to be confessed to the Apostolic Priesthood. We believe in Apostolic succession. Essentially that every Bishop, Priest, or Deacon is traceable - through the laying on of the hands - to the the Apostles themselves. It is this conferral of the laying on of the hands that the ministers of the Catholic Church and "particular Churches" (that have Apostolic succession) have the right to forgive sins, consecrate the host and cup into the Body and Blood of our Lord, confer the Sacrament of marriage, etc. So to answer your question - as a Catholic - you are to confess your sins including fornication and all other sins that you have committed in your life to your local Catholic priest who is hearing confessions. Your first confession would be called a "general Confession", it is for you to hold nothing back as you are confessing to God before the Apostolic priesthood.
21 Again Jesus said, “Peace be with you! As the Father has sent me, I am sending you.
22 And with that he breathed on them and said, “Receive the Holy Spirit.
23 If you forgive anyone’s sins, their sins are forgiven; if you do not forgive them, they are not forgiven.” - St.John (20:21-23)

After this confession I would advise that you "go and sin no more". Just as our Lord told the blessed woman at the well who had been fornicating with the man she lived with. I would step away from your "ministry" if you are in a position of being a "teacher" there. Also encourage you to deeply look into if what you are teaching is in fact the Apostolic Faith to begin with. This may very well be a great and marvelous blessing for you. If this woman is somebody that you truly want to spend the rest of your life with and she does also wish to spend her life with you then for sure you two should marry. And if you love each other so much then certainly a couple months of celibacy is nothing compared to a lifetime of an undefiled bed. How long have you two been "courting". And please be honest, your honesty might help others also.

I am sorry for correcting you. I did not mean any disrespect.

 

[BNR32FAN]

I'd say no, unless you are ministering one of the nut bag forms of christianity where even marital sex is governed. Or they hold past sin over you and force you to take like scarlet letter..

Otherwise to pretend even as a minister you live a completely sin free life is foolishness that contradicts even Paul's ability to live without sin (romans chapters 6,7 and 8)

If Paul could not live with out sin as the father of the gentile church then seriously... who are you to pretend otherwise? why would you demand or teach others to live a lie that Paul wrote out a whole book of the bible to free us from?

do you need to repent.. yes in whatever form or fashion your religious brand demands. do you need to step down, it depends on your brand of faith. if everyone pretends to be without sin as believers then probably a good idea to step down grow spiritually and move on. Otherwise you don't want to be the root of all evil that makes old gossips explode with stories to tell causing even more actual sin to invade your church than what your act actually did.

Don't run from this don't hide from it. It's not ideal but neither is any of our lives when the truth is told. If we could live without sin Christ need not die on the cross. spend some time in the book of romans with 'fresh' eyes. think about the people receiving this message not having any other books of the bible to concern themselves with. outside of a cursory understanding of the gospel this is all the church at rome was built on. It was enough to sustain and even build the faith into a world religion as it was from rome that christian went world wide. Yes the rest of the bible has to be considered but still this is more than enough for a proper foundation.

That’s Christian love!

 

[Thomas White]

Ok so first I've been saved a while and I am also an ordained minister. I've been single basically all of my Christian life. When God saved me I insantly stopped seeking premarital sex and actually went out with a girl once that got mad at me for not doing anything with her. So God did a marvelous work in my life and I am so thankful.

Fast forward to now and like I said I am a minister that has never been married and have recently started a courtship. We are very serious and have talked about marriage. Well about a month ago we messed up and had sex and we both repented. Then this past weekend it happened again and she was actually begging me to do it and at first I had some anger toward her but have since asked her to forgive me because it took both of us. We have set boundaries but have broken them and I need some prayers and advice honestly. I have cried and cried and asked God to forgive me and this has also really put a strain on our relationship. Prayers and any words of advice would be appreciated. Also, I really feel like a hypocrite because obviously I preach against fornication. I've repented with bitter tears but it still weighs on me. Thanks!

Ok. Let's hit the breaks here. First, God forgives you. If you asked, He does.

Second, don't rush into marriage. Getting married because you can't stop having sex is a terrible reason to get married. I can't tell you the number of marriages I've seen fall apart very quickly because they got married for the wrong reason. I've seen so many Christian couples get married because they want to have sex. Every single one failed.

Desire is not enough. If you don't love that person with everything you are, then you shouldn't marry her. If you don't put God at the forefront of your marriage, then you shouldn't marry her. Don't squander the blessing of marriage on lust.

The body is going to lust. It's a natural physiological reaction. It happens. You've got to seek God. Trust in Him to guide you. Leave everything else to the wayside. Trust in Him, even when you can't trust in yourself.

Don't break yourself down because you slip up. You're just like everyone else. Most importantly, don't step away from your ministry. Why would you do that? So many others are struggling like you are, and they would appreciate hearing that you struggle. Teach and lead from a place of experience. Guide using the compassion that Christ shows you. Be an example. Despite your sin, you have faith that God will forgive and guide you. There is no greater testament to your faith. Tell them how you failed and how God forgave you anyway. That is an AMAZING LOVE!

If you were sleeping with a married woman or you were married, this would be a different issue. But you're not. You're being human. Your failing and getting back up. Rely on God to give you peace and help. Then show others how He helped you.

But never give up. Never condemn yourself or another. Never be angry with the one you love. It wasn't her fault. It was your choice. And don't get married just because you can't keep your hands off each other. You'll regret it the rest of your life!

 

[Mark Quayle]

Ok so first I've been saved a while and I am also an ordained minister. I've been single basically all of my Christian life. When God saved me I insantly stopped seeking premarital sex and actually went out with a girl once that got mad at me for not doing anything with her. So God did a marvelous work in my life and I am so thankful.

Fast forward to now and like I said I am a minister that has never been married and have recently started a courtship. We are very serious and have talked about marriage. Well about a month ago we messed up and had sex and we both repented. Then this past weekend it happened again and she was actually begging me to do it and at first I had some anger toward her but have since asked her to forgive me because it took both of us. We have set boundaries but have broken them and I need some prayers and advice honestly. I have cried and cried and asked God to forgive me and this has also really put a strain on our relationship. Prayers and any words of advice would be appreciated. Also, I really feel like a hypocrite because obviously I preach against fornication. I've repented with bitter tears but it still weighs on me. Thanks!

I'm guessing you know Paul's teaching on it. Marry her. Or leave. You can't have your cake and eat it too.

 

[Daniel Martinovich]

Ok so first I've been saved a while and I am also an ordained minister. I've been single basically all of my Christian life. When God saved me I insantly stopped seeking premarital sex and actually went out with a girl once that got mad at me for not doing anything with her. So God did a marvelous work in my life and I am so thankful.

Fast forward to now and like I said I am a minister that has never been married and have recently started a courtship. We are very serious and have talked about marriage. Well about a month ago we messed up and had sex and we both repented. Then this past weekend it happened again and she was actually begging me to do it and at first I had some anger toward her but have since asked her to forgive me because it took both of us. We have set boundaries but have broken them and I need some prayers and advice honestly. I have cried and cried and asked God to forgive me and this has also really put a strain on our relationship. Prayers and any words of advice would be appreciated. Also, I really feel like a hypocrite because obviously I preach against fornication. I've repented with bitter tears but it still weighs on me. Thanks!

I don’t understand why you are waiting to get married. You should pop the question. That being Said. If your going to take advise and wait on marriage. Then my guess as to the reason you fell into this temptation in the first place is because you started making out. If you are not going to get married now but you still want to “court.” Then the only common sense way to not get overwhelmed with sexual desire is to not be sexually active. NO MAKING OUT! Keep any kissing to a peck on the check or lips hello or goodbye. Don’t light that . It is way to hard to put out.
That is the easy way to do it. The other way. Being sexually active but not having sex is a living hell. I suppose lots of cold showers may help to those who insist they can handle it. But sheesh. Why not do things the easy way.