Right now I'm kind of freaking out. I am afraid that I do not have the Holy Spirit/ghost. I'm very worried that my repentance is out of fear and that my coming to Christ was not a calling from God, but me trying to save myself. Come to think of it when I did come to God I was very afraid of hell and I still am. There have been times where I have been filled with joy and happy to serve the Lord because of how overjoyed and sure I was with Peace knowing that I was saved. I have aknowledged that I am a sinner and I need God to forgive me through Jesus's sacrifice on the cross. I know that I have to trust him and have faith in him for my salvation. I believe in Jesus but I can't tell if my belief is real or not, I have faith in Jesus but I don't know if it's real or not. I've sought to live according to God's will and I've definitely produced some fruit, I've also turned away from a lot of sin in my life and have asked jesus to help me overcome sin daily. I constantly pray to God in prayer thanking him for the trials he puts me through and I hope that this is just one of them. I am worried sick that I do not actually have the Holy Spirit and that all the things that I've been doing have just been my feeble attempts at saving myself and that God has not called me at all but my stupid, mortal, sefish, horrible, sick, twisted mind has lead me to God as a sort of safety net for insurance. I want to be sincere and I want to serve God but I'm just so afraid that he hasn't really called me and the fact that I'm putting so much effort into learning about God, doing what his word says, turning away from sin, and praying to him is just proof that I am not sincere and that my efforts is attempt to overcompensate. I'm crying while writing this because it's so sad to think about god just looking at me shaking his head in disgrace at me because I wasn't one of the elect that he has called to him and he hasn't granted me the gift of repentance and faith for salvation because it's not his will to save me. I know God is sovereign and just to choose who he hardens and who he has mercy but serving to glorify god is extremely hard with the end destination of my fight of faith being second death. I have spread the gospel to people even when I really was embarrassed and scared for awkwardness and even brought my friend to faith in Christ but it's so hard to serve with this constant fear that God condems me. I call on the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and God to forgive me and rescue me daily, I aknowledge that I'm sinner daily, I ask God to fill me with the Holy Spirit daily, but I just feel like the fact that I still struggle with the feelings of unrest, uncertainty, and condemnation shows that God has handed me over to my own terrible twisted mind and that my purpose is not to be a child of God, but a vehicle for God's wrath as desribed in romans 9. I go through feelings of not doing enough to please God and that I have to be more obedient to feelings that I am trusting too much in myself and not enough on grace. I feel horrible and have gone from panic mode to sheer sadness and tears while writing this. Please help me. Tell me the truth about what you all think and not just stuff to make me feel better please.
Proverbs 3:5-6... Living Bible (TLB)
4-5 If you want favor with both God and man, and a reputation for good judgment and common sense, then trust the Lord completely; don’t ever trust yourself. 6 In everything you do, put God first, and he will direct you and crown your efforts with success.
7-8 Don’t be conceited, sure of your own wisdom. Instead, trust and reverence the Lord, and turn your back on evil; when you do that, then you will be given renewed health and vitality.
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trust in the lord=“to have confidence IN GOD"........ SHALOM ICJ (IN CHRIST JESUS)...
Romans 5-8
Romans 4Romans 9
Romans 5-8Living Bible (TLB)
5 So now, since we have been made right in God’s sight by faith in his promises, we can have real peace with him because of what Jesus Christ our Lord has done for us. 2 For because of our faith, he has brought us into this place of highest privilege where we now stand, and we confidently and joyfully look forward to actually becoming all that God has had in mind for us to be.
3 We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they are good for us—they help us learn to be patient. 4 And patience develops strength of character in us and helps us trust God more each time we use it until finally our hope and faith are strong and steady. 5 Then, when that happens, we are able to hold our heads high no matter what happens and know that all is well, for we know how dearly God loves us, and we feel this warm love everywhere within us because God has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with his love.
6 When we were utterly helpless, with no way of escape, Christ came at just the right time and died for us sinners who had no use for him. 7 Even if we were good, we really wouldn’t expect anyone to die for us, though, of course, that might be barely possible. 8 But God showed his great love for us by sending Christ to die for us while we were still sinners. 9 And since by his blood he did all this for us as sinners, how much more will he do for us now that he has declared us not guilty? Now he will save us from all of God’s wrath to come. 10 And since, when we were his enemies, we were brought back to God by the death of his Son, what blessings he must have for us now that we are his friends and he is living within us!
11 Now we rejoice in our wonderful new relationship with God—all because of what our Lord Jesus Christ has done in dying for our sins—making us friends of God.
12 When Adam sinned, sin entered the entire human race. His sin spread death throughout all the world, so everything began to grow old and die, for all sinned. 13 We know that it was Adam’s sin that caused this because although, of course, people were sinning from the time of Adam until Moses, God did not in those days judge them guilty of death for breaking his laws—because he had not yet given his laws to them nor told them what he wanted them to do. 14 So when their bodies died it was not for their own sins since they themselves had never disobeyed God’s special law against eating the forbidden fruit, as Adam had.
What a contrast between Adam and Christ who was yet to come! 15 And what a difference between man’s sin and God’s forgiveness!
For this one man, Adam, brought death to many through his
sin. But this one man, Jesus Christ, brought forgiveness to many through God’s
mercy. 16 Adam’s
one sin brought the penalty of death to many, while Christ freely takes away
many sins and gives glorious life instead. 17 The sin of this one man, Adam, caused
death to be king over all, but all who will take God’s gift of forgiveness and acquittal are
kings of lifebecause of this one man, Jesus Christ. 18 Yes, Adam’s
sin brought
punishment to all, but Christ’s
righteousness makes men
right with God, so that they can live. 19 Adam caused many to be sinners because he
disobeyed God, and Christ caused many to be made acceptable to God because he
obeyed.
20 The Ten Commandments were given so that all could see the extent of their failure to obey God’s laws. But the more we see our sinfulness, the more we see God’s abounding grace forgiving us. 21 Before, sin ruled over all men and brought them to death, but now God’s kindness rules instead, giving us right standing with God and resulting in eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.
6 Well then, shall we keep on sinning so that God can keep on showing us more and more kindness and forgiveness?
2-3 Of course NOT....