Right now I'm kind of freaking out. I am afraid that I do not have the Holy Spirit/ghost. I'm very worried that my repentance is out of fear and that my coming to Christ was not a calling from God, but me trying to save myself. Come to think of it when I did come to God I was very afraid of hell and I still am. There have been times where I have been filled with joy and happy to serve the Lord because of how overjoyed and sure I was with Peace knowing that I was saved. I have aknowledged that I am a sinner and I need God to forgive me through Jesus's sacrifice on the cross. I know that I have to trust him and have faith in him for my salvation. I believe in Jesus but I can't tell if my belief is real or not, I have faith in Jesus but I don't know if it's real or not. I've sought to live according to God's will and I've definitely produced some fruit, I've also turned away from a lot of sin in my life and have asked jesus to help me overcome sin daily. I constantly pray to God in prayer thanking him for the trials he puts me through and I hope that this is just one of them. I am worried sick that I do not actually have the Holy Spirit and that all the things that I've been doing have just been my feeble attempts at saving myself and that God has not called me at all but my stupid, mortal, sefish, horrible, sick, twisted mind has lead me to God as a sort of safety net for insurance. I want to be sincere and I want to serve God but I'm just so afraid that he hasn't really called me and the fact that I'm putting so much effort into learning about God, doing what his word says, turning away from sin, and praying to him is just proof that I am not sincere and that my efforts is attempt to overcompensate. I'm crying while writing this because it's so sad to think about god just looking at me shaking his head in disgrace at me because I wasn't one of the elect that he has called to him and he hasn't granted me the gift of repentance and faith for salvation because it's not his will to save me. I know God is sovereign and just to choose who he hardens and who he has mercy but serving to glorify god is extremely hard with the end destination of my fight of faith being second death. I have spread the gospel to people even when I really was embarrassed and scared for awkwardness and even brought my friend to faith in Christ but it's so hard to serve with this constant fear that God condems me. I call on the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and God to forgive me and rescue me daily, I aknowledge that I'm sinner daily, I ask God to fill me with the Holy Spirit daily, but I just feel like the fact that I still struggle with the feelings of unrest, uncertainty, and condemnation shows that God has handed me over to my own terrible twisted mind and that my purpose is not to be a child of God, but a vehicle for God's wrath as desribed in romans 9. I go through feelings of not doing enough to please God and that I have to be more obedient to feelings that I am trusting too much in myself and not enough on grace. I feel horrible and have gone from panic mode to sheer sadness and tears while writing this. Please help me. Tell me the truth about what you all think and not just stuff to make me feel better please.
Feelings
See that is what Satan would like you to believe
That in order for you to be secure in your faith it must be based on how you feel or don't feel
When indeed faith (if it is mature steadfast faith) isn't based on lower carnal emotions at all
When everything is going well faith isn't questioned.
It's when things aren't going so well that we oftentimes do more than what is really required of us
Resting in HIM and trusting in
HIM
THAT's FAITH
Because it's directed on HIM and it's based in HIM, and who HE is
We changee. It's our own spirit with in us ( our heart and our mind) that becomes restless everything is well and I feel I am on a cloud I have fsirhwhen actually during these times it's really easy to have faith
Because when things don't go well, it isn't GOD who changes. It's us. Because we can't "see" our faith. We are more busy searching out what happened because it doesn't feel comfortable, because tjjnhs aren't going just exactly the way we want it to
But it's in these times that validations of our faith by how based on CHRIST alone
Right now I'm kind of freaking out. I am afraid that I do not have the Holy Spirit/ghost. I'm very worried that my repentance is out of fear and that my coming to Christ was not a calling from God, but me trying to save myself. Come to think of it when I did come to God I was very afraid of hell and I still am. There have been times where I have been filled with joy and happy to serve the Lord because of how overjoyed and sure I was with Peace knowing that I was saved. I have aknowledged that I am a sinner and I need God to forgive me through Jesus's sacrifice on the cross. I know that I have to trust him and have faith in him for my salvation. I believe in Jesus but I can't tell if my belief is real or not, I have faith in Jesus but I don't know if it's real or not. I've sought to live according to God's will and I've definitely produced some fruit, I've also turned away from a lot of sin in my life and have asked jesus to help me overcome sin daily. I constantly pray to God in prayer thanking him for the trials he puts me through and I hope that this is just one of them. I am worried sick that I do not actually have the Holy Spirit and that all the things that I've been doing have just been my feeble attempts at saving myself and that God has not called me at all but my stupid, mortal, sefish, horrible, sick, twisted mind has lead me to God as a sort of safety net for insurance. I want to be sincere and I want to serve God but I'm just so afraid that he hasn't really called me and the fact that I'm putting so much effort into learning about God, doing what his word says, turning away from sin, and praying to him is just proof that I am not sincere and that my efforts is attempt to overcompensate. I'm crying while writing this because it's so sad to think about god just looking at me shaking his head in disgrace at me because I wasn't one of the elect that he has called to him and he hasn't granted me the gift of repentance and faith for salvation because it's not his will to save me. I know God is sovereign and just to choose who he hardens and who he has mercy but serving to glorify god is extremely hard with the end destination of my fight of faith being second death. I have spread the gospel to people even when I really was embarrassed and scared for awkwardness and even brought my friend to faith in Christ but it's so hard to serve with this constant fear that God condems me. I call on the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and God to forgive me and rescue me daily, I aknowledge that I'm sinner daily, I ask God to fill me with the Holy Spirit daily, but I just feel like the fact that I still struggle with the feelings of unrest, uncertainty, and condemnation shows that God has handed me over to my own terrible twisted mind and that my purpose is not to be a child of God, but a vehicle for God's wrath as desribed in romans 9. I go through feelings of not doing enough to please God and that I have to be more obedient to feelings that I am trusting too much in myself and not enough on grace. I feel horrible and have gone from panic mode to sheer sadness and tears while writing this. Please help me. Tell me the truth about what you all think and not just stuff to make me feel better please.
satan would love for us to believe that our faith is dependent on how we feel
It's not
We walk by faith and not by sight
Not by a faith dictated at all based on our lower carnal senses
When things are pleasing
When things are going well
When we see where our feet are taking us
When the road is even
That is when it is easy to have and to show faith
But
When things aren't pleasing
When things aren't going so well
When we can't see where our feet are taking us and the road ahead appears to be bumpy, uneven and everything but easy,
That is when it is more difficult to show faith
And yet, it is in these times that true and mature and steadfast faith is manifested
A faith not based on how we feel but a faith directed in and on CHRIST JESUS alone
That is faith
Sometimes we are taken through trials and tests of our faith so that our faith (more precious than gold though tried in the gote) will rest entirely in and on HIM and prove genuine resulting in HIS GLORY and praise