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I need to tell someone

Discussion in 'Struggles with Sexuality' started by IneedHisgrace, Mar 20, 2017 at 10:26 PM.

  1. IneedHisgrace

    IneedHisgrace New Member

    Nobody knows what goes through my mind (except God of course). No one knows what I struggle with. I literally have no one to tell that would understand, so I went to google and here I am.

    I'm 27, I've never had a boyfriend or kissed anyone or even held hands with a guy. Most people think I'm this "pure" innocent girl. In fact, I knew this elderly lady who used to always bring up how "pure" I was. It made me feel so uncomfortable.

    I think part of the issue might be the need for intimacy. I'm at a stage in my life where things have been pretty lonely for the past few years and I want companionship (both in friendship and in a romantic relationship). Also, as a child I was molested several times so I wonder if that has something to do with where my thoughts are today.
    I think I've always had inappropriate thoughts to some extent, but it was easily manageable and would come and go. This past year, however, my mind has been full of thoughts that would certainly shock those who know me. I'm embarrassed saying this, but sex is on my mind pretty much daily. I imagine it, I'm fantasizing about all kinds of it, I've lost hours of sleep thinking about it in the middle of the night. It's usually the hardest before bed and when I wake up. I'm selfish with it, too. I think about what I would like and what I would want in my fantasies.

    I've never looked at porn and I've never masturbated. But the thoughts are in my mind and my body craves it. I enjoy thinking about it, I want to think about it because I feel good when I do. BUT I know it's wrong, this is supposed to be for marriage.

    I have this very (VERY) high sex drive, which will be great when I'm married, but for now it's just really difficult to deal with. I wish I had a switch I could turn off and then turn on again on my wedding day. I can even feel my body reacting as I type this message. How do I turn this thing off temporarily?

    I know fantasizing is wrong, but the thing is, I want to think about it anyway. I feel like I abuse grace because when I think about it I know God will forgive me so I keep thinking about it.
    How do I put God's will for me (not thinking about this) ahead of my own fleshly desires? I don't want to get to the point where I end up masturbating (which I want to do but feel, for me, is a sin). Is there another way to get rid of sexual frustration?

    I want to follow God. I have been saved for 23 years. I want to obey him and follow his plans for my life. So why is this so hard for me to let go of?

    What a relief sharing this. Now, hopefully no one I know ever sees this!

    *Hopefully I didn't overshare. Sorry if I went too far.
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  2. Archie the Preacher

    Archie the Preacher Apostle to the Intellectual Skeptics

    No bright ideas, other than to continue celibacy and prayer. I will pray for you as well.

    Whatever you do, do NOT 'settle' in a life mate. It is possible to shift the 'drive' into meaningful Kingdom work, by the way.
  3. Gabe7587

    Gabe7587 Christ7Gaberman

    Hello, I'm Gabe Alkire, Im 16, so I won't really be much help in the sexual stuff. But I do have compassion for you. I like this new saying I heard "Pray till something happens". God knows your heart good or bad. Try your best to avoid those fantasies, really pray for those to go away. Ask the Holy Spirit to be the gatekeeper of your mind. Read the Bible every day out loud to be filled even more with the Spirit of God. ( sorry for giving you a to do list lol).

    “O Lord, you hear the desire of the afflicted; you will strengthen their heart; you will incline your ear”
    ‭‭Psalm 10:17 ESV

    God bless ya my friend. I'll pray right now that God will provide relief from those thoughts and the right husband for you.
  4. SportsFanatic

    SportsFanatic New Member

    Keep praying and think of Heavenly thoughts instead of earthly desires.