I need some prayer

polkaman

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hello everyone, thank you for reading this. I'm just needing some prayer, Im just to my point that I can't take much more. I've talked to god about this, and have asked for help.
first, today, i had a meeting with the new pastor. I wrote some things down ahead of time, to say where I would like things to go, in the church, such as setting up a seekers service, a prayer service, our community meal program, a program where we take flowers to nursing homes, another on how we could help people save money on tv, telephone, etc, enough so they could afford a medical alert, a program that at christmas we buy people in the nursing home slippers and things , starting a community thanksgiving dinner, and some other things. I was looking forward to it, and thought we could discuss it, be told those were nice ideas, lets work on them together, and thank you for what you do.......
well now, it was hate from the word one, the pastor, and her husband had a mean tone in their voice, and it just kept going down hill from here...it got to the point where the pastors husband was yelling at me, telling me that everything is may fault, and that i was wrong about everything, and so i got up and was going to leave, I wasn't going to be talked to like that, and then he said, go ahead, run away, like you have all your life, that's just the way you are...i have not known this man over 3 months...and the pastor was just about as bad....so I walked out...with tears in my eyes.....and i'm a grown man...I was humuliated.....I'm still upset, and i just don't know how to process it. I'm in charge of several program, but i cant go back there, so what do i tell people, i have several crews of workers with programs i cant walk away, but i can't deal with them, the church, anything right now.
to make it worse, I"ve been told that i could possibly have liver, or gallbladder or lung cancer.
my doctors have been toying around for 6 months, and still no biopsy, but the mri and ct indicate.....nobody will help, nobody will understand...
I was told april 5 that i had liver cancer, that i needed a liver resection, and then put on the transplant list...but my insurance would not cover it, so i have been fighting that, i have christian healthcare ministry, but they don't want to hear it. Somehow, they got me insurance, i was told no cost, but now, i'm told if i don't produce some documents, which i don't have, that will will need to pay it all, or loose it, the premium is 924 per month....
to make matters even worse, when i was told about the cancer, my world went upside down, and so i had to have someone do my work...well they promised me the sun and the moon...they did nothing, no crops planted, i said you've got to do something, at least plant some sudan or feed, so it can be cut and sold, so i could have income, because with cancer i need it, but he didn't...i've put up with the person for 3 years, first time, he pulled the same thing, second year, he planted, on the last day, only 8 bu soybean and 25 bu milo, and now this year, nothing....what am i going to do for money ? and yet, he had the nerve to come over and have me sign a paper so he could get disaster money for his cattle in our pasture he was renting.....and he has not done any crops.
Then my mom is 84, not in good health, i've been taking care of her, all of this is weighing on her and making her sick, and i worry about her. i am worried about her, and ashamed, i should have been a better son and be taking better care of her, and protect her from all of this, but I can't

I just dont know what to do anymore, i'm just sick, i have pains and don't know if that is due to the tumors or not, i'm scared, i'm worried, i have few if any friends, i though most at the church were my friends, come to find out not...and due to farming, and being poor, we never associated much, so not many friends......i'm lost, and praying but it doesn't seem to do any good.....i need prayers, but i dont know what to ask for.

thank you for reading this and bless you.
 

Unqualified

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Sell your animals while they are healthy. Sell your land and live off that. I didn’t hear you say anything about family. Then take care of your mom. Praying. Equipment sale? Old barn wood sale? People would come in and dismantle.
 
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Leaf473

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hello everyone, thank you for reading this. I'm just needing some prayer, Im just to my point that I can't take much more. I've talked to god about this, and have asked for help.
first, today, i had a meeting with the new pastor. I wrote some things down ahead of time, to say where I would like things to go, in the church, such as setting up a seekers service, a prayer service, our community meal program, a program where we take flowers to nursing homes, another on how we could help people save money on tv, telephone, etc, enough so they could afford a medical alert, a program that at christmas we buy people in the nursing home slippers and things , starting a community thanksgiving dinner, and some other things. I was looking forward to it, and thought we could discuss it, be told those were nice ideas, lets work on them together, and thank you for what you do.......
well now, it was hate from the word one, the pastor, and her husband had a mean tone in their voice, and it just kept going down hill from here...it got to the point where the pastors husband was yelling at me, telling me that everything is may fault, and that i was wrong about everything, and so i got up and was going to leave, I wasn't going to be talked to like that, and then he said, go ahead, run away, like you have all your life, that's just the way you are...i have not known this man over 3 months...and the pastor was just about as bad....so I walked out...with tears in my eyes.....and i'm a grown man...I was humuliated.....I'm still upset, and i just don't know how to process it. I'm in charge of several program, but i cant go back there, so what do i tell people, i have several crews of workers with programs i cant walk away, but i can't deal with them, the church, anything right now.
to make it worse, I"ve been told that i could possibly have liver, or gallbladder or lung cancer.
my doctors have been toying around for 6 months, and still no biopsy, but the mri and ct indicate.....nobody will help, nobody will understand...
I was told april 5 that i had liver cancer, that i needed a liver resection, and then put on the transplant list...but my insurance would not cover it, so i have been fighting that, i have christian healthcare ministry, but they don't want to hear it. Somehow, they got me insurance, i was told no cost, but now, i'm told if i don't produce some documents, which i don't have, that will will need to pay it all, or loose it, the premium is 924 per month....
to make matters even worse, when i was told about the cancer, my world went upside down, and so i had to have someone do my work...well they promised me the sun and the moon...they did nothing, no crops planted, i said you've got to do something, at least plant some sudan or feed, so it can be cut and sold, so i could have income, because with cancer i need it, but he didn't...i've put up with the person for 3 years, first time, he pulled the same thing, second year, he planted, on the last day, only 8 bu soybean and 25 bu milo, and now this year, nothing....what am i going to do for money ? and yet, he had the nerve to come over and have me sign a paper so he could get disaster money for his cattle in our pasture he was renting.....and he has not done any crops.
Then my mom is 84, not in good health, i've been taking care of her, all of this is weighing on her and making her sick, and i worry about her. i am worried about her, and ashamed, i should have been a better son and be taking better care of her, and protect her from all of this, but I can't

I just dont know what to do anymore, i'm just sick, i have pains and don't know if that is due to the tumors or not, i'm scared, i'm worried, i have few if any friends, i though most at the church were my friends, come to find out not...and due to farming, and being poor, we never associated much, so not many friends......i'm lost, and praying but it doesn't seem to do any good.....i need prayers, but i dont know what to ask for.

thank you for reading this and bless you.
Holding you up for the Lord. :heart:
 
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William J

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I pray that God would watch over you and provide you with everything you need, financially and interpersonally. I pray that God would give you wisdom on how to deal with the pastor and grace to forgive her for her unkind words. Finally, I pray that God would also protect your health and bring healing to your liver.
 
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