I need serious advice

[Lorrainep]

I have been married for 5 years, when I was two weeks away from having my second child I found out my husband had been going online asking girls to send him their dirty underwear. When confronted he tried to lie to me three times about it. Since then all trust has gone and about a year after this happened I became quite close to a man in my congregation who has since moved but we still kept in touch. About a month after he left we had a discussion about the chemistry between us and both agreed it was a good idea not to contact each other because it was bothering our consciences. During this time my husband became progressively aggressive towards me, in words not actions, and generally not being too nice. Fast forward a year or so and the other man I had became close to got in contact and we started speaking on a regular basis over about a week. However, a few days later I stumbled across pictures of a naked woman on my husbands phone and he appeared to be having a conversation with her. Eventually I confronted him about it and he told me the most shocking thing. They were naked pictures of me that had been taken when we first got together (we weren’t practising Christians at the time) and he had been ringing random numbers and if he found out the person he was calling was male he decided to start up a conversation with them pretending to be an ex girlfriend and sending them pictures of me. I asked him why he did this and he said that he got back pictures of the men’s anatomy and he liked the feeling of being jealous imagining the men being with me. I was horrified by all of this and I told the other man who I am friends with who helped me through it. I told me husband he needed to speak to our church leader and gave him a set amount of time in which to do so otherwise I would do it. He never spoke to the church leader so I did and I informed my husband I was going to do so the day before. However, when I told my husband that I had spoken to the church leader, he went mad and smashed up his phone, put his fist through my television and slashed my handbag with a knife which was all witnessed by my children. One of my children went into school the following day and told a teacher who called social services on us which I was mortified by. All this time I continued talking to my friend and met with him on one occasion where we spoke and held hands but that was it. A few weeks later my friend messaged me to tell me he had met someone so we decided to cut back on contact. Again during this time my husband became very verbally abusive, gaslighted me, kept telling me to leave and that I was the scum of the earth etc. He regularly swears at me in front of my children. I have prayed a number of times to ask God to let this be over as I believe my husband is still lying to me and if I could be with this other man in the future. A few months ago I contacted the other man and he told me he was on a break from his girlfriend so we met twice, again held hands, cuddled and kissed on the lips but not passionately. I feel like God is still blessing me in other ways and I believe God sent the other man back into my life all the times when I needed him most. We are stillin contact, I’m in love with him, I believe him to be my soulmate and want to be with him. What do I do? I want to separate from my husband but he is being ok at the moment and when I try to talk to him about serious matters he just laughs. I don’t want to be with h8m, would God be angry with mr? I don’t believe God would want me to stay with a verbally and emotionally abusive person who is selfish and a liar. Do you think God is mad at me because marriage is sacred or understands what I am going through? Am I now an adulterer even though I have not slept with this other man and never would unless we were able to get married in the future. Please help, my husband is affecting my health and well being and I just don’t know what to do.

 

[Ken Rank]

I have been married for 5 years, when I was two weeks away from having my second child I found out my husband had been going online asking girls to send him their dirty underwear. When confronted he tried to lie to me three times about it. Since then all trust has gone and about a year after this happened I became quite close to a man in my congregation who has since moved but we still kept in touch. About a month after he left we had a discussion about the chemistry between us and both agreed it was a good idea not to contact each other because it was bothering our consciences. During this time my husband became progressively aggressive towards me, in words not actions, and generally not being too nice. Fast forward a year or so and the other man I had became close to got in contact and we started speaking on a regular basis over about a week. However, a few days later I stumbled across pictures of a naked woman on my husbands phone and he appeared to be having a conversation with her. Eventually I confronted him about it and he told me the most shocking thing. They were naked pictures of me that had been taken when we first got together (we weren’t practising Christians at the time) and he had been ringing random numbers and if he found out the person he was calling was male he decided to start up a conversation with them pretending to be an ex girlfriend and sending them pictures of me. I asked him why he did this and he said that he got back pictures of the men’s anatomy and he liked the feeling of being jealous imagining the men being with me. I was horrified by all of this and I told the other man who I am friends with who helped me through it. I told me husband he needed to speak to our church leader and gave him a set amount of time in which to do so otherwise I would do it. He never spoke to the church leader so I did and I informed my husband I was going to do so the day before. However, when I told my husband that I had spoken to the church leader, he went mad and smashed up his phone, put his fist through my television and slashed my handbag with a knife which was all witnessed by my children. One of my children went into school the following day and told a teacher who called social services on us which I was mortified by. All this time I continued talking to my friend and met with him on one occasion where we spoke and held hands but that was it. A few weeks later my friend messaged me to tell me he had met someone so we decided to cut back on contact. Again during this time my husband became very verbally abusive, gaslighted me, kept telling me to leave and that I was the scum of the earth etc. He regularly swears at me in front of my children. I have prayed a number of times to ask God to let this be over as I believe my husband is still lying to me and if I could be with this other man in the future. A few months ago I contacted the other man and he told me he was on a break from his girlfriend so we met twice, again held hands, cuddled and kissed on the lips but not passionately. I feel like God is still blessing me in other ways and I believe God sent the other man back into my life all the times when I needed him most. We are stillin contact, I’m in love with him, I believe him to be my soulmate and want to be with him. What do I do? I want to separate from my husband but he is being ok at the moment and when I try to talk to him about serious matters he just laughs. I don’t want to be with h8m, would God be angry with mr? I don’t believe God would want me to stay with a verbally and emotionally abusive person who is selfish and a liar. Do you think God is mad at me because marriage is sacred or understands what I am going through? Am I now an adulterer even though I have not slept with this other man and never would unless we were able to get married in the future. Please help, my husband is affecting my health and well being and I just don’t know what to do.

Your love for the new guy aside, you did make a commitment and that should be honored if at all possible. Would your husband consider counseling with you? If you asked in a loving non-condescending way, would he accept and try to make things right, or laugh in your face and name call? If he would accept, I think you have an obligation to try, if he doesn't... and his meaning in life seems geared only around turning your life and the children lives into a living hell, then I am not sure you aren't justified in leaving. But leaving because of the other man is wrong, in my view. That does get into the arena of sin... but leaving because of adultery (and inappropriate content qualifies, see Matthew 5:32 and Matthew 5:27-28) then scripturally you have cause.

Just throwing this out for consideration.... we don't always know God's reasons nor His timing for things. You might be where you are in order to save your husband. I don't know that, so don't feel the need to reply... just pray to God and ask HIM what He wants. The just live by faith... but faith comes by HEARING God. We hear and then act on what we hear... that is faith.

 

[Swan7]

I have been married for 5 years, when I was two weeks away from having my second child I found out my husband had been going online asking girls to send him their dirty underwear. When confronted he tried to lie to me three times about it. Since then all trust has gone and about a year after this happened I became quite close to a man in my congregation who has since moved but we still kept in touch. About a month after he left we had a discussion about the chemistry between us and both agreed it was a good idea not to contact each other because it was bothering our consciences. During this time my husband became progressively aggressive towards me, in words not actions, and generally not being too nice. Fast forward a year or so and the other man I had became close to got in contact and we started speaking on a regular basis over about a week. However, a few days later I stumbled across pictures of a naked woman on my husbands phone and he appeared to be having a conversation with her. Eventually I confronted him about it and he told me the most shocking thing. They were naked pictures of me that had been taken when we first got together (we weren’t practising Christians at the time) and he had been ringing random numbers and if he found out the person he was calling was male he decided to start up a conversation with them pretending to be an ex girlfriend and sending them pictures of me. I asked him why he did this and he said that he got back pictures of the men’s anatomy and he liked the feeling of being jealous imagining the men being with me. I was horrified by all of this and I told the other man who I am friends with who helped me through it. I told me husband he needed to speak to our church leader and gave him a set amount of time in which to do so otherwise I would do it. He never spoke to the church leader so I did and I informed my husband I was going to do so the day before. However, when I told my husband that I had spoken to the church leader, he went mad and smashed up his phone, put his fist through my television and slashed my handbag with a knife which was all witnessed by my children. One of my children went into school the following day and told a teacher who called social services on us which I was mortified by. All this time I continued talking to my friend and met with him on one occasion where we spoke and held hands but that was it. A few weeks later my friend messaged me to tell me he had met someone so we decided to cut back on contact. Again during this time my husband became very verbally abusive, gaslighted me, kept telling me to leave and that I was the scum of the earth etc. He regularly swears at me in front of my children. I have prayed a number of times to ask God to let this be over as I believe my husband is still lying to me and if I could be with this other man in the future. A few months ago I contacted the other man and he told me he was on a break from his girlfriend so we met twice, again held hands, cuddled and kissed on the lips but not passionately. I feel like God is still blessing me in other ways and I believe God sent the other man back into my life all the times when I needed him most. We are stillin contact, I’m in love with him, I believe him to be my soulmate and want to be with him. What do I do? I want to separate from my husband but he is being ok at the moment and when I try to talk to him about serious matters he just laughs. I don’t want to be with h8m, would God be angry with mr? I don’t believe God would want me to stay with a verbally and emotionally abusive person who is selfish and a liar. Do you think God is mad at me because marriage is sacred or understands what I am going through? Am I now an adulterer even though I have not slept with this other man and never would unless we were able to get married in the future. Please help, my husband is affecting my health and well being and I just don’t know what to do.

I am horrified by this! Sounds like he invited an evil spirit into him.

I must ask, are you looking for advice from us or God? I know that God can indeed speak through us, but we have to be careful and use discernment when listening to others - looking for the Spirit of God.

If you are concerned with the opinion of God, then please continue in prayer. I feel compelled for you to read Hosea and Ephesians and contemplate the things of God about how He keeps His people together and separates us from those who are not His. Jesus came with a sword of separation and unity.

If you must, please live with a friend or family member during the time of sober contemplation. I know we want immediate results but God doesn’t always work like that. (Job, Joseph in Genesis, Hosea, etc)

Above all I have said, please test this with God. I pray that nothing else will escalate further and for healing for the family of all involved.

 

[Lorrainep]

Your love for the new guy aside, you did make a commitment and that should be honored if at all possible. Would your husband consider counseling with you? If you asked in a loving non-condescending way, would he accept and try to make things right, or laugh in your face and name call? If he would accept, I think you have an obligation to try, if he doesn't... and his meaning in life seems geared only around turning your life and the children lives into a living hell, then I am not sure you aren't justified in leaving. But leaving because of the other man is wrong, in my view. That does get into the arena of sin... but leaving because of adultery (and inappropriate content qualifies, see Matthew 5:32 and Matthew 5:27-28) then scripturally you have cause.

Just throwing this out for consideration.... we don't always know God's reasons nor His timing for things. You might be where you are in order to save your husband. I don't know that, so don't feel the need to reply... just pray to God and ask HIM what He wants. The just live by faith... but faith comes by HEARING God. We hear and then act on what we hear... that is faith.

Thank you for your reply. Yes I have already attempted to speak to him. He won't agree to counselling and on the one hand tells me he wants me to leave and its my fault he did what he did and how he never loved me and never wanted to marry me and then on the other hand when he is in a good mood he makes a joke out of all the bad stuff he has said and expects he to forgive him. But I can't. I don't believe he got the numbers where he said he got them from. I know for a fact there are more men he sent it to then what he is letting on because I saw blocked numbers in his whatsapp. Also, he told me he deleted those pictures when we got baptised. He lied. And he had then on a memory card which he convieniently destroyed the day after he knew I found out so I dread to think what was on it. In my mind there is nothing to save. The first time I stopped communicating with this other man I tried, I really tried but he would be ok sometimes and downright evil the next. So why would I want to suffer at the hands of an emotional abuser when there is someone out there who would treat me so much better? I feel cheated, when I got married I expected it to be for life, I expected to be loved and cared for but I got none of that.

 

[Lorrainep]

I am horrified by this! Sounds like he invited an evil spirit into him.

I must ask, are you looking for advice from us or God? I know that God can indeed speak through us, but we have to be careful and use discernment when listening to others - looking for the Spirit of God.

If you are concerned with the opinion of God, then please continue in prayer. I feel compelled for you to read Hosea and Ephesians and contemplate the things of God about how He keeps His people together and separates us from those who are not His. Jesus came with a sword of separation and unity.

If you must, please live with a friend or family member during the time of sober contemplation. I know we want immediate results but God doesn’t always work like that. (Job, Joseph in Genesis, Hosea, etc)

Above all I have said, please test this with God. I pray that nothing else will escalate further and for healing for the family of all involved.

Thank you for your reply. I don't know what I'm asking for to be honest. I have been made to believe God will be angry at me for not sticking in this abusive relationship because marriage is sacred but what i have learned about God I know he us a God of love and wouldn't want me to suffer. Although having feelings for the other man I do believe God is still blessing me but if he was mad at me surely he would not do that?

 

[maintenance man]

Please help, my husband is affecting my health and well being and I just don’t know what to do.

Based on the conduct you describe, your husband has broken your marriage vows. In my mind, that contract is null and void.

I know I don't have to tell you this but I will - your most important concern is your children. Think about them first.

Finally, your husband needs help. You need to do what you can to get him the help he needs.

Where you go from there is between you and God.

I'm praying for you.

 

[Swan7]

Thank you for your reply. I don't know what I'm asking for to be honest. I have been made to believe God will be angry at me for not sticking in this abusive relationship because marriage is sacred but what i have learned about God I know he us a God of love and wouldn't want me to suffer. Although having feelings for the other man I do believe God is still blessing me but if he was mad at me surely he would not do that?

I don't know your life like God knows, so what I can give you is some Spiritual advice. God is much more than a God of love, He is many things. Jesus has many names as well (Prince of Peace, Wonderful Counselor, Saviour, etc). Trust in Him that He will guide you through this, whether it is to stay with this man or not. Trust what God tells you above all. This is why I say to get alone with God, read and pray for His answer. Matthew 7:7-8, Mark 11:24-25

I'll be praying for you and everyone around you as well. Hold fast to the Word of God.

 

[DZoolander]

Wait a moment, you didn't recognize pictures of yourself on your husband's phone?

 

[Lorrainep]

Wait a moment, you didn't recognize pictures of yourself on your husband's phone?

No like i said they were old photos I had forgotten about, my face was blurred out and I was looking at them in a rush before my husband saw.

 

[PDWriter]

Something I learned in my previous marriage is that there is a fine line between punching a television and punching a person. For me, once a threat was made about how I had "better keep one eye open all night or hide the knives", I knew I had to leave. In doing so, I felt that I was betraying my vows, even though I feared for my safety. I wish I could tell you that it was easy, but it wasn't at the time. Now, years later, I am in a far, far better marriage and closer in my relationship to God.
I agree with maintenance man that your kids should be your main concern, but you also must keep your own safety in mind.
I will be praying for you.

 

[DZoolander]

Every now and then there's a post that is so wacky it makes me think it's either a troll, or else that person needs to just get the heck out of there ASAP.

Your post is one of those.

That being said - I think it's a huge mistake to coordinate leaving one relationship with starting another. I've been through a divorce - and I stayed single afterwards (taking no-one seriously) for about five years. It was about a year and a half before I started even casually dating - and even then I had made up my mind that it was too soon to take anyone I might date seriously. Therefore I knew ahead of time that anyone I dated would *not* end up being a future spouse. It was 8 years until I remarried.

And I think that approach was one of the best decisions I've ever made.

So yeah - sounds like you're married to a wreck of a person. But that doesn't mean this other guy is some sort of savior. The fact is that your relationship right now is so bad that it likely is skewing your perceptions of what relationships SHOULD be.

 

[Deidre32]

I'd pray for guidance. Your current husband sounds awful, while we are all sinful, he doesn't sound repentant and even abusive. God doesn't expect us to stay in abusive marriages. Your husband has also committed adultery, which is grounds for divorce. I wouldn't however, jump into another relationship. You have to take time to heal, before you can really give yourself to another. I hope things get better in your life.

 

[SkyWriting]

I have been married for 5 years, when I was two weeks away from having my second child I found out my husband had been going online asking girls to send him their dirty underwear. When confronted he tried to lie to me three times about it. Since then all trust has gone and about a year after this happened I became quite close to a man in my congregation who has since moved but we still kept in touch. About a month after he left we had a discussion about the chemistry between us and both agreed it was a good idea not to contact each other because it was bothering our consciences. During this time my husband became progressively aggressive towards me, in words not actions, and generally not being too nice. Fast forward a year or so and the other man I had became close to got in contact and we started speaking on a regular basis over about a week. However, a few days later I stumbled across pictures of a naked woman on my husbands phone and he appeared to be having a conversation with her. Eventually I confronted him about it and he told me the most shocking thing. They were naked pictures of me that had been taken when we first got together (we weren’t practising Christians at the time) and he had been ringing random numbers and if he found out the person he was calling was male he decided to start up a conversation with them pretending to be an ex girlfriend and sending them pictures of me. I asked him why he did this and he said that he got back pictures of the men’s anatomy and he liked the feeling of being jealous imagining the men being with me. I was horrified by all of this and I told the other man who I am friends with who helped me through it. I told me husband he needed to speak to our church leader and gave him a set amount of time in which to do so otherwise I would do it. He never spoke to the church leader so I did and I informed my husband I was going to do so the day before. However, when I told my husband that I had spoken to the church leader, he went mad and smashed up his phone, put his fist through my television and slashed my handbag with a knife which was all witnessed by my children. One of my children went into school the following day and told a teacher who called social services on us which I was mortified by. All this time I continued talking to my friend and met with him on one occasion where we spoke and held hands but that was it. A few weeks later my friend messaged me to tell me he had met someone so we decided to cut back on contact. Again during this time my husband became very verbally abusive, gaslighted me, kept telling me to leave and that I was the scum of the earth etc. He regularly swears at me in front of my children. I have prayed a number of times to ask God to let this be over as I believe my husband is still lying to me and if I could be with this other man in the future. A few months ago I contacted the other man and he told me he was on a break from his girlfriend so we met twice, again held hands, cuddled and kissed on the lips but not passionately. I feel like God is still blessing me in other ways and I believe God sent the other man back into my life all the times when I needed him most. We are stillin contact, I’m in love with him, I believe him to be my soulmate and want to be with him. What do I do? I want to separate from my husband but he is being ok at the moment and when I try to talk to him about serious matters he just laughs. I don’t want to be with h8m, would God be angry with mr? I don’t believe God would want me to stay with a verbally and emotionally abusive person who is selfish and a liar. Do you think God is mad at me because marriage is sacred or understands what I am going through? Am I now an adulterer even though I have not slept with this other man and never would unless we were able to get married in the future. Please help, my husband is affecting my health and well being and I just don’t know what to do.

Seek local face to face help.

 

[Ana the Ist]

I have been married for 5 years, when I was two weeks away from having my second child I found out my husband had been going online asking girls to send him their dirty underwear. When confronted he tried to lie to me three times about it. Since then all trust has gone and about a year after this happened I became quite close to a man in my congregation who has since moved but we still kept in touch. About a month after he left we had a discussion about the chemistry between us and both agreed it was a good idea not to contact each other because it was bothering our consciences. During this time my husband became progressively aggressive towards me, in words not actions, and generally not being too nice. Fast forward a year or so and the other man I had became close to got in contact and we started speaking on a regular basis over about a week. However, a few days later I stumbled across pictures of a naked woman on my husbands phone and he appeared to be having a conversation with her. Eventually I confronted him about it and he told me the most shocking thing. They were naked pictures of me that had been taken when we first got together (we weren’t practising Christians at the time) and he had been ringing random numbers and if he found out the person he was calling was male he decided to start up a conversation with them pretending to be an ex girlfriend and sending them pictures of me. I asked him why he did this and he said that he got back pictures of the men’s anatomy and he liked the feeling of being jealous imagining the men being with me. I was horrified by all of this and I told the other man who I am friends with who helped me through it. I told me husband he needed to speak to our church leader and gave him a set amount of time in which to do so otherwise I would do it. He never spoke to the church leader so I did and I informed my husband I was going to do so the day before. However, when I told my husband that I had spoken to the church leader, he went mad and smashed up his phone, put his fist through my television and slashed my handbag with a knife which was all witnessed by my children. One of my children went into school the following day and told a teacher who called social services on us which I was mortified by. All this time I continued talking to my friend and met with him on one occasion where we spoke and held hands but that was it. A few weeks later my friend messaged me to tell me he had met someone so we decided to cut back on contact. Again during this time my husband became very verbally abusive, gaslighted me, kept telling me to leave and that I was the scum of the earth etc. He regularly swears at me in front of my children. I have prayed a number of times to ask God to let this be over as I believe my husband is still lying to me and if I could be with this other man in the future. A few months ago I contacted the other man and he told me he was on a break from his girlfriend so we met twice, again held hands, cuddled and kissed on the lips but not passionately. I feel like God is still blessing me in other ways and I believe God sent the other man back into my life all the times when I needed him most. We are stillin contact, I’m in love with him, I believe him to be my soulmate and want to be with him. What do I do? I want to separate from my husband but he is being ok at the moment and when I try to talk to him about serious matters he just laughs. I don’t want to be with h8m, would God be angry with mr? I don’t believe God would want me to stay with a verbally and emotionally abusive person who is selfish and a liar. Do you think God is mad at me because marriage is sacred or understands what I am going through? Am I now an adulterer even though I have not slept with this other man and never would unless we were able to get married in the future. Please help, my husband is affecting my health and well being and I just don’t know what to do.

Aside from all the things wrong with your husband....your problem seems to be that you look outside your marriage for comfort, answers, and understanding when your marriage is having trouble.

Let's imagine that hypothetically you leave your current husband and marry this other guy. A year or two into this marriage, you find out the new husband isn't as perfect as he seems either....he betrays your trust...and you "stumble" across evidence of it on his phone....

How are you going to resolve that? By working on it with him? Or seeking consolation from another guy?

I'm sure there's more to the story than you explained, but it does sound like you made a minimal effort in repairing the damage your husband did to your relationship. Instead of making it a priority, you placed the blame and the responsibility of fixing it entirely upon his shoulders and sought solace elsewhere.

It makes one wonder if you ever wanted to fight for this marriage at all or if you wanted it to end so that you can start something new with this other guy.

 

[DZoolander]

Aside from all the things wrong with your husband....your problem seems to be that you look outside your marriage for comfort, answers, and understanding when your marriage is having trouble.

Let's imagine that hypothetically you leave your current husband and marry this other guy. A year or two into this marriage, you find out the new husband isn't as perfect as he seems either....he betrays your trust...and you "stumble" across evidence of it on his phone....

How are you going to resolve that? By working on it with him? Or seeking consolation from another guy?

I'm sure there's more to the story than you explained, but it does sound like you made a minimal effort in repairing the damage your husband did to your relationship. Instead of making it a priority, you placed the blame and the responsibility of fixing it entirely upon his shoulders and sought solace elsewhere.

It makes one wonder if you ever wanted to fight for this marriage at all or if you wanted it to end so that you can start something new with this other guy.

A lot of the time I agree with the kind of position you're taking here - but gotta admit that in this specific story (if legit) - things are pretty wacky. I think you'd be pretty hard pressed to find another guy that betrayed her by asking random chicks to send him dirty underwear a week or two before giving birth...lol

If what she's saying is true - I'm not all that hopeful about finding a way to work through those types of issues. This isn't like "He's spending too much time out with the boys, and I wish he'd spend more time with me" - this is "He's sending naked pictures of me to other dudes in hopes of seeing how they get turned on" - etc. That's a whole level of wacky and disrespect that I'm not sure how you'd work through.

So - while I agree that she probably hasn't invested a lot of time in trying to "repair" things - there's something to be said for recognizing that something is irrevocably broken and simply not wasting your time on a lost cause.

Should she be looking at some other guy as her savior? Nah - jumping from one relationship to another is never a good idea - especially when coming from such a bad place to begin with. But that doesn't mean that she ought stay and figure out a way to repair what she has. From what's been described - I think it's high time to get while the gettin's good.

Then maybe a few years from now after the dust has settled and sanity has been regained - think about dating.

 

[Ana the Ist]

A lot of the time I agree with the kind of position you're taking here - but gotta admit that in this specific story (if legit) - things are pretty wacky. I think you'd be pretty hard pressed to find another guy that betrayed her by asking random chicks to send him dirty underwear a week or two before giving birth...lol

If what she's saying is true - I'm not all that hopeful about finding a way to work through those types of issues. This isn't like "He's spending too much time out with the boys, and I wish he'd spend more time with me" - this is "He's sending naked pictures of me to other dudes in hopes of seeing how they get turned on" - etc. That's a whole level of wacky and disrespect that I'm not sure how you'd work through.

So - while I agree that she probably hasn't invested a lot of time in trying to "repair" things - there's something to be said for recognizing that something is irrevocably broken and simply not wasting your time on a lost cause.

Should she be looking at some other guy as her savior? Nah - jumping from one relationship to another is never a good idea - especially when coming from such a bad place to begin with. But that doesn't mean that she ought stay and figure out a way to repair what she has. From what's been described - I think it's high time to get while the gettin's good.

Then maybe a few years from now after the dust has settled and sanity has been regained - think about dating.

Yeah, don't get me wrong...if this is true, her husband is terrible. It's hard to imagine the guy she had 2 kids with is just an abusive pervert...but maybe that's true. If so, I agree with you.

This is the strange part though...

"When confronted he tried to lie to me three times about it. Since then all trust has gone and about a year after this happened I became quite close to a man in my congregation who has since moved but we still kept in touch."

So...no attempts to resolve or work on anything...just a confrontation. Then off to talk to new guy, who definitely wasn't a part of this, because the timeline goes to serious lengths to ensure her relationship with new guy absolves them both.

I dunno...I'm doubtful. Seems like there's more to this than is being told. She doesn't want advice on how to save her marriage...she wants permission to be with new guy. That plus her total lack of effort in her marriage makes me think she checked out before this began.

 

[Ana the Ist]

Also the "stumbled" into the nude photos on the phone thing lol. We've all been there, right? Tripped over the dog and fell face first into your spouse's phone that had naked pics of not last night...but 5+ years ago. Happens all the time in my house.

It's part of this theme of "my husband of 5 years and 2 kids is an irredeemable abusive pervert...and I'm completely and innocently falling into the arms of perfect guy from my church "!

I don't buy it DZ.

 

[Poppyseed78]

Without more information it's hard to tell exactly what's going on. It could be all a defense for getting with the new guy at church, but I can believe what she said about her husband is true. Strange things can happen in relationships that are almost too outlandish to believe, but they are indeed real.

In any case - prayers for all involved, especially the kids. I'm sorry you find yourself in that situation.

 

[DZoolander]

Also the "stumbled" into the nude photos on the phone thing lol. We've all been there, right? Tripped over the dog and fell face first into your spouse's phone that had naked pics of not last night...but 5+ years ago. Happens all the time in my house.

It's part of this theme of "my husband of 5 years and 2 kids is an irredeemable abusive pervert...and I'm completely and innocently falling into the arms of perfect guy from my church "!

I don't buy it DZ.

Yeah, lol, in my original reply to her I said this is either a troll or if true one of the most bizarre stories I’ve ever heard. The part about coming across naked photos that turned out to be her own made me wince, too...lol

 

[Lorrainep]

None of this is funny thanks so no need for the lol's. I am not a troll. This actually happened. I'm quite offended anyone would think I was lying. There is more around this story but pretty difficult to type 5 years worth of crap into a forum so what you got was a broken down version. Why should I try to repair anything, would he if I did what he did? Why should I suffer? When I got married I hoped I would be loved and respected but I got none of that. Used and abused more like and its affecting my health so much.