Hello all, I'm a 34 year old single man.I've been single for a decade. I'm saved, but I've not been living a saved lifestyle. I don't know if I EVER really did, I just have been blessed with God's favor and mercy. So backtrack a few years ago. I was celibate. I refused to fornicate anymore until I found the woman who'd be my wife and got married. Slowly, thoughts started coming into my head of physical loneliness and I saw a prostitute. after a couple years of not sleeping with any women, I go and do this. fast forward to now. Every few months, I get this urge. I silence it with pornography until I cannot silence it anymore and I NEED to find something in the flesh. Now my heart is getting hardened, I know it because for the last month its two violations two weeks apart. How did I go from NO WAY to now its a regular occurrence and I see where my salvation and soul is going if I keep this up. I want a wife, I've prayed for a wife. I don't even think I'm ready with these lust issues because what happens when they surface when I'm married? I need help. I want soooo badly to even tell my mom what's going on in her son's life, but I'm too ashamed and we don't have that kind of relationship to share that. please help and pray for me because I'm drowning in sin. I can't continue to walk in a hypocritical way.