So I've been experiencing something that is leaving me feeling quite uncomfortable. Ive been visiting a practitioner with a family member. The family member is the one requiring the practitioner and I am going for support and as an advocate, a second person.
The practitioner is quite good, probably the best I have ever encountered, however I have been finding his personality quite excessive, just in only a handful of appointments. He talks so much about himself and personal stuff. It basically feels like you are with a close friend.
I knew that actually, when we 1st went to him, as his many reviews all expressed that he was like this, and it appears every one of those reviewers enjoy the way he runs his business this way. Of course, he gives excellent service so that is a huge factor as well, obviously.
I guess I am in the minority, in that I don't like his peronality at all!! I think for the fact that it seems to me, intuitively... that he is coming on to me, and testing me to see if I am interested in him.
An example of why I think that, is this: In a previous visit he mentioned his wife and how he would remark how many pretty girls he sees when they are out together. He made this noise with his lips even, a sound that would match him seeing a pretty girl. It sounded to me like a sound a person would make to call their horse, or to get their horse to do some sort of command (if you've watched any Western movies I think you will know what sound I mean ). From there he further went on to say that whenever he does this,his wife just rolls her eyes, and that even his very young son noticed his actions. He described his son as being very aware.. I can't remember more of the details, but that is generally it. In any case, while he was saying this, I started to feel really uncomfortable wondering why he would be sharing this to me and my family member who is also female. I was thinking how disgusting he was, but didn't say anything. As we were leaving that day, he made a joke comparing something, to how slow his wife drives. At that time I gave him a look that showed I didn't approve of his comment.
I had a gf once tell me that generally if men start talking about their wives and criticizing them, its a red flag. It happened to my gf. She was brought into this innocently and started sympathizing with the colleague (in her case) and before you know it, he started hitting on her. In any case, this is something I have never forgotten.
Back to the practitioner.. Yesterday we had our usual appt and we were in a much smaller room. I tried to not speak as much as I didn't want to get drawn into anything personal. I was trying to set boundaries on this man because of the threat I felt with him because hee seemed in general to be very good at manipulating... making up stories ,perhaps, but using things he knew that we were familiar with or liked. It was odd, I cannot explain because I have never encountered a person like this before, specifically a practitioner. Its almost like he is an actor and somehow is part of the treatment. So yesterday, he went through his regular talking a lot of personal stuff. I remember first when he greeted us, he shows his tongue out of his mouth. To me it connotated something sexual, but I cannot be sure. While we were in the treatment room he talked about how some people tell him that he should not mix personal with professional -that they dont mix. He went on to explain that his clients have become his friends, and that it is hard to not be friends with them. He says if you click with someone ,you can't help it. He says it seems to have worked really well for him because he has been invited to many parties, funerals, birthdays, etc. of his clients. I remember when he was talking about that, I was thinking 'yeah, I wish you wouldnt talk so personal..'
Generally, in the handful of sessions we've had with him, I have noticed he looks at me when I am talking in a way that is too personal, too deep. Many times when I talk or answer I will not be looking at him because I am thinking, but I can notice his gaze at me is deeper and kind of odd esp. for a married man. Its what led me to decide not to devuldge any personal information about myself anymore. I mean I am not there for the treatment anyways, it is my family member.
In any case, I have sat down and scanned my brain these past few days to see if there is anything I have done that could have made him be interested in me. I can't really find anything. I come quite serious to the appointments with my family member. I want and ask pertinent questions, so I can see how their condition can become better. I dress 100% appropriately, and as far as I can tell I haven't like giggled and twirled my hair, or anything like that would show I am flirting with him. In fact I wear a wedding band on my left hand on occasions when I want to just be left alone, but very sadly, guys never look. They never look. It's almost like they don't care but I guess it is a moral reflection of our degrading society today. I have asked my family member if they see anything about me that I could change and they told me I was 'too nice'. I shouldn't be so nice." Well, I dont think I was too nice..should I be mean and grumpy?? In any case, there is just nothing more that I can do, although I will definitely be praying about it in the coming days.
So to finish the story, yesterday while we were there, as we were leaving he was behind me, and as we got out of the room, and into the waiting room, I felt his hot hand on the small of my back as we said good-bye. In light of his personality he has shown to me, and everything else I have cited here, I was infuriated at him stretching the boundary even further by touching me. Why did he have to touch me? I feel he was very unprofessional andinappropriate with no boundaries. I dont want to be his friend!
Lastly. Since he has not been overtly direct with me, rather more indirect, I wonder or get the feeling that he may be more a manipulator than interested in me. I dont know I could be wrong, but I feel like maybe he is just playing, but since he is married, I think he really is - playing.
You can bet that when I felt his hand on the small of my back, I felt like turning around and giving me a kickbox jab in the face with my foot. Of course, I didn't lol um.. there were people in the waiting room.
Very, very lastly is always self doubt. Questions flood my mind that I am overreacting, that I am taking this too seriously, that he never harmed me. And yet, at the the same time why should I be made to feel uncomfortable and take his behavior? Obviously, we are going to him for a service, and obviously, we could stop going, but unfortunately, he one of the best we have ever seen.
Our next appt is looming, and I am dreading going. I feel nervous by his gaze by now, his lack of personal boundaries, the way he devulges so freely personal information. I wonder what is wrong with him? I think I should say something to him, but what? Can you help me? Or what would you suggest? Recommendations and advice would be much appreciated.
Thanks to anyone who has stayed with me to the end, I know this is a long post. I sure would appreciate what any of you gals would do, or if you had a similar situation.
The practitioner is quite good, probably the best I have ever encountered, however I have been finding his personality quite excessive, just in only a handful of appointments. He talks so much about himself and personal stuff. It basically feels like you are with a close friend.
I knew that actually, when we 1st went to him, as his many reviews all expressed that he was like this, and it appears every one of those reviewers enjoy the way he runs his business this way. Of course, he gives excellent service so that is a huge factor as well, obviously.
I guess I am in the minority, in that I don't like his peronality at all!! I think for the fact that it seems to me, intuitively... that he is coming on to me, and testing me to see if I am interested in him.
An example of why I think that, is this: In a previous visit he mentioned his wife and how he would remark how many pretty girls he sees when they are out together. He made this noise with his lips even, a sound that would match him seeing a pretty girl. It sounded to me like a sound a person would make to call their horse, or to get their horse to do some sort of command (if you've watched any Western movies I think you will know what sound I mean ). From there he further went on to say that whenever he does this,his wife just rolls her eyes, and that even his very young son noticed his actions. He described his son as being very aware.. I can't remember more of the details, but that is generally it. In any case, while he was saying this, I started to feel really uncomfortable wondering why he would be sharing this to me and my family member who is also female. I was thinking how disgusting he was, but didn't say anything. As we were leaving that day, he made a joke comparing something, to how slow his wife drives. At that time I gave him a look that showed I didn't approve of his comment.
I had a gf once tell me that generally if men start talking about their wives and criticizing them, its a red flag. It happened to my gf. She was brought into this innocently and started sympathizing with the colleague (in her case) and before you know it, he started hitting on her. In any case, this is something I have never forgotten.
Back to the practitioner.. Yesterday we had our usual appt and we were in a much smaller room. I tried to not speak as much as I didn't want to get drawn into anything personal. I was trying to set boundaries on this man because of the threat I felt with him because hee seemed in general to be very good at manipulating... making up stories ,perhaps, but using things he knew that we were familiar with or liked. It was odd, I cannot explain because I have never encountered a person like this before, specifically a practitioner. Its almost like he is an actor and somehow is part of the treatment. So yesterday, he went through his regular talking a lot of personal stuff. I remember first when he greeted us, he shows his tongue out of his mouth. To me it connotated something sexual, but I cannot be sure. While we were in the treatment room he talked about how some people tell him that he should not mix personal with professional -that they dont mix. He went on to explain that his clients have become his friends, and that it is hard to not be friends with them. He says if you click with someone ,you can't help it. He says it seems to have worked really well for him because he has been invited to many parties, funerals, birthdays, etc. of his clients. I remember when he was talking about that, I was thinking 'yeah, I wish you wouldnt talk so personal..'
Generally, in the handful of sessions we've had with him, I have noticed he looks at me when I am talking in a way that is too personal, too deep. Many times when I talk or answer I will not be looking at him because I am thinking, but I can notice his gaze at me is deeper and kind of odd esp. for a married man. Its what led me to decide not to devuldge any personal information about myself anymore. I mean I am not there for the treatment anyways, it is my family member.
In any case, I have sat down and scanned my brain these past few days to see if there is anything I have done that could have made him be interested in me. I can't really find anything. I come quite serious to the appointments with my family member. I want and ask pertinent questions, so I can see how their condition can become better. I dress 100% appropriately, and as far as I can tell I haven't like giggled and twirled my hair, or anything like that would show I am flirting with him. In fact I wear a wedding band on my left hand on occasions when I want to just be left alone, but very sadly, guys never look. They never look. It's almost like they don't care but I guess it is a moral reflection of our degrading society today. I have asked my family member if they see anything about me that I could change and they told me I was 'too nice'. I shouldn't be so nice." Well, I dont think I was too nice..should I be mean and grumpy?? In any case, there is just nothing more that I can do, although I will definitely be praying about it in the coming days.
So to finish the story, yesterday while we were there, as we were leaving he was behind me, and as we got out of the room, and into the waiting room, I felt his hot hand on the small of my back as we said good-bye. In light of his personality he has shown to me, and everything else I have cited here, I was infuriated at him stretching the boundary even further by touching me. Why did he have to touch me? I feel he was very unprofessional andinappropriate with no boundaries. I dont want to be his friend!
Lastly. Since he has not been overtly direct with me, rather more indirect, I wonder or get the feeling that he may be more a manipulator than interested in me. I dont know I could be wrong, but I feel like maybe he is just playing, but since he is married, I think he really is - playing.
You can bet that when I felt his hand on the small of my back, I felt like turning around and giving me a kickbox jab in the face with my foot. Of course, I didn't lol um.. there were people in the waiting room.
Very, very lastly is always self doubt. Questions flood my mind that I am overreacting, that I am taking this too seriously, that he never harmed me. And yet, at the the same time why should I be made to feel uncomfortable and take his behavior? Obviously, we are going to him for a service, and obviously, we could stop going, but unfortunately, he one of the best we have ever seen.
Our next appt is looming, and I am dreading going. I feel nervous by his gaze by now, his lack of personal boundaries, the way he devulges so freely personal information. I wonder what is wrong with him? I think I should say something to him, but what? Can you help me? Or what would you suggest? Recommendations and advice would be much appreciated.
Thanks to anyone who has stayed with me to the end, I know this is a long post. I sure would appreciate what any of you gals would do, or if you had a similar situation.
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