- Apr 14, 2018
- 317
- 272
- 34
- Country
- United States
- Faith
- Christian
- Marital Status
- Single
I have put this off for some time, but I am running out of options and I need help. I know this is long, but it's a complicated matter.
I will be thirty this April, and yet I am still trapped with my mother and a man who helped us after my father left, as is one of my brothers. Part of this is because I am psychologically and emotionally crippled and have a lot of issues with fear, chronic depression, very low confidence and self-seteem, and panic attacks, which have prevented me from being able to hold a regular job. God has been helping me overcome these fears little by little, but the healing process is slow.
But the other part is that my mom and the man who helped look after her and us are both keeping me and my brother from moving forwards with our lives. I am not allowed to drive, despite having a driving license and no harmful record, and my brother, who is only a few years younger than me, has never even been given the chance to earn his license. She was sick with cancer in bed, with a fractured neck, and she still refused to let me drive to the store to get groceries, even though the man who looks after her was already overworked and I have never given her reason to doubt my driving skills. And until recent events changed things, my mother didn't so much as let me wash my own clothes, or do my own bills for the few college classes I've taken, or pretty much anything.
I'm not saying she is completely abusive; she used to cook us meals and occasionally take us out to eat every now and again, which was the only time we ever got out of the house other than my weekly trips to church, but she traps me and my brother here, keeping us in this lifestyle like we are little kids, and to be honest, I am, at my age, no better off than most fourteen-year-olds; in my finances, in my job history,
We are not technically held against our will. My mom always talked about me getting a job or a girlfriend. But whenever I made any motions towards trying to get either of those things, she just seemed to do her best to make herself useless. She legitimately seemed relieved when I had went into a store to meet this girl I was sort of interested in but came out and said I didn't think she was my type.
We may not be actually locked in or anything, but we have nowhere to go, and nobody to help us. My dad is at the moment living in very difficult circumstances and can barely provide for himself, let alone us, and none of my friends lasted past childhood, so neither I nor my brother have any friends to turn to. As for family, most of my dad's side of the family is either dead or aren't the sort of people who would help, while my mom's side of the family are all strangers to us, and are not very helpful. (None of them did anything when we lost our house.) And my other brother is heading off to boot camp for the Marines in a couple months, and can't do much to help.
As for the church, I don't know who to ask for help. Because this isn't a normal situation, and because I hate being a burden to people, even though I am so psychologically broken that is all I feel I could be, as I have to be very choosy what I can and can't do to avoid slipping into chronic, suicidal depression.
I have never actually attempted suicide, though I have come close, but I do suffer from suicidal depression, especially whenever my mother is involved. She is a toxic person who hides away from society and fills our minds with negativity and pessimism and fear. I once jumped out of a moving car (only 30 mph) just to get away from her toxic yelling and hate as she ranted about how the people at my one church were so horrible. (They were jerks, I admit, but nothing meriting that kind of toxic hate.) I broke a rib and sprained my ankle, but when she took me to the hospital (I'm not sure she would have if my other brother hadn't been living with us at the time), I only told the doctors that I had "though I would just shake it off, like they do in the movies". I didn't tell them the reason I jumped. My mom seemed really adamant that if I did, they would take me away and lock me up in a psych ward. Maybe she was just scared of what would happen to her if I told the truth.
She did take me to therapy before, but she flat-out refused to let me take medication for my depression or any of my social anxiety. And since I can't go anywhere without either her or the man who helps her driving me, I can't get them for myself.
The problem is, she's very likable to everyone who doesn't know her. The man who's helping her (it's a complicated relationship; I'll just say "family friend") is totally assured that she is a great and wonderful person, even though I know she always said mean things about him behind his back and was always villanizing him, antagonizing him, and searching for other men behind his back to take his place. And everybody else who meets her seems to say how likable and nice she is. Although the instant they disagree with her or anything, she may be polite to their faces, but she will demonize them behind their backs.
She also intentionally stirs up anger and fights and drama, then plays the victim whenever things go wrong. I think she loves being the center of attention: I noticed that whenever I was hurt of sick, she would roll her eyes and be like "stop overreacting", even though she would moan and groan and carry on whenever she had something, and she never missed an opportunity to tell everyone how much she was suffering, or had suffered. She would praise our accomplishments, but then she would show them off to other people, as if we were trophies to brag about.
But then, something has recently happened which changes everything: my mother is now in hospice with cancer.
You see, the problem is this: she bred me to be a helpless little kid in the body of an adult man. And While God has been helping me break barriers, I am still rather helpless and I don't know how to do a lot of basic adult things, nor does my brother. If she dies, I am sorry to say some guilty part of me will be relieved, as I will finally be free of her. But I have nowhere to go, nobody to help me, and no money or really marketable skills to use. (I am a decent painter and writer, but I don't even have the means to sell paintings, since I literally have no money to my name to spend on shipping, and I can't even drive myself to the local art center to ask them for help.)
As for this family friend, he is completely under my mother's spell, and is only interested in helping her. He helps us out of kindness to her, but if he knew how me and my brother really felt, I don't think he'd help us.
The situation is a lot more complicated than even all I have written, but I'll just leave it here. My question for you all is... what should I do? And is there any way to help me and my brother move on?
My brother has a friend who lives in Washington state who he has plans to go and stay with, once he has the money, and can set up a bank account and maybe get a driving license.
As for me, I have nowhere to go and nobody to help me. Chronic depression, social anxiety, and a naturally shy personality have made it nearly impossible to make friends. I want to ask for help from the church, but to be honest, I've heard "be warm and be filled" and "I'll be praying for you, brother" too many times to expect much more than verbal comfort. They don't seem to understand people who are broken like me and my brother.
Please, somebody, if you have any ideas on how I could find a place to stay and recover, please let me know. If I don't accept your ideas, please be patient with me; I'm a broken man who can only take so much. I'm not trying to shoot down your suggestions. I just need help breaking free from somebody who, while never physically abusive or horrible enough to be accused in a court, has been emotionally and psychologically abusive of me my entire life.
One of my few requirements is that I need a place where I can have peace and quiet and privacy, and a place to set up my desktop computer and work on writing my books, which I believe is what God put me on this earth to do. I also need a place where the people understand it might take a very long time, maybe (though hopefully not) a couple years, to recover and be able to handle myself on my own, and are willing to be as patient with me as I need. I am doing my best to move forwards, but God's time is not man's time, and if he chooses to heal me slower than I would prefer (and he has been healing me,) then he knows best, and I need people who will let God do things in his own time.
Thank you in advance, and may God bless you all. He's all I have keeping me sane at this point.
I will be thirty this April, and yet I am still trapped with my mother and a man who helped us after my father left, as is one of my brothers. Part of this is because I am psychologically and emotionally crippled and have a lot of issues with fear, chronic depression, very low confidence and self-seteem, and panic attacks, which have prevented me from being able to hold a regular job. God has been helping me overcome these fears little by little, but the healing process is slow.
But the other part is that my mom and the man who helped look after her and us are both keeping me and my brother from moving forwards with our lives. I am not allowed to drive, despite having a driving license and no harmful record, and my brother, who is only a few years younger than me, has never even been given the chance to earn his license. She was sick with cancer in bed, with a fractured neck, and she still refused to let me drive to the store to get groceries, even though the man who looks after her was already overworked and I have never given her reason to doubt my driving skills. And until recent events changed things, my mother didn't so much as let me wash my own clothes, or do my own bills for the few college classes I've taken, or pretty much anything.
I'm not saying she is completely abusive; she used to cook us meals and occasionally take us out to eat every now and again, which was the only time we ever got out of the house other than my weekly trips to church, but she traps me and my brother here, keeping us in this lifestyle like we are little kids, and to be honest, I am, at my age, no better off than most fourteen-year-olds; in my finances, in my job history,
We are not technically held against our will. My mom always talked about me getting a job or a girlfriend. But whenever I made any motions towards trying to get either of those things, she just seemed to do her best to make herself useless. She legitimately seemed relieved when I had went into a store to meet this girl I was sort of interested in but came out and said I didn't think she was my type.
We may not be actually locked in or anything, but we have nowhere to go, and nobody to help us. My dad is at the moment living in very difficult circumstances and can barely provide for himself, let alone us, and none of my friends lasted past childhood, so neither I nor my brother have any friends to turn to. As for family, most of my dad's side of the family is either dead or aren't the sort of people who would help, while my mom's side of the family are all strangers to us, and are not very helpful. (None of them did anything when we lost our house.) And my other brother is heading off to boot camp for the Marines in a couple months, and can't do much to help.
As for the church, I don't know who to ask for help. Because this isn't a normal situation, and because I hate being a burden to people, even though I am so psychologically broken that is all I feel I could be, as I have to be very choosy what I can and can't do to avoid slipping into chronic, suicidal depression.
I have never actually attempted suicide, though I have come close, but I do suffer from suicidal depression, especially whenever my mother is involved. She is a toxic person who hides away from society and fills our minds with negativity and pessimism and fear. I once jumped out of a moving car (only 30 mph) just to get away from her toxic yelling and hate as she ranted about how the people at my one church were so horrible. (They were jerks, I admit, but nothing meriting that kind of toxic hate.) I broke a rib and sprained my ankle, but when she took me to the hospital (I'm not sure she would have if my other brother hadn't been living with us at the time), I only told the doctors that I had "though I would just shake it off, like they do in the movies". I didn't tell them the reason I jumped. My mom seemed really adamant that if I did, they would take me away and lock me up in a psych ward. Maybe she was just scared of what would happen to her if I told the truth.
She did take me to therapy before, but she flat-out refused to let me take medication for my depression or any of my social anxiety. And since I can't go anywhere without either her or the man who helps her driving me, I can't get them for myself.
The problem is, she's very likable to everyone who doesn't know her. The man who's helping her (it's a complicated relationship; I'll just say "family friend") is totally assured that she is a great and wonderful person, even though I know she always said mean things about him behind his back and was always villanizing him, antagonizing him, and searching for other men behind his back to take his place. And everybody else who meets her seems to say how likable and nice she is. Although the instant they disagree with her or anything, she may be polite to their faces, but she will demonize them behind their backs.
She also intentionally stirs up anger and fights and drama, then plays the victim whenever things go wrong. I think she loves being the center of attention: I noticed that whenever I was hurt of sick, she would roll her eyes and be like "stop overreacting", even though she would moan and groan and carry on whenever she had something, and she never missed an opportunity to tell everyone how much she was suffering, or had suffered. She would praise our accomplishments, but then she would show them off to other people, as if we were trophies to brag about.
But then, something has recently happened which changes everything: my mother is now in hospice with cancer.
You see, the problem is this: she bred me to be a helpless little kid in the body of an adult man. And While God has been helping me break barriers, I am still rather helpless and I don't know how to do a lot of basic adult things, nor does my brother. If she dies, I am sorry to say some guilty part of me will be relieved, as I will finally be free of her. But I have nowhere to go, nobody to help me, and no money or really marketable skills to use. (I am a decent painter and writer, but I don't even have the means to sell paintings, since I literally have no money to my name to spend on shipping, and I can't even drive myself to the local art center to ask them for help.)
As for this family friend, he is completely under my mother's spell, and is only interested in helping her. He helps us out of kindness to her, but if he knew how me and my brother really felt, I don't think he'd help us.
The situation is a lot more complicated than even all I have written, but I'll just leave it here. My question for you all is... what should I do? And is there any way to help me and my brother move on?
My brother has a friend who lives in Washington state who he has plans to go and stay with, once he has the money, and can set up a bank account and maybe get a driving license.
As for me, I have nowhere to go and nobody to help me. Chronic depression, social anxiety, and a naturally shy personality have made it nearly impossible to make friends. I want to ask for help from the church, but to be honest, I've heard "be warm and be filled" and "I'll be praying for you, brother" too many times to expect much more than verbal comfort. They don't seem to understand people who are broken like me and my brother.
Please, somebody, if you have any ideas on how I could find a place to stay and recover, please let me know. If I don't accept your ideas, please be patient with me; I'm a broken man who can only take so much. I'm not trying to shoot down your suggestions. I just need help breaking free from somebody who, while never physically abusive or horrible enough to be accused in a court, has been emotionally and psychologically abusive of me my entire life.
One of my few requirements is that I need a place where I can have peace and quiet and privacy, and a place to set up my desktop computer and work on writing my books, which I believe is what God put me on this earth to do. I also need a place where the people understand it might take a very long time, maybe (though hopefully not) a couple years, to recover and be able to handle myself on my own, and are willing to be as patient with me as I need. I am doing my best to move forwards, but God's time is not man's time, and if he chooses to heal me slower than I would prefer (and he has been healing me,) then he knows best, and I need people who will let God do things in his own time.
Thank you in advance, and may God bless you all. He's all I have keeping me sane at this point.
