I know about me, what about you ~ ?!

_sunshinegirl

*LoveIs* John 15:12
Aug 30, 2004
7,340
277
Georgia
✟23,955.00
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
Single
Do you ever feel old in relation to other Christians that are married already?

Like I am 22, but I have/know like a good 100 + couples my age (give or take 3 +/-) that are married (and happy); ever more so that are engaged.

Thoughts..

I'm not one to be jealous/angry that I am not with someone, just curious (to God) as of the timing of each person/couple.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Macrina

intricatic

...a dinosaur... or something...
Aug 5, 2005
38,926
697
Ohio
✟58,189.00
Faith
Non-Denom
Marital Status
Private
Definitely. Two of my cousins who are only a bit older than me are married right now, which I still get confused about from time to time, and some [three] of my friends in Ohio actually got married while I was on my "sabbatical" :eek:

But like everything, it all comes together in time. I'm still critical about whether God actively arranges for relationships to occur, or if He's only involved as a counselor of sorts in the relationships that we, ourselves get into... but I've found that everything does happen for a reason, and all things eventually work for the Glory of God.
 
Upvote 0

Macrina

Macrinator
Sep 8, 2004
10,896
775
✟22,415.00
Faith
Presbyterian
Marital Status
Married
Politics
US-Others
Well, I remember at 29 being called an "old maid" by one of my congregation members. Extra funny, because people are always taking me for someone in her early 20s. But this is the rural deep south and things are a little different here than in some other places I've lived... if you're not married off by your mid-20s people start to wonder about you.

I'm not jealous. I had the opportunity to get married at a young age and decided it wasn't the right thing for me. If I was desperate for marriage, maybe I would have jumped into something that wouldn't have been right. Instead, I may be an "old maid," but I'm a content one.

I also wonder if perhaps I'm meant for the single life -- there are advantages for ministry, as Paul pointed out. That adds another dimension to things, makes me more comfortable with being as I am. But a part of me thinks that maybe ministry would be more fruitful if I had a partner, someone whom I could support and who could support me, too.

I feel like a young person... some days I feel like I'm still in college. I feel like I'm at the beginning of exciting new things that I would like to share with someone. At the same time I know that I've grown a lot in my adult years and have a lot more to offer a potential spouse than if I had been married young.

The church has a married-young culture, and in many circles, people like me are a rarity. Sometimes I feel weird about that for a minute or two, and then I just shrug and figure that if the right husband is out there somewhere, it won't matter that I didn't find him until my 30s.
 
Upvote 0

Miles

Student of Life
Mar 6, 2005
17,085
4,464
USA
✟379,881.00
Country
United States
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
Private
Politics
US-Others
I started to feel that way at about 25.

Anyway, I'm not sure what to make of 'marriage booms'... when, for example, a group of peers all marry around the same time. It strikes me as highly influenced peer-pressure, and 'keeping up with the Joneses', instead of love. Getting swept along by it all may influence someone to marry the wrong spouse. Of course, I could be mistaken.

What I find more frustrating is that my parents (still together and happy) were married by 21, and all my siblings were married by at least their mid-20s.

Interestingly, both of my sets of grandparents married at around 30 (give or take a year or two). I try to keep that in mind!
 
Upvote 0

JPPT1974

April Showers and Easter 2024!
Mar 18, 2004
288,806
11,532
49
Small Town, USA
✟569,139.00
Country
United States
Faith
Baptist
Marital Status
Single
Politics
CA-Conservatives
_sunshinegirl said:
Do you ever feel old in relation to other Christians that are married already?

Like I am 22, but I have/know like a good 100 + couples my age (give or take 3 +/-) that are married (and happy); ever more so that are engaged.

Thoughts..

I'm not one to be jealous/angry that I am not with someone, just curious (to God) as of the timing of each person/couple.

You are young my friend and that you should feel that way as you are only young once in your life
Let the Lord lead you into seeing if you need to be in a relationship as that is in His time and will!
Don't rush into things my friend! Just take your time!
 
Upvote 0

fishstix

Senior Veteran
Jan 18, 2004
3,482
192
✟19,629.00
Faith
Christian
Politics
CA-Conservatives
I generally feel young when I look at those around me who are married. In fact, it feels like marriage suddenly adds 20 years or so to those around me. So a fellow 25 year old suddenly seems to be 45 when he/she gets married. Ok, maybe not quite that much, but that is the sort of feeling I get. Even more when they start having kids. Then they rocket into their 50's :)

It's not that I feel less mature than them though. They just suddenly seem old and tied down. And I feel young and carefree :)
 
Upvote 0

Miles

Student of Life
Mar 6, 2005
17,085
4,464
USA
✟379,881.00
Country
United States
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
Private
Politics
US-Others
Well... if people are going to take it that way, then I feel very young compared to married folks. It's just that when I meet married people several years younger than me, and I remember that I'm not still 21 or so (quite easy to forget!)... then I begin to feel too old to be single. This is an entirely different dynamic than how old I feel, if that makes any sense.
 
Upvote 0
Apr 30, 2006
1,242
56
Seoul, South Korea
✟9,229.00
Faith
SDA
Marital Status
Married
... then I begin to feel too old to be single. This is an entirely different dynamic than how old I feel, if that makes any sense.
It makes plenty of sense. It wouldn't be so bad if the "pickings" in a person's 30's were good...but they're not. So I say the 30's ARE too old to be single. There are ways though. I found my niche.
 
Upvote 0
This site stays free and accessible to all because of donations from people like you.
Consider making a one-time or monthly donation. We appreciate your support!
- Dan Doughty and Team Christian Forums

Blank123

Legend
Dec 6, 2003
30,061
3,897
✟56,875.00
Faith
Catholic
Marital Status
Married
Its weird to see all the kids I went to school with years ago going off an getting married and starting their own families. And out of nine cousins I am one of the last ones not married yet. Its just me, my brother and one other cousin who have never gotten hitched. I think the rest of our family may be taking bets as to who will get married first out of the three of us :D :p

I don't really care though. I never planned on getting married this young. I want to do some actual living before I ever get married. go to school, go traveling, live on my own etc...

but this thread reminds me of a story my mom told me once about when she and my dad first got engaged. I think she was about 28 or 29 and she called up my aunt to tell her about the engagement. When my aunt heard she shouted the news to her family and one of my cousins came running down the hall yelling, 'IT'S A MIRACLE!!' they'd all given up on her ever finding a husband because she was such an old maid :p :D
 
Upvote 0

JourneyRain

Though None Go With Me
Feb 6, 2005
1,840
152
44
Virginia
✟17,727.00
Faith
Christian
I feel old but I feel young too. I just don't want to be an old mom. I mean my mom was 40 when she had me and there are things I missed out on because she wasn't as young and active like my classmates parents were. I thought I'd be married and with a family by now but more and more its looking like I'll be closer to 30 before either happens.
 
Upvote 0

Beauty4Ashes

All that I need, is a song in my heart. . .
Feb 5, 2004
13,297
1,413
41
Visit site
✟28,095.00
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
Married
Yes, I do.

Pretty much all the people I used to be closest with are married now or engaged. My closest female friends who are younger are married or engaged. A lot of my best friends are married couples. I'm 24 in a month and my friends are getting/have gotten married at around 20 years old, which is about the age I started strongly desiring to be married. So I've been wanting that for 4 years. Also, those who often expressed their lack of desire for marriage are in serious relationships, possibly on the way to marriage. Even my former roommate who said she never wanted to get married. She was divorced once already but never even really wanted to get married the first time, apparently she just went off and got married also.

I'm not bitter about any of this or angry. Sometimes confused though. I don't understand why some people are granted this life stage so much earlier than others and why those that don't even want to be married end up saying I do not much later,while so many that have that as the strongest desire of their hearts remain single year upon year. A lot of the people that have gotten married young are not more mature, spiritual, or any other thing that could be used as a superficial reason. God's mysteries really are beyond human comprehension. We just have to trust he knows what he's doing.

I'm obviously not ready for marriage even if I sometimes think I am. If I was and the time was right, I would be married. Therefore, there's nothing to do but give it up to God and rejoice in what he hasn't given because there is good reason for it and when it does happen it will have been worth waiting for.....right?

I honestly am not sure I care anymore. Sure I don't want to be an old mother or wife but God knows best. Who am I to question his motives? So if I remain single for a few more years, though that is the last thing I desire, maybe it's not such a big deal. The whole thing is kind of exhausting and I don't want to make it so important in my life otherwise it becomes to prime of a focus and I miss out on loving life.
 
  • Like
Reactions: ~HopeFloats~
Upvote 0
This site stays free and accessible to all because of donations from people like you.
Consider making a one-time or monthly donation. We appreciate your support!
- Dan Doughty and Team Christian Forums