- Jul 3, 2022
- 70
- 34
- Country
- United States
- Faith
- Christian
- Marital Status
- In Relationship
Title says it all. My kitten is a few months old and she's a little terror; I try to make sure she has plenty of toys to play with, I turn on TV for cats for her, and I play with her, but I also have to get my own chores done. But she constantly gets underfoot and bites and scratches me when I'm trying to work at my desk or in my kitchen. And a couple of times I've kicked her, not very hard but enough to make her shake her head. And one time she was barreling into the bathroom and I let her get bonked by the door as I was closing it.
The door incident and one of the times I kicked her, it just happened really fast, like when I kicked her I wasn't really paying too much attention to where my foot was, but I guess I sort of half-meant to kick her if that makes any sense. And with the door, it took me by surprise that she was coming in and I gasped and was startled, but I should have paused one second and made sure she didn't get hurt, but I didn't. And then one time I was sitting in my chair, she was attacking my feet, and so I used my foot to shove her kind of hard into the wall.
I'm pretty sure the cat is fine. She is still active and she still wants to wrestle with me and she still asks for my attention. But I just feel so absolutely wretched over these incidents. Little bonks, here and there, that aren't, like, horrible, but also weren't an accident.
I have such a horrible guilt over it; I've prayed for forgiveness and I'm so conscious of how I treat my cat, but I feel as if I need to confess this to my boyfriend (who does not own the cat, only visits her). Which doesn't make any sense, I don't understand why I feel like I need to confess to him; would I need to confess to every other boyfriend I might ever have? I don't think so, but I just feel so wretched and undeserving of his love because of this. And I'm scared to even tell my therapist about this.
I posted this in General Stuggles but also posting this in the OCD section because of the confessing aspect.
The door incident and one of the times I kicked her, it just happened really fast, like when I kicked her I wasn't really paying too much attention to where my foot was, but I guess I sort of half-meant to kick her if that makes any sense. And with the door, it took me by surprise that she was coming in and I gasped and was startled, but I should have paused one second and made sure she didn't get hurt, but I didn't. And then one time I was sitting in my chair, she was attacking my feet, and so I used my foot to shove her kind of hard into the wall.
I'm pretty sure the cat is fine. She is still active and she still wants to wrestle with me and she still asks for my attention. But I just feel so absolutely wretched over these incidents. Little bonks, here and there, that aren't, like, horrible, but also weren't an accident.
I have such a horrible guilt over it; I've prayed for forgiveness and I'm so conscious of how I treat my cat, but I feel as if I need to confess this to my boyfriend (who does not own the cat, only visits her). Which doesn't make any sense, I don't understand why I feel like I need to confess to him; would I need to confess to every other boyfriend I might ever have? I don't think so, but I just feel so wretched and undeserving of his love because of this. And I'm scared to even tell my therapist about this.
I posted this in General Stuggles but also posting this in the OCD section because of the confessing aspect.